Evergleam

God... how could I have been so stupid.

Everything moved like clockwork. Giles' plan was a true masterpiece.

The three of us worked well together. Should've known it wouldn't last. Things went to shit fairly soon. In the tunnels I could hear them fighting above us. A wail like nothing I'd ever heard tore through the air. Somehow I knew it was Dawn. My stomach heaved at the thought of the little girl I loved being hurt by that creature. But there was nothing I could do. Not until the bomb was up.

Giles left us once he was sure we'd be able to find our way back. I worked in the dark. Time seemed to freeze then speed up in fits. One moment I'd barely started, next it seemed as if I'd been working for hours, and the next I was done. Spike and I went running for the surface right into... chaos.

We'd underestimated her. No. We'd underestimated the numbers she'd gathered. It looked like thousands, must of been less either way there wasn't even a second to take it all in, before we were swept into it. Spike and I fought side by side until somehow we were forced apart.

That's when it began to fall apart. Even in the frenzy, we kept an eye out for each other. And I saw... I saw....

It's how I know that treacherous bitch did it on purpose. No accident. She fucking meant to. I saw the hateful murderous gleam in her eyes. I could kill her but there's no time. She meant to keep us apart. Looks like she's succeeded. Oh gods... I should've know. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you.

I should have known.

Buffy can't let go. Could never accept the flaws she thought she saw in others. Never mind the landfill of faults she has. No... God forbid she be anything less than perfect. Or so help whoever questioned her. And it's as much my fault as hers. Her watcher... her guardian. I knew but I never stepped in. Thinking... hoping... she'd outgrow it. Not wanting to play favorites.

I should never have let it get this far then maybe this wouldn't be happening now. But I didn't and even now when I see clearly, I am at fault. I knew she wasn't taking it well but I told myself she'd learn to accept it... him. I was fooling myself. Spoiled, self-righteous bitch... And what can be said? She was doing her *job*... staking a vampire. Her duty. I *know* what she did... I saw her.

Bloody 'ell. If I could I'd rip that Bitch's throat out.

I knew slutty wasn't going to let it go. I could feel the murderous glances she shot us. You'd think she'd be more concerned about the fact that her ex had been fucking her best-friend and never saw fit to tell her. But... N-o-o-o... The souled bastard can do no wrong. So she focuses her rage on us in general an' me in fuckin' particular.

Xan and I came rushing up from the tunnels. Before I know it we're almost on opposite sides of the room. I couldn't help grinning at my pet. Soaked in blood he swung the ax he'd picked up like he'd done it all 'is life.

Argggh! I should 'ave killed the skanky twat the minute I laid eyes on her. There were any number of times I could 'ave done it, but I didn't. Now it's too damn late.

Thought I'd 'ave more time with my pet. S'not fair. It would 'ave been so good. But times up an' the stakes are flyin'. Damn. I don't even get to say good-bye.

Evergleam and I know why God is good and Jesus loves me
Heaven lives and I know where
Sounds to me a not so easy chair falling free and living down ....

It happened fast. Anyone who listened could have heard Death's clock ticking. The slayer for once was holding her own with Glory. While she was distracted, Giles moved forward quickly, snatching a barely whole Dawn from the altar.

Willow, Tara, and Wes managed wipe out a large amount of the demons while injuring others. Spell after spell flowed from their lips as Cordelia rushed between them trying to keep the materials coming. Riley, Gunn and Angel cut a bloody path through the rest. A brutal dance of blood and death as they fought to survive.

And the blonde vampire...

Spike backed up he slayer. Not because he gave a damn whether she lived or died. No... her victory insured his pet's safety. The long black duster floated behind him as he attacked. Xander had never seen anything so beautiful.

Buffy fought Glory to a draw as they danced on the edge of the pit. With a graceful backflip, Buffy's leg shot out sending Glory careening into the pit.

Stringing out and over and happy ....

I didn't even think... I hit the detonator as Spike and Buffy raced away from the edge. Shock waves knocked almost everyone to their knees.

And then my world shattered.

Off balance -- Spike was thrown against the slayer. She hissed--leaping for him. I heard Angel cursing as he reached for her, but he was too late... too late.

Evergleam,
I know why it isn't real,
I'm not going to break.
Not going to break ....

All I see is him. Blue blue eyes locked on mine. All I know is him. If he dies, I don't want to live.

Angel. Always too little too late...

God's when will I learn not to take on slayers.

Apparently I won't ever. Not if the stake in my chest is any indication. I don't think I screamed. I think I should but I'm not. Someone else beat me to it. It sounds familiar, why... It takes a minute... but I know who it is.

Spike, my Spike. Still alive, not dust. Fucking whore didn't get him. Wonder why not?

I gasp as a wave of pain rips through my chest.

Oh... yeah. She got me.

For some reason that strikes me as funny. I think I laugh but stop because it's making Spike howl louder. Wonder why? Could be because I've started spitting up blood. Try to wipe it away... don't wanna tempt my vampire.

Blondie's yelling at me... hard to understand what he's saying. Have to try for him... huh? Doesn't want me to move... stay still... Cool arms wrap around me... love feeling him around me... but...

"I can't stay still... nope... too many things I have to do before I go..."

Did I say that out loud? Shit, I think I did.

Don't die, don't give in to it.
No way, no way. Don't die. Please don't leave me ....

"Oh no-no-no-no... Xan hold on luv... hold on..."

Tears pouring down his cheeks. Never meant to make him cry... he taught me that... taught me not to stay with someone who hurt me... opened my eyes and saw him...

Might not be too smart but smart enough to grab onto Spike. Hah!

Didn't let love pass me by...

Did I say that out loud? Want him to know.

It's getting harder to keep my eyes open... think I've been passing in and out.... somethings not connecting... if I could I'd laugh... cause I think he's trying to say something... and it's funny how he's having trouble speaking and I'm the one with a stake in his chest...

And I'm trying to tell him about the pretty colors, the glowing white shapes but he just cries harder...

"Don't cry, Spikey."

Pale flash of arm and something wet and red... pleading voice telling me to drink... then he's gone... Spikey don't leave me... someone screamed... The world starts spinning faster.. as the colors run together... quiet but not... wailing in the distance...

Evergleam and I know how pulling hair and breaking voices.
Giving in won't stop the noise. Spinning wills don't give you choices.
Give away the spark inside you, give away the shining prize.
Evergleam and I know how it isn't real ....

Suddenly it doesn't hurt anymore... but there's something... have to tell him... only for him... give away my heart... and it's important... necessary that I say it... cause I'm feeling like I won't be here later.

"Love you... love you spike... love y..."

Did I say it... was something else... not important... least not important as the lights... gleams everywhere.... evergleam... wonder if it's real...

Evergleam, everywhere, ever weird, everyone
Evergleam, everywhere, everything
I won't see you there
No way, no way, no way
I'm not going away ....

fin

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Shadith...