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Notes: Unbeta'd!
General Hammond's expression twitches minutely; what it means, I honestly have no idea. "Kheb?" He rolls the name slowly, as if repeating it will recall our prior misadventures at the place. "Doctor Jackson, are you serious?"
I bring my pacing to a halt at the desk, beside Jack who is dwarfed in the seat across from the General. "Yes sir. I think if anyone can help, Oma can--or, at least, someone will. Nearly all the Abydonian people, at least according to Jack, Sam and Teal'c--and yes, I believe you," I hurriedly assure Jack, who has finally looked up with more than the listless past-caring posture he's been sporting since we...scratch that, I made my enlightened sprint to level 28. "Take into account that entire population, Shifu, Orlin...we have a lot more friends among the ascended beings than we might think, General. They know what Jack's worth to all of us. If anyone can help, they can."
"Can being the operative word," Jack supplies in a tone so dead even the General looks ready to give in and just hug the guy. Jack fixes me with a look that isn't quite resigned, isn't quite angry. "If you remembered anything, you'd remember that your ascended pals may have the capability to do whatever the hell they need to do, but more often than not they won't do it. Won't 'interfere'."
The brief flicker of hope in General Hammond's expression dies, and he becomes the professional skeptic once again as Jack's insight sinks in. "And if you can't get through to any of our ascended 'friends', Doctor?"
Okay, Jack's little jab, whether intended or not, about my whole memory thing stings somewhere, but I can't dismiss the fact that in the past, the Ancients haven't been the first to jump to our aid. I do remember that much. But I also know that when we first encountered Oma and Shifu at Kheb, Oma saved our lives from Apophis' Jaffa. Perhaps it was because she knew how much Shifu was worth and wouldn't risk him falling into the wrong hands, but I still take that as a promising sign. I think if she only understood as we do just how much we need Jack here she might help.
It's a long shot, I know--but the hopelessness that I'm so unused to seeing in Jack that's becoming more and more prevalent than I'm comfortable with, I swallow my doubt and bolster my resolve. "I have to try, General. We have to take the chance." We have to take the chance, because it could be Jack's only chance.
Jack heaves a deep sigh and pulls himself out of his lethargy. "If he's going, General, I'm going with him," he says flatly. I've heard this tone plenty of times before; it's the tone that tells everyone and everything within range that nothing is going to budge him. "I have t--"
Here I am trying to read General Hammond's reactions to Jack's plea, but all at once I'm riveted to Jack as he abruptly cuts off. The instant I take a look down, I know exactly what I'm going to find. Jack's eyes are flickering fearfully all around the office as he unconsciously leans into my leg--feet glued to the floor, knees locked, only his upper body moving. Terrified dark brown blanks rise to meet mine, and before his breath can hitch in the first frightened sob I'm expecting, I reach down and scoop him off the floor. "It's okay," I jabber as a pre-emptive measure. "Remember what we talked about last night? About how something happened? Well I'm trying to help now, all right? You have to trust me; can you do that?"
The absurdly small body in my arms begins to shake, the trembling steadily escalating until I get the sneaking suspicion this isn't just some reaction out of fear. The General rises to a half-standing position, eyes wide and confused, locked on Jack, and reaches indicatively for the phone on the desk. With an effort I juggle Jack to one arm and hold up a pleading hand; I don't know how he'll deal with Janet running in with her medical entourage in tow, and I don't care to spark any more of a reaction. "Easy," I cajole helplessly. "Take it easy; do you remember me? It's Daniel; remember me Jack?"
To my immense relief Jack gives me a stilted little nod, and his fists grip tighter their great handfuls of my overshirt. "D-Daniel," he chokes--in the voice that spoke to me last night, but in a tone I recognize and with a sinking heart acknowledge.
Nausea surges in my guts. "Jack?"
"What...what's goin'--" A violent spasm ripples through Jack's body and his forehead falls heavily onto my shoulder, going from aware and tense to disturbingly limp in an instant. "Got a headache," he slurs into my shirt.
What? No, this can't be happening; this can't happen now, shouldn't happen at all! Can't be, shouldn't be..."General," I beg over the litany swirling around and around in my head.
General Hammond pounces for the phone and I hear him, in that clipped authoritative voice that always brings some semblance of order even to the most chaotic situation, order Janet to his office immediately, but my attention is fixed on Jack. I don't know how or when I got there but I'm kneeling on the floor, making a futile attempt to pry Jack's fists from my shirt. He's hanging on for dear life, staring up at me from where his head is resting in my hands as tremors shake his body. One round in particular seems worse than the others and his eyes squeeze shut against them. Both hands tug sharply on the front of my shirt and high-pitched cries of distress escape him without, I'm sure, his awareness. "Hold on, Jack," I plead desperately. "Please, just--" Don't let this happen; not to him, not now, it's too fast, he was fine yesterday--
"Daniel--"
General Hammond hovers beside us, as helpless as I am. By the time Janet and her small team reach the office, the tremors, still as strong as they'd been when they'd started, have taken their toll on Jack. His double-handed grip on me has all but sagged away and now his fingers are just barely clinging to the material of my sleeves. His knuckles, formerly white from the intensity of their grip, are slack, as are his eyelids, that only half cover eyes that are still pinched with pain. He's still trying to focus though, and I keep trying to capture his gaze, to stimulate some sort of response, but he can only summon up the energy to sluggishly track any small movement I make.
The medical team bustles around, setting up for the trip to the infirmary while Janet tries to order me back. To hell with that; I'm not going anywhere. Finally she just gives up and works around me, and from there it doesn't take long before her face smooths out into the careful, blank mask I've seen after many a dangerous mission, and she crisply orders Jack transferred to a gurney while I keep pleading with whoever might be listening to help somehow.
=====
All I can do is sit here for now, perched on the chair at Jack's side, my feet drawn up and resting on the rung between the two front legs, hands clasped, my forehead pressed against them. All I can do...
"Daniel?"
Janet's there; I don't know how long she's been there but she's there, across the bed, holding Jack's wrist in one hand, measuring his pulse or...something. I don't know. All I know is that my eyes fix on the place their hands are connected and trail up Jack's arm, to his shoulder, and then to his face, where his eyes are still eerily half open, conscious, but if he's aware...well, he hasn't looked over and asked what we're having for dinner. Let's leave it at that.
"He's not going to last long enough for Sam to fix it, is he?" I ask. Deep down it hurts and I'm scared by how calm my voice sounds. Janet's eyebrows knit together in a soft frown.
"It doesn't look good, Daniel," she admits. I nod, press my hands against the bridge of my nose, holding off the burning behind my eyes, before she can offer any of those platitudes that part of me wishes someone would start spouting.
"How long--" No. No, I don't want to hear that; don't want to have any more of a deadline looming over me than I already do. With a soul-deep sigh I'm on my feet; I have to go now, that much is clear. "I have to--"
"We're going to keep him in an induced coma," Janet says softly, interrupting my attempt at a somewhat graceful escape. "It seems the more active his mind is, the more quickly the degradation proceeds."
I have to swallow hard as I take in Jack, already hooked up to just about everything Janet has in the infirmary, a furrow of pain creasing between his eyebrows. I nod once and step around her, moving to Jack's side and leaning in so he can see me without having to move too much. "Jack?"
The fingers of his right hand twitch slightly and his eyelids briefly flutter. I reach down and take his hand in mine, and his eyes slowly track to my face. "Hey."
He mouths 'hey' as best he can around the tube forcing his mouth partway open and weakly but dramatically wipes a hand over his forehead. "Yeah," I agree, allowing a slight smile to escape at his exaggerated dramatics. "Janet says the fever's going along with this..." Whatever it is. "Did she tell you what she's going to do?" I ask instead. His frown deepens slightly as he nods, flashing me a thumbs-up with his left hand. 'OK' he mouths. "It's okay." That reassurance makes my eyes sting, as it hits me that once again he's the one driving; no matter what happens to him, he always has to make sure everyone else is dealing and remaining optimistic. For once not caring how sappy he might think I am, I squeeze his hand. "General Hammond's letting me go to Kheb--" He starts to mouth 'SG'-something, and I cut him off; I already knew he was going to say something like it "--No; I think it'd be better if I went on my own. If anyone is still hanging around, I think there's more of a chance they'll show themselves if I'm alone. I won't be long...just...hold on, okay?" Hopefully he won't hold the desperate tone against me.
His gaze sharpens and intensifies, and there's an answering pressure on my hand. 'Careful'. I laugh quietly. "Yeah yeah. When am I ever not?" He rolls his eyes per his habitual response.
Janet lays a hand on my shoulder. "Daniel, the sooner we do it, the more chance there is..."
"Right." I try not to look where she's poised at Jack's IV port, I don't acknowledge the way the grip on my hand tightens at the same time mine does on his. I muster a smile. "It'll be fine," I echo his sentiments.
It's less than a minute later when Jack's hand grows limp in mine, and I have to leave the infirmary without looking at his face. I can't look up and see an expression that's as good as death. I can't have that follow me all the way to Kheb and back. Without another word, I turn and leave, and don't look back.
I hope to God he'll still be here when I get back--and I hope to God I'll get back with something more than my own useless self to help him with.
=====
=====
"Hello?"
Nothing. Not even the whisper of wind through any of the hanging ornaments, not the scrape of someone moving to the door from inside. The interior, where a lifetime ago--hey, that's almost literal--I was once taught to meditate, is as we left it, untouched, vacant. Desperation has driven me here, and I question for the hundredth time why I decided to come back. Deep down I think I knew there wouldn't be anything, anyone left. Back then, after the Jaffa followed us here, the last resident monk, Oma and Shifu all abandoned this place. They won't see me here, they can't hear me.
This is my fault...I assumed I would be able to translate the device effortlessly, didn't bother to dole out the usual warning that things might not be as they seem. I'm the cause of this, no matter how indirect it might be. This is my only chance, Jack's only chance. If I don't succeed here, he's as good as dead back in the SGC.
"I'm sorry, Jack." I turn on the terrace, staring back over the oriental-style courtyard, to the gate that's been left ajar since our departure. "I'm sorry."
I let him down. Not for the first time, I took his trust and faith for granted, and I let him down. This time it's going to cost us much more than I would ever care to pay.
"Hello, Daniel."
I turn abruptly at the unexpected, soft voice. Standing there is a woman--a dark-haired woman who I know I should know, who I know meant a great deal to me for at least a small part of my life. Squinting despite the fact my glasses are perched exactly where they should be, I wrack my brain to come up with the name to match the face. "Oma," I finally blurt triumphantly. The woman smiles, the ethereal white glow surrounding her brightening slightly.
"Yes. It is good to see you again."
I bark out a harsh laugh. "Yeah, well I wish I could say the same, but considering I barely remember you..."
Her answering chuckle is tinged with regret. "I understand. Why have you returned to this place, Daniel?"
"Why do you think? You're all-powerful, all-seeing...one of the ever-elusive Ancients." I don't know when crisis began bringing out the Jack O'Neill in me, but it's making me feel a bit better right now, making me feel like I have a bit of control. "Jack's dying, and I didn't know where else to go."
"Jack O'Neill's life is put in the balance each time he steps through the Stargate," Oma says gently. I flush angrily.
"But this wasn't him stepping through the Stargate! This was me insisting on bringing something back to Earth, something that I couldn't decipher and is now the only thing standing between Jack recovering and spending what's left of his life as a six-year-old...vegetable! This was my fault, and if you have the power to fix things--which I have the sneaking suspicion you do--you'll help me!"
"We cannot interfere, Daniel, with the lower planes of existence. You know this. Even if you haven't remembered it yet, deep down you know it."
"I don't give a damn! You people pick and choose where and when you think it's all right to break your own damn rules, but when it doesn't serve you any purpose you spout this bullshit! I want--I need--" I cut myself off, partly because I don't know what I want to say, and partly because if I did know, this complete stranger isn't someone I want to spill my guts to.
Oma's hardly moved a muscle, but but gives me a little nod like she's heard something I haven't said, and her image briefly flickers. I hear a sound that vaguely reminds me of a certain door of a certain tucked-away cabin in some state hundreds of miles away, and another figure appears beside her--a young boy, close-cropped hair much the same as the monk that taught me the basics of Oma's teachings. The same boy who gave me a chilling lesson of his own. "Shifu?"
"Greetings, good husband of my mother." Shifu gives me a little bow, and with a closed smile, flicks one hand as if gesturing someone forward.
Someone does step from nothing, and it's the last person I expected to see--Jack, in the flesh, looking like he did...well, before he tried his hand at figuring out an artifact. "Jack!"
"Daniel," he responds neutrally. He takes one look at Oma and Shifu, puffs out his cheeks in a resigned sigh, and turns back to me. "I'm dead, aren't I?"
"I don't...I don't think so. Is he?"
"It's weird," Jack continues, trying to find out if he can punch a fist through his own abdomen, "I didn't see a white light or anything--other than the kid here, that is. Speaking of kid..." He vaguely gestures at himself. "Why am I...?"
I shrug. "I don't know...but...are you okay?"
"He is well for the moment," Shifu supplies when Jack just looks blank. "His natural self is being preserved--the body you have been caring for is still back at your Stargate Command."
"So this is one glorified out-of-body experience?" Jack supplies. Shifu glances up at Oma, and nods uncertainly.
"I suppose..."
"Right. Well..." Jack saunters over to me and waves a hand through my upper arm. A faint sizzle like getting a shock flits up and down my right arm and I jerk away, surprised.
"Do you mind?"
"Hm. I do mind, actually--am I stuck like this? Casper the Disgruntled Ghost, for all eternity?" Jack rounds on Oma. "You've got some kind of penchant for killing members of my team, don't you, lady? First him--" he jerks a thumb at me "--and now me...though I don't know what the hell you want me for; it's not like I have anything enlightening to offer the galaxy."
"You have much to offer Daniel and your friends," Oma retorts smoothly. "I will not lie to you, Jack O'Neill--you have not yet reached the level of enlightenment normally reserved for the ascended. You have, however, earned your place in the hearts of your friends, which is why your life and mind have been spared for the time being."
"You see, there's the part that bugs me. How much 'time' are we talking about, here? A few hours, a couple days...I don't really like the whole Faustian thing you seem to be offering."
"You will be allowed to remain this way until your friends uncover the methods to which restore you to your former self," Oma informs him congenially.
Jack half-turns to me. "In other words, I'm in it for the long haul. Hey, at least I'll get to see all those sights you raved about."
"Jack, do you have to be so--"
"Yes."
Shifu and Oma's essences blur together briefly, and without a word, Shifu vanishes. Oma gives us a pointed look, and begins to fade. "I will leave you for a moment," she offers. "I think you have much to discuss."
I have to sit down--hard--when Oma leaves. Jack's still 'standing' there, looking more than a bit dazed. "You okay?" I venture.
"You asked that already." Tentatively, Jack tries sitting beside me on the steps, a relieved half-smile escaping when he doesn't fall through the stone.
"And...?"
"Jury's still out."
"Ah."
We sit in awkward silence for a long moment until I can't take the tension anymore. "Look, Jack, about earlier today--"
"Yeah, about that..."
"I'm sorry if I..."
"I really appreciate..."
We both stop in our tracks and gape at one another. "Go ahead," we say at the same time. Jack narrows his eyes. "Fully living first. Half-dead second. Go ahead."
"Okay." I suck in a deep breath. "I'm sorry I freaked out in the infirmary and in General Hammond's office--I didn't mean to leave you hanging or anything, but I was just...still am, actually...terrified."
Jack nods. "I really appreciate you being there in Hammond's office while I freaked out."
I gulp. "You remember that?"
He winces. "Oh yeah. Not pleasant."
"No." I agree. Wholeheartedly.
For all the 'discussion' Oma seems to think we have to do, the silence stretches long and...well, long about sums it up. Jack finally stirs, releasing a sigh that probably lasts a lot longer than is natural--but then again, since when do we do natural? "So..."
"So," I echo.
"This isn't...so bad," he offers. I throw him a look of complete incredulity to which he just grins and shrugs. "Had to get the ball rolling."
"Ah."
"Can't do my job like this."
"No."
"Can't have a life like this."
I don't really remember my time as an ascended being, but if the fact I came back is anything to go by..."No..."
"Can't have sex like this."
What? "If that's one of the first things on your mind...no. And if you mean with me? Definitely no."
"Hm, now there's a pleasant thought." He tries to nudge me with an elbow, forgets he can't, and I end up getting another one of those pseudo-shocks.
"Jesus Jack, watch it."
He just grins again and thinks of more to complain about. "Can't drink beer like this."
"No..."
"Then again, couldn't do that while I was mini either."
"Again, kind of going into the 'unimportant' things in life here, Jack."
"Hm. How long do you think it'd take Carter to figure that thing out? How long do you think it'd take for you to translate it?"
"I don't know, and I don't know," I reply, frustration bubbling to the surface again. "The only inscription is in some kind of Ancient dialect I've never seen before--"
"Like...ancient ancient Ancient?" Jack quips.
"More like a different branch of language entirely...and what I can make a guess at is kind of like a riddle, which doesn't make sense--"
"Yes, because we know these folks never speak in riddles." He adopts a deep, reverent tone and booms, "If you immediately know the candlelight--"
"God, please give that one a rest."
"Colonel O'Neill? Daniel? Have you come to an agreement?" We both look up like guilty kids to find Oma and Shifu standing a few feet away, an indulgent smile on Oma's...face.
"Uh..."
"Not quite," Jack jumps in. "Still trying to weigh the lesser of two evils, here. Maybe if you could tell Daniel here what the inscription on the device means..."
"I cannot do that," Oma says gently, and Jack scoffs. "However," she adds, "we are able to return your body to its former state, O'Neill, if you would be willing to act as an intermediary between ourselves and the Others."
"Intermediary?" Jack asks carefully. "So, what...I'd be glowy like you...permanently...in my 'grown-up' body...and all I'd have to do is referee you and your counterparts up there?"
He can't actually be giving this real thought--I don't know what Oma's up to, but if she's willing to do this, then some things must be heating up between herself and the Others. He'd have to be ascended, with no--
"So I'd be able to just choose to descend, like Daniel did," Jack finishes. Oma smiles.
"Were you to accept my offer to repair your body and mind, O'Neill, I fear our agreement would end if you chose to return to your human form."
Jack smirks, and for once I feel like I'm in the shadows when it comes to negotiating with an alien race--granted, this seems to be Jack's soul he's bargaining with an Ancient for, but it's different to be the one sitting on the sidelines holding my breath and waiting for the outcome. "In other words, do as I say or else," he surmises. With a quick glance at me, the smirk fades. "And to that end, it's either this or limbo, followed by slow painful death waiting for someone to figure out how to reverse that device." He turns back to Oma, and doesn't even blink before saying, "Fine. Glow me."
The words strike a chord deep inside me, like I've heard them somewhere before, and the next thing I know, with a quiet "Very well," Oma, Shifu and Jack vanish in a flash of bright, white light, leaving me sitting on the steps, very confused and very...confused. Alone.
I take a long look at my surroundings, at the spaces where the three people had just been 'standing', and my mind reels. "What the hell just happened?"
---
"Doctor Fraiser!" Amelia skitters into my office, out of breath and panicked, and I immediately rise from my desk.
"What is it?" If Lou Ferretti has moved a muscle from that bed, I swear to God, I'll--
"It's...Colonel O'Neill." Amelia stutters awkwardly over what to call the miniature colonel, but without dwelling on that, a stab of panic pierces my gut.
"What about him?" I move for the door, skirting Amelia, and she follows hot on my heels.
"I think you have to see it to believe it, Doctor."
Like hell. When it comes to this place, nothing really surprises me anymore--not even the very empty bed where the colonel was hooked up only minutes before. "Where is he?" I demand. "He's in no shape--couldn't be--to just get up and walk away."
"He didn't walk, doctor," Amelia says quietly, still spooked. "He vanished, ma'am. In a...a white cloud of light."
Oh God.
=====
"He ascended," I rave, back at the SGC--not by choice; General Hammond sent SG-5 after me when I missed a couple of check-ins, and just about forcibly hauled me back home. Now my captive audience--the General, Janet, Sam and Teal'c--are watching me once again pace the floors of the base; this time the briefing room. "He ascended," I repeat, "without so much as a word of goodbye, or see ya later, or..." I flop down in one of the leather bound chairs. "Nothing."
"Daniel, what if Oma just pulled him out of Kheb?" Sam tries. Before I can refute that, Janet steps in and does it for me.
"No, Sam," she says, "Amelia Chisholm saw the colonel's...body ascend, and when I looked at the security tapes from the infirmary I saw it with my own eyes. It was like Daniel's ascension all over again." She shoots me an apologetic look that I can easily shrug off--it isn't like I even remember my own ascension very well; just a vague memory here and there of Kelowna and the subsequent hours--thankfully no memory of pain yet though, knock on wood.
The briefing room falls into a baffled silence, before General Hammond finally spreads his hands and stares at each of us helplessly. "So what do we do now, people?"
"Should we go back?" Sam suggests. "I mean, maybe the Colonel is still hanging around."
"If our experience during DanielJackson's ascension has taught us anything, MajorCarter, it is that the ascended beings are quite capable of making themselves heard." Teal'c fixes me with what can only be described as a wry expression, and I shoot my patented NOT AMUSED smile back at him.
"Funny."
Hammond rises from his seat. "Well, I don't know what to tell you. I'm at as much of a loss as the rest of you. For now, all we can do is wait and leave it up to Colonel O'Neill."
"Great." Whoops. Did I say that out loud? I shrug. "What--ascended beings are capable of all kinds of things, right?" Everyone nods uncertainly. "Then if Jack's 'up' there, all I can say is watch out for flying objects."
I have a feeling no one is going to dispute that.
Jack O'Neill has apparently become a pseudo-Ancient...and I don't think anything could possibly terrify me more.
=====