"Okay. That's it."

Sam yanked her fingers out of the danger zone as the power died on her laptop and the cover abruptly slammed shut, hiding--and, she cringed, more than likely deleting--the schematics for her latest pet project: an updated naquada reactor. Seeing red and about to give her intruder a healthy dose of a breath chock-full of very unpleasant adjectives and looked up--

--into the determined, narrowed brown eyes of her CO. All of Sam's planned expletives died in a rather pitiful squeak that, despite her heroic efforts, insisted on making itself heard. "Sir?" she asked, forcing a pained smile.

"Come off it, Carter," General O'Neill said wearily. "I know you're pissed at me, so just let me have it."

"Um...do you really think that's a good idea?" a hesitant voice asked from behind him. Sam, however, was seriously considering taking the general up on that offer...until the deeply-ingrained Air Force regs reasserted themselves, and she spotted the next best person hovering slightly behind the General, arms wrapped around his chest. "Why the hell did you let him come in here and shut this down?!" she demanded of Daniel. The archaeologist unwound himself from his protective posture and held his hands out entreatingly, offering an apologetic and--'it had damn well better be'--fearful smile.

"Sorry Sam--I didn't know what he was planning until we walked in, and then it was--"

"Daniel, you absolutely suck at lying; you do know that, don't you? He knew, Carter...in fact, it was partly his idea. Mostly, actually."

Sam glowered at her two friends--one obviously content, the other painfully contrite. "Let me get this straight: it was...Daniel's idea to come into my lab and shut down my laptop, which, I should remind you, had a nearly-complete schematic of the naquada generator the President himself asked me to draw up?"

"No!" Daniel bleated, at the same time O'Neill jumped in with, "Actually, the order was given by the President, after a briefing from me, and then the order was passed to Major Davis, who gave said order to you."

Needless to say, his answer didn't help Sam's mood. "But the long and short of it, Colonel, is that you're right," he continued before she could say anything. "It was uncalled for, certainly--and Daniel should have known that before he bumped my hand and made me turn off your little techno-box...but I'm not saying it wasn't justified."

"'Justified', sir?" Sam kept her tone as dangerous but as calm as possible.

The General glanced over his shoulder at Daniel with a smug smile then leaned forward, resting his elbows on Sam's lab bench and folding his hands. "Where's Teal'c, Colonel?"

What the hell did that have to do with these two coming in and destroying her project? "He's on Hak'tyl, sir." O'Neill nodded. "Right. And why is he on Hak'tyl--besides getting some, obviously."

Sam screwed up her face in a mirror image of Daniel's 'ick' expression. "He's on downtime, sir."

"Bingo! Now Carter, you were present at the last briefing, were you not?"

"Yes sir." Sam glared at Daniel, who had unconsciously stepped a little closer to her lab bench, obviously deeming the situation under control. 'Not by a long shot, buddy.'

"And what was the subject of that briefing, Colonel?"

"It was a debriefing, sir, of our mission to 794."

"And...?"

"And..." Sam allowed her chin to dip to her chest in frustration. "And, you gave us four days' downtime."

"So...are you making schematic vacation plans on the laptop, Carter? Nice little trip to Naquada Island...?"

Sam's heart and her fist were both begging her to give into the urge to lay into Gene--Jack, Sam told herself firmly; no way was she letting this latest escapade be turned over to the hands of military decorum. Her head, on the other hand, was currently blowing one giant whistle and holding up an oversized STOP sign, showing her the mess of the highway of her life that lay ahead. The glowing orange Detour signs off to the left seemed a lot more welcoming. "No...sir," she admitted.

Jack glanced at Daniel complacently. "There; see?" he said. "Now that we're all on the same page...Carter, I'm ordering you to get the hell out of this base and go..." he 'poofed' his fisted hands out in front of him as if willing her to just disappear. "Go do whatever you sciencey types do on downtime."

'Sciencey types.' Sam reached surreptitiously for her laptop's casing and innocently began packing it up. "Fine, General. I'll see you two in four days."

"Ah-ah-ah." O'Neill spread his hand over the top of the laptop case, preventing Sam from picking it up. "This stays here. Daniel, go make sure she takes only what she needs from the locker room before she leaves the base."

"Jack--"

"Daniel."

"General--sir, forgive me," Sam said, making sure her voice was tinged with the proper open-endedness for the respectful interruption, "but these plans are due at the beginning of next week. If I'm on downtime for the next four days, I'm going to need a hand in finishing them."

Daniel glanced at the General helplessly, but if the General was at all ruffled, he didn't show it. "No problem; we'll take care of it."

Sam felt her eyebrows rise to her hairline at the same time Daniel's eyes bugged out in horror and he glanced between the general and the laptop in the guppy, what-the-hell-is-that-thing expression he sometimes got when examining a particularly mind-boggling artifact. "We will?" he squeaked as Sam released a flat, disbelieving "You will?"

General O'Neill shrugged easily. "Sure. Now, off you go, kiddies--Daniel, be back here in ten."

"Jack--"

"Sir--"

"Go on. Skedaddle. Don't make me call the SFs. They do owe me a favour; I whupped them in our weekly poker game Sunday night."

One look out the door where Sergeant Melanson was at parade rest, looking decidedly uncomfortable, told Sam that for once, the general wasn't exaggerating. With a defeated sigh and a silent farewell to her doomed laptop, she allowed Daniel to precede her out of the lab.

And now to find some way to hack into the SGC systems to continue what she was doing for the next four days.

=====
=====

"Uh...Sam, I don't think that qualifies as what you nee--"

"Daniel, I'm only going to say this once: stuff it."

"Okay, but before I do that, let me remind you that vacation is supposed to be...relaxing?"

Sam whirled on her Daniel-sized conscience, gaping. "This from a man who wanted to spend this past Christmas vacation in his office translating Aztec topographical maps?"

Daniel frowned deeply. "They weren't topographical maps; they were--"

"It doesn't matter, Daniel," Sam said wearily. "These schematics have to be on the President's desk by Monday, and if, with all due respect, you and the general are going to be the ones finishing them--"

"Jack will not try and finish your schematics."

"And that's even worse."

Daniel gave her a pointed look. "Jack...leaving your stuff alone is worse than Jack trying to fix it?"

"You know what I mean. Do you realize that when he shut my laptop down, my entire program was lost? I now have less to present than I did twenty minutes ago!" She growled in frustration as Daniel's hand intercepted her reaching into her locker for a rather thick volume of...what was it, anyway? She didn't get to see, as Daniel slammed it shut. "Does everyone have something against my fingers today?" she snapped.

Daniel shrugged, an infuriating little smile on his face. "Sorry." He bodily turned her around and pushed her toward the door. "Don't worry about it, Sam--it's not like Jack's going to let you take any fall for this. He probably already has another month's worth of a deadline for you to work with."

"He can't tell me that one way or the other?"

"Oh, you know Jack...just go on, relax and enjoy your vacation..."

"If you say 'take it easy', I'm going to shoot you." Of course, everyone remembered what happened the last time she'd been told to 'take it easy'...Daniel smiled tightly.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

A knock on the locker room door yielded Lieutenant Melanson's head poking in the room. "Colonel, General O'Neill sent me to escort you to the surface."

"Daniel can handle it," Sam said quickly.

"Uh, yes ma'am, I'm sure he can, but...General O'Neill was insistent. Oh, Doctor Jackson, the general needs you in Colonel Carter's lab. Stat. Post-haste."

Daniel and Sam exchanged bemused looks. "'Post-haste'?" Sam asked.

Melanson shrugged. "The general told me to quote him exactly, ma'am. Doctor Jackson, it seems there's some sort of...glitch."

Daniel groaned; Sam nearly launched herself down Melanson's throat. "Glitch? What kind of glitch, Lieutenant?!"

"I'm--I'm under strict orders not to say, Colonel. I'm sorry."

"Sam, I'm sure it's not a big--"

"Daniel--"

"Stuffing it."

Sam stalked toward the door and yanked it open. "I'm not leaving the base until I see--what the...?"

"Colonel Carter." It was stereo. Lots of stereo. Six SFs, all looking like they'd rather be anywhere else, stood out there, waiting for her.

Daniel appeared beside her, took in her entourage, and patted her once on the shoulder. "Enjoy your vacation."

He waited until he was a very safe distance down the corridor before throwing back a cheerful, "Take it easy!"

"Sam!" Eric Steele, a fellow astrophysicist, came rushing up the corridor, oblivious to Sam's reluctant escort.

"Eric, this really isn't a good time--"

"Actually, it's the perfect time, Sam--have I got a proposition for you!"

=====

=====

"This is all your fault, you know."

"What?! Whatever happened to 'we're all in this together'? Whatever happened to 'don't worry about a thing; she'll listen to us'?"

"That was before you ruined her entire project!" "How was I supposed to know she didn't have a single back-up file on the damn thing?!"

"Umm...General O'Neill?"

Daniel and Jack looked up guiltily to find Bill Lee standing in the door of Sam's lab, the nervous-looking man's eyes darting back and forth as if searching for whatever punch line was about to be unleashed. "What?" Jack barked.

Bill started. "Well, sir, uh--well, that is, Sam--Colonel Carter--she asked me to take a peek in on her...um...her project to see if I could..."

Jack rose and put on his 'General face', narrowing his eyes dangerously. "See if you could what, Doctor?"

"I believe she referred to it as 'mopping up the mess the General made'..." Lee chuckled nervously, only to quickly cut off when Daniel slashed a hand over his throat. "Um...not--not that you even made a mess, General. I'm sure she was just...you know. Joking. Haha."

Jack jabbed a finger at the laptop. "Just...get it back, will ya? Daniel, give him a hand."

"Sorry Jack; this was your brilliant scheme--" the archaeologist lunged for the phone as it began ringing. "Gotta get the phone. Hello?"

Jack grumbled to himself as Lee directed him where to plug in the outlet and what program to enter, what to type in as a password... "Oh, hey Sam." He glanced up at Daniel's nervous greeting. His friend had gone completely pale, nodding dumbly to whatever Carter was saying. Jack winced on his behalf. "Yeah...okay. Um...how--how's your vacation going?"

A rather pissed-sounding, muffled blast projected itself across the lab to Jack's ears, and he blinked in surprise even as Daniel held the receiver away from his ear. "That, um...that good, huh?"

Aahh, what the hell; he really should lend a hand. "Daniel," Jack projected loudly, "get your ass back over here and bring back the 'gate diagnostic systems, will you?"

Another unintelligible blast followed by Daniel's soothing, placating assurances that no, the entire complex was not under siege due to their stupidity and that, in fact, the systems were still running normally--'What the hell kinds of systems does this little baby hold?' Jack wondered in awe, poking at a few keys and making the laptop beep a protest--and Jack mimed hanging up the phone.

"Um--Sam--Sam, please just--can you just...stop yelling at me? For just a minute? Where--where are you right now? A plane?" Daniel's eyes met Jack's, who grinned. Good old Carter; couldn't resist an adventure when downtime came a-calling. "To...Cape Canaveral. Oh."

"What the fu--"

"General, I think I found your problem." Lee's disembodied voice floated up from under the lab bench, and then the scientist himself appeared, straightening his glasses with one hand and hefting his own laptop, connected to Carter's in one arm.

"What?" Jack barked.

"Gotta go, Sam. Have a, uh...have a good time. Bye. Bye. Okay. Bye."

"Well..." Lee waited until Daniel rejoined them, prudently having left the phone off the hook, and indicated a stream of data on the screen that made Jack's head spin. "I think when you foolishly unplugged the...I, I mean, when you accidentally tripped the connection...the failsafe Colonel Carter installed in the machine triggered and automatically sent the program she was working on to the nearest computer."

"Great!" Jack clapped the nearest shoulder--Daniel's, and a little harder than he'd intended, making his friend wince--then rubbed his hands together in satisfaction. "We'll get this over and done with in no time, and--wait; it took you almost twenty-seven hours to figure that out?"

Lee looked disgruntled. "Well General, with all due respect, computers are complex machines, and if they aren't handled with care, even in the recovery of a simple program such as this one, there could be consequences that affect the entire--"

"Okay! I get it. So...flick on Carter's gadget there and call up our little draft-dodger."

"It's..." Lee chuckled nervously and turned slightly to Daniel for help. "It's not quite that simple, sir. Her program...well, it would have been sent to the another computer...that was online at the time she was working."

Daniel's jaw hung open slightly. "That's..."

"A hell of a lot of computers," Jack finished tonelessly.

Lee nodded tentatively. "Yes sir."

With that, Jack gave a whole new meaning to the phrase 'head-desk'.

=====
=====

Daniel ticked level 19 off his mental checklist and headed to the elevator, shaking his head in disbelief. This was a science department--what could possibly have been the chance that, at the same time Sam had been working, with all the computers that had to have been online, none of them would have been the computer to accept her incoming program? 'These people and their stupid firewalls,' Daniel thought. He considered heading down to his own office; his computers barely had a torn condom's worth of protection against anything foreign, but, then again, he also hadn't had either one of them online when Sam had been working. Oh no, he'd been involved in Jack's stupid planning phase--a plan that had ultimately been flushed the minute they'd walked into Sam's lab and Jack had not-so-subtly disconnected the laptop.

Obviously, the chance that no one's computer would accept Sam's program were much greater than Daniel had thought.

Obviously indeed, as the chance his cell phone would begin vibrating, indicating a call, beat the odds and chose that moment to nearly jump out of Daniel's pocket. He pulled it out reluctantly and winced when he recognized the number on the display. "Sam!" he greeted cheerfully.

**Daniel. How are things going?**

"Uh, good! Good...Jack and I are making--making progress. Your schematics should be up and running by the time you get back. How's, um...your...vacation?"

**Enlightening. Inspiring. Daniel, if the General wrecks anything else on that computer--**

"He won't, Sam. We're all on a treasure hunt for..."

**'Treasure hunt'? Why do I not like the sound of that?**

"Well you see--wait a minute; I shouldn't have to explain! You're the one who didn't tell us about your laptop's apparent 'failsafe' against something like this!"

Silence met him from the other end of the line. **Ohh yeeaaahhh. So right now you guys are...**

"Trying to track down the computer your program ran off to."

Sam scoffed. **Good luck; there has to be over four hundred--**

"We know," Daniel replied abruptly. "By the way, why are you calling me on my cell phone?"

**Because someone conveniently left the phones off the hook and the answering machines off.**

Daniel winced. "Jack gave orders."

**And we all know how often you follow those.**

"Hey!" He didn't really have to feign hurt. "I think that's uncalled for. We're trying to help, Sam."

Sam's sigh made the static over the line even worse. **You're right; I'm sorry, Daniel, I'm just worried. Worried and stressed, and--**

"Obsessed," he supplied with a grin as the elevator let him off on level 20. She chuckled ruefully.

**Maybe a little.**

"Well, don't worry so much--Jack and I have semi-recruited Bill and Siler to help in the search for the computer. They know what they're looking for, even if Jack and I don't."

**Great. Oh, listen, here comes Eric--**

"Eric?" Daniel echoed.

**Yes, 'Eric'. Eric Steele, just got hired on a few weeks ago...**

"Guy who taught at the Academy?"

**Yup. He invited me on some inner-workings tour of Canaveral and Kennedy. We're due to leave for Kennedy in a few minutes, so I have to go.**

"Okay. Talk to you when you get back?"

**Probably sooner,** Sam admitted. **I think you know as well as I do I'm not going to be able to just sit back for the next couple of days and let you two handle things on your own.**

"Right...so...talk to you in five minutes?"

Sam laughed. **Don't be an ass, Daniel.**

=====

"Daniel! General O'Neill!"

"Whaaaaat, Doctor?" Jack groaned.

"I found it!"

Daniel thought he was going to burst into tears of relief, and, quite frankly, wouldn't have been ashamed to have fallen to his knees and thanked any deity--false or otherwise--who happened to be listening. "You did?" Jack crowed. "Where?"

Lee, who had stopped about fifty yards down the corridor, excitedly waved them along...into the elevator...and hit level twenty-eight. "Don't tell me it found its way into the 'gate control computers," Jack pleaded.

"No no no no, sir...it's very--you're going to find this hilarious."

Jack and Daniel exchanged a knowing look as Bill led the way out of the elevator, through the control room...and through to the office Jack's 'assistant' had used during his brief stint at the SGC; an office that, recently, was largely--very largely--unused. The desktop computer was sitting on the desk, whirring away. Daniel groaned.

"I have a computer in here?" Jack wondered, mystified.

"Well ye--yes sir. Sergeant Harriman often uses it to print off reports and that sort of thing."

"Why didn't he turn it off?" Jack demanded. "It's not like I ever come in here anyway, and it's not like the budget isn't already through the roof without--"

"Actually sir, I left you a note to turn it off."

Jack and Daniel jumped nearly a foot as Walter appeared behind them apologetically. "Jesus, Walter," Jack half-shouted. "Can you not do that?"

"Sorry sir. I saw you folks come up here and thought you might be looking for Colonel Carter's naqada reactor program."

"How did you...?" Daniel began.

"Don't ask," Jack suggested.

"Sir, on Friday evening I was printing off SG-12 and SG-14's reports on P0C-882. They were rather...detailed..."

"Aztec culture," Daniel supplied at Jack's blank expression.

Walter nodded. "Right. Anyway, sir, Captain Simmons needed a hand finishing up the 'gate diagnostics, and I left you a note telling you to shut down the desktop when the reports finished."

"You didn't leave me a--"

"On your desk, sir. A Post-it. Stuck to your top memo."

"--And you didn't tell me the reports for P0..."

"Also...on your desk, sir. Post-It. Stuck right beside the note telling you to shut down the desktop." Walter smiled ruefully.

Jack looked thoughtful for a long moment, Daniel reading into his puzzled expression. "Tossed a lunch container over them, didn't you?"

Jack half-turned to him. "Friday was such a bitch."

"Threw the containers and the memos out?" Daniel guessed.

"It was the damn potatoes again."

Walter's smile tightened wryly. "Yes sir. Anyway..." He leaned over the keyboard and tapped a few keys, and...lo and behold, a detailed 3D image of Sam's pride and joy popped up, merrily twirling about on its axis and giving off numbers not even Daniel cared to try and interpret. "Sir, I've already taken the liberty of downloading it to a disc for safe-keeping. That way, you can just wait for Colonel Carter to get back from her vacation and let her do whatever needs to be done without..."

"Completely destroying everything," Jack offered when Walter trailed off. Daniel nodded, then picked up his cell phone.

"Yeah; hey Sam, great news..."

=====

=====

"Thanks guys; you're the best!" Sam leaned up to give Daniel a peck on the cheek and gave Jack a smile before gathering up her laptop and her brand new pgrogam disc and scuttling away to her lab. Jack was flabbergasted.

"Was that just..."

"Sam: Post-vacation high," Daniel supplied.

"Post-vacation high? She spent the last four days at Cape Canaveral and Kennedy Space Center, for cryin' out loud!" Jack bleated. "How is that possibly--"

"Jack, this is Sam we're talking about. I think if the International Lepton Convention was in town she'd get all orgasmic." Daniel grinned toward Sam's retreating back and turned, heading back to the elevator. Jack fell into step beside him and gave him a long side-on look.

"'International Lepton Convention'?"

Daniel shrugged. "That's what I get for spending my downtime with a--"

"A what?" Jack demanded sharply as he abruptly cut off.

"A...good friend with...unusual vocabulary tendencies," Daniel finished weakly.

Jack mulled that over as he slapped the button for level 28. "I'll take that as a compliment."

Daniel sniggered. "I knew you would."

=====

The End