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A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS |
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The reason the above is such an atrociously garish pink is actually quite metaphorical. All three of the Baudelaire siblings despise and abhor pink. Unfortunately, things, like pink and cheerleaders, abhorrent to most well-informed, intelligent people happen to the poor children. Their parents dead, and they themselves the inheritors of an enormous fortune, the Baudelairies are constantly chased and repeatedly thrown into the most horrible circumstances by an evil, degenerate man named Count Olaf. This is no child's villian, he is the coalesce of a child abuser, a man fond of torture, with a lust for anything that can benefit him, and who has no more concern for human life than you or I would have for invisible scuff marks. Only with their ingenuity, intelligence, and malleability, can the three orphans survive to an age when stupid bank officials, the law, and mobs can no longer have a hold over their livelihood. Otherwise, never. |
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BOOK THE FIRST |
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Klaus Baudelaire, the middle child, is twelve years old. In those twelve years of residence on this earth he has read more books than many people can ever hope to have known. He has also retained all the information. All this information does not sit and wilt in his mind, in fact, without it, the Baudelaire would have perished, with their parents long ago. In the above picture, he has only just been hypnotised. |
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Violet Baudelaire, aged fourteen is the eldest of the three siblings. Her most well known habit is that of putting her long hair up, in a ribbion whenever the levers and pulleys in her unparalled inventing mind are working to create something of expedient, and by that I mean saving her life and that of her siblings from utter decimation. Her favorite book is "The Life of Nikola Tesla", and that fond hope of hers is "to find a safe place to live in happiness with her siblings." |
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Little Sunny Baudelaire is an infant. She is an exceptionally intelligent infant, although this fact has been marred in light of her strange speech which only her sibling comprehend. She has four very, very sharp teeth. These interesting implements have bitten their way though false hands, false legs, elevator shafts, the chin of the Incredible Deadly Viper and many other near death experiences. |
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Lemony Snicket, the biographer of the three Baudelaire orphans, is hounded, oppressed, and dauntless in his work. His life is inexplicably woven with that of the Baudelaires and with a woman named Beatrice. There is absolutely no doubt that his own, sad life, his flight from the village of his birth, and the many enemies he has that continually shadow him, are part, are connected, and woven with the Baudelaires own history. The question, and it has not been answered as of yet, is how? |
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THE BEGINNING OF THE END
The beach was briny, cloudy, cool,
It stayed deserted, as a rule
When the weather was not fair,
Yet children three were walking there,
Violet, Klaus, and Sunny
Siblings three, the Baudelaires.
Charming they were and fair of face,
Full of youthful, easy grace,
Their loving parents, at their mansion home,
Gave them freedom off to roam.
Violet, 14, thought with a ribbon in her hair,
Thought of inventions with complicated flair,
She loved mechanics and Tesla�s great work,
Only from unusually, bright pink would she shirk.
Spectacled Klaus, but 12, read books,
Read through the nights in cosy nooks,
All supreme research was at his command,
Words and knowledge at the wave of his hand.
Sunny, an infant, bit things with delight,
With teeth sharper than a lion�s might,
The speech she spoke was quite difficult to grasp,
But her siblings knew it was not much of a task.
So children three, intelligent and kind,
Stood by the sea with contemplative minds.
When a figure appeared from out the mists,
Mr. Poe, a banker, who coughed in great fits.
Right-handed, Violet shook his hand,
As did they all, and stood awkwardly on the sand,
�My dears,� he began, and coughs shook him entire,
�Your parents have perished in a terrible fire.�
The banker, a friend of their parents, (now dead),
Changed their lives with what he had said,
How can I explain their misery, their woe,
The despair in having their parents gone so.
And here the story must change, indeed,
Pain and tragedy are all you will read,
Therefore, we beg you, go here no more,
Lest you discover the unhappy Baudelaire lore. |
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To Lemony Snicket's Own, Rather Disheartening Website. |
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