| Hi Patty Gee (cool name!) I'm coming in again, appriciative of your time, and care, and schooling. (I'd 'like to' learn to show it-I have this problem alot with EVERYBODY...er lost thought) I spent most (I'm telling you here because...it will 'probably' 'sound' different there...) of my time the first saturday trying to 'understand' the form. I got held up on 'sentences' that didn't make sense as far as 'placing it to a concept or situation that I could respond to' my biggest problem was that I felt "i could' finish it correctly only if I made a form for every situation cagegorically. so I made 12 thinking that would be enough. I gave one to my son--but bewildered he handed it back. I gave one each to my 2 current greatest critics (the ones that say or do or relate to me TOTALLY as if I were someone other than I am) Kindly they took them and offered to help. I mean if this form is ultimately meant to help others deal with me and me with others then the ones who critick me the most or who I could gage to convey more appropriately to would be good right, plus my fear of giving it to those people who 'I actually' would like to hear from. (theres something big I need to work on there too) plus my not actually 'knowing' anyone who wouldn't try to rationalize with me that there is nothing wrong with me and I am perfect in their eyes. (which doesn't help me finish school or fill out an application or move towards my goals or set my goals or anything a damn bit other than letting me know-that's great you love me so much you will pointedly ignore my plea for help) So.... my dad says-- that I'm probably seeing things other people are not and my sister says-- "hey! that's probably me too, though I get along alright, here's a goofy game kingdomoffury.com--I'm dyyyyying laughing here!" and my son says--we get along ok--I don't see anything wrong with you and critic 1 gives the form back and says "I can't fill this out-I hate these forms because the "city" (former city worker) used to gives us this type of "thing' all the time" and critic 2 gives the form back and says "I read the first two pages (personality style)...but I'm not sure what to do back here....(there part where I give them a chance to state their problem and reccomendation with me)" well, I'd tell you, I say, but that's the problem, my head to mouth doesn't work properly (I've got 46 hours *or at least 20 in reading on this and knowing where it relates to me but I can't stutter a definition for anothers understanding. additionally, critic 2 the next day makes the comment, "Your not autistic. I looked it up." I told him to go to the internet and actually read please. (prayed) The next day he gives me 2 bananas and chocolate. And tiptoes* around me a little more carefully. Then I tried to fill a form-for say work. But my head fills up with hours of conversation of all the scenarios and former scenarios and how they apply to the question. of what I think happened. of what I know would be a good course of action. Of why it is a 5 or a 4. And of why school and career and interpersonal relations need the form more and then WHOOPS overload...better go switch my violin strings to left handed play and wish away to the sound of stringing to get away get away get away... pick up the form.. Oh god. strings.... message board... er. this probably sounds crazy but I needed to give you insight. I cried so much when coming into reading this week that I gave myself a headache-but it was a painfully happy crying. I can type. But I don't like to write. I write to slow for what I am saying at the time. Then I'll type for hours on a concept or an explaination only to finish and realize I can't send it. I'll think* through a whole essay on troubles on what I am having that I need to direct to say, you :-), and by the time I get to a computer--it's gone or already written to say, my mind, and I can't retrieve it cause I've already 'written' it. Try to write the same essay twice without looking at the origional or rough draft. sigh. But. I wrote my first poem in the poem section of autism forums and I've used some of what you taught me last week in conversation with coworkers. and I think I made a friend who is aspergers-although she says 'we are all different' she is the daughter of a special ed teacher. I can not tell if she is going to end up hating me. Or to my horror if she is going to end up to be one of those people who asks me for intimacy of a sexual nature. Alot of the people who I am attracted to for friendship end up being 'free lovers'--only I dont see it until it is too late and though I can respect their orientations the don't respect mine and are certain they have found a convert. ick. sorry. it becomes ick when people cross that line with me, not respecting my orientation or chastity. (alot of that in tacoma) to each his/her own. I forgot the question.. oh right. trouble with my form I thought for sure I could work it out before the week was up. and as such didn't mail with questions wanting to be 'cool' and do it all by myself. and a little timid at questions. and not being able to define questions. not going to take 2 hours trying to dress up like everybody else today. Just gonna come in comfortable (and scuzzy to some). Thank you for all you do. When I found You, I found hope. Wishing you the best. Amber |