Your Letter

Jeremy stole a long, last look at Heather. Her long, braided black hair swayed behind her, her pace going slow as she tried carrying the last box, the heaviest box. He graciously had offered to carry it, but she quickly had refused the deed and told him she could do it on her own. He watched her disappear into the elevator without taking one last look at him.

He leaned against the door, his eyes darting around the apartment. The apartment seemed lonelier, emptier. Heather's feminine things had given the apartment life. At least, it gave the idea to guests that Jeremy didn't live alone. It gave him comfort, for some reason.

He walked into the open, empty space that was once Heather's room. Jeremy remembered the fun Heather and he had while painting her walls a light green color, remembering the fun they had just picking out the color�

No, she no longer lived there. The more appropriate term would be the walls, not her walls.

He had dreaded this day, the day that Heather had told him beforehand that she had to move to New York. God, he understood that her job affiliated with traveling, meaning that she would be gone for long periods of time, but why couldn't he understand and handle the thought of Heather not living with him? He was used to her not being around the apartment for a couple of weeks, so this shouldn't be any different. But the time she and Jeremy had spent together felt like bliss. Ice skating together, dinners at luxurious restaurants, sharing a blanket and watching movies together on the sofa� Jeremy rubbed his eyes and left the room, entering the kitchen to grab a beer. His stomach hurt and so did his chest and his head was throbbing. His eyes stung and watered, blurring his vision. The only good way to get rid of pains is a full belly of beer.

He popped open the cap to a Samuel Adams bottle and snarled it down. What he thought would be a luxurious feeling felt like nothing. He frowned. It sure hit the empty feeling that was consuming the insides of him, but it only lasted for a moment. Maybe he needed something stronger than just beer, or maybe he needed two. He grabbed another bottle from the refrigerator and popped it open, then returned to the vacant green room. He took a drink and scanned the area. Everything of hers seemed to be gone. Well, it seemed.

"Now, what is this?" he bent over to retrieve a lone envelope lying in the middle of the room. He examined it, noticing there wasn't a name addressed on the front. Could it possibly have been left there only for him to find? He wondered if he should read it. Oh heck, why not? He could just give it back to her afterwards.

He sat down and leaned against a wall across from the mirror closet doors. He took another sip of beer and opened up the letter. Scrawled on blue stationery was Heather's nicely written handwriting.

I don't know how to say this, and I feel silly saying this in a letter, but I love you. All that time that we've spent together was just so special to me. Especially those dinners, where I could just look in your eyes. You don't know what effect you have on me when you smile and laugh.

Jeremy's heart skipped a beat and his breathing nearly stopped. Was this letter really to him? It was too hard to believe. She never showed a sign, she never relatively talked about what he'd find in this letter. Everything that was written in this letter� it seemed as if all his sweetest dreams just came true.

I've already said it, but I'm going to say it again. I love you. I never thought I could ever feel this way, to feel this love, to feel this towards you. I only wish that someday you will feel the same.

It had never occurred to Jeremy that Heather could ever feel the way he did. He couldn't believe the words in this letter. All that time, all that time that they've spent together� how could he have not known? She had never shown a sign. She kept the sweetest secret from his heart, and now that this secret is spilt onto this simple blue stationery, he just couldn't believe that she had felt the same he did. In a way, he did believe it, but it was just never expected, especially from Heather. He loved her, and he only wished she'd love him back, but never knew his wish could ever come true� God, she never even left a clue to what he'd find in this letter, in her letter - in her letter to him.

He hurried to the phone in his kitchen, his heart skipping and jumping. There was this new sensation inside of him. He didn't need the beer anymore, that empty feeling was gone. He couldn't wait to tell Heather all the feelings and secrets he's been hiding himself! Those long years, those long four years he had been waiting for Heather to say what he wanted to hear� he's finally reading it in her letter, in her letter to him. Nobody had a clue on how close she was, but how far she was from him during those four years. At least, until now.

He pressed the phone against his ear, leaning against the countertop. One ring, two ring, three ring�

"Hello?"

Oh, God, her voice. Jeremy's stomach fluttered and he gripped the counter in case he would float away. "Heather."

"Jeremy? Oh, good, it's you. I was just about to call you."

Jeremy bit his bottom lip, hardly containing himself. She was glad he had called! And if he hadn't called first, she would have called. Things were good! Things in his life were good again. "Where you at?"

A bit of static, then Heather's voice came up again. "Oh, what? Sorry, I just entered a tunnel. Anyway, I left something at your apartment. Did you find it?"

So she did want him to find it! "Yeah, yeah, it's right here in my hand."

Jeremy reread the letter. God, he was so happy, so flustered that he was just about ready to cry! Just to think that she would think of him that way... She made all his dreams come true.

There was more static, then a long pause. Finally, "Did you read it?" Her voice was shaky, something that Jeremy didn't recognize. Heather was never shaky or nervous. She was the calm, cool and collected one.

He quickly read it a third time when something made his breathing stop completely. His heart's rapid beating calmed to a slow pump. His knees were weak, his eyelids and heart felt heavy.

"Jeremy, you there? J-Jeremy?"

He felt the tears sting his eyes. How could he have been�?

"No, I didn't read it," his voice didn't show a trace of emotion. It was solemn and flat.

"Okay, cool. Well, I'm coming back to get it. See you soon. Bye."

Click.

Jeremy walked back to Heather's room. His knees finally gave out and he fell to the floor. He grabbed for his Samuel Adams and finished it off with a single gulp, trickles of beer sliding down his chin. His vision was blurry from the tears streaming down his black cheeks, but he read the letter again, straight from the beginning.

Then there was that name he didn't recognize. A sob escaped, and more tears streaked his face.

Julian, I know you think this might be silly, for me to love you. Even more silly that I'm not saying it straight in person. But I've been feeling this for quite some time now, and have been wishing you'd love me, too.

With all my heart,
Heather

How could he have been so stupid? He couldn't imagine why he believed her stupid letter. Why he even believed that her stupid letter was for stupid him. Hell, he wished he never even bothered to open the envelope and read it.

The love she was longing for wasn't Jeremy's, but was this Julian-guy's love. It was another love, not his. No, she had never shown a sign. Of course not, why should she show a sign? It wasn't Jeremy's love that she wanted. It was another man's! But it was right there in the lines of her letter�

He reread it again, with a whole new perspective and a whole new light.

With all my heart,
Heather

She said she loved him, but didn't know the words to say. It said she never knew she could feel this way towards him. She only wished that someday, he would feel the same.

What it meant to Jeremy was that Heather never knew she could feel love towards this Julian. That Heather only wished that someday Julian would love her back. She didn't wish Jeremy would love her.

There were damp circles on the blue stationery, blurring some of the words, just as his eyesight became blurrier. His stomach and chest ached again, his head throbbing and heart feeling heavy. And that damned empty feeling returned.

There was a knock on the door. "Jeremy? You in there?"

Jeremy dropped the letter, rubbing his temples where the throbbing hurt the most. Tears came down uncontrollably. He never thought he'd wish this, but he wished Heather would go away. Knowing that she was there and he refused to answer the door had tugged harder at his heart. He couldn't let her know he had read the letter, to let her know that he loves her and is breaking down because he found out she didn't love him back. As much as he hated it now, he still longed for her. He wished her letter was really for him. That every word in her letter was meant for him.

More knocking. "Jeremy, I know you're in there. Hello? Come on. Damn it! He knew I was picking it up, where did he go�?" He listened to her footsteps walk away from the door of his apartment.

"Your letter," he groaned. "Oh, God, your letter�"

Inspired by: "Your Letter" by 112

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