Y'all, 'Twas the Night Before Christmas
by me
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the hut
I heard all critters stirrin', 'cause the door was not shut
The youngins were nestled all snug on the floor
Couldn't get them a bed, 'cause we're so dang poor
Then up on the roof, I heard a few screams
Jumped outa my cot, and I yelled, "Cool beans!"
I said, "What in tarnation's goin' on out there?"
As I pulled on my boots and combed the lice outa my hair
As I ran out yonder, the door fell out its hinge
But it was what I saw up on the roof that was makin' me cringe
There was an ugly old man, he was chewin' some oats
And was ridin' a sleigh pulled by eight ugly goats
His beard looked like it hadn't been washed in ten years
And I reckon there were bugs livin' in one of his ears
Then right down our chimney, he dropped somethin' big
New socks for my son? Maybe grandma's new wig?
My daughter, she wanted some good paper dolls
And me, I asked for was more overalls
But now the old guy was leavin', he got into his sleigh
Which from where I was standin' looked covered in hay
As he chomped down on a stick a' sugar cane
He called out his goats, each one by their name:
"On Mary, on Anna, on Jessie, and Jane!"
"Now Wendy, now Hannah, now Katie and Wayne!"
And then he called out, as his old sleigh took flight,
"Merry Christmas y'all, and y'all have a good night!"
Then I saw him no more, he was lost in the smog
The ugly man left, but I still got my dog.