THE DIRT           

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   Issue 5/February 3, 2002 (Click here for archived issues)
                 by NYRSkate ([email protected])                           

Never eat an eggroll before you play a game. It'll make you lose your mind and you'll pull your goalie, giving your opponent as many as seven empty-net goals in a game. If you care even a little about your GAA, chinese food before a game is NOT the way to go.

Welcome to THE DIRT, the official Modemsports newsletter. For almost two years, and spanning the course of three editions of EA Sports' legendary NHL series, Modemsports has been here to bring you nothing but the finest in Internet competition, with players from all over the United States and Canada (and a few from Europe and even one from Russia, as well). Now nearing the end of its thirteenth season, we are dedicated to being...

Yada, yada, yada. Here's what you really want: the DIRT.

In this issue:

• Life imitates art
• These guys bring it
• How to waste time when hockey isn't an option
• NYRSkate achievement awards #5

1. Reality? What's that?

The 52nd annual NHL All-Star game was played this past Saturday, with the World team beating North America, 8-5. Eric Daze of the Chicago Blackhawks was named the game's MVP, although we all know that Nikolai Khabibulin stole the show with his 20 saves in the third period, which allowed the World team to come back from a two-goal deficit. Mario Lemieux tied Wayne Gretzky's record for most goals all-time in All-Star play, with 13. But the real star of the game was Jeremy Roenick. I mean, who has the balls to throw a check in the All-Star game? Good old JR, that's who. Now, if his knee will only crumple before the season ends, maybe the Flyers won't be such a lock in the East, and some other teams (like, maybe, the Rangers) will have a chance to get far in the postseason.

Being that this is the traditional "mid-point" of the season in the NHL, even though teams have played nearly two-thirds of their games by now, we at THE DIRT have put together our predictions for the remainder of the NHL season. Team seedings are based on predicted playoff seedings, not the order of finish points-wise.

Eastern Conference: 

1. Philadelphia Flyers (Atlantic Division Champions)
The Flyers started slow this year, but have picked it up over the last two months in jumping out to a 10-point leas over the N.Y. Islanders in the division. With their defense flying high, allowing the third fewest goals in the conference, and with the spirited play of Simon Gagne (21-25-46), Mark Recchi (18-26-44) and Roenick (17-36-53) Philadelphia is poised for a run at first overall in the conference.

2. Toronto Maple Leafs (Northeast Division Champions)
Trying to pick the Northeast division is difficult, with three genuine contenders, and as neither team has taken control of their destiny to the level that the Flyers have, we are going to go with the battle-tested Maple Leafs to pull out this division. Led by the steady goaltending of Curtis Joseph (25-16-5, 2.29) and the offensive production of Mats Sundin (28-23-51) the Leafs will once again be in the thick of the East playoff race.

3. Carolina Hurricanes (Southeast Division Champions)
Carolina leads the Southleast Division despite being only four games above .500 at the All-Star break. Someone has to win it, though, and with no other team in that division even having 50 points, it would be tough to go with anyone else. Ron Francis (16-35-51) can still pass the puck one month shy of his 39th birthday, and Sami Kapanen (21-29-50) is on pace for career bests in every offensive category.

4. Boston Bruins
Boston is one of the many surprise teams in the NHL this season. After losing almost all of the mystique they built up after 27 consecutive playoff seasons, the Bruins once again are making visiting teams pay at the Fleet Center (I was going to say the Garden...guess I'm stuck in 1994.) Their 18 home wins are the most in the East, and with continued stellar play at home, Boston is a lock for home-ice advantage in the first round.

5. New York Islanders
The Islanders are everyone's favorite cinderella story this season. After going 9-0-1-1 in their first 11 games, New York has continued to play well despite enduring scoring droughts recently by their key offseason pick-ups, Alexei Yashin (23-29-52) and Michael Peca. Mark Parrish's offensive production (24 goals) along with the coaching of first-year head man Peter LaViolette are just some of the many reasons why this doomed franchise has finally recaptured its winning ways.

6. New Jersey Devils
Usually when a team fires a coach that has led them to two Stanley Cup Finals in the last two seasons, it is a sign of a sinking ship. Not so with the Devils however, as new coach Kevin Constantine has given them that kick in the ass that a team needs sometimes when they're playing as far below their potential as the Devils have been. The damage done during the first half of the season is too great, however, and the Devils will have to settle for a low seeding. 

7. Ottawa Senators
Ottawa has had a decent season so far, finding themselves 10 games above .500 at the break. Radek Bonk (15-28-43) and Martin Havlat (20-21-41) are two reasons why they have stayed in the Northeast race. However, there are too many good (but not great) teams in the East this season, and it's our opinion that Ottawa, by one or two points, will fall to seventh in the conference behind the Islanders and devils in a fiercely-contested run at the final four playoff spots.

8. New York Rangers
As Lindros goes, so do the Rangers. A healthy Eric Lindros is key for the Rangers to make a run at their first playoff berth since the 1996-97 season. Lindros (20-25-45), first-time All Star Mike York (18-29-47), and Theo Fleury (20-29-49), the Rangers' FLY line, have kept the Rangers in games when their defense has failed them, unfortunately a lot more often than they would like it. If the Rangers' defense can keep teams in check, their offense will be good enough to carry them to a playoff spot.

Western Conference:

1. Detroit Red Wings (Central Division Champions)
The Red Wings would have been the team to beat in the West this season even without their addition of Dominik Hasek over the summer, but now the Wings will have a tough time getting up for games as they coast to the best record in the West. Hasek (27-10-5, 2.15) has had the best seat in the house as he's watched his offense rack up 170 goals, most in the NHL at the break. Brendan Shanahan (29-23-52) is enjoying yet another stellar season, and will top 40 goals for the sixth time in his career, barring injury.

2. Colorado Avalanche (Northwest Division Champions)
Patrick Roy is on a roll once again, and as long as he continues to put up the numbers he has (22-14-6, league-leading 1.95 GAA, .923 save percentage) the Avs are a lock for the best record in the conference for teams that aren't the Detroit Red Wings. Joe Sakic (17-34-51), although not having his typical 40-goal season, is finding more ways than just putting the puck in the net to lead his team to victory after victory.

3. San Jose Sharks (Pacific Division Champions)
Year after year, San Jose gives 100% effort in their games, but the results have never shown just how hard they have worked. This year, though, is a different story, with the Sharks atop the Pacific, and going strong night in and night out. While goaltender Evgeni Nabokov (21-16-5, 2.41) isn't having as strong a season as he did in his rookie year in 2000-01, and no single San Jose player is in the top 60 in the NHL in total points, a balanced team attack and tenacity that few teams can match have gotten these Sharks to the top of the food chain..  

4. St. Louis Blues
Led by the tag-team of offensive powerhouses Keith Tkachuk (27-28-55) and Pavol Demitra (25-30-55), both tied for fourth in the NHL in scoring, the Blues have powered their way to one of the best records in the conference. Their +33 goal differential is third in the NHL, to only Detroit and Philadelphia. We see the Blues holding off the Blackhawks for home ice in the first round.

5. Chicago Blackhawks
This NHL season has been full of comebacks, and Chicago is another of those teams that is trying to turn coal into diamonds. The resurgent Blackhawks, led by Jocelyn Thibault (28-15-7, 2.48, 5 SO) and the offense of their top guns Tony Amonte (18-27-45), Alexei Zhamnov (17-33-50), and All-Star MVP Eric Daze (27-23-50), are once again making waves in the Windy City. Is this a return to greatness for this storied franchise that hasn't won a cup since 1961, or just a one-year wonder? Only time will tell.   

6. Edmonton Oilers
Edmonton is a team that, every year, surprises you with just how consistent they are. They're never picked to go far in the playoffs, if at all, but somehow the team manages it, through its unparalleled heart and determination. This year's squad, while not as deadly a scoring machine as the 80's era Oiler dynasty, still has some top talent in Anson Carter (20-24-44) and 21-year-old Mike Comrie (20-20-40), who is having a breakout season at center for Edmonton. Tommy Salo (20-21-9, 2.28) isn't getting many bounces to go his way in the nets, but with his .910 save percentage, watch out for he and the rest of the Oilers to make a run in the postseason.

7. Dallas Stars
Dallas, like the New Jersey Devils, started slow this year, and hopes that a change at head coach will coax their talented players into playing like they are capable of playing for the remainder of the season. Mike Modano (27-20-47) is having his usual stellar season, but Ed Belfour (15-18-6, 2.72) and Pierre Turgeon (7-19-26 in 40 games), among others, still have their best hockey in front of them.

8. Vancouver Canucks
Vancouver has an extremely potent offensive team, having scored the second-most goals in the NHL at the break. Led by Markus Naslund (25-33-58, tied for the league lead in scoring) the Vancouver offense has been flying high. Add to that a career year for goaltender Dan Cloutier (19-18-3, 2.42), who is finally starting to play like the player that the Rangers thought he could be when he was drafted in the first round in 1994, and Vancouver will hold off the Los Angeles Kings and Calgary Flames for the eighth and final playoff spot in the West.

Stanley Cup Playoff Predictions:

Eastern Conference Quarterfinals:
Philadelphia defeats N.Y. Rangers in 6 games
Toronto defeats Ottawa in 5 games
New Jersey defeats Carolina in 5 games
N.Y. Islanders defeat Boston in 6 games

Western Conference Quarterfinals:
Detroit defeats Vancouver in 5 games
Colorado defeats Dallas in 7 games
San Jose defeats Edmonton in 6 games
St. Louis defeats Chicago in 7 games

Eastern Conference Semifinals:
Philadelphia defeats N.Y. Islanders in 7 games
New Jersey defeats Toronto in 6 games

Western Conference Semifinals:
Detroit defeats St. Louis in 5 games
Colorado defeats San Jose in 5 games

Conference Finals:
Philadelphia defeats New Jersey in 6 games
Detroit defeats Colorado in 7 games

Stanley Cup Finals:
Detroit defeats Philadelphia in 5 games

The top scorers this season in the NHL are on pace to have about 90 points. There has been only one non-strike season in the last 34 years in which the NHL scoring leader failed to get 100 points. (1999-2000, Jagr, 96) So, in this season of unselfishness, the team with the most options, the Detroit Red Wings, will roll to their third Stanley Cup in six seasons. 

2. You've got your players, and then you've got your players

My power rankings weren't as good as they could have been. But at least they were better than some efforts that were made to tackle the subject. I had you guys write in with who you thought the top five players in the league were. The breakdown of votes is as follows:

• AlexTanguayLW40: 4 votes
• Lurker: 4 votes
• SakicRod: 3 votes (one of which was himself, you arrogant bastard)
• Jericho584: 2 votes
• NYIsles79: 2 votes
• NYRSkate: 2 votes
• PeopleUnite: 2 votes
• S|nDeR<===: 2 votes
• burlap69b: 1 vote
• Epic: 1 vote
• Feelthelove: 1 vote
• Goliath2K2: 1 vote
• Koivu2K2: 1 vote
• Islesfan: 1 vote
• liljdogg6969: 1 vote
• metalhead: 1 vote
• PuckMozart: 1 vote
• Woody: 1 vote

The theme present in the majority of the letters was that all of these guys exhibit good sportsmanship. Even though some of the players on this list don't necessarily have the best records in the league, you'll be guaranteed a pleasant experience when you play them. I can personally attest to that, having played many of those guys. Islesfan, who I'm starting to believe is one of the most intelligent guys in our league, wrote me with this. It sums up a lot of players' sentiments. 

Now its kinda hard to say who the top 5 are for me. IMO you really can't break it down to those who have beaten you and those who have not. In fact how do we define "TOP" players. For instance I have played Skinny a couple of times. Both games I lost.... yes he did play well for parts of the game but the majority of time he spends doing that spin-cycle-score crap. I really don't like playing him even though IT IS a challenge to come out on top. I guess my biggest problem is goal scoring. Since I play "what I call... a complete game instead of trying the same things over and over" I have trouble consistently scoring. I do have games where I can put 4 - 5 goals in the net but a lot are mainly 2 goal games. This comes into play even when I play a guy that I outshoot and outplay but cannot rack up goals. There have been a few like this... FeelTheLove is one. I played him Mon night (Jan28th) and won both games with the same score 1-0. The first game I outshot him 29 - 8 (roughly) and game #2 34-18 (I think he had 15 of these shots in the first period). Why I point this guy out is that he does NOTHING to boost his team when he is outplayed and he doesn't quit or complain, etc He is a VERY good sport. Yes... I know the game was close (score wise) so you ask... "Why would he complain with a final result of 1-0." Indeed it was a close game, but I am sure being dominated in game can't be MUCH fun... yet he never gave me any reason to think other wise. In fact he even rematched right afterwards. He keeps on playin'

Luckily for us this league is full of these "good sports" that don't let any one game get to them. Even the players who win more often than not, when they lose, are honorable in their defeat, but just as willing to come back and kick you senseless the next time out. 

All statistics aside, I've composed a list of the top players in the league. These guys always give me good games, and they will give you one, too, if only you ask. This list is in no particular order, since unlike some people I don't feel the need to rank people based on opinion. One person's opinion does not make someone better than someone else, but there is definitely a "higher order", so to speak, of players here that have that certain quality about them that puts them head and shoulders above everyone else.

And EAWizard, you're not here. You just don't scare me. I find a lot more people asking you for games this year than any other I've played here, which speaks volumes. There's probably a top-10 player buried deep inside you, somewhere, waiting to see if NHL 2003 will be more offense-friendly. You just have to find him, and show him the light of day once again.

• PeopleUnite (105-55-11, 3.06 GPG, 1.89 GAA)
  PeopleUnite doesn't overwhelm you with any single facet of his game, but he brings a complete package that many players just don't have. He's a good enough scorer and a good enough defender that he will be in just about every game he plays. He's always given me great competition and our games always go down to the wire.
• PuckMozart (69-9-2, 4.42, 1.36)
  PuckMozart's offense is truly like beautiful music. He somehow finds the manpower to put pressure on you both offensively and defensively, without leaving any openings for you to exploit. I thought I had him licked, but he pulled the tying and winning goals from his hindquarters, not to say they stank. Definitely one of the more dangerous players here.
• Lurker (75-9-1, 5.60, 1.62)
  Lurker is all about the offense, and he's not afraid of saying that. His offense is so good that you know what's coming, and yet he'll still score on you no matter what you try to do to stop it. (Well, maybe not all the time, but you know what I mean.) He plays and defeats the top players all the time, and he's a total gentleman on the rare occasion that he should fall on the short end of a score. All of you new players just starting up, Lurker's the person to play if you want to learn some sick offensive moves. By his own admission, though, don't ask him about defense. His offense is his best defense.
• SakicRod (113-45-9, 3.65, 2.44)
  SakicRod is one of the more enthusiastic players here. He has an enormous range of emotion that he will use before, during, and after a game. He's also got an offense that can put up goals in bunches (such as three in about five minutes against me) and a defense just good enough to stand up against the top attacks in the league. He is tops in the league in points, while being seventh in games played. If you want a challenge, anytime (literally 24/7/365) then SakicRod is your man.
• S|nDeR<=== (58-14-5, 4.01, 1.64)
  He (look, man, if you want me to type out your name twice or more, I'll need hazard pay) plays a smothering style that is among the more aggressive in the league. He always seems to have his players in perfect position, which is one of the reasons why shots from the point result in more goals for him than with virtually any other player. He plays the top players close, but wins more often than not.
• burlap69b (110-54-5, 2.82, 1.76)
  Yet another player not afraid to play just about anyone out there. Burlap sets up plays more than many players here, and if the game rewarded skills like that more fairly, he would be at the top of the league in goals per game. As it is, though, he can be beaten with a quick goal or two. But don't keep your hopes up... burlap's defense attacks you at the blue line and doesn't let up, so any goals you get against him you know you've earned.
• NYRThrust (63-41-2, 3.42, 2.67)
  I knew that I should have copyrighted my name when I had the chance. Thrust certainly plays a brand of exciting hockey different than the methodical "pass, pass, shoot" mechanism that so many players use. All of our games have been hectic back-and-forth slugfests. There is no defense in games against NYRThrust, but bring your skates. It's going to be a wild ride.
• DerekR (100-69-11, 2.88, 1.91)
  DerekR's main drawback is that he plays the elite players entirely too much, hence his underwhelming statistics. He's highly competitive, moreso than many players, and seems to hang around in games much longer than he should. He also pulls out more games than he should, which is a sign of his unmatched resourcefulness. He knows what he can do, he goes out, and he does it, with good results.
• IAMCanadian (140-51-0, 2.88, 1.49)
  HeIsCanadian. His numbers prove it. No American in their right mind would play 191 games and not even tie one of them. Seriously, though, Canadian has some serious hockey knowledge and is a skilled defender at the blue line and in the neutral zone. Our games are always very evenly matched, and he always seems to find at least one mistake of yours that he will turn into a goal. 
• KC_Jones (55-11-0, 3.53, 1.3)
  The streak continues. You should be proud. KC proves with each game that he is deserving of "elite" status in the league. It seems like every other game he plays, he challenges a top-10 player. You want to know how to be in the top 25, even if you've played only 65 games? Ask KC. Actually, if you ask him, he'd probably tell you that top-quality hydro is the way to go. So ask someone else, and they will answer with two letters...KC.

These are only the players I have played, and there are many who I'm sure are deserving of top-player status who I just haven't had the chance to face off against yet. You know who you are. This league is full of the best players the world has to offer. It's just a matter of figuring out a way to beat them.

3. Find something else to do!

The Modemsports main site was down for a couple of days this past week. For future reference, I've put together a list of things to do while the site is down that are a good way to kill time while you wait for Aero to bitch to the server people:

• Watch hockey. The people at EA Sports got the idea for their game from somewhere, right? There's actually a league called the NHL that's very much like the game! Seriously, though, is there anything more relaxing than a Flyers-Rangers game (or a Leafs-Habs game) while you're relaxing at home with a beer (or a chocolate milk for those of us under 21) in hand? I can think of nothing I'd rather do that doesn't involve a woman.
• Join a fantasy hockey league. This involves watching hockey, as well, but owning a fantasy franchise is a little different. It blurs team lines, as the only team in the NHL that matters is yours. So if you have both Joe Sakic and Dominik Hasek on your team, and Sakic lights up Hasek for 4 goals, what do you do? This is one of the more addicting things you could do, and it caused me and three of my friends in the 1992-93 season to be at each other's throats for about nine months.
• Play hockey. Might seem a little far-fetched for some of us who have played over 45,000 games this season, but if you go to sporting-goods stores, a lot of the same equipment featured in NHL 2002, like sticks, pads, gloves, pucks, even a net, can be purchased and used! Just imagine what it would feel like if you were the one circling in your offensive zone. Yeah, you'd be dizzy. That's why a controller is much easier. Forget this idea.
• Go to a bar and talk about hockey. Nothing beats the feeling of telling some prick in a Maple Leafs jersey with a Molson Ice in his hands that Curtis Joseph's days as an elite goaltender are over. Imagine the excitement of dodging his right fist while you've had one too many to drink. Feel the raw power of a gash opening up on the side of your head as he tries to plant his Molson bottle about three inches inside your skull. Hockey... the coolest game on earth.
• Become one with hockey. Sit in your computer room with the lights off and the controller in your hand. Now, close your eyes and imagine what you're going to do when your opponent passes across and waits to flick it in the empty net... good. Now, plan the route which you'll have to skate to avoid a litany of big hit attempts from your opponent's defense. Remember that a big hit is a heat-seeking hit, and it follows you for about 50 feet... excellent. Now, imagine you taking a wrist shot from the slot. Visualize the puck as it rips through the cold air of the rink and into the back of the net. Now open your eyes, because if you think a wrist shot is going in with the settings we use, then you must be fucking dreaming. 
• Bitch to EAWizard. Not like there's not enough things for our beleaguered administrator to do every day, what with the two remaining members of Guru attacking us non-stop (and sending me nasty e-mails to boot, guys I'm waiting for your next ones) he has to listen to countless players ask him when the server will be back up. I wonder sometimes if he doesn't just think of taking his computer and hurling it into the Chesapeake Bay. 
• Use the restroom. Some of you guys play so many games that I don't even know if you stop for potty breaks. In the event of a server malfunction, you would have the chance to relieve yourself, once and for all. Feels good to let loose after a full day of holding it in, doesn't it?
• Get some sleep. A lot of those guys who've played 6,000 games and have a 70% winning percentage would benefit from a few hours of sleep per night. Get five hours of sleep a night, you feel more alert, and you'll win more games. Six hours is even better.
• Catch up on your real life. Do you have a six-month-old daughter, and you don't even know her name? Those classes you sign up for last September seem a little unfamiliar to you? Getting mail from the lienholder of you car wondering where your last four payments have been? Now's the chance to get your real life back up to date. 

You could also play games for fun, but who wants to do that? 

4. NYRSkate Achievement Awards

• The It's Bingo Night Down At The Church award: NHL2002EASports9
  Just how did this guy come up with his name? He took about 40 bingo balls, wrote various EA-related things on them, spun them around, and drew 3 of them, that's how.
• The Accentuate The Positive award: MaxPower
  Max is an example of what this league should be all about. He has 135 losses in 164 games, has given up a league-high 591 goals, but you know what? He keeps on playing, keeps on learning, and I'll be damned if he doesn't start beating people soon. Retribution is what it's all about!
  (Ed. note- To have only 7.5 points because of losing so many games is unfair, don't you think? Here he is, trying to improve and he's not being rewarded for his wins and ties. )
• The You Can Slay This Beast While I Cower In Fear award: Nightmare89
  Nightmare89 has managed the least points per game for someone with a winning record, with just 0.59 PPG to show for his 14-13-3 record. In all of his wins, except his last one, he used tier 1 teams. Considering that, plus the fact that he has yet to beat an opponent ranked higher than 1, would explain his tremendously low PPG. Somehow a win against himself slipped in there. Go figure.

Needless to say, to be in this league, you've watched your fair share of hockey games. You've probably been to at least one or two. Hell, you may even have a favorite team. All of that hockey absorbed over a lifetime has to have rubbed off on you somehow. So, I ask you... 

This issue's question: Which NHL team would you say your style of play emulates the most, and why?

Email me at [email protected] with your answers. 

I'm tired, I'm hungry, I need a shave. Must be Super Bowl Sunday. Go Pats! (Did I just say that?) Go Pats!

© 2002 Modemsports/NYRSkate. All rights reserved.
of you goons have read The Dirt since its inception on January 6, 2002.