THE DIRT           

                                                  

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   Issue 4/January 27, 2002 (Click here for archived issues)
                 by NYRSkate ([email protected])                           

Happy birthday, Maria. I hope you die.

Welcome to THE DIRT, the official Modemsports newsletter. For almost two years, and spanning the course of three editions of EA Sports' legendary NHL series, Modemsports has been here to bring you nothing but the finest in Internet competition, with players from all over the United States and Canada (and a few from Europe and even one from Russia, as well). Now entering its thirteenth season, we are dedicated to being...

Yada, yada, yada. Here's what you really want: the DIRT.

In this issue:

 

1. Zeus: Lord Of The Streak!

A week ago Wednesday, at around 5:30 PM, NYRThrust beat ZLTS 3-1. Little did we know that it would touch off one of the most prolific winning streaks in professional sports history: 31 games. Here's how his streak compares with other great streaks in history:

I won't mention the Winnipeg Jets' 30-game winless streak in the 1980-81 season here, because most of you weren't alive when that happened. Do you guys even know who the Jets were? Oh well. Now it's Phoenix-this, Phoenix-that. I want to see a Winnipeg-San Jose game (West Side Story, Jets and the Sharks... get it? I give up...) again.

Anyway... some statistics of note during ZLTS' 31-game tear:

All excellent numbers. Take this into account, though:

When a streak gets to a certain point, say 15 games or so, it begins to take on a life of its own. You could even say that the streak becomes bigger than the game itself. When ZLTS lost to Lurker 4-1 a full seven days after the streak was started, a monkey had been lifted off his back, for you see, when a winning streak gets as long as that, it feels more and more like you're the one that lost. Best thing to do if you see a streak reach 10 games is to lose it. To me. I need the points.

 

2. ...where she stops, nobody knows!

We all know that the proliferation of the "cheese goal" has ruined more than a fair share of games in this league. There are some people out there, myself included, that feel like you can play a fun and entertaining game without throwing up 6 or 7 goals a game. In fact, the only way to score like a god is to be God's milkman, or to put it in other words, He Who Bringeth The Dairy Products. One of the hottest topics in the league is what is considered to be cheap, and what should stand. From what I've seen, there are two goals that have been exploited far more than any other: the floater and the spin cycle. 

I've taken to giving names to pattern goals, because what else can you do as they are being scored on you time and again? We all know Deflections are evil and are to never be used under any circumstances. The floater goal is performed from the blue line, usually by players with little to no skill, for a cheap and quick goal. Quickly the guys in our league stepped in to eliminate the floater threat. They said things like "You cheap-ass! Learn to pass!" and "You suck, MegaManX!" The floater, to serious players at least, was no more. 

All was well in our league, but then a player signed up, and he wasn't very fat at all. In fact, he was quite thin. Anorexic, even. And boy, could that guy skate. And skate. And skate. And circle. And break in. And deke. And score. Again. And again. And again. I got a taste of it, and so did a lot of other people. This is what is now known as the spin cycle goal. You take the puck and you:

HEADS START A LEFT SPIN A WINDMILL IN AND EVERYONE ROLL AND IN THE MIDDLE START A LEFT SPLIT SQUARE CHAIN THRU BUT INTERRUPT ALL THE ARM TURNS AFTER EVERY QUARTER WITH WHICHEVER YOU CAN EITHER SPLIT CIRCULATE TWICE BUT TRADE THE WAVE AFTER EACH ONE OR SWING AND MIX AND CIRCLE ALL THE WAY AND THE OUTSIDES ROLL AT THE END BUT INTERRUPT AFTER EVERY QUARTER WITH SCOOT AND PLENTY BUT TURN EACH STAR AS MANY QUARTERS AS YOU'VE SWUNG AND MIXED AND CIRCLED BUT INTERRUPT AFTER THE SECOND SCOOT AND PLENTY WITH PING PONG CIRCULATE AND INTERRUPT AGAIN BEFORE THE LAST SCOOT AND PLENTY WITH ALL EIGHT COUNTER-ROTATE AND INTERRUPT EACH PLENTY AFTER THE STAR IF YOUR SQUARE HAS A DAVID OR A PAUL IN IT WITH TRADE CIRCULATE TWICE

Then dosey-do and promenade, break in, shoot, score, rinse, repeat. This was tamed by PeopleUnite and his big-hitting defense. Patience is your only virtue when up against a spin-cycler. Wait him out, and you shall succeed.

You guys have some strong opinions on this subject. Undoubtedly, the style of play that you experience is the single greatest factor that makes or breaks how much fun you have with the game. 


Islesfan wrote in and said this:
Well, I guess you may get a majority on this one, but from my games with him… [player name withheld for confidentiality reasons]. I hate that shit he does by simply circling and circling around until he gets that cheap ass flip-in. You know that breakaway goal is almost as bad as the deflection. If you can play D to stop breakaways you should be able to do same for the deflection goal. Anyway that’s my 2 cents… but trust me, as you may already know, there are many players that just try and go for the breakaway. I play my brother and he rarely beats BUT, he knows how to get that breakaway goal. He tries like a mad man to go for it about 90% of the time. It’s almost as if there is NO GAME created because of this. Players get the puck and go for this crap. The finesse, plays, turn overs and making things happen seem to be missing when I play many players. I have yet to master this, maybe due to the fact that I play a game of HOCKEY with passing, setting up plays. I would find it boring knowing I could do this every time. Fun Factor would be gone!

Excellent points. Guys that go for the spin cycle goal and nothing else show that they don't have the talent to compete with more diverse players, so they rely on what has gotten them as far as it has.

S|nDeR<== says:

Who is the cheapest player?
 
No doubt on this onfiltered======>[player's name withheld]
 
he's always cirling in our end to make the deke goal!
I played 2 games with him, he scored 5 goals, 4 deke goal, and the 5th? I put it in my own net!

4 out of 5 goals were spin cycle goals? Man, you'd have to be out-of-your-mind untalented to do something like that.

eat_my_cookies agrees with S|nDeR on this one:
Dude i feel exactly the same way you do man...but dont let one guy ruin this league for you...as he said...just dont play him...what do we lose by not playing him? I mean honestly...its not like he'S an elite player or anything...nor do we have anything to learn from him (other than circling the opposing zone).
I havent played the guy since....nor will i ever play him again unless i have too.

NYIsles79 makes it into The Dirt, yet again, with this interesting piece of information:
THIS IS ABOUT [player name withheld]: i saw this with the intent to kick [player name withheld] out of Modemsports, and have nothing against anyone else..(THE ISLES FAN GOTTA TAKE CHARGE) 
1. [player name withheld] is a cheap son of a bitch 
2. Whats very funny, is i wanted to introduce [player name withheld] to hell.. and guess what.. I was his host 
3. I kicked [player name withheld]'s ass 4-1 
4. [player name withheld] claims that I am a "cheap asshole" because I scored on the breakway move twice 
5. [player name withheld] skates in circles like the fairy he is and tries to score the breakway all game. KEYWORD: TRIES 
6. My goaltending shut [player name withheld]'s bitch ass down 
7. [player name withheld], with 6 minutes left, pauses the game, says Im cheap because I score twice on breakway, and quits on me. geeeee.. hes a good guy!!!!!!! 

 

Well, whoever this [player name withheld] is, I'm sure that he's the cheapest damn player in the league. Good work, [player name withheld]! Keep circling, and we'll keep finding other people to play! People that are fatter than you!


3. Nice try, but that and 50 cents will get you a cup of coffee

Now, we all know that this league, due to its sheer size and strength by numbers, is the number one game in town, and there's no community quite like it. Others try to copy our ideas, but it never works. Countless times in the past online leagues have failed miserably in an attempt to keep up with us here at Modemsports. I will chronicle two of the latest entries in the long, sad list of flops that tried to pass themselves off as leagues, but ultimately ended up being nothing but dust in the wind, dude.

R.I.P.: Guru NHL 2002 ladder (http://www.guruladder.com)

I didn't know much about Guru until I went into the EA lobby to try and get some practice games. It seemed like they were an elitist organization bent on poisoning the earth's online hockey players with such things as "full boosts", "5-minute periods" and "a really shitty website." But what made this league die was its ownership. I mean, The Guru Brothers? Sounds like a place I walk out of with a 1991 Honda Civic (low miles, of course) down the block from me, not a respectable hockey league. Here are some of the lowlights of the Guru experience:

And the forums...oh, the forums. Every single message has something to do with a player that cheated, a complaint with the league, or an "I quit" message. Here are a couple examples of the nuggets that are passed in their forum:

Example 1: 
my latest ^@*!#, is when people are just sitting in the lobby, and you ask them for a game and they say yes, then set right away, even though you asked for the game, some thing just cause they are ranked higher gives them the right to host whenever they wantor they just like the advantage it gives them. of course ill kill them anyways with as much lag and bull#!*^ goals as they wanna use but still, its sooooooo rude, the option to host is only active during tournement play, remember that, next time someone asks for a game, or at least discuss who will host the first game rather than just make a room like some !@#*!#&@

He says in plain (hacked) english that he will kill them anyway with as much lag and bull**** goals as he wants to use. Some league, where the players openly admit to the cheese they proliferate.

Example 2: 

I HAVE NEVER PLAYED A GAME WITH PREMIUM GURU WHERE HE WAS NICE TO ME

AND IF HE LOST, FORGET IT, HE USED TO MAKE EXCUSES AND GET PISSED, JUST LEAVE THE GAME SAYING NOTHING

WELL, I GUESS I JUST FINALLY RELIZED, WHY THE ^#!* AM IN A LADDER WHEN THE NUMBER ONE PLAYER IS A MAJOR LEAGUE !@#*!#&@ AND I DONT WANT TO PLAY HIM

THAT TAKES THE GOAL OF NUMBER 1 FROM ME, SO WHY BOTHER

SO BYE YALL, IF YOU SEE ME AROUND IM UP FOR PLAYING A GAME FOR FUN

BUT PLEASE DONT ASK ME TO PLAY GURU GAME FOR AT LEAST A LITTLE WHILE

SO TIRED OF THE PETTY BICKERING JUST FOR A STUPID RANK

AND HEY PREMIUM, MOVE ME DOWN A FEW MORE RANKS FOR SAYING THIS PLEASE, lol

 

It never helps matters when the owner of the league will stop at nothing to get his name atop the leader board. At least for this season, our two owners, at a combined 15-24-5, aren't taking the game-playing aspect of the league all that seriously.

But hey, sometimes even people who join a crap league like Guru get second chances, right? Check out this excerpt from chat this past week, compliments of EAWizard. 

DaveWHITEDEVIL: y'd u leave guru 

premium brain: gsg is just too high on himself 

premium brain: not my kinda league anymore 

DaveWHITEDEVIL: it was pretty lame wasn't it 

premium brain: was nice for awhile but gsg is ruining it 

premium brain: it will be gone soon 

TheEAWizard: well gsg can always play himself 

premium brain: He just isn't the guy I thought he was 

TheEAWizard: so premium 

TheEAWizard: your saying he was the kind of guy I told you he was 

premium brain: lol,maybe

 

There you go. A league with only one member, its owner. Nobody likes to see a league go from zero to hero in such a short time. Well, maybe we do, just this once.

But then, there are leagues where they just never had a chance from the start. The guy from example #2 above was so miffed at the situation at Guru, he went and made his own league.

R.I.P.: Nameless NHL 2002 league (http://www.myleague.com/teamseason/)

Does this league have any players at all? I mean, even one? Here, check out what the main page has to say:

 You're kidding, right? Sign me up! I'll just play the computer until NHL 2004 comes out!

This is a very robust league. So robust, in fact, that the players are twice as good as anywhere else!

As you can see, the best player in this league is ( no one ). And 18 of the top 20 players are ( no one ). So, I guess he's advertised the league to ( no one ) so far. I'll bet you ( no one ) cares, either.

The moral of the story is: be lucky you're here, enjoy your stay, play games, post in our forums, and have fun.

4. NYRSkate Achievement Awards

 I have to admit, my power ratings last week weren't the best ever. In fact, they weren't that good at all. Purely mathematical in nature, they failed to take into account the experience of actually playing these players in games. That being said, I'm sure you guys have an idea of who in this league is the best of the best. So, write to me, and tell me...

This issue's question: Who do you feel are the top 5 players in Modemsports, and why?

Email me at [email protected] with your answers. 

So ends another installment of The Dirt. If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.

 

© 2002 Modemsports/NYRSkate. All rights reserved.
Counter of you goons have read The Dirt since its inception on January 6, 2002.

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