THE DIRT
THE DIRT
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Issue 3/January 20, 2002 (Click
here for archived issues)
by NYRSkate ([email protected])
(Guys, if I were you, I'd open this issue in a full window to ensure maximum enjoyment.)
Welcome to THE DIRT, the official Modemsports newsletter. For almost two years, and spanning the course of three editions of EA Sports' legendary NHL series, Modemsports has been here to bring you nothing but the finest in Internet competition, with players from all over the United States and Canada (and a few from Europe and even one from Russia, as well). Now entering its thirteenth season, we are dedicated to being...
Yada, yada, yada. Here's what you really want: the DIRT.
In this issue:
1. THE DIRT Power Ratings: Season 13 Mid-Season Edition
My job sucks. I really don't do anything noteworthy, lifesaving, or mildly important. Plus the bosses really don't know of my existence there, even though I've been at my job for almost a year and a half. So, I can create free time whenever I choose. During one of my "breaks", so to speak, I got to thinking of ideas for the news, because an issue a week can be a little depleting sometimes I present you with my power ratings, born out of 3 days worth of intensive number crunching and a lot of sitting around doing nothing. This isn't just your run-of-the-mill top 10 list based on standings with some funny comments thrown in. No, no, it's much, much more.
I've devised a points system that fairly (in at least my opinion) evaluates a player's ability to play NHL 2002. I used 4 stat categories to compute the rating:
Basically, I've made it so that a stellar performance in any one category will earn you 120 points toward the power rating. You get 120 points for doing the following, while you would get more or less, naturally, for being above or below these target numbers. (Don't ask me why I decided on 120, I guess it just worked out nice with decimals, and whatnot.)
In order to get a full percentage of the rating, you had to have played at least 5 games a week. That's 15 games so far, for those of you that don't have fingers. I made it that way so you won't see a guy who played one game so far this season and won it 7-0 at the top of the list. The system rewards you for playing lots of games with a high winning percentage, so if 2 guys have the same stats, the player with more games would have the higher rating.
Without further ado, the ratings.
20. QTMidark, 196.42 pts (34-15-5, 2.63 GFA, 1.61 GAA)
He's shut down the offenses of AlexTanguayLW40, IAMCanadian, ZLTS, and
Lurker. An underrated defensive player who wins his share of games.
19. Koivu2K2, 196.79 pts (24-8-1, 3.36, 2.21)
Consistently plays top players and is very competitive with them. He only
lost to Lurker by one goal in an early tournament final, so that alone qualifies
him for the list.
18. Newf, 201.58 pts (83-33-1, 3.32, 2.02)
Newf has handed me a couple of losses, and he consistently wins games. A
very consistent player who, even when he loses games, never gets blown out.
Never leave the door open with him because he's just waiting to sneak through
the crack.
17. SakicRod, 212.46 pts (83-33-8, 3.60, 2.36)
The number-one ranked player in the league. I haven't yet played him, but
from his games lately it seems that his defense is going south, so knock him
from that top spot!
16. PeopleUnite, 215.70 pts (65-29-6, 3.20, 1.79)
The original. Not to be imitated. PeopleUnite shows that a work-ethic is
vital in this league. Witness his 24,907 games played last season. Anyone that
can play so many games and not burn out speaks of a quality player. His
underrated defense plays best when the game is on the line.
15. Goliath2K2, 247.21 pts (24-9-1, 3.21, 1.59)
Back from the dead in a big way, Goliath just wins, baby. And he's a Ranger
fan. Not enough of those around here.
14. NHLFOREVER, 251.83 pts (14-4-1, 4.11, 2.32)
He's kept himself busy in his limited slate of games with wins over Skinny,
burlap69b, IAMCanadian, Goliath2K2, and tough losses to PeopleUnite and ZLTS,
all top-20 players. Some more games and he'll be knocking on the door for sure.
13. burlap69b, 258.77 pts (67-24-4, 2.82, 1.41)
He challenges the good players more often than not, and with an impressive
won-lost record, and scoring exactly twice as many goals as he's given up,
burlap earns a spot on the list.
12. NYIsles79, 263.27 pts (32-11-0, 4.33, 2.23)
He scores goals and talks you to death while doing it. As an Islander fan,
what more would you expect? He's yet to beat me however, with a loss and a tie
in two tries. Somehow I don't have as good a connection with him as I have with
guys from British Columbia although we live about 15 miles apart. Go figure.
11. pita, 264.92 pts (19-4-1, 2.67, 1.46)
As the top-rated Greek player, pita (is that with or without mutton?) is
playing well, doing what it takes to win. Some good efforts against the top
players (including a 0-0 tie with me) gets him into the 11th spot.
(I would be in this spot with 296.96 points (31-7-5, 2.49, 1.14) but since this is my list I will keep myself off it.)
10. IAMCanadian, 302.25 pts (62-18-0, 2.75, 1.15)
Tough player. Played him once, and won, 2-1. He does it with defense, as do
a lot of the top-rated players. To play 80 games and win almost 80 percent of
them is no small feat, either.
9. Skinny, 313.50 pts (91-25-7, 4.27, 1.85)
I popped Skinny's cherry, so to speak, as I was his first-ever opponent. I
remember the game...it was 1-1 going into the third, then he goes up 3-1 on the
patented spin cycle goals. I wound up winning 5-4 when my offense was a lot
worse than it is now, so he can be beaten with a solid defensive effort. But his
91 wins, first in the league, speak for themselves. Until someone stops him, he
will be a major force in the league.
8. AlexTanguayLW40, 348.36 pts (47-14-1, 4.84, 1.79)
The original dipsy-doodler. He wears people down with his skating. And
skating, and skating... Anyone that keeps winning in spite of it though is good
enough for the list. Averaging a 5-2 win every time out helps, as well.
7. S|nDeR<==, 368.81 pts (46-8-3, 4.19, 1.61)
Figures I end up putting the most difficult name in the league to type on
this list. Start losing some games already, so I never have to type out that
monstrosity again. Seriously, though, when you win 85 percent of your games, you
deserve it. Keep blowing people away. I'll just cut and paste from this issue
next time.
6. AvlnchCol, 373.37 pts (20-3-0, 2.96, 1.04)
By stats alone, he's one of the best. But without a single game against
anyone on this list, he needs to prove himself before being recognized as a top
player in this league.
5. ZLTS, 397.97 pts (83-15-0, 5.41, 2.05)
With a 27-game winning streak, and a 3-2 win over me, ZLTS' position as one
of the top players has been cemented. His best defense is a good offense, with
the league's second-best offense.
4. Jericho584, 427.09 pts (34-4-2, 5.20, 1.85)
Not even playing four games in last week's goalies-only tournament could put
a dent in his GAA. Lately he's mixed in a couple of shutouts with some
not-so-stellar defensive efforts. But at 5.20 goals a game, good for third in
the league, defense is the last thing he needs to worry about.
3. KC_Jones, 464.50 pts (34-4-0, 3.97, 1.03)
His first loss came against me, by the score of 2-1. When he's not killing a
li'l pinner to keep himself awake, (or maybe when he is, who knows,) he's one of the big-time
players out there, with the top defense in the league so far. If he challenged
himself with tougher opponents, he would climb the standings ladder in no time.
He'd also be an Artist, Director, Millionaire and Porn Star, just like Snoop
Dogg. But you didn't hear that from me.
2. PuckMozart, 475.87 pts (43-4-2, 4.41, 1.24)
He's 17-0-1 in his last 18, and he beats people with an excellent offense,
and an even better defense. And by winning more that 10 games for every loss, it
all sounds like music to his ears.
1. Lurker, 519.49 pts (55-6-1, 5.63, 1.48)
I don't think there's much argument here. He's won 90% of his games, and he
also has the best offense. Combine those two things with a 4.15 goal
differential per game, and it spells domination.
Well, there you have it. I wish I could use other things, like strength of schedule, or teams used, to factor into the rating, but I just don't have the resources to do it. However, you'll find that my ratings pretty fairly assess just who is spanking who in this league. So you guys who are falling back in the standings... challenge these guys! Figure out what makes them tick! And, uh, write me after you play them with a scouting report.
2. "I write the book on defence"
How long have we all had to listen to poutine69pat say that he has the best defense, nothing can get through, France is king, blah blah blah? Well...for all the fuss he's created, I thought I'd ask him just how his defense got to the level it did. I called his house in Gatineau, Quebec and had a in-depth discussion about his defensive ability. Here's what he had to say.
"Hello, how are you? I thought that you would call because I see that your goals against is little a top. Now, here my secrecy with a defense of killer. I write the book on defence so listen straight."
"Before the play, I make sure that my strategies is installed correctly. Without good strategy, you play an good game, can't you? Ha ha ha... I then to be funny sometimes? I like to play a pressure 20%, with breaking down low regulated."
"Then, ensure you that you use a team which you comfortable with, and the players whom you like to play as. I love Patrice Brisebois myself, because he is French right like me."
"Never miss the occasion to carry the puck in the offense zone. Even if you do not shoot it, at least you show the person whom you play that you can make pressure to` him!"
"Ensure you that you sign upwards with the cable crappiest or the provider of DSL which you can. I use the cable of Sympatico, you then almost to rise at a speed of connection 56K!"
"Write an email to each one on your block let know them to start to download the pornography. By the way, your service of cable will be as slow as it can be! By then, your opponent know what he doesn't doing! He will kick you if he could! You have him ready to get a no goals!"
So I guess the moral of the story is... get a cable connection with pings in
the thousands, and you too can have a great defense! Or, you could just buy a
penis for $300! No balls included!
3. NYRSkate Achievement Awards
Do you guys even know I have a question at the end of the article? It seems like you don't. Last week my question got exactly two serious answers, and I'm recommending those two get Good Samaritan awards for making me feel good about myself. But, in all seriousness, I don't get enough answers to my questions, so I'll pose one that will be sure to get you guys talking:
This issue's question: Who is the cheapest player in Modemsports right now, and why?
Email me at [email protected] with your answers.
Hope you enjoyed it. I'll try to do better next time.
© 2002 Modemsports/NYRSkate. All rights reserved.
of you goons have read The Dirt since its inception on January 6, 2002.