THE DIRT           

                                                     Sponsored by 
                                                                                                                  

   Issue 1/January 6, 2002
                 by NYRSkate ([email protected])                         

     Welcome to the first installment of THE DIRT, the OFFICIAL Modemsports newsletter. For almost two years, and spanning the course of three editions of EA Sports' legendary NHL series, Modemsports has been here to bring you nothing but the finest in Internet competition, with players from all over the United States and Canada. Now entering its thirteenth season, we are dedicated to being...

Yada, yada, yada. Here's what you really want: the DIRT.

In this issue:

• Unique stats from the first week of play in Season 13
• Best usernames league-wide
• MegaManX breaks down in the lobby!
• First edition of the NYRSkate achievement awards

1. Statistics are fun!

• Over the last 8 games of SakicRod's 21-game winning streak, he has allowed 27 goals. In the first 13 games, he only allowed 8. Here's your chance, guys. Stop that streak while his defense is full of holes!
• There are more than twice as many losing streaks than winning streaks, 86 losing to 41 winning.
• 44 players are giving up under 2 goals a game. 36 out of those 44 have at least a .500 record.
• 50 players are giving up 3 or more goals a game. Of these, only 5 have a record of .500 or better. But none of those 5 guys has played more than 4 games. Defense wins, guys!
• Only one player averaging less than a goal a game, FeelTheLove, is on a winning streak.
• The combined goals-against of the 34 players averaging less than one goal scored a game is 3.37.
• The player (10 or more games played) who sees the most goals scored per game is Lurker. Between him and his opponents, 7 goals a game are scored. Of course, his average is 5.32, so this was destined to be the case.
• The player (10 or more games played) who sees the least amount of offensive action per game is PoutinePat69. In his 11 games, he has seen just 23 goals between him and his opponents, an average of 2.09 total goals per game.
• The player (5 or more games played) with the largest positive goal differential is Y2Jeff, who scores 4.00 goals per game more than his opponents. Third on that list is Skinny, with a 3.06 goal-per-game differential. But when all you do is circle in your offensive zone, when will your opponent have time to score?

2. What's in a name?

I've seen some very unique names pass through the lobby at Modemsports this season. Here's a recap of the best:

• ))$-$@<|{_71((  What?????
• COREL CENTER BITCH  In life, we're all somebody's bitch.
• eat_my_cookies  I've always liked names that told me what to do. If you insist, man, but one question...got milk?
• bleedin_gums  Another name that just had to have come from a past experience.
• ChiefSquattingBull  Now starring in Custer's Last Stand.
• GuruSux  Well, it does.
• hale_bopp Some astrology fans in the audience tonight?
• KutKilla  What is a kut? And why did you kill it?
• NoNamesLeft  Sure there are. Just don't make me think up one for you. Jeez, next thing you know, people will be calling themselves NickDoesntExist in the lobby, or something.
• polishsniper  Now, will you be using a water gun, or will you be calling in your sneak attack?
• Tonytony  Where's the third Tony? I thought it was Tony! Toni! Tone!
• woolliator  Come with me if you want to be comfortable. (Or, What if The Terminator sold clothes?)
• YPNOVATIZ  Hey NoNamesLeft, you should have just used this guy's idea for a name. Hit any old keys, and whatever comes up, use it!

Of course, there are the special mentions:

• Sex Sells! Dave_McPimp, ronjeremy, Assman
• Oh, I'll just use my real name!  DerekR, george, James, john
• Furthest from the truth award: UNBEATABLE. As we went to press he was 0-3-0, so a more appropriate name would be WINLESS, or VERY_BEATABLE.

3. Mega Man X breaks down!
In the lobby this past Saturday night, I happened to run across MegaManX, who seemed more than a bit disturbed. Now, there have been rumors around the league that Mega (for lack of a better nickname) has been winning a lot of games with nothing but super-cheap floaters. Whether this is true, I haven't seen, because I've yet to play him. But I can trust the guys that have said he is. Anyway, the pressure mounting on him for his poor play must have gotten to him, because he came out in chat with these comments:

10:41 PM
YOU WANNA BE A JERK OVER ONE GAME!? HUH? IVE HAD ENOUGH, I COULD BEAT YOU IN ANYTHING, AND I PROVED IT WHEN I BEATED YOU, AND YOU DONT LIKE BEING BEATED, WELL YOU KNOW WHAT? IF IM GONNA GET BANNED BECAUASE I WIN VS THE SOOOOO CALLED GREAT PLAYERS HERE, THAN THIS SITE IS A JOKE, AND THATS ALL I GOTTA SAY ABOUT THAT

10:43 PM
yeah im such a loser, yeah maybe iam, im 16 years old, im still a virgin, no girls want me here and never will, my mom is dead, never coming back, half my family is dead, and ive been depressed for 6 years, almost killed myself in 6th grade too, oh and im in 9th cause i got held back, yet when i finnally got it going for me, you say i cheated?! WELL YOU KNOW WHAT?! LIFE CHEATS US ALL AT TIMES!!!!

    A shocking turn, for the once mild-mannered MegaManX. He cooled down a bit, and got some more games in, undoubtedly to practice the floater. Let's hope that he can turn it around, because he's played a lot here this season, and it's good to have productive people in this league.

4. NYRSkate Achievement Awards
Each issue, I will present three awards to players who are doing very unique things on the ice.

The Time On My Hands award: DerekR
DerekR has played 58 games in the five day period from January 1 to January 6. He has taken the throne from PeopleUnite, who officially played 24,907 games last season.

The Beavis award: HurricaneDawgs
You may remember from the movie "Beavis and Butthead Do America," that Beavis was on a bus, and made the profound observation, "I'm never gonna score! I'm never gonna score!" Poor HurricaneDawgs has played 12 games this season, but hasn't yet scored a single goal. We should all encourage guys like this, that keep trying despite their record. Way to keep it up! Things always get better.

The No Soup For You award: MaxPower
20 games, one win, five ties, zero points. No soup for you! One year!

Well gang, it's been fun. I hope you enjoyed it, and that I didn't offend too many people. I'm going to post a question at the end of each newsletter, that I will print the answers to in the next issue. I encourage you guys to write me with your responses.

This issue's question: What do you think is the most annoying aspect of gameplay in NHL 2002?

© 2002 Modemsports/NYRSkate. All rights reserved.
of you goons have read issue 1 of The Dirt since its inception on January 6, 2002.