NYPD Blue Fanfiction

Rita's Fanfic

If I Lost You

Part 2

Andy awakens and waits for the shooting pain to hit him. Not so bad this morning, bearable. It has been 4 days, he thinks to himself, just be happy and move on Sipowicz. Slowly he rises, suppressing a groan, and goes to the bathroom to relieve himself. He washes his face and brushes his teeth before heading out to the kitchen for some coffee.

Connie is surprised to see him. “What are you doing up Andy? You should be resting.”

“I’ve rested enough.” He grumbles, “I feel fine. Thought I’d put in a couple of hours at work today. See how it goes.”

“Don’t even think about it.” Connie threatens. “The Boss told you to take the week off and get some rest and that’s exactly what you’re going to do. I signed leave for a couple of days so I’ll be right here keeping an eye on you.”

Andy frowns and with a sigh of impatience and a slight grimace he sits down at the table. As Connie places a cup of coffee in front of him he grabs her hand and places a light kiss on her palm.

Smiling at him, “what’s that for?”

“For being here with me and for being such a good nurse. I haven’t been the easiest patient and with the kids and all you’ve really been through the wringer the past few days.”

Connie kisses the top of his head, “I’m exactly where I want to be. It hasn’t been so bad. I am a little worried about Theo though. He mentioned staying home today in case you needed him. Has he said anything to you?”

“Nope.” Andy sighs. “He has been such a trooper, helping out and all, but I could sense something was on his mind the whole weekend.” Looking around, “where is he? He hasn’t left for school yet has he?”

“No he’s getting ready. I wanted to talk to you about maybe keeping him home with us today. You know spend some time with him just the three of us, maybe we can get him to open up.”

“You think it’ll help?” Andy looks at her, worried.

“I don’t think it’ll hurt. Andrea should be here soon to get Michelle. Why don’t I finish getting her stuff together and you go talk to Theo.”

Andy walks to the kid’s room. Michelle is in her crib playing with her toys and Theo is fixing his bed.

“Hey buddy, how’s it going?” Andy asks as he sits on the edge of Theo’s bed.

“Okay Dad. How are you feeling?” Pointing to Andy’s bandaged arm he asks, “does it still hurt bad?”

“Nah, it’s a lot better today. You and Mom have been takin’ real good care of me.” Reaching out to rub Theo’s shoulder Andy asks, “Theo your Mom and me were wondering if you’d like to skip school and stay home with us today. The three of us could spend some time together, you know hang out and talk.”

Theo looks thoughtfully at his father with a cross between worry and relief. After a moment, “sounds good Dad.”

Standing, Andy kisses his head and smiles, “good, I’ll let Mom know so she can give your teacher a call.”  Walking over to Michelle’s crib he smiles as she stands up holding her arms out to him. With a lot of discomfort he leans down and lifts her out of her crib with his good arm and hugs her tight. “How is my princess this morning?” Michelle is all smiles for her daddy and hugs him tight oblivious to his pain. Andy buries his face in her neck tickling her with his moustache loving her squeals of laughter.

“Andy you shouldn’t be carrying her.” Connie scolds as she walks in and immediately makes to take Michelle out of his arms.

“Aw Connie she’s okay. I could never be too hurt to hug my kids.” Kissing Michelle once more he reluctantly gives her over to Connie. “Theo’s okay with staying home today so why don’t I take Michelle out to wait for Andrea while you give his teacher a call.”

“All right, but Michelle walks.” She sternly tells him as she puts her down and gives him a look. As they walk out she turns towards Theo “you all right Sweetheart?” Hugging him, “I’m glad we’re going to be spending the day together.  It’ll be fun to relax.”

“Yeah Mom, it’ll be fun.” He smiles as he hugs her tight.

Connie wonders what’s going through his mind. He is so much like Andy in so many ways. She has spent the past few days watching and waiting for him to open up and talk to her or Andy, hopefully it’ll come out today. Sighing she turns and walks towards their bedroom to make her call.

Later that morning...

Andy is back in bed listening as Theo reads aloud to him from one of his favorite books. Connie walks in and smiles at the sight of her ‘guys’ relaxing. Andy looks up and signals for her to join them.

Theo sees Connie and scoots closer to his dad, “come sit here Mom.” He calls, patting the space beside him.

“Sure.” Settling next to Theo, Connie can’t help reaching over to ruffle his hair and place a kiss on his cheek. Leaning back she listens quietly as he reads on. As soon as the story ends Theo sits up and turns to face both Andy and Connie.

After a few seconds of silence Andy asks. “Something on your mind buddy?”

Theo shrugs then nods his head looking seriously at both of them. “ I’m kinda scared about something.”

Connie and Andy look at each other a moment before Andy speaks. “What are you scared of Theo?”

Taking a deep breath he crawls over close to Connie and lets her pull him into her arms. Looking straight into Andy’s eyes, “I’m scared you could die and leave us like my first mom did and we won’t ever see you again.” His lips quiver slightly as he tries hard not to cry.

“Theo...” Andy exhales slowly his chest heavy with emotion.

Before Andy can say anything Theo continues. “Remember a long time ago when you told me you shot a bad guy who was hurting good people and he died?”

Andy nods.

“I asked if someone would shoot you and you said no. You said you would always be here. That wasn’t all true Dad, you got shot. I heard Mom crying when she told Andrea you could have died.”

“Oh my God Theo sweetheart why didn’t you tell me... I’m sorry you heard that... sweetie why didn’t you talk to me?” Connie hugs him tight hurting so much for him wanting to take away all the fear he had been storing inside. She notices the tears in Andy’s eyes as he drags himself over to pull them both into his arms.

He’s hurting but it’s nothing to what his poor boy has had to deal with these past few days. God please help me find the right things to say. Help me to make my son feel safe again and get all of us through this.

They stay close like that for several minutes as if trying to block out all the hurt, to make it disappear. Andy has to pull back slowly in order to breathe, the pain as he inhales is hard to hide. Connie, worried, watches as he pulls away and she can see the strain etched in his face. He gives her a weak smile, shakes his head and takes a few deep breaths before gently touching Theo’s back.

“Theo” he says quietly hoping his son doesn’t hear the pain in his voice. Taking another deep breath “Theo look at me. Please son.”

Theo turns to look at his dad but clings to Connie needing her support. He looks at his dad and sees the tears. His dad is close enough for him to reach out his arm and give him a hug without totally losing the comfort of Connie’s touch. “Don’t cry Daddy, I didn’t mean to make you cry. Don’t be mad at me.”

“Theo I love you, I’m not mad at you son. I’m just sorry I’m the reason you’ve been scared and hurt.” As Theo wraps his other arm around him, Andy holds him tight stroking his back not ever wanting to let him go. Connie leans in and kisses the back of his hand then reaches over to stroke his cheek as if to give him her strength.

Theo pats his dad’s back and slowly loosens his hold looking in his eyes, “I don’t ever want you or Mommy to go away or die. I prayed and I promised God I would be very, very good if we could all stay together always.”

Connie feels the tears fall down her cheeks as she wonders how they were going to make everything right again.  It was hard enough being a kid these days without having the added worry that one of your parents could die. Andy had done such a good job raising Theo that when Connie entered their lives she easily fell in love with him. Even during the hard adjustment period of becoming a family it was the love they all had for each other that got them through. She knows that love is always there but how would they give their son back his security? How would they take away his fear of losing one of his parents again?

“Theo, me getting shot was a bad thing but it doesn’t happen all the time and I promise you I’m always going to do everything I can to stay safe. I want to be here for you, for all of you.” Sitting up a little straighter Andy looks at his son, “I love you, Connie, Michelle, and the baby so much that I will do whatever it takes to keep us all together. I’m sorry you and Mom got scared ‘cuz I got hurt but I’m here and I’m going to be all right. I’m not going anywhere, not if I can help it.”

“Promise?” Theo whispers.

“Promise.” Andy vows.

Theo hugs Andy tight then looks at Connie, “you too Mom? Promise you’ll be careful too and not leave?”

“I promise too Sweetheart.” Connie says seriously. “Theo I want you to promise us that whenever something scares you or bothers you in any way you’ll come talk to me or your Dad, okay? I don’t ever want you to think that you can’t talk to us, about anything. Understand?”     

“Yes ma’am. I just wanted to be strong like Dad, ‘cuz you needed me. Dad needed me too and I wanted you to see I was brave, that’s all.”

“Theo you are brave and strong and we’re both very proud of you, but it’s okay to be scared, being scared doesn’t make you weak.” Andy calmly tells him. “Can I tell you what scares me?” He asks.

Theo nods looking at his dad.

“I get scared sometimes that something will happen to one of you and I won’t be able to do anything about it. I want to take care of all of you and keep you all safe and happy. This family is the most important thing in my life and if I lost any of you... I don’t know what I would do.” Andy sits quietly as Theo absorbs what he’s just told him.

They all sit quietly for a few moments before Theo looks at both of his parents and asks. “So it’s okay to be scared sometimes?” Seeing them both nod, “I can tell you guys about anything that bothers me? No matter what?”

“No matter what. Is something else bothering you Sweetie?” Connie asks concerned.

“No Mom, really.” To Andy, “Dad when I grow up I’m going to be strong like you but I don’t know if I want to be a detective because it looks like getting shot hurts a lot.”

Laughing Andy rubs Theo’s head. “It sure does buddy, but that’s why Mom and me work so hard, so when you all grow up you guys can be whatever you what to be.”

Connie smiles as she watches the two. Maybe things would be okay. Thank God they had such a good strong son. Giving in to the urge she hugs Theo tight then leans in and gives Andy a kiss on his lips. “I’m pretty lucky to have 2 strong men to take good care our family. Now I think you should lie back and rest a while Andy and Theo why don’t I get dressed and you and me can go out and get something nice for lunch. Sound good?”

Theo jumps up enthusiastically “great Mom! I’m starving!” As Andy lies back Theo pauses and goes over to kiss his cheek and hug him tight. “Daddy, I love you. Thanks for being a good Dad and for taking good care of us.” Turning to Connie he gives her a kiss and hugs her tight, “you’re great too Mom. I love you

and I’m glad we’re all together. Can I watch TV while you get ready?”

“Sure, I’ll be quick.” Smiling as she watches him walk out. Looking over towards Andy, he’s lying back with his eyes closed and she sees a tear escape down his cheek. She walks over and sits by his side then leans in to kiss the tear away. After a moment he slowly opens his eyes and looks deep into hers.

“I hate that you and Theo had to go through all this pain and fear. I love you guys so much I hate seeing you suffer. I hate that I’m the cause of that suffering.” He sobs.

Reaching out to stroke his cheek, “Andy it’s over and you’re fine now. I hate that he was hurting too but I think we’re going to be okay. You told me that, remember? He is such a good boy, strong like his father.” Smiling “thank you for making me the mother of such a wonderful young man Andy. I am so blessed, we are so blessed.” Kissing his lips gently.

“I love you Connie”

“I love you too Andy, very much. Will you be all right while we’re out? Do you need me to get you anything?”

“Nope, I’m fine. I am tired though, I’ll just catch a few winks while you’re gone.”

“Good. If you think of anything you need write it down and we’ll pick it up for you.”

“Okay.” Andy watches as Connie walks into the bathroom then he closes his eyes to rest for just a bit.

Connie and Theo head out to the grocery store to pick up some stuff and they have a nice time together shopping and talking. Before heading out to get their lunch they decide to stop by a small coffee shop for some hot chocolates.

Settling into a small booth Connie reaches over and rubs his shoulder. “Thanks for shopping with me, I had a lot of fun. We should do this more, spend time together just you and me, don’t you think?”

“Really Mom? I’m having a lot of fun too. I like when we do things together just me and you.” Looking at her thoughtfully, “will you still want to do this after the baby’s born?”

“Of course I will.” Connie strokes his cheek. “Theo I will always make time for you, for us. I love you.”

“I love you too Mom but I remember when Michelle was born you mostly took care of her and you didn’t always have time for me.” Theo says quietly.

Wow, Connie thinks to herself, this has sure been a morning of revelations. I guess there are always going to be past issues that’ll just pop up.

Connie takes hold of Theo’s hand and squeezes tight needing the contact. “When Michelle first came to live with me I had a hard time. I mean I had never taken care of a baby before and I was always scared of doing the wrong thing. I thought I had to do everything by myself, then one day your dad reminded me that I wasn’t alone, that I had the both of you to help me and share my life with. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t important to me Sweetheart because the truth is you are one of the most important people in my life. I love you so much. I don’t think you’ll ever truly know exactly how much.”

Squeezing her hand just as tightly he smiles, “I love you too Mom, and I’m glad we’re a family. You’re the best mom and Joey even thinks you’re pretty.”

Laughing, “well thanks. I guess I should thank Joey for the compliment next time I see him,” thinking again how very lucky she and Andy were to have such a special son.

Theo gets up to go pick out a pastry for Andy and Connie pauses to say a silent prayer. Thank you Sylvia for our son. I believe he belongs to all three of us now and I hope to raise him to be a good strong man we will all be proud of. We never met but I know how beautiful you were because I see you in Theo...

“Mom I’m ready, let’s go.” Theo says interrupting her thoughts.

Nodding, she collects their bags as she gets up, “okay let’s go, your dad is probably hungry and wondering what’s taking so long.”

At home...

Connie and Theo arrive home as their new neighbor does and he kindly offers to help carry some bags. They enter the apartment and after putting the bags in the kitchen he chats a little with Connie while Theo goes in to check on Andy. Seeing him sleeping soundly he quietly closes the door and heads back to the kitchen in time to see their neighbor saying his goodbyes and Theo watches as Connie secures the door behind him.

“How’s your dad? Is he hungry?”

“He’s still sleeping.” Theo tells her.

“Tell you what, why don’t we surprise Dad with a picnic in bed? I’m sure he’ll like that.”

“Okay!” Theo nods excitedly.

Together the two set out their lunch and quietly take it into Connie and Andy’s bedroom. As Theo sets up a small dinner tray by the bed Connie leans down and kisses Andy’s forehead then his lips. He sleeps on and she regrets having to get him up but she knows he has to eat. Kissing his lips again and shaking him gently, “Andy time to get up. Come on its lunchtime.”

Slowly opening his eyes he sees Connie leaning over him, “hey, back already?” Sitting up he groans, “what’s for lunch?”

“We got you soup Dad and we’re going to have a picnic.”

“A picnic huh?” Looking at Connie “what’s this about?”

“Just thought it would be nice and Theo agreed. We got some noodles and other stuff if you don’t want soup.”

“Soup’s good.”

The three have a nice quiet lunch. Theo has Connie and Andy laughing over stories about his friends and school. They talk about the upcoming sports seasons and the highlights of his new favorite video game. They even got into a good-hearted argument on what they should name the baby. Dumbledore was still Theo’s first choice for a boy’s name but he was willing to consider Hagrid as an option. The compromise was Mom and Dad would pick out the name but he could call the baby Dumbledore at home. Frowning he agrees but promises them no name could possibly be better. They all pitch in to clean up and afterwards Theo goes into his room to do some of the homework his teacher had assigned for the day.

Andy and Connie stretch out on the couch with their feet up.

“How are you doing?” Andy asks as he entwines his fingers with Connie’s.

“Pretty good. You?”

“Great.” Looking at their joined hands he asks, “you think Theo’s going to be all right?”

Leaning in and resting her head on his shoulder she answers. “I think he’s going to be just fine.” Tilting her head back to look in his eyes, “I think we’re all going to all right Andy. I’m not promising that I won’t get spooked for a while but that’s normal after all. Any ways, we had a real good talk while we were out, and after we worked through some things he brought up I believe we’re on the right track.  We’ve got one pretty good kid there.”

“Yep, we sure do.” Kissing her forehead. “I’m glad we spent this time together and got him to open up, I can’t figure out how he could stand holding all that in.”

“Well I hope he learned that he doesn’t have to do that anymore. We’re here for him no matter what.” Connie rubs Andy’s belly and settles into his side as he brings his arm around her hugging her tight. 

Later that evening...

Connie checks the kids one last time to make sure they’re sound asleep then heads to the bathroom to check on Andy. Entering the bathroom she puts the lid down on the toilet and sits quietly as he finishes his shower. When she hears him shut off the water she stands up and pulls back the curtain.

“Let me help you.” She says as she starts wiping him dry.

“The kids okay?” He asks.

“Yeah, they look so sweet when they’re asleep. Andy, in a few more months we’re going to have another child. Can you believe it?”

Reaching out to stroke her protruding belly “it’s pretty hard not to.”

Smiling, she wraps the towel around his waist and pushes him to sit on the closed lid. Andy watches as she sprays shaving cream into her palm and spreads it over his cheeks and neck. “This is pretty nice having you shave me, I could get used to it.”

“I think it’s kind of nice too. I’ve never done this before, it’s fun.” She says, her forehead crinkling in concentration.

Andy reaches up to smooth her forehead and as she pauses he pulls her head down for a kiss smearing shaving cream on her face. “Hey, you’re ruining my concentration.” She laughs as she feels his hand slowly slide up under her t-shirt. “You sure you want to start something you can’t finish?”

“Look here lady, it may hurt like hell but I’m sure I’ll finish. And so will you.” 

“Yeah, huh? Well I’m not going to risk it so behave.” She scolds.

Cupping her breast with his hand and running his thumb over her nipple, “how ‘bout we fool around a little.”

“Andy cut it out,” she says with regret. “As much as I want to, I want you healthy when we make love. Got it?”

“Got it.” He pouts in frustration.

After she finishes shaving him he goes to the bedroom to change into his pajamas. While Connie takes her shower he goes out to secure the apartment and look in on the kids. He spends some time just watching them sleep. Back in their room a few minutes later he climbs in bed and starts thumbing through a magazine as Connie comes out of the bathroom all ready for bed. Settling herself next to Andy she cuddles close after he turns off the bedside lamp.

“What a day, huh?” He whispers into her hair.

“Yeah, it was pretty intense for a while. Andy I love you, we’re all going to be just fine, I know it.” Holding him close she kisses his neck.