Stigmatized
            by Nymph Du Pave

            CHAPTER EIGHT:
            ... shall set you free.

            Dying...

            "No," he croaked.

            "I knew you loved me, Clark.  And I loved you."  Lex walked forward.  "More than you'll ever know.  More than you could ever comprehend, Clark.  And when you kissed me…"  He stopped three feet from Clark.  "I felt every pain I'd ever experienced dissolve.  Everything in my body tingled and for an instant-"  He took a shuddering breath in.  "For an instant, Kent, you made me feel free.  I felt alive and like I deserved that life.  Then the memory of my disease came crashing back.  The disease and that memory of my mother.  How she died, how she left me.  How I felt."

            "Oh, Lex."  Clark took a step forward feeling his body melting, feeling the compassion and love overriding everything else in his world, in their world.  Because it was again, if only for this moment.  It was theirs.

            "I couldn't love you so much, Clark, and leave you with that feeling.  I- I couldn't do that to you."

            Clark felt hot liquid making it's trail down his face and he reached up to touch Lex's soft cheek.  Lex pressed himself desperately to the hand, like any second it was be wrenched away from him.  After years of being so lost and confused, touching Lex was like coming home.  It was like seeing the sun after being thrown into years of overcast weather.  Something so familiar and yet so exotic; beautiful and frightening.

            To come back here after so long.

            "You did love me," he whispered, astonished.

            "With everything I had, Clark.  With everything."  Lex's voice was no more than a weak whisper.  "I would have done anything to stay with you, to return your kiss.  To fall into your arms and tell you the truth.  But I couldn't leave this world with the knowledge that I had given you the pain that my mother gave me.  I saw how it ripped her to pieces.  She lasted that long, fought that hard, just so she wouldn't be leaving me.  She didn't want to leave me alone, with what was left of my father and the memory of Julian.  She couldn't do it and when she died…  I've never seen such a sad face.  I didn't want to die like that."

            He sobbed heavily and Clark pulled him into a close embrace.  "It's okay, Lex.  Let it out."

            "I didn't want to leave my true love in pain."

            Clark felt heated and depressed all over.  God, and I've been so self-centered.  I never even kept up with him in the papers.  I never even tried to figure out why.  I just wanted forgiveness for my actions.

            "Because you are, Clark.  You always were the only person I could ever love.  The way you believed in me and looked at me-"  He pulled back.  "When I wasn't having nightmares about the way I left you, I was dreaming of us together.  I didn’t get many of them, but the few I got made my life so much better.  Do you still dream of the stars?"

            Clark shook his head as he wiped the tears from Lex's face.  "I don't do much dreaming anymore."

            Lex's face crumpled.  "Clark…  It's completely my fault.  I wrecked everything you were."

            Clark shook his head, heart thumping hard at the truth his mind once and for so long refused to see.  "I did it to myself, Lex.  You were the only person I wanted- I'd ever want.  When you left me, I became so self-involved.  I thought, if there was no you, I only had one purpose in life.  Help others.  I never took time for myself other than to grieve, other than to mope."

            "You treated yourself like a robot?"  Lex shook his head sadly, slowly.  "I'm so sorry, Clark.  I did the wrong thing, made the wrong move.  I just thought that if you hated me you wouldn't grieve my death, and I could die in peace.  I didn't want to leave the only other person who ever loved me in pain.  I already caused my mother that pain when she-"

            He broke down in tears and slipped through Clark's grasp, falling to the ground.

            Clark dropped to his knees, pulled Lex to him and let the boy cry hard.  He ignored his own tears; they were a familiar enough companion, but this time they were mostly for Lex.  Lex and the time they'd lost because the boy loved him too much to love him and leave him.

            Clark felt dizzy at the harshness of Lex's life.  It was beyond not being fair.  This was pure cruelty.  In Lex Luthor's life only two people had ever shown affection and devotion towards him.  His mother and Clark.  They loved him because they saw the beautiful side of him- a side that time had eventually shunned from the world.  A world that viewed him as a rich, bald scion as bad as his father and as ungrateful as they come.

            Lex's mother gave him a familial love, cherished the mother/son bond between them and died a horrible death of painful disease.

            Now it was his turn to suffer the same fate, only he had the choice to leave someone suffering or in hatred.  Since hatred was the one thing he knew best, he left Clark with what he thought would be enough of an impetus to make the farmboy hate him.  It wasn't, but Lex didn't know that.

            Clark pulled Lex back from his shoulder and looked him in the eyes.  "What made you come back, Lex?  What made you want to tell me the truth now?"

            Lex's eyes crowded with tears and Clark could tell he was trying to hold them back.  "It's selfish, I know, but I realized that I couldn't die having the most amazing person still alive on Earth hate me.  Forgive me, Clark.  I'm a coward, I know.  I- I wasn't going to tell you everything about…  about how I'm dying and how I never stopped loving you."  He searched Clark's eyes.  "Can you forgive me for being so stupid and treating you like I have?"

            There were no words he could think of to express what he felt, so he did the only thing that came to mind.  He kissed Lex.  Softly and in need of contact and with purity.  If it was the one thing that could take away Lex's pain, even for a second, Clark wanted to help.  Clark wanted to do that.

            Lex gasped and pressed hard to Clark.  He moaned and nipped at Clark's lips.  "Kiss me," he pleaded.  "Please, Clark.  Like you did before.  I can't ask for anything else."

            Clark wrapped his arms around Lex's waist.  "I'd do anything for you."  He pulled at Lex's lips with his own.  "I still love you, you know.  I never stopped.  I never hated you.  Don't think I could.  I just wanted to understand."

            Lex shuddered against him.  "I know.  I'm sorry.  I love you, too, Clark.  Please understand that I-"

            "Shhh," he whispered.  "I'm going to kiss you now."

            Lex shut his eyes tight.  "Okay."

            "No.  Don't close your eyes.  Open them.  See me.  This won't be our last kiss, I promise."

            The instant Lex opened his eyes, Clark smiled and kissed him lightly.  "I love you.  It's amazing.  I can't say it enough."

            He waited for Lex to open his mouth to respond, the slipped his tongue through the breech.  He plunged in and probed like this was their last kiss, like this was their first kiss.  Their only kiss.

            Lex held him tight, moaning and shuddering, taking everything Clark gave him.  Hands threaded through Clark's hair and caused shivers down his back.

            He pulled away from Lex and the boy curled into his arms.  "Clark, I've been living just in the hopes that this would one day happen again."

            "Lex?" Clark was suddenly fearful.

            "Yes?"

            "How- How, um, God."  He breathed in deeply then let it out.  "How long do you have left?"

            The tears welled up again as Lex snuggled deeper into his aching, pounding chest.  How long would he have to know the feel of Lex against him like this?

            "Depends on which expert you talk to.  If I do everything right, everything I'm supposed to, anywhere from a month and a half to a year."

            Clark began to shake.  A month and a half was such a tiny amount of time.  Not even a hundredth of a thimbleful lifespan-wise.

            "What are you going to do?"

            "Well, if it's okay with you," Lex looked up.  "I want to spend every second I can by your side."

            Clark kissed him then held him tight.  "I think it's more than okay with me."