Stigmatized
            by Nymph Du Pave

            CHAPTER FIVE:
            I don't know

            "How are you doing?"

            Clark didn't turn around but kept his attention on the pipe he was soldering.  He was seconds from being finished.

            "Chipper and dandy," he joked.

            There was silence as he finished, turned off the iron and crawled out from under the Talon's bar.  He smiled up at Lana, standing just on the inside of the bar.  He recognized the cobalt top- sleeveless with ties holding the shirt together- as one of several he had given her over the years.  "You look beautiful as ever."

            She said nothing and he sighed.  "How long have you been waiting to ask that question?"

            "Since the asshole dropped by yesterday."

            He nodded and stuck the iron on it's stand on the metal tray next to him. He didn't bother even getting up.

            "The nerve.  Just showing up like that."

            "Lana-"

            "I mean he didn't write you or call you or warn you in anyway at all."

            "Maybe it was spontaneous," he thought aloud.  "Maybe it was just a pit-stop to somewhere else."

            "Then why did I see him at Dalton's bookstore earlier this morning?"

            Dalton's.  It was Lex's third favorite place in Smallville.

            He shrugged.  "Maybe he just didn't know how to tell me he was coming."

            She frowned.  "Have you talked to him?"

            "Not since yesterday."

            "Then why are you defending him?"

            He frowned at himself.  Good question.

            "Don't tell me you've decided to forgive him."

            For turning me into this?  A callus, bitter, completely lost eighteen year old?

            "Not a chance."

            "Then why-"

            "I don't know, Lana.  Habit, I guess."

            Her look softened.  "You grew out of that habit about two years ago.  Remember?"

            He did, but he said nothing.

            Lana breathed in audibly and Clark new she was going to bring up something else he didn't want to talk about.

            "I dropped by your house this morning.  When you didn't show up, I figured you needed your space, but...  You didn't call me, and-"

            "I'm sorry."

            She shook her head.  "Don't be silly, Clark.  I was just worried about you emotionally.  Your parents on the other hand...  They told me that you didn't come home last night.  Didn't even call."

            He shrugged and looked down at the tools he was using to fix the pipes.  He was going to need more lead.

            "Then I go shopping with Nell, get back to see you working with you father as if nothing happened."

            Clark smiled grimly.  "If that were true, I would have been suffering through one of Dad's memorial 'when-I-was-your-age-Phil-Kastin-and-I' stories.  Instead, he flipped on music as soon as we got here."

            "He just doesn't understand you, Clark."

            "I know."

            "He hasn't ever since-"

            "Lex left?" he asked harshly.

            She kneeled in front of him.  He still refused to meet her eyes.

            "Where were you last night, Clark?"

            He was going to need more iron and a few patches.  Damn it.  "Nowhere really."

            "Clark."

            "I was just out thinking."

            "About?"

            "What you think, Lana?" he snapped and instantly regretted it.  "Sorry."

            She smiled.  "Don't be.  I'm getting to the Clark under the bullshit façade."

            They shared a look for a minute and she reached up and ran her fingers through his hair.  "Where were you last night?"

            He sighed.  "A cornfield."

            "But your father looked everywhere."

            Great.  Add to the guilt, he thought.  Jonathon hadn't mentioned looking at all.

            "He said you weren't in any of the fields.  Sometimes you do work-"

            He shook his head.  "I think it was either Jessica's dad's or Mr. and Mrs. Fairgold's."  He leaned back against the counter, enjoying Lana's continued soothing touch.  "I didn't get any sleep.  I ran home real quick, got dressed, messed up the bed, grabbed some food from the fridge then ran out to do my chores."

            "You thought your parents would fall for that old mess-up-the-bed trick?"

            "My father did until he asked when I got in and I said two.  I overheard him talking to mom and she said the last time she checked on me was at four."

            "Overheard?" she asked suspiciously.  She could guess he'd overheard with his heightened sense of hearing.

            He shrugged and decided to get to the point.  He knew what Lana really wanted to know about.  "Lex said yesterday he wanted to talk.  That he had a lot to say."

            "Interesting."  Lana's voice was cold and he relished in her protectiveness.  "Did he even ask how you were?  If you hated him?  If you’d forgive his damned, bald ass for treating you like shit?  Or was it all about 'Lex Luthor the Great'?"

            He ignored the sudden burning in his eyes as he realized that, no, Lex hadn't asked how he was.

            Bastard.

            Lana didn't miss the tears.  "God, Clark, I'm so sorry...  Are you going to tell your parents anything?"

            Clark shook his head and closed his eyes.  He never told them about what caused his original depression.  There would be a lot of backstory and he was sure that it would be far too much for his father to take in right now.  Possibly ever.  As far as his parents were concerned, he and Lana would make the perfect couple if only that 'darned silly girl would take a good look at just what she's got in front of her'.  And there was the chance that they would if...  If he could only change the past and warp both their hearts into different shapes.   Maybe, just maybe then the blocks would fit into the holes.

            "I really just wish that everything could go back to the way it was before he came back.  I'm so far past wishing he never left that it hurts.  I just want him gone, you know?  For fucking ever, Lana.  Out of my mind once and for all."

            Even as part of her nodded, his stomach twisted strangely.  There was truth in his words but not…  Not the whole truth.  Not even close to half the truth.

            And he could tell she knew it.

            He growled in frustration.  "I mean, why the fuck did he even come back?"

            "That was what I was planning on telling you yesterday."

            Clark's head suddenly throbbed and Lana stood up.  He watched her pretty face contort with rage.  "Mr. Luthor," she started coldly.  "May I help you?"

            Clark resisted the strong urge to use his X-Ray vision on the bar.

            "No, thank you, Miss Lang," he started amiably.  "But I would like to speak with Clark."

            "I don't-"

            Clark stood up and felt assaulted with the view as his head started to pound and his heart sped up.  Lex's face went from polite to tense and needy in a flash and Clark wondered when his friend had become so bad at hiding his emotions.  "I'm a little busy at the moment-"

            Lex's face fell.  "I understand.  I'll go."

            "-but," continued Clark.  "If you want to meet later…"  He trailed off at the hopeful look on Lex's face, thrown a little off course as he realized that Lex hadn't gotten bad a hiding his emotions.  He just no longer cared.

            He wants me to know what he's feeling.  Like he's got nothing to lose.

            "I'd like to," Lex said softly.

            Clark saw Lana look at him from the corner of his eye and knew what she was thinking.  He was too vulnerable, even after three years.  He couldn't hold a grudge, not when the wrong doing was against him.  Against someone he loved no problem but himself?  She knew he hadn't even liked himself in years, much less loved himself.  In her eyes he would just want to make everything better, especially since Lex was obviously hurting.

            Well, he thought.  I'll just have to fight to prove her wrong.

            "I have this number," started Lex after a couple moments of silence.  "And your home number."

            Clark tensed.  He didn't want Lex anywhere near his home, or even calling it.  The farmhouse and his fortress had become sanctuaries once again.  Inviting what made him miserable into that peaceful place…  The blasphemous act would taint it.  "Don’t call my house."

            Lex looked down at his shoes.  "Right. I sort of lost that privilege, huh?"

            His brain wanted to shout 'duh!' but his heart was too dumbfounded.

            "I'd say," muttered Lana.

            Clark didn't know what to make of the whole situation.  It was like something happened when he kissed Lex three years ago.  Like the instant his eyes shut Lex was replaced with some cold, hard robot and the real Lex had just come to, ready to be buddies again and apologize for his unwitting proxy's mistakes.

            "You still have a cell phone?" asked Clark, his voice gruff.

            Lex nodded and opened his coat, grabbing a pen and pad from inside.  He jotted the number down and ripped off the piece of paper, walking towards Clark.  He offered the number timidly, as if he were afraid that Clark would throw something at him and tell him to fuck off.

            From the look Lana was giving him, Clark figured Lex at least had a reason to worry.

            Clark took the number, careful to avoid touching Lex where, three years ago, he would have taken the opportunity to graze fingers.  "I'll call you when I'm finished here."

            Lex nodded.  "Okay."  He looked hesitant to leave, walking backwards for a minute.  He smiled thinly and turned.

            When he was gone Lana turned to him.  "What are you doing, Clark?"

            He shoved the paper with Lex's number on it carelessly into his back pocket.  "I don't know."

            "What is there to talk about?"

            "I don't know."

            "Why are you being so nice to-"

            "I don't know, Lana!"  He turned the soldering iron back on.  "I just-  I-"

            She bent down, hands in his hair again.  "What, Clark?"

            He sighed.  "I don't know."