Stigmatized
            by Nymph Du Pave

            CHAPTER THREE:
            Last of the Innocence

            He got halfway home before the shaking became uncontrollable and he had to just stop.  He didn't want to stay out in the middle of the road, so he pulled over and onto a nearby dirtroad situated inside a cornfield.

            He got out of the truck and walked around it, cooling off the shakes.  For the most part they subsided within a few minutes, not including the tremors that deepened and shook his body, threatening to send him to his knees.  He walked to the back of the truck, opened the tailgate and sat down.

            Part of him wondered what he was worth to Lex, how far Lex would go to befriend him again.  That part of him wanted badly to see Lex's flashy sports car drive by him at a breakneck speed, heading to the Kent Farm.

            He breathed in realizing how hard it was going to be for as long as Lex was in town.

            Man, he thought pulling his knees up to his chin.  It’s been a long time.  He might look the same…  Same clothes, same face, same smooth, sexy head, but he's a different person.  Metropolis changed him and… and he never answered your calls.  His stomach flipped bitterly.  He never wrote you back.  Never even bothered to read the letters you sent.  The- he swallowed, his throat thick and tight with unwanted and restrained emotion- apologies you repeatedly sent.

            For the first year and a half Clark sent a letter every other week apologizing for his actions.  He would have continued but Lana found out and made him see the sense of the situation.  It wasn’t his fault at all.  He hadn’t really done anything wrong.  It took months and months to convince him of this, but it eventually did happen.  His staunch promise to Lana to not send anymore letters to Lex kept him from doing just that no matter how desperately he wanted to.

            How much could he care?

            Clark breathed in and for the first time recognized just how horrible his choice in breakdown spots was.  It was a cornfield, late in the day and he was sitting in the back of the truck.

            It was too close to the situation he'd been in the last time he'd spoken with Lex.  Before the Talon this afternoon.

            He tried to force the memories away, but they wouldn't leave.  They just seeped into his conscious.  He relaxed as best as he could, lying down in the truck bed and leaving his eyes open to the darkening blue sky.
 
 

            "I have to go.  End of story."
 
 

            Lex's voice rang out and the pounding in Clark's head ceased.  It was time he just let things come back.  If Lex was here now, Clark had to remember the humiliation, the hurt the older boy had caused.  That way he'd remember not to forgive Lex and his beautiful blue eyes.
 
 

            "I have to go.  End of story."

            He grabbed Lex's arm.  This was his only chance.  His last chance.  There was no way he was going to lose the only person that managed to touch him so deeply, that managed to invade his thoughts constantly.  The one person that he knew he could converse with about anything and that made him happy just by being there.

            "Lex-"  Tears spilled down pale, almost luminescent cheeks and Clark's forceful mood broke.

            "Don't do this, Clark."  Lex's voice was weak and crackling.

            Clark's breath sped up.  Lex really thought that Clark would allow him to leave.  Worse than that, he saw Clark as having no influence at all.  "Please…" Clark whispered, finally realizing the desperate situation he was in.  Lex was going to leave him.  "Don't go."

            "I-"

            "No!  Enough about you and your fucking father, Lex!" He yelled, not bothering to step away.  "Let's talk about me. Me and my fears.  I- I can't lose you."

            Lex looked astonished.  "What?"

            "You're my best friend and I love you."

            Lex's lip trembled.  "Jesus, Clark.  Not now.  I don't need to hear this."

            "Don't need to hear it?!  Don't need to-  Yes, you do.  And I need to say it.  You're here for a reason.  Destiny, Lex.  You said it yourself.  And I-"  His voice softened and he dipped his head closer to Lex's pressing his forehead to the cool skin opposite him.  His blood pumped through his body, a surge to his groin that he tried to ignore.  "I need that destiny."

            Lex's breath quickened and his eyes fluttered half-closed.  "Don't-" he breathed.

            "I need you."

            "You don-"

            His lips were there, against Lex's.  Everything his little heart had ever wanted.  "I do," he said against the softness, not even caring about the way that his voice cracked, or the way that his stomach trembled.  It was all good.  There was nothing but peace in this.  Peace and purity.

            "God," Lex whispered and Clark used the breach in the older boy's lips to slip through.  He let his tongue delve straight in and ravage the mouth.  He had often dreamed that their first kiss would be soft and sweet, full of sexual tension.  Slow and during the summer.  This frenzy and heartache was not supposed to be there, but it was and Clark wanted Lex to take it away.  All with a kiss and a promise.

            Clark grabbed Lex's upper arms and kissed him hard, putting all that an inexperienced and scared fifteen year old kid could into kissing someone older and more wizened.  But he didn’t care.  He was in love.

            After a moment he noticed that Lex was not kissing him back.  Pulling away he found Lex as stiff as a board.  The older boy clenched his jaw.

            "What's the matter," Clark asked, honestly fearful.  Had he done wrong?

            "What the hell was that?" Lex hissed.

            "I kissed you.  I mean, you-“  Clark was suddenly getting bad vibes and instantly became defensive.  “Why didn't you try and push me away if you didn't want me to?"

            "I did," Lex sneered.  "You have any idea how strong you are?"

            Clark was silent, his heart was deafening him.  Lex didn’t want to kiss him?  Didn’t want to hold his hand or let Clark spend all of forever trying to please him?  Lex didn’t want Clark’s love?

            Something was amiss here.  It had to be.

            "That's what you were going to do to try and make me stay?"

            "Yes," he breathed and he felt the beginning of tears.  He didn't like the tone of Lex's voice at all.

            "That was it?  Hell, Kent, you with your family's financial situation, had a better chance trying to buy me."

            Clark felt physically ill.  Why was Lex treating him like this?  Had he misread every look, every smile he'd seen coming from Lex?  He’d gotten so hot and hard from just the memory of some of Lex’s gazes.  So suggestive.  So wanton and full of promise.  He couldn't be wrong about the way Lex felt about him.

            Right?

            "I'm leaving, Clark," Lex spit out his name as if he'd never been more disgusted in his life.  He turned to go.

            Clark would never get over the embarrassment of his next action, one that showed just how desperate he was to keep Lex in his life.

            He fell to his knees on the dirt ground and gripped Lex tightly by his waist, sobbing.  He shut his eyes tight and pressed his face to Lex’s abdomen.  "I'm so sorry, Lex.  I was stupid, so fucking stupid.  I’ll never do it again, okay?  I'm sorry, just- don't go.  Don't leave me."

            Lex was still stiff under his arms.  "Let go, Clark," he said coldly.

            "No, I-"

            "Let go before you embarrass yourself even more.  You're making an ass of yourself out here."

            Clark let go, feeling as if his stomach had been loaded down with green meteor rocks.

            He tried one last time, calling out weakly to Lex's back.  "What about our destiny?"

            Lex laughed bitterly.  "I was wrong, Kent.  Very, very wrong."

            Clark felt his heart break.

            Without another word, Lex got in his silver Aston Martin and drove off, passing Clark on his knees, face in his hands, weeping openly.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

            More to come very, very soon.