Chapter Five:
Last Night

She turned her car onto the dirtroad leading to Clark's house.  She sped up not really wanting time to think before she got there.

She didn't know what else to do.  She'd spent all day thinking about what she thought she'd seen between her crush and Lex.  About what she thought she wanted Clark to say to her.

How she wanted him to react to her.
 

"Maybe I'll ask him to prom."
 

"What the hell was that supposed to mean?" she muttered aloud, her voice startling her out of her own daze.

Oops.  She'd driven straight passed the Kent's driveway.

Yeesh.

She backed up and drove in, parking to the side of the house.  She could see Clark's parents in the living room, talking, hands clasped.

Clark told her they had agreed to give him some space, some solitary time, but they weren't going to vacate in case he needed them.

Sweet people.  Practically the perfect parents.
 

"He's gone, Chlo."

She bit her lip.  "I'm sorry, Clark.  You think he'll be better off without his step-parents?"

"Yeah," his voice was dry and tight and she got the feeling she didn't even know the surface of the story.  "Yeah.  He said his aunt was a nice person."

She frowned.  "How'd he know?"

Clark sighed.  "Remember Kaspar Hauser?"

She sighed, picking up the hint.  Don't ask.  "Gotcha."  She hesitated.  "You, I don't know, want some company, perhaps?"

"No.  I think I'm just going to sit up in my fort and play hero."

"Hero?"

"Oh, uh.  The foil Lex gave me.  I really like it."

She felt strangely underused.  Wasn't he supposed to want to play with his still present best friend?  "Are you sure?  I mean what happens when you, uh, stop?"

'When you, uh, stop'?  Where's the witty commentary, Sullivan?

"I'll find something."

There was a lull in their conversation.

"I'm gonna go, kay?"

"Well, alright."

"Love you," he said and for the millionth time she wished he meant like she did.
 

"I love you, too, Clark," she whispered approaching the barn.

Taking in a deep breath, she looked to the grocery bag in her hands and smiled.

Pesto, chips, soda and 'Killer Klowns from Outer Space'.  She smiled satisfied.  Everything a saddened boy needs.

It was their meal-and-movie deal.  Every time one of them got into a fight with Pete- a true rarity- or a depression where it was just the two of them talking, this was what they did. Crunch, Munch and Watch.

Really need to find a better tag.  That one's kind of-

She stopped walking and looked up when she heard footsteps.  In the same instant she saw Lex's car she recognized that the feet were walking away from her and into the barn.

She knew that Lex was supposed to be in Metropolis, but after seeing the car 'surprise' was not her first emotion.

He called Lex?  He wouldn't have me over, wanted to play 'Sword' with invisible foes, but Lex coming over instead of me…  That's okay?

She ran her fingers through her hair, and slumped against the barn wall.  She tried to ignore the burning in her eyes.  Maybe Nicodemus-Pete had the right idea.  Get rid of Luthor.  He was suddenly all-and-everything to Clark.

Why can't everything just go back to how it was before Luthor came?

"Clark."

"Lex!"  The surprise in Clark's voice calmed her a bit.

Kay.  So, Luthor had the same idea as you.  Surprise him a little.  See? she thought more than a little relieved.  He doesn't prefer him over you.

Still, she couldn't ignore the happiness so very evident in her best friend's voice and wondered, if it had been her would he have been as happy?

Of course not.  He's moping because Lex is gone.  Of course he's going to be extra happy he's there.

"Wow!"  She heard him coming down the steps.  "So, how's the arm?"

She peeked around the corner in time to see Lex rub the extremity.  "I've got a cooling brace that's supposed to go under my clothes but I don’t know…" he shrugged.  "Seems unnecessary."

Clark kept his gaze intent on his visitor.

He never looks at me like that.  Not I've just survived a close brush with the afterlife.

"Did the doctor tell you to wear it?"

Lex gave him a little half smile.  "The doctor thinks I'm a pampered little daddy's boy that wants a Band-Aid for bruises."

"You didn’t go to Morris?"

Lex shook his head, watching Clark as he came closer.  "Nah.  He was sick.  There was some goggle-eyed temp there."
 
Clark stopped within two feet of Lex.  They stared at each other deeply for a moment, then looked away.  Lex banged his newspaper against his leg.

Clark watched himself dig the toe of his boots into the dirt floor.  "So."  He swallowed.

Lex's eyes swiveled back to Clark's face.

"You come for the official send off?"

Lex sighed.  "Clark, I-"

Clark turned around and stared back up at his loft.  Chloe thought he looked wistful, like he wished he'd stayed.  Like all was alright with his world when he was up in that damned loft.  It was his fairy-tale dimension.

"You don't have to explain, Lex.  It's what you've wanted since you came here."  Clark faced Lex and smiled weakly.  He leaned up against the stairs leading to the loft.  "You've made it no secret that you hate it here."

"Hated it here," Lex corrected walking to lean up against the rail with his friend.  "Hated.  I told my father I'd make it to Metropolis eventually, but in the meantime…"

Clark's eyes were bright and his smile was soft.  "In the meantime?"

Lex looked straight ahead, seeing something other than the tools on the wooden barn wall.  "I think I'll stick around."

Clark beamed and she knew from the look on his face alone what he was going to do before he did it.

He stood up and pulled a surprised Lex into his embrace.

Chloe watched Lex's expression carefully.  At first there was the shock of the unexpected action but that wore off almost instantly.  He rolled his eyes and grinned.  "Come on, Kent."

But Clark wasn't listening and instead pulled Lex closer.  And that's when Luthor's expression got really interesting.

He licked his lips and his eyes fluttered heavily.  Hands, one full of that morning's rag, moved awkwardly around trying to find a spot on Clark to safely touch.  They settled with the left and its newpaper falling to the side and the right pressing flat to Clark's back.

"I'm glad you're staying," came Clark's voice, muffled by Lex's purple, long-sleeved tee.

"So I see."  Lex's voice, trying to remain humor-filled, was just barely above a whisper and failed horribly at its attempt.  She could hear the wavers and watched as, seconds later, his eyes lost their struggle and fell shut completely.  His right hand moved up to the bottom of Clark's neck, dipping and inch under Clark's overlong hair.  Lex's face turned slightly and he inhaled, subtle to Clark, but obvious to her.

Smelling him, she realized and her breath came in uneven little pants.  She did the same thing.  Clark smelled good, like farm breakfast and fresh air, morning sun and fountain pen ink.

After another moment Clark pulled back and Chloe noticed the distinct lack of male grunts and slap's on the back and football talk.  There was no trying to dislodge the intimacy created by the physical connection here.  Instead, it seemed played upon.  Wanted.

Needed?

"What kept you here?  Why'd you decide to stay?"

Lex tried to pull off his typical shrug, but it floundered and he looked at anything but Clark.  "I decided you were right.  I can decide for myself who I want to be.  And it isn't my father."

Clark nodded.

Lex sniffed and, unaware that his first excuse was sufficient, moved on to offer another.  "And I picked up the paper this morning."

"The-  The paper?"

What is it with Lex and those half-smiles?  Too lazy to give his all?

Lex handed Clark the paper.  Chloe watched with the millionaire heir as Clark blushed fiercely and his eyes grew dark.  "Oh."

"Out of the blue really.  Front page.  Going to pick it up, I had no idea it was in there.  Reading about the murders at the bowling alley got me to thinking.  Clark Kent again."  Clark walked away from him and Lex raised his voice in order to be heard.  "You're always in the papers these days."

"Yeah."

"And I thought about how many of those times it had to do with me."  His voice grew softer again.  "And saving me."

Clark stopped walking but didn't turn around to look at Lex.  Chloe did it for him and was amazed at what she saw.

Lex is a highly emotional man when he thinks nobody's looking.

Lex's eyes shown brightly, his face looked anguished and restrained.  "I'd miss you, Clark."  He laughed, cynical and hard, forcing most of the emotion from his face.  "I mean, come on.  If I moved to Metropolis how long do you think I'd last?  You wouldn't come all the way to the city just to save my spoiled, rich ass."

"But I would," Clark whispered.  "I'd go anywhere."

Chloe's heart sputtered, but Lex went on, unknowing of the devotion uttered from his best friend.

"You've helped me change, Clark.  I like who-" he cleared his constricted throat.  "I like who I am around you.  There's too much dark to go back to in Metropolis.  I'm not ready."

"I don't want you to ever be ready."

This time Clark had been loud enough. 

Lex hesitated.  "What?"

"I thought you were leaving for good last night, Lex."  He spun around on his heel, charging towards his friend.  Lex tried to back up but the banister hindered any backward movement.  "I thought you were taking off to your big city and your lights and your money and your- your father."

Clark stopped himself three feet from Lex even though it was obvious he wanted so much to be closer.  "Do you know how unimportant I felt?  You tell me you're my best friend, your only friend, and then you give me a sword?  What the hell was that, damn it?!"

Chloe and Lex both shared the same surprised expression.

"I thought-"

"Whatever you thought, it was wrong, Lex."  Clark stalked away again.  "I mean, what was with last night?  You come over in your limo and tux and you toss me a fucking sword-"

Jesus, Clark's emotional.  I've never seen him like this.

"-and it's all 'angsty Lex Luthor this' and' angsty Lex Luthor that'."

Lex looked deeply cut and didn't try to hide it this time.  "Excuse me?"

"Was that your little farewell?  Your 'Well, Clark.  It's been nice knowing you'."

"No, I-"

Clark rubbed his temples with his thumb and forefinger.  "And, Lord, Lex.  What was with those looks you were giving me?"

Lex froze, his lips parted and his stance rigid.

"Wh-What?"

Clark sighed.  "What if you had decided to leave town?  Was that going to be it?"

"No, like I-"

"It was just going to be-"

"CLARK!"

Chloe jumped.  Clark spun around to face a very angry Luthor.

"That wouldn't have been it, Kent.  I would never do that to you!"

"Then why'd you come over on your way?"

"As opposed to what?  Not coming over at all?"

"No.  As opposed to coming earlier in the day.  As opposed to hanging out awhile before you went to Metropolis with you father to decide it you were going to leave this town.  As opposed to coming over to spend a little more time with me before you fucking disappeared and I never heard from you again!"

"I wouldn't do that to you, Clark!  God!"

Clark didn't say anything, just turned around on Lex and shut his eyes tight.  "I know," he whispered.

But Lex didn’t hear him.  His face distorted in grief.  "Is that what you think of me?  Of us?"

"I said-"

"Is that how much you think you mean to me?"

He pinched his nose.  "Lex-"

Tears welled up brighter than before.  "I love you, Clark!" he yelled.

Chloe held her breath as Clark slowly turned around.  "What?"

"I love you," Lex said softer, but no less emphatically.  "I've been wrapping my mind around it for the longest time, trying to give you subtle hints every time I see you and always trying to gauge just where I stand.  I can't tell with you, Clark.  One moment, it's like the gods made our surroundings; nothing could be better.  And the next it's 'Lana this and Lana that'."

Chloe could empathize.

Lex grew angrier and picked up the newspaper from where it had fallen, starting towards Clark.  "And all of that 'Lex Luthor Angst'-"

Clark winced.

"-as you so delicately put it.  It's all over your farmboy ass, Kent."  He threw the paper at Clark who watched it hit his chest harmlessly and fall to the ground.  "All over you.  I can't sleep, I can barely eat, and I've found myself less entertained by any other romantic interest."

He stepped up and jabbed a finger into Clark's chest.  "The decision was killing me, Clark.  Metropolis or you.  Metropolis or you.  I could give a shit about my father's plant.  Literally.  Smallville, too.  Fuck them.  It was the city or you, Clark.  I-"

Clark kissed Lex gently, but with enough force to shut him up.  Lex whimpered, tears fell and he opened his mouth wide, begging for Clark to take him.

Chloe saw Clark's tongue dive in, ready and eager.  Lex's legs trembled and then gave out on him.  Clark caught him and pulled away, making sure he had his balance.

Staring, she couldn't help but see the tranquil bliss on Lex's face.  She'd didn't know he could look so happy.  So perfectly at ease and in place.

Perfect?  Oh, God, no.

Clark wiped away the saline trails on Lex's face.  "I've been waiting, almost dying to do that, Lex."

Lex's hand found Clark's cheek and trailed up and back until it submerged itself in the black mane on top.

Chloe suddenly felt jealous.  She's always wanted to touch that beautiful hair, always wanted to run her hands through it.

He's mine, she thought angrily.  Mine.

Lex breathed in then let it out, deep and slow.  "My father asked me if I really thought I could find my future in Smallville."  He swallowed and looked lovingly at Clark.  "It took me everything I had to go against my instinct and not tell him that I already had."

"God, Lex."

"I just didn't know if you felt the same way."

"Of course."

Lex looked at him incredulously.  "I don't mean to be ungrateful, Clark, and excuse me if I am, but…  Why?"

Yeah, why?

Clark kissed him.  Hard.  This time, after a few seconds, Lex kissed him back, as equally fierce and passionate.

Clark pulled away.  "You're not who you think you are, Lex.  But more than that you make this warm spot in my stomach."  He fumbled for words.  "You fill my voids and… well, you make me feel human.  Alive.  You just…  You're perfect, Lex," he said and grinned.  "We fit."

The bags fell from her hand, the contents spilling all over the ground.

That's what...  Oh, God...  No.

Chloe ran and ran hard, stumbling here and there but ultimately making it to her car.  Her hand plunged into her pocket, extracting her keys and, enduring the shakes, she tried to unlock her car door.

"Want some help, Chlo?"

She spun around and watched as the sheepish grin vanished from Clark's face and was replaced by overflowing worry at the sight of her face, her pain.  Too late did she realize that she had stumbled in her run because her world had gone blurry and her world had gone blurry because tears filled her eyes.

"What's the matter?" he asked panicked.  His hand came to rest on her shoulder.  "Are you okay?  Is everything-"

"No!"  She shouted, slapping his hand away, and instantly regretted it.  All of it.  Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jonathon and Martha look up from their on-going conversation inside.  "I'm not okay and everything is not alright, Clark."

Lex was coming towards them.  He frowned.  "What's the matter?" he called out.

She laughed, hard and abrupt.  "What's the matter?" she yelled bitterly and Lex stopped in his tracks.  "I'll tell you."  She looked back to Clark.  "Those were my words.  My things.  He took them and you said them.  All to the wrong person."

He shook his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed.  "Chloe, I don't understand."

His front door opened.  Great, it’s a whole circus act.  Watch Chloe the acrobat.

Only, since Clark was the problem, she knew her safety net was gone.  She'd never done this before, flying without Clark.

It felt lonely.

She watched as Lex ran up to the porch and began ushering Clark's parents inside, despite a very nonplused expression from Jonathon.

She turned back to Clark.  "That was supposed to be me, Clark," she sobbed, running out of steam fast.  "We-" her breath hitched.  "We were supposed to fit.  We were supposed to be perfect."

Clark, saddened, looked at her, mouth open.  He was trying to form words that he could not find.

No words.  Because I don't match him.  This world's a big fucking game of Memory and I'm not the right fucking card.

She turned around and unlocked her door.

His hand found her shoulder again but she shrugged it off and climbed inside.  She slammed the door hard and jammed the keys in the ignition.

"Are you okay to drive?"

She met his eyes.  "Shit, Clark.  Being in love with you and crushed by you is heartbreaking, but it's not world-shattering or personally debiltating," she lied.  "I think I can manage a couple of miles home."

She hoped she was right.

He nodded and blinked, trying to hold back the hurt that she had caused.  His features were much too innocent for that and it made her feel like a bitch.  A greedy, selfish, prepubescent child whining because she wasn't getting her favorite Barbie.

She backed up and drove down his driveway, fighting the entire way not to push her little Echo to speed up.

She had to endure a lost looking Clark in her rear-view mirror and her dreams that night.