*lol*
Seriously though, I appreciate the betas.

Chapter 11: Whenever You Call

---"No, don’t leave, please."---

“Shhh,” he whispered to Lex, ignorant to the fact that he lay on his stomach asleep in his bed.  In his mind, in his dream, he was far from the farm, still with Lex in the castle, still in the office feeling guilty with each arduous step his presently clumsy friend took without the needed assistance.  Still feeling Lex’s soft mouth on his, seeing the agony he was causing with each backward retreat reflecting in Lex’s gorgeous eyes.

Still feeling the older boy’s pain as his own because it was his own; anything and everything Lex felt was enigmatically communicated to him, extending the breadth of their union.  Those dusky-blue eyes told Clark what he didn’t want to know, showed him what he didn’t want to see.  All Lex was asking, all he really wanted was to be close to Clark.

…lex…

That was all that Clark wanted, too, but instead of being truthful about it, instead of being candid about his desires, he kept forcing himself to keep the otherwise unsought distance between him and Lex, a distance the afflicted young mogul kept trying to retract.

---"I need you."---

The bastard was making it so damn hard to leave.

---"Please, Clark. I can't do this alone."---

“Alone,” he whispered again, still oblivious to his locale not to mention his body’s rigid state.  He shifted in bed, moaning as his hardening appendage stiffened a little more, the movement giving much needed friction to his hot member.  "You're not alone, Lex."

The Clark that was still in the office knew what was coming next.  Only this time after Lex told him he couldn’t breathe alone, could breathe without Clark, he wasn’t going to leave.  He wasn’t going to lie.  He wasn’t going to take the simplistic and less terrifying way out of things.

Instead, he was going to cross the space between him and Lex, take his pale, hurting friend back to the couch and meet those pink lips with his own in a hard and rude kiss that would forever leave no thought unascertained.  Lex would know his every hidden fear, would sense all of his secret cravings.  Lex would tell him that everything was going to be okay and that there would in no way be anything to fear, for Lex could never, ever, hurt him.

His hands unwittingly gripped the top of his mattress in anticipation being on the sofa with Lex, his hips gyrating a little and a hiss of breath escaping his parted lips.

Before the dream Clark- his alter-ego and sometimes hero- could take a single step towards Lex, there was a knock at the office door, and his mother’s voice filtered in from without.

…what's she doing here?…

"Clark, honey?"

The office scene gradually crumbled like a painting made of ash until he was back in his room, alone and depressed; a horny, teenage, alien feeling unclean and heavyhearted at the memoirs of what could have been.  The factual recollection of the events slipped back into his brain and he recoiled as if someone had slapped him across the face with a brick.

…what did I do?…

More like ‘what didn’t he do?’.  And as if he didn’t know.  He had caused Lex, one of the most important and dear people in his world, pain.  He'd made him miserable.

He let a shuddery breath escape his lungs.  “Fuck.”

“What?” came the worried voice from outside his door.

He winced and changed his tone into the best simulation of sleepy confusion he could muster.  “Uh, I said ‘what’, Mom.”

"Oh, oh, okay.  Um, I'm sorry I woke you.  It's just your father and I are going to bed-“

He checked the clock.  Sure enough.  Nine thirty-ish.

…feels so much later…

“-and we just wanted to… well…"

The voice trailed off leaving words unsaid, but not unheard.  They wanted to make sure that he was still in his bedroom, his real bedroom.

Clark hadn't said much during dinner, only lackadaisically listening to his mother and father talk about the upcoming farmer's market.  There was supposed to be something new this Saturday that would help them with the farm work, but Clark had missed out on just what they had been discussing, not really paying attention to much of anything surrounding him.

Instead he had concentrated on the shapes and colors of his food, the math homework he had due tomorrow, or the history paper due first thing next Monday morning.  Anything to keep him from replaying the scene with Lex over and over in his mind, and it would work.  For a few minutes, he would really delve into his thoughts on the verdant roundness of his peas, or the pure absurdity of the existence of numbers in general, or why he wanted to know the history of a land, of a world that wasn't his.

But then Lex would come back, persistent as always and ready to be more.

He had stood up, washed his dishes and returned to the table before noticing the looks of worry that both parents were giving him.  He told them it was nothing, just Lana-

…I lied; I told them about the wrong heartache…

-and excused himself, saying that he was going to bed.  His parents said nothing, despite the fact that it was only five forty, and looked at each other, upset and confused, most likely feeling as helpless as he had when Lex had collapsed in his arms just days earlier.  Then he made the turn to head upstairs instead of out the front door to the barn and he couldn't help but notice the complete transformation: happy, surprised expressions mixed with relief; what they must have felt as a remission of vexations.  He couldn't meet their eyes as he headed up because he felt guilty, not only about worrying them so, but guiltier still because he knew once this thing with Lex was settled he'd be heading back out to ponder the stars.

…if it can be settled…

"We just wanted to say ‘goodnight’," his father's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Goodnight Mom, Dad," he called out.  He thought for the minutest of seconds.  "I love you guys."

His door opened a foot and his mother's head poked into the room, making him infinitely grateful that he was lying stomach down on his bed.  His father's head followed, popping in right above his mother's and Clark laughed at the sight.  Both of his parents looked at each other, then back to him smiling nice, happy-

…there you go; you haven't made everyone miserable today…

-smiles and his mother wiggled her fingers at him.  "We love you, too Clark.  Goodnight."

The door then closed and he sighed, content that at least his parents were happy, glad that something was benevolent for now.

This mini-bliss lasted until he altered his position, the movement promptly reminding him of the hard bulge of his groin, begging for his attentions and ultimately bringing him back to the recollection of an arousing and expectant Luthor.

Saturday, Lex had been honest, but also out of it; maybe unwilling but also unable to stop himself from acting.  Clark had found deepness with Lex's actions, but the motivations behind them might have been something completely different than an eagerness to be ‘outed’; a more or less vigorous acquiescence to the moment instead of a well thought out decision to let the truth be known.  It had been completely possible that maybe Lex had done something that he would have not done under other circumstances-

…is that a bad thing, though?…

-and might by chance afterward regret.

In the office, however…  He didn't look like he regretted anything, looking so healthy and rejuvenated.  With the exceptions of his weakened legs and strikingly straightforward eyes, he was the Lex Luther that Clark knew before the run had turned things so topsy-turvy.  Strong, confident and aware; outgoing despite his minor disability.  There was nothing frail or weak about him.

…except when he had been getting up…

Well, there had been that moment, the moment that had scared Clark; the expression on Lex's face made him think that, possibly, the young man was still somehow locked inside of his nightmares, his exclusive shell of internal desolation.  Then Clark had recognized the expression as one of pain and ran to help his friend to the couch.

…feeling lex so close…

Finding a way that he could have the physical contact that he so craved without it seeming out of place had never been so easy.  For the past two days- Sunday in particular; Monday was more of a dull blur- Clark had been worried about the physical condition, as well as the mental condition, of his friend.  He had been at war with himself about coming to see Lex or calling him, but his emotions and hormones, his need to see with his very eyes the man that had lately become all his mind needed to focus on to crash and burn…  It all overruled his common sense, and he had taken the first chance he could to head out to Luthor Manor, his mother allowing him to slip out before his chores or homework had even been thought of.

So Clark had found an excuse to touch Lex, new parts of Lex that he’d never really touched before.  He doubted that Lex had noticed the way his fingers had skimmed over the older boy’s khakis, seeking the lean muscles beneath, but he couldn’t tell.

…his eyes were so intense; the whole time never letting up…

Clark had never seen Lex so guileless, so outgoing.  So… admissible.  The winsome look on Lex’s face earlier, his hand on Clark’s cheek, the incandescent blaze that Lex was not at all trying to conceal...  It all declared loudly and unequivocally that Lex had given in, was not afraid, and though that should have probably calmed Clark, it just made him all the more worried.  If Lex wanted him, really wanted him-

---“My soul is yours, Kent.”---

-and didn’t ever hold anything back-

---“I need you.”---

-then how was Clark ever going to manage to stay away or succeed in saying ‘no’ without having to instantly disavow the words?  How was Clark going to be able to look into those eyes that said everything and not want those lips under his ownership?

---“You were… vulnerable.”---

He winced as he recalled his bluntness. He hadn’t missed Lex’s shocked reaction to his use of the word, his sudden inability to stand without assistance, leaning into the desk at his side.

…his side…

Where Clark should have been.  He hated himself for being so afraid to touch Lex, but he knew that the proximity had been intoxicating, that standing so near had nearly lost him his self-control and convictions.

---"I'm sorry, Lex. I just... don't feel the same."---
 

*_*_*_*_*
 

…what a lie…

thumpthump… thumpthump…

It was twelve thirty-five in the morning.  Clark had forced himself to do his math homework and found that adding yet another level of frustration to his already completely warped disposition had not been as distracting as he'd hoped.  Now instead of being mad at himself because of the way he'd treated Lex, he was mad at himself for not knowing why x - y + v  should equal  b  when a  had the value of 14 and wasn't even a factor…

And because of the way he'd treated Lex.

He still could not believe what he had done.  What he had said.  What he hadn't said.

…lex doesn't believe it either, you know…

"I know that," he whispered sleepily, his slurred words directed to the ceiling of his bedroom.  "I know."

thumpthump… thumpthump…

…he never will believe it- and neither will you…

He knew there was truth to this, knew that he might actually never be able to suppress what he was feeling for Lex.

“People have been doing it for years,” he said, his eyes drooping heavily.

…yes, people have…

thumpthump… thumpthump…

“So what makes me so special?”

…I'm not a person…

He mulled that over for a moment, a skeptic to this new angle of reasoning.  Could these feelings for Lex actually be inhuman?  Foreign to everyone but him?  The more he thought about it, the more sense it made.  The emotions had to be abnormal, as deviant and inexplicable as they were.  So overwhelming, so powerful, so completely-

Taking him over.  They were taking him over.

…not inhuman; lex felt the same…

thumpthump… thumpthump…

"He did," and with that understanding, Clark dismissed the idea that humans could not feel the way he was about Lex.  Maybe most people never got a glimpse at just what it was to pine this acerbically, yet feel the world surround you with possibility; to feel this empty and bursting in the same fleeting moment.  Maybe most people didn't feel like they possessed the ocean's tides and authored the moon's phases when they shared a esoteric kiss with Lex Luther, but too many writers and artists had struggled to portray these exact excruciatingly provoking moments for him to discount their existences.

Clark allowed his eyes to shut and concentrated, increasing the volume of Lex’s consoling heartbeat.  He’d been listening in serenity for half and hour, when the older boy had finally settled down to bed.  Clark had searched him out with his new 'super-hearing' and heard him working on some paperwork.  It had taken Clark more than an hour of math and periodically checking in on him before Lex finally went to bed, but the end result was more than worth it.  At the same time the heartbeat succored him to slumber, it excited him.  It felt so near and intimate, thrumming in his ears as if Lex's chest was beneath him.

…that's where I want him…

He sighed, bringing his pillow around lengthwise and pressed his face into it.  It was now his designated Lex.

…kinda smooshy…

Laughing a little and feeling a tad bit better now that he could pretend, at least while his brain took it's recess, that neither he nor Lex were alone, he settled into a more comfortable posture and pulled the sheet tight to him, imagining that his head was on Lex's chest and the taut cover was Lex's lean arms enveloping him.

He came so close to merciful sleep, where he hoped he'd have temporary liberation from his teenaged oppressions, but the heartbeat, Lex's lifeline and Clark's connection to that life, began to speed up.  Clark listened, a little more alert than before, but still geared to slip off to his counterfeit freedom at any moment.

"Clark," came the muffled whisper.  It sounded as if Lex were speaking into a pillow and a small moan followed.

Clark was up and getting dressed before the moan had completed its mere three second span, surprising himself with his readiness.  It was as if he had been waiting for Lex to call for him, awaiting his name amongst the heartbeats.

…don't do it…

He was just going to check up on Lex, that was all.

…you know that's not going to be all…

Clark couldn't make himself care.  Lex needed him and while his mind knew a million reasons to stay, his heart was looking for a single excuse to go.

…lex…

Good enough.

He grabbed his house key and nudged his boots on his bare feet, not bothering to tie them, even at superspeed.  He snuck out of his room and sped down the stairs, walking out the front door and locking it behind him, knowing that both of his parents were asleep and soundly so.

…at least you've got one thing to not have to worry about…

He heard the heartbeat start to pound harder, and he ran, taking the shortcut through the fields and eventually the woods, then squeezing himself through the bars of the front gate, pausing only the bend them back into shape.  He didn't want to explain to anyone, especially Lex-

…it's part of the fear; a reason you should just go home…

-how he had 'accidentally' reformed the security gate.

He ran around to the side of the house until he saw the familiar shape of the elevated terrace that served as Lex's balcony.  Below the terrace was a small gazebo-like area furnished with expensive-looking outdoor dining chairs and tables.

Clark walked up to one of the columns supporting Lex's balcony and used his arm strength to pull himself up.  He got to the rails that surrounded the terrace and pushed himself over it, flipping himself onto the balcony, and wondering how exactly he was going to go about actually getting into Lex's bedroom.  He figured he could just break the knob then force Lex to accept his money to pay for a replacement.

…you'd be admitting to coming here in the first place; what happened to just checking up?…

He walked over to the door and peered in, seeing Lex's blue sheets strewn haphazardly over the width of the sleigh bed.  As Clark watched, the older boy rolled over onto his back and the sheets snaked around his bare feet, entangling him even further.  With his hearing still in place he heard Lex's sharp inhalation, and no longer cared about breaking the knob.  He grasped the brass handle and pushed down, surprised to find it turning smoothly in his hand, providing easy access to his troubled friend.

…has a gate, but doesn't lock his veranda door?…

He was going to have to talk to Lex about using expensive safety precautions that his lifestyle afforded to him and, at the same time, not dismissing the task of a single locked door.

The heartbeat stopped and he paused momentarily in alarm at the sudden silence, then Lex moved and he breathed in and out in relief. Though he tried, he could not open up his hearing, once again finding that now that he was in the room with Lex, his hearing had automatically returned to normal.  He made a quick mental note to study this aberration later when he had the time and patience, then padded silently to the right side of the bed where the majority of Lex's body was sprawled.  He stood above the sleeping figure, wanting to reassure but not wake.  He placed a cool hand to Lex's tepid forehead and immediately, at just that single bit of mollifying pressure, Lex stopped moving.  His scrunched up face went smooth and Clark's heart felt sore, knowing that had he not lied to his friend earlier that day, had he not resisted the sweet, gentle kiss that Lex had offered, none of this would be happening.  Lex would be happier, and honestly, so would he.  In less than three days he had become so tired of fighting his suddenly prominent emotions over Lex.  He had too much else to think about, a question of lineage to ponder-

…exactly why you're fighting this mess with Lex…

Oh, but he'd become tired of being afraid of Lex, too, afraid of him discovering his secret and…  And…

…and what exactly?…

He didn't know, couldn't even begin to rationalize the logic behind his fear.  Lex would never betray him, would he?  The loyalty deeply etched between the two felt permanent, imperishable.  There was nothing that he wouldn't do to keep Lex safe and he felt sure that this was a mutual sentiment.

Clark moved his hand from Lex's forehead to his cheek and the older boy snuggled into his hand, causing Clark's own heartbeat to jump in his chest.

…I miss the sound of him…

Without thinking about his actions, he moved around to the empty half of the bed, toed his shoes off of his feet, pulled the covers up and slipped into the bed with Lex.  His hand reached out to caress an arm, clad in a gray satin pajama top.  Lex stretched luxuriously and mumbled Clark's name sluggishly, smiling.  Seeing what his touch did to Lex stirred the heat-

…God, I'm in so damn deep…

-in his stomach and he inched even further under the sheets.  Without hesitation he slipped an arm around Lex's waist, the satin cool and glossy to his touch, and pulled the older boy's back to his front, careful not to wake him.

……………

"Wow," he whispered, his mind unnaturally quiet and calmed.  Everything in him felt alive and jubilant, radiant in comfort and a little disbelief in what he had been denying himself.

…denying yourself for a reason; what about the truth?…

Lex in his arms, body pressed against his, sleek head under Clark's chin…  That was the truth.  The only thing that Clark could imagine feeling better than this was if the positions were reversed and he was the one being held.

…he hit you with his car; don't think he doesn't still suspect…

He ignored his mind, wishing it would be as quiet as mere moments ago, and moved his hand from Lex's flat abdomen and let it travel up to his chest, searching for the familiar rhythm, the reason he had been drawn into the bed in the first place.  He found that even with the other man in his arms he wanted that heartbeat to be a constant companion, to be in the background; his own personal soundtrack.

…think about what you're doing…

Lex's body molded perfectly to his: he'd think later.

Clark found the faint pulse with the tips of his fingers pressed against the light-hued material.  He couldn't help but wonder if Lex's skin would be as smooth as the satin of his PJ's, and he had to refrain from slipping his fingers under the shirt to find out.  Instead he entertained himself by remembering the sound of Lex's heart in his room and adding that to the tempo of the current ones-

…so soft and reassuring; it's deceptive…

-he pressed his cheek to the top of Lex's head.  This closeness was intoxicating, and the world was becoming hazy.  A vague noise from downstairs registered briefly in his mind and he pulled out from his attention's emphasis on Lex long enough to realize that he had school tomorrow.

…I'll just stay awhile; just until he calms down…

Clark ignored the fact that Lex was already completely sedated and practically purring.

…just until he calms down…

Clark closed his eyes to the feeling of Lex's heartbeat beneath his hand.  It felt so right, made him feel so damn whole.  The hurt in his chest, the sorrow that had weighed him down, it was gone, and he felt like he could finally breathe, free from all restrictions that tied him down, including fear.

…this is dangerous; just leave now, while you still can…

"Right."  Though the constant back and forth of his indecisive mind was exasperating, and he was so close to slipping off again, he was lucid enough to know that he was fooling himself to think that he even had a choice anymore.  Or that he'd ever had a choice.

…oh, God…

This was it.  Now that he was holding Lex in his arms the feelings were swelling his mind and heart brutally, and he knew that he couldn't stand another day without knowing that he could have this anytime, not just when Lex was troubled, ailed with some vexation or another, but when he was happy, when he was content, when he was libidinous and passionate.

Clark swallowed at the last thought, and felt himself become a bit aroused at the last prospect.  He would rather walk through a field of the glowing meteors than have to force himself, and Lex, through more abstinence of their sentiments.  He wanted Lex.

…but what about…

He would deal with everything a day at a time.  He could no longer stay away because of something Lex 'might do'.  If there was any indication of how their rocky and uncertain future together would form, it was the way the man in his arms had him feeling now.  Anxious, but ready to take on whatever came his way.  He'd try his best to keep the truth from Lex, but right now the warmth from Lex's body was spreading, permeating his skin, even through his layers of clothing, and the risk seemed undoubtedly worth it.

He pronounced a silent prayer to whatever angel watched over him, hoping he hadn't hurt Lex too badly when he failed to return the feelings Lex had expressed earlier that day.  He did need Lex-

…do I ever…

-no matter what he had tried to force himself or the older boy to believe.  But that was over now.

He shifted his body against Lex's so that his face was level with the back to Lex's head.  "I'm so sorry, Lex," he whispered, brushing his lips up against the soft lobe that he wanted so badly to taste, but knew this was not the time.

…soon?…

"I'm sorry."

The man in his arms stirred and he tightened his grip on reflex.

"Mmmm."  Lex's moan of utter contentment and happy release vibrated through his entire body and he realized Lex was waking up.

"Lex?" he asked quietly.  He was surprisingly absent of any turmoil or anxiety at the fact that here he was, in the bed, about to be discovered.

…just have to wing it, I guess…

That sounded fine to him.
 
 
 
 
 

...To be continued.