An Official Nym Net Fan Fiction, by Brandon C. Butler Uncle StoveTop's Mid-Life Crisis. Uncle StoveTop woke up that morning and looked through the cracks in the attic roof. He saw sunlight! It was morning! As he rushed down to the house below, he grabbed his hat and opened the attic stairs so he could climb down. Now, normally, Uncle StoveTop would answer a few letters from his two loyal fans, have some stuffing with black olives in it for breakfast and then maybe run a few laps around the gym. "Hold it!" Uncle StoveTop yelled. "I don't exercise! Jeez, can't we get a decent narrator around here!?" Okay, as I was saying. After eating breakfast, Uncle StoveTop would usually... well, lounge around the house and slack off. But, today wasn't just another day in the life of our lazy StoveTop loving ice head. Oh no, this was his birthday. Normally, Uncle StoveTop would have been mobbed by fans, but this wasn't his best year and he was turning 36 after all. He was slowly becoming 40 years old and he knew it. 'What do I have to show for this life?' UST wondered. 'What did I accomplish?' This is what most people would call a mid-life crisis, but to UST, it was pure hell--Oh, kids! "Hey narrator, cut back on the bad language. We could lose our G-Rating!" barked CodeRat. Oh, right. Anyway, you get the picture. Uncle StoveTop was feeling down and didn't know what to do to fix the way he felt. Of course, Nym and the others all saw the way he was and were compelled to do something... (Silence.) I said, THE OTHERS WERE COMPELLED TO DO SOMETHING! "Zzzz. Snort.. Oops, sorry." Nym apologized. *** Meanwhile, at an obscure little cult on the coast of the Panama Canal. "Hey, there goes the G-Rating! He just mentioned religion!" CodeRat yells. Hey, how did you get here? "Nym sent me to tell you that this scene has nothing to do with our current Legend of Nym Net at all!" CodeRat informed. Oh, I didn't know. Sorry... "Well, you get to pay for the cab to get back, bub!" *** And back at Nym Net HQ, something was a miss. "Hey Ted-chi are you a girl or a guy?" Nym asked. No! NO! A miss! Not a Ms.! You know, like something's not right? "Oops..." said Nym. "Sorry there, Ted-chi!" Anyway, Nym and the others were worried about UST. He didn't seem like his usual slacker self today. "Hey Nym, I'm worried about UST!" said Ted-chi, as he watched Kiki's Delivery Service. "Yeah, he's really having a hard time with something." Nym guessed. *** Meanwhile, somewhere near Nym Net HQ, Myn was training his new secret weapon. "Porygon! I choose you!" Myn yelled, as he threw his Poké Ball to the ground. "Porygon! Pory-porygon!" Myn's Porygon Pokémon said. "Destroy the marshmallow Peeps, now!" Myn commanded. Porygon leaped into the air and came down on the box of adorable marshmallow easter candies. "Yes! I win! Victory number 5,000,000,000,000,000!" Myn shouted and then sighed. "I wish Nym and the others would train with me. My Pokémon sucks!" Myn cried. Hey, Myn! Why don't you fight against Nym again? "Hey, who said that? You're not the IRS are you? I didn't cheat on my taxes! Honest!" Myn blubbered. No, it's not the IRS! Answer me! I'm the new narrator! "Another one? Wow, we go through narrators fast, don't we?" Myn said jokingly. Look, we won't have a story if you don't think up something evil quick! Remember the last Legend of Nym Net? Tamagotchi's Day Off? Well, that will happen again if you don't get up and go make something evil! "NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!" Myn pleaded. Well then, what are you waiting for? Go be evil! *** Meanwhile, somewhere in southern California, Stephen Keller was taking back his recently rented copy of Parasite Eve back to Blockbuster Video. He walked inside in a steamed rage and demanded to talk to an employee. "Excuse me, there's supposed to be 3 discs in here." said Stephen, as angry as a Mog that can't dance. "Uhm, no, only 2, see?" replied the clerk. "No, see on the back?" said Stephen, pointing to the back of the case, "3 Discs." "I think it was for America Online or something." "No, it was a demo disc." "Yeah, I don't think there's supposed to be 3." "See?? 3 discs." said Stephen impatiently, as he pointed to the back of the case. "Sometimes they lie on the back." said the employee. "No, see right here? Comes with special collectors Demo Disc?" insisted Stephen. "Okay....." said the clerk, as she went through the remaining copies of the game. "All of them have 2 discs." she concluded. "You mean they took out the third? That doesn't make any sense." said Stephen, angry and now confused. "Uh, yeah, it says 1 of 2." "Okay, well, whatever." said Stephen, as he stormed out of the Blockbuster. *** Meanwhile... "Hey! Can't you say anything else other than 'Meanwhile'? You know how much we're paying you, you lazy ice head!?" Nym gripped. Sorry, I just... Anyway, back at UST's secret spot, a rock next to a puddle of water, UST was thinking over his job. "I wish I had some crackers to go with this stuffing and black olive sandwich..." UST said. Hey, I said you were thinking over your job! I'm the narrator! "Hey, bugger off! I'm eating!" UST growled. *** Well, I guess we'll have to kill some time... Hey CodeRat! "Yeah, what do you want you overpaid moron? I was just about to crack the EX Mode on Parasite Eve." CodeRat complained. Call me a pizza man. I'm hungry. "You're a pizza man." CodeRat said. Very funny... *** "Hey, Nym! You know Blockbuster doesn't even include the Xenogears demo disc with Parasite Eve?" CodeRat asked. "No, I didn't. That stinks! I was planning to try that!" Nym grumbled. "Hey, you two pipe down! I'm watching Pokémon!" Ted-chi snapped. "Oh hush, Ted-chi. You're lucky we pick it up with this antenna." Nym growled. "Pikachu! You're a real pika-pal!" Nym's television said. *** "Porygon! Where are you?" Myn said, looking for his beloved Pokémon. "Pory! Porygon!" said Myn's Pokémon, as he came up to him. "There you are. Come on. We have to think of something evil to do." Myn smiled wickedly. He had a beautiful plan. The gears started to grind in Myn's head. I thought I smelled something burning... "Hey you stupid fire head narrator! You're the one who wanted me to do something evil!" Myn growled. Hey, I was just adding some comic relief! Jeez, see if I help you again! *** Nym was updating Nym Net that morning. Ted-chi was watching Pokémon: The Animated Series. And CodeRat was more or less hogging the PlayStation and Nym's newly rented copy Parasite Eve. "Man, why did Square make this game so short?! Good thing it has this EX Mode or I would've already stopped playing..." CodeRat said as Aya Brea walked through Central Park on screen. "Hey Nym. This show rules! You should see it!" Ted-chi exclaimed as he sat in front of the TV and watched his new favorite anime television series. "Yeah, I know. Sorry Ted-chi, I just got a e-mail back from Square about Xenogears' release date." Nym said as he clicked on the message. "Really?!" asked Ted-chi excitedly, "When?!" "Wow! It says it's still set for October! I was right!" Nym exclaimed. "Cool! Hey Nym, where's UST? I haven't seen him this morning." Ted-chi said, genuinely concerned. "I don't know. I think he went to his quiet spot... Poor UST... You think he's okay?" Nym asked. *** But, meanwhi- Er, um... later on, Uncle StoveTop was not okay. Silly as it may seem, Myn had beaten UST in a Pokémon match. Uncle StoveTop had been feeling down lately and didn't think to bring his better Pokémon with him. "Mwa, ha, ha, ha! I've got you now Uncle StoveTop! My plan starts with you and works it's way up! Soon I will have you all and will have the best trained Pokémon in the world!" Myn bragged. "Okay, whatever... sigh..." UST sighed. "Hey, aren't you going to say something spiffy? This isn't like you." Myn said. Yes, even Myn noticed UST's strange behavior and was concerned. After all, that might mean that UST had let him win intentionally. "This isn't fair you lazy fire head! I want the old UST back! He was a worthy opponent! Waaaaaahhhh!" Myn cried. "Sorry Myn. I'm too old for this sort of stuff now." UST sighed. "What? You? The mighty strong smelling Uncle StoveTop?!" Myn asked in disbelief. "I'm not a good gamer anymore. I've lost my touch. I can't even beat the first level of Unreal...! Sniff." UST cried. "Wow. That IS bad...!" Myn said. *** "Uncle StoveTop!!!? Uncle StooooooooooooveTop!!!?" Nym called out. As luck would have it, no-one remembered the exact location of UST's quiet spot. Actually, it made a lot of sense, considering that Nym and his pals hardly ever set foot outside. "Hey, you lazy ice head! Where AAAAARRRRREEE you!?!" Nym bellowed. "Hey Nym, where's CodeRat? I thought he'd be coming along." Ted-chi pondered. "No, he's back at home playing Parasite Eve." *** Ahhh, but CodeRat was NOT playing Parasite Eve. He had found Nym's preview copy of Pokémon and was playing it instead. Suprisingly, he was quite good at Pokémon, especially when you considered the fact that he was a rodent. "Alright! One more level and Pikachu will be at level 12!" CodeRat squeaked. "Hey guys, look what I--Guys? Guys!?" *** "You'll never get away with this, Myn! My Pokémon is much stronger than yours!" Nym barked. "Metapod! I choose you!" Nym yelled as he threw the Poké Ball. "Metapod. Meta-" Nym's Metapod said. "Ha, ha, ha! Nym, you're going down! Porygon! I choose you!" Myn yelled. "Porygon!" Myn's Porygon said. "Metapod! Harden now!" Nym yelled. "That's all? Boy, I thought you'd be harder. Haven't played much Pokémon, I see. Porygon, smash him!" KAPOW! Nym's Pokémon started taking a beating. Who should show up, but... "Pikachu! I choose you!" CodeRat yelled as he ran up to fight Myn. "Pika-pika!" CodeRat's Pikachu pika-ed. "Wow. A Pikachu. I'm scared now, little rodent." Myn teased. "I'd be more careful if I were you Myn!" CodeRat snapped. "Spare me mousling! Now you go down, just like Nym's Metapod!" Myn taunted. "Pikachu, Thundershock now!" CodeRat yelled. Myn was suddenly struck with CodeRat's Pikachu's Thundershock. "Hey, you aren't supposed to attack me!" Myn complained. "Yes, my Pikachu can. See? Right here in the manual. Rule Number 3,298,457: 'A Pokémon raised by a similar species can attack the opponent Pokémon's owner.' Myn was shocked. "Why didn't I get a manual?" "Because you don't deserve one! It's time for you to fly Myn!" It was Uncle StoveTop! He had shaken his sadness and was whipping Myn's tail! "Hey, you were helpless! I don't understand!" Myn said, confused. "Not anymore! I've learned that all gamers have to rebuild their competitive edge at one time or another. Nym, form the NymEdge! Let's send this guy into orbit!" UST yelled. "You got it, UST! NymEdge!" Nym exclaimed, as his falchion 'NymEdge' appeared in his hand. Nym gripped the NymEdge like a baseball bat and Uncle StoveTop threw the pitch, or Myn rolled up uncomfortably like a ball, whichever way you look at it. Swing, hit... "He's outta here! Score one for Team Nym Net, minus one for Myn!" UST said victoriously. "Ahem!" CodeRat ahem-ed. Everyone looked at the rodent and his Pikachu friend. "Do you all forget that it was my Pikachu that saved you all!?" CodeRat snapped. "Pikachu!" CodeRat's Pikachu pikachu-ed. "Um, thanks." Nym said. "Yeah, you're a cool little guy, Pikachu!" UST admitted. "Oooh! Oooh! Can I have your autograph Pikachu!?" Ted-chi asked. "Pika!" Pikachu said as Myn flew past Jupiter's second moon. "Happy Birthday UST!" Nym said. The End... For Now.