9/9/02-9/15/02

INT. PROMO SET – NIGHT

Terri is standing by with Test.

Terri: Test, over the past few weeks you have been looking for a shot at the Intercontinental Title. And just before Raw went on the air, Eric Bischoff granted you that title shot against Nykk at Unforgiven. How do you feel about that?

Test: How do I feel about that? I feel great about that. What kind of question is that, anyway? You’re just a typical blonde American bimbo, Terri. I feel great, because at Unforgiven I will become the Intercontinental Champion, and that means two of the biggest titles in WWE will be the property of the UnAmericans.

Terri: Well, last week you hit on Trish Stratus. What are your feelings for her?

Test: Hey, I’m just trying to make sure that hanging out with those Americans hasn’t damaged her Canadian psyche beyond repair. And look at me, Terri. What woman couldn’t resist me? I’m Test! And let me tell you something right now. Nykk will never have Trish Stratus. The UnAmericans will make sure of that. And as for Trish, she’ll come around, and she will be mine. Excuse me.

He leaves the set.

INT. PPV SQUAD LOCKER ROOM – NIGHT

Jonathan Coachman is standing by with Trish Stratus.

Coach: I’m here in the PPV Squad’s locker room with Trish Stratus. Trish, I’m sure you heard the distasteful comments Test made earlier about how you’ll eventually be his.

Trish: Coach, Test is living in some fantasy world if he thinks I’d ever be with him. It should be common knowledge by now why I turned on him when I managed him two years ago. So what if the PPV Squad are Americans? So what if Nykk’s American? I have nothing against the United States, and never have. I’d rather hang out with them than any of the UnAmericans, especially Test, Canadian or not.

Coach: Speaking of Nykk, where is he tonight?

Trish: Nykk is at home recovering from the beating he took last week. I feel like I kind of helped bring this on him, but you can rest assured that I’ll make it up to him tonight.

Coach: Well, good luck in whatever it is you’re going to do, Trish.

Cynric and Jay walk by.

Coach: As long as I’m here, let’s see if I can get some comments from some PPV Squad members. Cynric… last week you scored a big victory over Justin Credible. What are your plans from here?

Cynric: Coach, I see nothing but good in the future. As a result of my victory last week, my brother Croooooow and I now are the number one contenders for the tag team titles. And I promise you, Coach, we will show no mercy to Lance Storm or Christian and we’re taking the…

Jay: Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. You guys are getting the tag title shot? Last week, Bischoff told me that if I won my match with Christian that Dusty and I would be the number one contenders.

Cynric: What? He said the same to me!

Jay: (cracks his knuckles) Let’s go find Bischoff… and extract an answer from him.

Cynric nods and follows Jay out the door.

INT. ARENA – NIGHT

MATCH: Lance Storm and Christian vs. ??????

The UnAmericans’ theme hits and Lance Storm and Christian make their way to the ring, along with Test.

JR: Here come those sickening UnAmericans, who think it’s funny that they put Nykk out of action last week.

King: I can’t believe that Test now wants Trish. If Nykk weren’t around, I’d have to do something about that myself.

JR: This will be for the tag team titles, but we still don’t know whether it’s Croooooow and Cynric or the Pyro Twins getting the title match. Our general manager seems to be talking out of both sides of his mouth.

Lance gets a mic.

Storm: If I can be serious for a minute… I am not happy about being out here tonight. We’re defending our titles against two members of the PPV Squad who don’t deserve a shot at the tag team titles. Look at us. We’re Canadian born, and Canadian trained. Christian in Toronto, and yours truly at the wrestling capital of the world in Calgary… Alberta, Canada! It’s not right.

Christian: We do SO not deserve this. We’re out here in the middle of nowhere in Ames, Iowa. This is the area they call the Heartland of America? If an American’s heart can be compared to this wasteland, then that’s a very fitting characterization. Because you Americans have no hearts! You could care less if the rest of the world suffers, so long as you can still go to the mall and eat McDonald’s every day! You have no…

The PPV Squad theme interrupts them and Huh and Cheesecake make their way to the ring, accompanied by Trish Stratus.

JR: Thank God!

King: Wait a minute… why are they out here? I thought it was Croooooow and Cynric or the Pyro Twins getting the title shot.

JR: I don’t know, but Trish is out here too.

King: Yeah, and why’s that?

JR: Maybe she wants to make a statement by standing in the Americans’ corner.

FINISH: Cheesecake and Storm get the hot tags. Cheesecake cleans house, and a brawl erupts. Christian brings a chair in the ring, but gets stopped by Huh. The ref tries to separate the two and Christian manages to set up the chair. He goes to the top rope, but Cheesecake crotches him and goes up for a superplex. Test gets on the apron and distracts the ref. Storm gets under Cheesecake and puts him on his shoulders, dropping him knee first into the chair. He applies the Canadian Mapleleaf, and Cheesecake taps out.

Winners: The UnAmericans at 3:20

JR: The UnAmericans are victorious, but what a dastardly way to win a match.

King: Cheesecake’s still holding his knee. Look at him.

Cheesecake writhes in pain on the mat, and Trish comes into the ring to check on him. Test notices her and walks over to her with a smirk on his face.

King: No, Trish, get out of there.

Test yanks her to her feet and asks her what the hell she’s doing. He yells at her, and Trish backs into a corner.

JR: What’s Test thinking? Come on!

Lance and Christian roll out of the ring to take care of Huh, but suddenly Cheesecake gets to his feet and comes out to help Huh, revealing that he had been playing possum. Suddenly, Nykk comes out of the crowd with a noose in hand. Finally, Trish slaps Test and he grabs her by the hair. Nykk puts the noose around Test’s neck and then yanks back as hard as he can, sending Test to the mat.

JR: It’s Nykk! He wasn’t hurt after all!

King: Neither was Cheesecake, I guess!

As Trish cheers him on, Nykk leaps over the top rope and Test has no choice but to go out with him, the hard way. Nykk then gets on the apron and leaps back into the ring and then slides out again. Cheesecake and Huh come over to help, and they hoist Test off his feet and hang him from the top turnbuckle. Nykk gets a crowbar from under the ring and goes to work on Test’s knee with it. He hits him in the ribs with it some, and Cheesecake and Huh finally let Test fall to the floor. As Test writhes in pain, Nykk, Trish, Huh and Cheesecake back up the ramp and celebrate. Nykk gets a mic from somewhere.

JR: The UnAmericans fell right into one of Nykk’s traps!

King: What a setup. The UnAmericans should know better than to try to mess with the PPV Squad. They’re the masters of setting traps!

Nykk: Test, you think that Americans are weak? You have just been given a taste of the kind of power we wield. Do you know what the worst thing in the world is when it comes to combat situations? Indifference. We Americans are the most indifferent people on the face of this planet. Sometimes to our detriment, yes, but in war that makes us the most ruthless sons-of-bitches out there, and you UnAmericans have just started a war. Test, do you know what I’m going to do to you at Unforgiven? Do you know how many bones I will break, how many blood vessels I will pop, how many muscles I will tear? You don’t, and you know what the worst thing is? After it’s all over… I won’t even care.

Nykk’s theme plays as he, Huh, Cheesecake and Trish leave.

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

Nykk, still holding the crowbar, is standing around with Croooooow, Cynric and the Pyro Twins.

Nykk: Look, I’m telling you, it’s real simple what’s going on here. Eric Bischoff saw your match at SummerSlam. He knows what kind of a force you four can be. That’s why he’s trying to cause friction between you. So no matter what happens, you guys have to stay cool. Let’s go find Bischoff and see what’s going on.

They walk down the hallway and barge into Bischoff’s office. He stands up as they enter.

Bischoff: Nykk, I saw what you did out there and I like it! Now that’s ruthless aggression…

Nykk suggestively slaps him in the face with the crowbar.

Nykk: Don’t even try that crap on me tonight. You have some explaining to do.

Bischoff: Explaining… I…

Nykk: I know it was you who told the UnAmericans to set me up last week. First, you make sure that I won’t be here this week, then you promise title shots to both Cynric and Croooooow and the Pyro Twins, then give the title shot to Huh and Cheesecake.

Croooooow: We know what you’re trying to do. You remember the last guys who tried to break us up? A little organization called the nWo. And you know who dealt the death blow to that organization? The PPV Squad.

Bischoff: Listen, you’re right. Both of these teams deserve a title shot. I was just having some fun. But tonight, here’s what we’re going to do… tonight, Croooooow and Cynric will take on the Pyro Twins, and whoever wins that match will be given the title shot.

Croooooow and Cynric and the Pyro Twins all stare at each other.

Croooooow: That’s fine. You think one little match is going to break us up? Just remember this… we’ll tear you apart before we tear each other apart.

They all leave, and Nykk points his crowbar threateningly at Bischoff before following them.

INT. ARENA – NIGHT

MATCH: Croooooow and Cynric vs. The Pyro Twins

The PPV Squad theme hits and Croooooow and Cynric make their way to the ring.

JR: Bischoff isn’t fooling anyone, and he damn sure isn’t fooling the PPV Squad. This match will be for a WWE Tag Team Title shot.

King: This is only the second time that PPV Squad members have had a match against each other. How well do you think they know each other’s secrets, JR?

The Pyro Twins’ theme hits and they make their way to the ring.

JR: These men are good friends outside the ring, but the look on Dusty Schneble and Jay Rowe’s faces says it all. It’s all business when that bell rings.

King: The Pyro Twins are scary. But even scarier is what they’ll do to Bischoff if this goes badly for them.

Before the bell rings, Eric Bischoff’s theme hits and he makes his way onto the stage, carrying a chair and a mic. He sits on it, smirking at the PPV Squad.

FINISH: At about two and a half minutes in, the Pyro Twins retake control. They give Cynric the Mandate of Heaven and then give Final Darkness to Croooooow. However, before Dusty can cover, Bischoff interrupts.

Bischoff: Hold on, hold on a second, Dusty. You can stop right there, because I’ve seen enough. All four of you deserved that tag team title shot, but what I’m out here to do is make a statement, and I’ve been here for about…. three minutes.

Dusty and Jay turn around to find Rosie staring at them. Without hesitation, the Pyro Twins attack Rosie and whip him into the ropes, sending him down with a double flying shoulder tackle. However, Jamal comes off the top rope with a double clothesline as they get up. Rosie and Jamal lay some kicks in on the Pyro Twins, but Cynric and Croooooow come to and attack them. Croooooow whips Rosie into the ropes, but it’s reversed and Rosie lifts him into the air and hits a front face DDT. Jamal pulls Cynric in and lifts him in a military press, dropping him into a Samoan drop. Jay gets up, but Rosie and Jamal bounce off opposite ropes and squish Jay with a double avalanche. Rosie then scoop slams Dusty and Jamal goes to the top rope, delivering a splash. With all four men laid out, they exit the ring and Bischoff laughs.

JR: What a devastating attack by Rosie and Jamal!

King: That was unbelievable, JR. They just laid out four members of the PPV Squad.

Bischoff: Oh man, that was good. That was good. You know, I didn’t expect to drive you apart with one match, guys. So I’m putting you in another match together. At Unforgiven, there will be a Three Way Dance for the tag team titles. Lance Storm and Christian vs. Croooooow and Cynric vs. The Pyro Twins! Thank you, and have a good night!

JR: Our “benevolent” GM Eric Bischoff has just made a Three Way Dance at Unforgiven, and these four are on opposite sides again.

King: Regardless of what happens, they’ll have to go through each other if they want to be tag team champions!

Heat

MATCH: Shadow and Trish Stratus vs. Victoria and Molly Holly

Shadow and Trish lose after Molly rolls up Shadow and hooks the tights for the three count.