5/27/02-6/2/02
Raw
INT. LOCKER ROOM – NIGHT
Cheesecake and Huh are sitting around. Huh is practicing his dance moves.
Huh: Hey, Cheesecake! What do you think?
Cheesecake: That’th horrible.
Huh: (stops dancing) Huh? It’s horrible? Why didn’t anyone say so!? I’m so embarrassed.
Cheesecake: Come on, baby, you don’t have to get embarra’th’ed. Not only did you win a tag match la’th’t week, you managed to get your bigge’th’t win in months two week’th ago. Granted, it wa’th over Shawn Th’tasiak, but we all have to start th’omewhere! And you have a rematch with him up next. Now we know you have the skill, but you need a th’ertain… th’omething to get over with the crowd.
Huh: I guess I could…
Cheesecake: No, NO dancing! We’ve already th’uffered enough.
Huh laughs.
Huh: ‘Th’uffered…’
Cheesecake: Li’th’en, I think I have th’ome ideas. Come with me.
He gets up and leaves the locker room. Huh is still laughing.
Huh: Hey, do you know you talk funny?
He follows Cheesecake out of the locker room, laughing.
INT. ARENA – NIGHT
MATCH: Huh vs. Shawn Stasiak
Shawn Stasiak’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.
JR: Here comes Shawn Stasiak, who will get a rematch with another doofus tonight in Huh…
King: I can’t believe it. We’ve been subjected to his horrible dancing for the past six months because no one ever told him he stunk!
Cheesecake’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.
JR: Well, here comes Cheesecake… we were expecting Huh out here, but his friend Cheesecake is out here instead.
King: Who knows where that idiot Huh is.
Cheesecake grabs a mic.
Cheesecake: Ladie’th and gentlemen… a’th you all know, my name is Chee’th’cake, and I have an announcement to make. I’m branching into the world of bussine’th! I am now the official fashion con’th’ultant for the performer with the mo’th’t potential I’ve ever th’een. And I’m talking about the one, the only Lord of the Dance… Nathan Flatley!
Some Irish dancing music hits and Cheesecake points to the ramp.
JR: Well, ‘Nathan’ is Huh’s real name, but… oh my goodness…
Huh comes out on the stage dressed like Michael Flatley. He stops at the top of the ramp and starts doing the River Dance.
King: Look at this, JR!
JR: Only in WWE, ladies and gentlemen…
Huh river dances his way down to the ring, but Stasiak attacks him before the bell.
FINISH: Stasiak lifts Huh for a military press slam, but can’t hold him. Huh drops to his feet and pushes Stasiak into the ropes. He executes the Windbreaker on the rebound and gets the three count.
Winner: Huh at 3:45
JR: And Huh wins another one!
King: He really did it, JR!
JR: It seems that as far as goofiness goes, Shawn Stasiak has met his match in ‘Nathan Flatley.’ Maybe Cheesecake does have something here with his fellow PPV Squad member.
Cheesecake comes in the ring and raises Huh’s hand, and Huh does a little river dancing in celebration.
INT. BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Backstage, Jonathan Coachman catches up with Molly Holly and William Regal.
Coach: Molly, William, a moment please.
Regal: Make it quick. I have to go dispatch a little toerag by the name of Croooooow.
Coach: William Regal, you have definitely been having problems with the PPV Squad recently. Last week, the Pyro Twins chased you into their dressing room and well… you ended up coming out unscathed, but Molly kind of caught an eyeful when she looked in the shower.
Molly: Let’s get one thing, straight. I didn’t ‘look’ in the shower, I happened to glance in there because I thought someone else might be trying to attack us from behind. I assure you, I’ve been trying to get the image out of my mind all week. I don’t need to be reminded of it.
Regal: And as far as Croooooow goes, I beat him in my home country of jolly old England, and tonight…
Croooooow walks into the shot and Molly’s eyes widen. She averts her gaze.
Croooooow: Hey, Regal. Molly. I couldn’t help but overhearing and seeing as how Molly did see me naked last week, I felt it was my duty to clear a few things up, wipe the slate, or even… scrub the shower clean. Now, Molly, I feel partially responsible for what happened last week, and I don’t want you to feel embarrassed, so I brought a little peace offering.
Molly smiles.
Molly: Aw, that’s nice of you. See, William, he isn’t such a bad guy. What is it, Croooooow, some jewelry or flowers perhaps?
Croooooow: Nope.
He holds up a hot dog.
Croooooow: Ballpark wieners. Cause you know, Molly, you’re not like the other divas, you actually look like you enjoy a good meal, so why don’t you take a bite and see how good it really is…
Molly looks like she’s about to throw up.
Regal: How dare you, you disgusting, filthy little…
Croooooow jams the hot dog in Regal’s mouth.
Croooooow: Hey, Regal, that’s a good look for you. Very natural. Anyway, I also drew you this nice portrait.
He produces a framed picture of Molly.
Molly: Oh, that’s nice of you…
Croooooow turns the picture around to reveal a photo of a bunch of men in thongs.
Molly: Eww!
She holds her stomach and runs off.
Regal: What the… Molly! You’ll pay for this, you putrid pillock! Molly!
He chases after her.
Croooooow: Was it something I said?
INT. ARENA – NIGHT
MATCH: Nykk vs. Rob Van Dam
Rob Van Dam’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.
JR: Here we go with our no. 1 contender’s match! The fans have been waiting for this one.
King: I still don’t get what makes either of these guys think they’re worthy of a shot at Eddie Guerrero. RVD just lost two straight PPV matches to Eddie, and Nykk beat X-pac, but hell, everyone knows that X-pac sucks.
Nykk’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.
JR: The leader of the PPV Squad is looking toward the Intercontinental Title, but one hell of an obstacle stands in his path.
King: Winning the Intercontinental Title is hard enough, but having to go through Rob Van Dam just to get a shot at it?
JR: And RVD likewise has to go through Nykk. This should be one hell of a match.
FINISH: As Nykk goes for Crimson Moon, RVD escapes and shoves Nykk, who goes into the ref. As the ref goes down, RVD goes for a spinning heel kick, but Nykk ducks. He tries to kick RVD, but he catches his foot and executes his stepover heel kick. He goes to the top and hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Nykk, but the ref isn’t awake to make the three count. Eddie Guerrero comes down to ringside with the IC belt. He sets it on the top turnbuckle and moves in on RVD. He kicks and stomps at him and tries to whip him into the corner. RVD reverses, and Guerrero puts on the brakes. RVD charges and Guerrero lifts him and drops him face first onto the top turnbuckle and the IC belt. As Nykk wakes up, Eddie goes to the top rope and hits his own frog splash on Nykk. He then wakes the ref up, who utilizes the ten count. Neither RVD nor Nykk get up so the ref calls for the bell and calls the match a no-contest.
Winner: No-contest at 7:03
JR: Thanks to Eddie Guerrero, this hard-fought match is a no-contest. And it’s a damn shame because this match deserved a finish.
King: So who’s the no. 1 contender, JR?
JR: I don’t know about that. Latino Heat threw a monkey wrench into the plans of RVD and Nykk, and it looks like they’ll have to settle this dispute some other time.
Eddie Guerrero’s music plays as he backs up the ramp. Nykk and RVD wake up and look at Guerrero with hatred.
INT. ARENA – NIGHT
MATCH: Croooooow vs. William Regal
William Regal’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.
JR: The European Champion is on his way out here without the escort of Molly.
King: Can you blame her? After seeing Croooooow in the shower, I’d stay in the bathroom all night!
Croooooow’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.
JR: Croooooow has a chance to regain the European Title that he lost to Regal at Insurrextion right here tonight, and without the distraction of Molly at ringside.
King: Yeah, we could see the European Champion of Europe once again, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. We know what Regal’s like when he gets pissed.
JR: I just hope there aren’t any flight attendants around…
King: What!?
FINISH: As Croooooow gets the upperhand, Molly comes down to ringside, still looking a bit nauseous. As Croooooow bounces off the ropes, she trips him by grabbing his foot. Croooooow turns his attention to Molly briefly as Regal distracts the ref. As Croooooow turns back around, Molly gets on the apron and nails him with a low blow. Regal then hits the butterfly powerbomb for the pin.
Winner: William Regal at 4:23
JR: William Regal retains the European Title, thanks to Molly.
King: It was deserved, JR, after what he said to her earlier.
William Regal continues to stomp on Croooooow as Molly comes in the ring. Regal applies the Regal Stretch as Molly stomps on Croooooow. Finally, Nykk comes out and marches to the ring.
JR: Here comes the leader of the PPV Squad, who will not stand by and watch his friend get beaten down.
Nykk sends Regal down with some right hands, and Regal begs off. However, Molly runs in with the brass knuckles and nails Nykk in the back of the head with them. Nykk goes down, and Molly stomps on him as Regal goes back to work on Croooooow. However, a dark red-haired girl comes out of the crowd and rolls into the ring. She takes down Molly and starts ramming her head into the mat. Security jumps in the ring to drag her off.
JR: And now there’s an overzealous fan in the ring… that’s not condoned here in WWE and security is dragging her off.
As Regal tells security to drag her off, Nykk and Croooooow get to their feet. As Regal turns, he receives a ground version of the End. The PPV Squad theme plays as Nykk and Croooooow watch the girl being taken up the ramp, with confused looks on their faces.
Heat
MATCH: Dusty Schneble vs. Justin Credible
Justin beats Dusty after a superkick.
MATCH: Jay Rowe vs. Crash
Jay beats Crash after executing the Overhaul.