4/29/02-5/5/02

Raw

INT. ARENA – NIGHT

Nykk’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.

JR: After being forced to submit to X-pac last week, here comes Nykk and he probably isn’t a happy camper. Especially with the addition of the Big Show to the nWo.

King: No doubt about it, JR. I saw X-pac in the back earlier, and he was bragging like there was no tomorrow.

JR: X-pac utilized a crossface chickenwing on Nykk last week, which is a very painful hold. I’m sure even more painful given the fact that Nykk prides himself on being a fine technical wrestler, and probably can’t believe he fell into X-pac’s trap like that.

Nykk gets a mic.

Nykk: You know, I can’t help but feel that I’ve let all the fans down somehow. Last week was the PPV Squad’s big turn, and look what happened. Croooooow and myself lost to the remnants of the nWo, and then the Big Show of all people comes down and joins them. I know there’s no love lost between the Big Show and the PPV Squad, and I admit that I made a mistake. I let my guard down, and should never have turned my back on X-pac. I promised that the PPV Squad would get rid of the nWo and I plan to deliver on that promise. So X-pac… I’m challenging you right now to a one on one match. How about we do it right here, right now? Come on!

JR: Nykk just laid out a challenge to X-pac, but I would bet the farm that he isn’t going to come out here alone.

The nWo theme hits and everything goes black and white. However, instead of the nWo coming out, Croooooow, Cheesecake and Cynric come out dressed as the nWo. Croooooow is dressed as Scott Hall, with a black wig on his head and the hair hanging over his face drawn on with a magic marker. He has magic markered dots all over his face to symbolize Hall’s scruffy look. He is also carrying a beer bottle and walking funny. Cynric is dressed as Kevin Nash, and has a bored look on his face. Cheesecake is dressed as X-pac, wearing short shorts and a bra with the nWo logo spray painted on each cup. He’s wearing a greasy black wig and beard drawn on by magic marker, and carries nunchukus that are shaped like dildos.

JR: Oh my…

King: (laughing) Look, JR, it’s the nWo!

King: It’s them, JR, look! Even Kevin Nash is back!

JR: Well, the PPV Squad is out here in nWo apparel, let’s see… that’s Cynric dressed as Kevin Nash, Croooooow as Scott Hall, and X-pac, well…

King: Look at Cheesecake! Look at those nunchukus, JR, are those…

JR: Yeah. We know what they’re called.

Lawler laughs, and Nykk is smirking as Cheesecake slides into the ring and Croooooow lurches drunkenly into the ring.

Nykk: Now, I know I’ve made you guys mad… come on, Nash, I’m sure even you can muster up enough energy to get in the ring at least.

Cynric walks lazily up the steps and steps over the top rope, holding his crotch when he’s in the ring.

Nykk: Now, I know you guys are angry with me for what I did at Backlash… Scott, how do you feel about it?

Croooooow: (holds his head) Oy, mang… where am I?

Nykk: You’re… right here in the middle of the ring.

Croooooow: Oh yeah, guess I’d better do this. (belches) Hey, yo… I know I’ve been a bad person in the passht, but when I come out here and see the nWo together again, it takes me back, mang. (takes a drink) Yeah, that’shh the shtuff. We’re the poisshion, mang, and we’ll shtop at nothing to kill this Raw brand… mang…

Nykk: Uh, I think… I think someone better give Scott Hall here a last call. But I don’t want you to embarrass yourself again like you have in the past, Scott… I want you to perform a little test for me. Could you walk in a straight line?

Croooooow staggers around for a moment and then shakes his head.

Croooooow: No, I don’t think that’sh happening, mang.

Nykk: Then how about you just try to say ‘Sally sold seashells by the seashore’ five times fast for me. Can you do that?

Croooooow: Shally shold sheshells by the sheeshore… uh, shally sheshold seasholds by the shore…

Nykk: I think you’ve had enough of that alcohol, Mr. Hall, and I’ve had enough of you. So… Big Lazy the Promotion Killer… I thought you were suspended. What brings you here tonight?

Cynric: Welllll… I was sittin’ at hooooome… watching you and the PPV Squad on Raaaaaw… and I thought to myself… Kevin Naaaaasssh… (yawns) I thought to myself… (yawns) I’m sorry… all this work has tired me ooooout. I think I need a little nap.

Cynric gets on the mat and lays on his side. All of a sudden, he gets up and holds his arm in pain.

Nykk: What happened?

Cynric: It’s just the wear and teeeear of the wrestling business… I think I tore something… I think I need surgery… I’ll be back in eight weeks…

He starts to leave.

Cynric: Oh, and tell Vince to send those big, fat paychecks to…

Nykk: Yeah, yeah, he knows where to send them.

Cynric hops out of the ring, gets some sunglasses from under the ring and takes his shirt off. Underneath is a Hawaiian shirt, and he puts the sunglasses on. With one last “whoo-hoo!” he sprints up the ramp and disappears backstage. Nykk turns to Cheesecake, who’s sucking on a lollipop.

Nykk: Hey, look everyone! X-pac sucks!

Cheesecake takes off his sunglasses angrily.

Cheesecake: That’th XXX-pac to you!

Nykk: Okay, XXX-pac, since you seem so eager to talk, why don’t you explain to the fans exactly why you’re out here.

X-pac: Well, Nykk, that’s simple… I’moutheretoproveapointandthatpointisthatX-pacdoesn’tsuckhe’sjustmisunderstoodandeventhoughIneed
thesestupidnunchukustowineverymatchIshouldbetreatedthesamewayaseveryotherwrestlerandnotbesubjecttotheseX-pacsuckschantsbecauseI’mgoodenoughI’msmartenoughandgoshdarnitpeoplelikeme!

Cheesecake wags his tongue rapidly.

Nykk: Whoa, whoa there. I can’t understand a word you’re saying there.

Cheesecake gets in his face.

Cheesecake: Whatdoyoumeanyoucan’tunderstandmethatItalktoofast? I’llhaveyouknowthatI’vebeenintheWWFforyearsandhaveneverhadanyonetalktomeinthemannerofwhichyounowspeaktome.

Nykk: Now, now, settle down. I didn’t come out here to exchange barbs with you.

He pats Cheesecake’s head, but just gets grease from the wig all over his hands.

Nykk: (to the crowd) I would have had someone out here, as the Big Show, but really it’s just too easy. Listen, I think you all get the point here. The nWo have never been a force here in the WWF and never will. Once I get through with X-pac, the only job he’ll be able to get is as an extra in Grease! So I say once again, for the benefit of those of you who haven’t heard…

Everyone: Death to the nWo!

The nWo theme hits and the real X-pac and Scott Hall make their way onto the ramp with the Big Show, looking mighty pissed off.

JR: The PPV Squad just mocked the nWo in the group parody that they pioneered! That’s some poetic justice, but here comes the real deal.

King: They don’t look happy, JR…

Scott Hall has the mic.

Hall: So you think I can’t walk a straight line, Croooooow? Well, how about I walk a straight line through your FACE tonight? And bring that European Title with you!

Croooooow: Hey, mang… it’s like lookin’ in a mirror. You want a shot at the Bud Guy for the European Title? Hey, yo… you’re on.

JR: How about that? Scott Hall just challenged Croooooow and we have a European Title match tonight!

X-pac: Once again, I have to hand it to you. What a good joke! Heh, I guess the only joke here is that you can’t back it up in the ring, as I proved last week! But now we have five hundred pounds and seven feet of the Big Show backing us up, and we all know what happened the last time the PPV Squad messed with the Big Show. Since we’re out here making challenges tonight, how about you and me get it on at Judgment Day?

King: X-pac just challenged Nykk at Judgment Day!

Nykk: Well, no one would know more about getting it on with other guys as much as you would, X-pac. I accept that challenge, but I have a little challenge of my own. As far as our match goes, I’ve got two words for ya:

Everyone: Suck it!

Nykk: No, I don’t want him to suck it! He’d enjoy it too much! No, my two words for you are: Submission Match!

X-pac: Hey, that’s fine with me. You want to up the stakes? I already made you submit once, so it won’t be a problem to make you submit again! And as far as me getting it on with other guys… I’m not the one with the friend wearing a bra!

Cheesecake takes the mic.

Cheesecake: You know, I can tell a lot ju’th’t by looking at people, e’th’pecially when it pertain’th to an erotic element. Th’o I can th’ay with complete confiden’th… that X-pac definitely th’uck’th!

The PPV Squad theme plays as the PPV Squad leads the crowd in an “X-pac sucks!” chant.

JR: Well, there you have it. The PPV Squad has riled Scott Hall and X-pac into a couple of matches. Tonight, Croooooow and Scott Hall will meet for the European Title, and at Judgment Day, X-pac will meet Nykk in a Submission Match!

INT. ARENA – NIGHT

MATCH: Huh vs. William Regal

William Regal’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.

JR: Here comes William Regal, who was involved in quite a battle last week with the PPV Squad, namely Cynric and Huh. When Huh stole those brass knuckles from Regal, he got irate.

King: Can you blame him, JR? Huh shouldn’t have even been out there in the first place. That idiot got what he deserved!

Huh’s theme hits and he comes out on stage, dancing while still on crutches.

JR: I don’t know if it’s wise for Huh to be out here due to his ankle…

All of a sudden, Huh throws the crutches to the side and dances down to the ring.

King: Look, JR! It’s a miracle!

JR: I guess that his sprained ankle is finally fully healed!

FINISH: Regal goes for a butterfly powerbomb, but Huh hits him with right hands, causing Regal to fall with Huh on top of him. Huh signals for the Windbreaker, but Regal escapes the move and kicks Huh, delivering the butterfly powerbomb. Regal covers and gets the win.

Winner: William Regal at 3:24

JR: William Regal gets the victory, and I guess Huh’s revenge was in vain.

King: Like I said, that idiot got what he deserved.

JR: Regal may have gotten past Huh, but I’m sure his business with Cynric is far from over.

INT. ARENA – NIGHT

MATCH: Croooooow vs. Scott Hall

Cynric is in the ring, still dressed as Kevin Nash.

JR: It’s time for our European Title match, and here we go!

Cynric: Ladies and gentlemeeeeennn… (yawns) at this tiiime I want to introduce to you… from FLORENCE… Ohio… here is the European Champion of Eurrrrope… the Bud Guy!

The nWo theme hits and Croooooow comes out, still dressed like Hall.

JR: And it looks like Croooooow’s going to wrestle in his Bud Guy attire.

King: I don’t know how wise that is. Hall can be one dangerous individual, especially when he’s angry.

Croooooow lurches down the ramp, but suddenly Scott Hall runs out and attacks him from behind. X-pac follows them down the ramp. Hall throws Croooooow into the ring and the match begins.

FINISH: X-pac, who has been interfering throughout the match, gets up on the apron. As the ref goes over, Bradshaw makes his way to the ring. He pulls X-pac off the apron and starts hitting him with rights. X-pac staggers over to the opposite side of the ring, where Croooooow hits him with a baseball slide. Hall blindsides Croooooow, and X-pac tries getting in the ring, only to have the ref hold him back. Bradshaw gets on the apron, and Croooooow reverses and Irish whip on Hall. Hall stops in his tracks before he can hit Bradshaw, but Bradshaw grabs him by the hair and drops to the floor, clotheslining Hall’s neck across the top rope. Hall staggers backwards, and Croooooow rolls him up and hooks the tights, getting the three count.

Winner: Croooooow at 6:09

JR: Croooooow did it! He beat Scott Hall!

King: The Bud Guy is standing tall!

JR: Wait a minute! What’s X-pac doing?

X-pac gets a chair and heads toward the ring, but Nykk comes in through the crowd and clobbers him from behind with the dildo nunchukus. X-pac falls over, and Nykk lays into him with right hands. He whips him over the barricade and they fight to the back, as Bradshaw and Hall do the same on the other side of the ring.

JR: Croooooow got the win thanks to an assist from Bradshaw, and Nykk is beating the hell out of X-pac. Where are they headed?

INT. BACKSTAGE – NIGHT

In the back, Nykk is still beating up X-pac. He whips him into the catering table, spilling food and coffee everywhere. They then brawl into a hallway, where X-pac hits a low blow and hits some rights of his own. He tries to whip Nykk into a vending machine, but Nykk reverses it and X-pac crashes into it. He falls to his back and Nykk quickly applies the Bellbrookville Cedarleaf. X-pac quickly taps out before some officials run in to break it up.

Heat

MATCH: Cynric vs. The Boss Man

Cynric loses the match after Regal comes down and nails him with brass knuckles. Cynric turns around and receives a Boss Man Slam for the three count.

MATCH: The Pyro Twins and Cheesecake vs. Justin Credible, Steven Richards and Mr. Perfect

As Cheesecake executes the Long Kiss Goodnight on Credible, Steven Richards breaks up the three count, only to receive Final Darkness from the Pyro Twins. Cheesecake covers and gets the victory.