4/8/02-4/14/02
Raw
INT. LOCKER ROOM – NIGHT
Cynric is standing around in the locker room with Huh and his crutches.
Cynric: Look, I know you want to wrestle your match against Bubba Ray Dudley tonight, but you’re still recovering from that sprained ankle. I’m afraid you’re going to do something REALLY stupid and injure yourself further. So don’t worry, I’ll take your place tonight. All you have to do is sit here and wait.
Huh: Thanks, Cynric. I’m going to repay you by helping you in any way I can to win the match tonight.
Cynric: No, you don’t seem to understand. I don’t want you to help me. Got it?
Huh: Huh?
Cynric: I’m going to the ring. Don’t follow me.
Huh: What do you think I am, dumb?
Cynric gives Huh a look and then leaves. Huh sighs and waits a few moments before following Cynric out, using his foot half the time as well as the crutches.
Huh: Ow… ow… ow… ow…
INT. ARENA – NIGHT
MATCH: Cynric vs. Bubba Ray Dudley
Cynric’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring. Halfway down the ramp, Huh follows him out on crutches. Cynric looks back at Huh disparagingly but continues to the ring.
JR: Ladies and gentlemen, this match will be for the Hardcore Title. Cynric is out here now… he told Huh to wait backstage, but you and your friends never listen to anybody.
Nykk: Huh’s just an idiot. Don’t concern yourself with him, JR. It’ll bring nothing but disaster.
King: Is that any kind of way to be talking about a friend of yours, Nykk?
Nykk: We’re like a pack of wolves, King.
JR: No kidding.
Nykk: Every pack has an omega wolf, a wolf that takes abuse from the other members. Huh is just our omega wolf, that’s all.
Huh goes for Nykk’s candy jar again, but Nykk gets up and shoves him away.
Nykk: No, it’s mine! Now get out of here before you hurt yourself!
JR: You and that candy jar. Bubba Ray Dudley’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.
JR: And here comes Bubba Ray Dudley, who just may have a promising singles career blooming here on Raw.
Nykk: Well, he’s not getting by Cynric. Bubba brings a lot of things to the table, like power and agility for a man his size. But Cynric’s faster, he’s smarter, has that martial arts background… there’s no contest. And I think he’s taking that Hardcore Title home… back to the PPV Squad.
King: And he’s the brother of the European Champion of Europe! Talent runs in the genes.
Nykk: Exactly.
FINISH: As Bubba retakes control, Cynric hits a jawbreaker and then sweeps Bubba’s legs. Huh gets on the apron and starts tries to toss one of his crutches to Cynric. Cynric holds his hands up to stop Huh, but it’s too late and one of Huh’s crutches sails into the ring like a lawn dart and nails Cynric in the head. Cynric goes down, but staggers back up. Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb and pins Cynric.
Winner: Bubba Ray Dudley at 4:43
JR: And Bubba Ray Dudley gets the duke after “interference” by Huh backfires. Cynric lost the match just like he said he would if Huh came out here. Go figure.
Nykk: Dammit, Cynric deserves better than this. I think I’m going to have a stern talk with Huh after the show.
King: Looks like Cynric has to go back to the drawing board.
Huh tries to apologize to Cynric as they exit, but Cynric brushes him off.
INT. ARENA – NIGHT
MATCH: Croooooow vs. Steven Richards
Steven Richards’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.
JR: Steven Richards, who is back with us here on Raw, just one of many ex-Alliance stars hired back a couple of weeks ago when the big draft occurred.
King: Yeah, Richards looks like he’s taken advantage of his time off. He looks in shape.
Cynric climbs into the ring, still holding his tailbone from the Bubba Bomb he received. He has the PPV Squad mic.
Nykk: All right, we know what comes now.
JR: Cynric looks a little worse for wear. I don’t know if it’s wise for him to be out here after what happened earlier.
Cynric: Ladies and gentlemen… thanks to circumstances beyond my control, I’m afraid I can’t act the part of the herald very well tonight… but nonetheless, it’s time to stand up and clap your hands, because on his way to the ring… hailing from ATHENS… Ohio… I give you the European Champion of Europe… Croooooow!
Croooooow’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.
Nykk: From the city of Athens, the same city that gave rise to Socrates, Aristotle, and some other philosophers… not only a modern intellectual like myself but an athletic marvel, the European Champion of Europe, Croooooow!
JR: One announcement is more than enough, thank you.
Nykk: Beware the Irish temper, JR.
JR: I get it.
Nykk and King: No you don’t.
Shortly into the match, X-pac comes to ringside and heads toward the announcing table.
JR: Uh oh… here comes X-pac. Here comes the man that Croooooow will be facing in a European title match at Backlash… and last week, he came out here and offered you a spot in the nWo, Nykk. You didn’t seem too interested, but you didn’t totally discount the offer either.
X-pac dons a headset.
X-pac: How are we doing tonight, JR, King? Hey, Nykk.
Nykk: What do you want?
X-pac: I don’t want anything, but I think everyone knows who the nWo wants. They want you. Now, you’ve had a week to think about it, and I know you know what the perks would be. Twenty-minute classics every week, just think about it…
Nykk: Let me tell you what I want. I want you to stop pestering me while I consider it.
JR: What? Don’t tell me you’re actually thinking about joining these jackasses… what happened to not abandoning your friends?
Nykk: JR, this is business. It would be wise for you to butt out or I’ll kick it out.
FINISH: Croooooow sees X-pac, which allows Richards to go for a Steven Kick. Croooooow ducks and executes the Demon Driver on Richards and covers for the pin.
Winner: Croooooow at 4:52
JR: Croooooow with the win over Steven Richards, but folks, the big story is whether or not Nykk, my “colleague” here will be leaving the PPV Squad for the nWo.
X-pac: JR, did the man not tell you to butt out? He has an important decision to make here, and we don’t need the wrestling rumor mill on our backs.
Croooooow gets out of the ring and comes over the announcing table. He starts to yell at X-pac.
X-pac: (stands up) You just need to calm down. Don’t try to pull any of that Irish temper crap on me, I’ll have two guys twice your size down here in before you can count 1-2-3, pal…
Croooooow shoves X-pac aside and starts to yell at Nykk.
Nykk: Now… Croooooow… calm down, okay? I didn’t say… I didn’t say I was going to join anybody… you just need to chill out and…
All of a sudden, X-pac nails Croooooow in the back of the head with a pair of nunchukus. Croooooow slumps over the announcing table and X-pac lays into him before throwing him into the ring.
JR: My God, X-pac just nailed Croooooow with those nunchukus… where did he get them, anyway? Nykk… did… did you… you didn’t slip him those nunchukus, did you?
Nykk: What are you implying, JR? You think I would turn my back on my lifelong friend?
In the ring, X-pac hits the bronco buster on Croooooow and keeps hitting him with rights.
King: Why aren’t you in the ring helping your lifelong friend?
Nykk: In case you’ve forgotten, my neck injury prevents me from getting into any physical altercations.
JR: That didn’t seem to stop you from getting involved when it was Huh in there…
X-pac bludgeons Croooooow with the nunchukus, and Nykk stands up, but Cynric runs down the ramp, with Huh trying to run on crutches. He trips and falls flat on his face, but Cynric reaches the ring and X-pac makes a hasty exit. Cynric checks on his brother. Nykk sits back down.
Nykk: See, Cynric came out here. Everything’s all right.
JR: Everything’s not all right. You had to have passed those nunchukus to X-pac. Does this mean you’re joining the nWo?
Nykk: This doesn’t mean anything, JR. I don’t pass people nunchukus… I wouldn’t even pass the potatoes at the dinner table if I could help it.
JR: Where else would he get them? He didn’t have them on him when he came out here, and he didn’t just pull them out of thin air.
Nykk: It’s probably just an old ninja trick or something. Croooooow’s walking out of here, so everything’s all right.
Cynric helps Croooooow up the ramp when they come to the fallen Huh. Croooooow and Cynric exchange looks and then help Huh to his feet and to the back.
INT. PROMO SET – NIGHT
The Coach is standing by with X-pac.
Coach: X-pac, what an appalling attack you just committed on Croooooow out there. What do you have to say for yourself?
X-pac: Appalling attack? More appalling than throwing a belt at the back of a guy’s head? Croooooow got what was coming to him as far as I’m concerned.
Coach: But where did you get those nunchukus from? You were standing right behind him and you didn’t have any on you when you came out.
X-pac: (smirks) Old ninja trick, Coach. You know, I’ve seen what Croooooow’s got and it ain’t even close to the greatness of the nWo, unlike what Nykk has. And now our match at Backlash is for that “European Championship of Europe.” Croooooow, I’ve got my best friends watching my back. My question is, are yours?
X-pac leaves the set.
Smackdown
INT. VINCE’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Vince is looking at the monitor when the Pyro Twins come in. Vince stands up.
Vince: Ah, the Pyro Twins, my new pet project. Just who I wanted to see.
He points at Jay’s PPV Squad shirt.
Vince: You’d better forget about that PPV Squad stuff because you’re working for me and only me now. Now, you blew your big title match last week against Billy & Chuck, but I still think you’re worthy of some more title shots down the line. But first you have to prove yourselves to me. Tonight, in that very ring, I’ve booked you against the Hurricane and Funaki. I know it seems like a mismatch, but there’s a reason I’ve done this. I’ve seen you burn people before, but let’s see how vicious you can really get. If you can prove you’re worthy to be on my team, the rewards will be endless. However, if you should fail, it could mean your jobs. You have your assignment. Go.
Vince turns away, but Dusty grabs his arm and swings him around.
Dusty: Just remember this, “Mr.” McMahon… you may be our boss, but the PPV Squad is our life.
Vince: Are you trying to threaten me?
Dusty: Just remember it.
He and Jay leave, and Vince smiles.
INT. ARENA – NIGHT
MATCH: Cheesecake vs. Test
Test’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.
Cole: We’re set for one on one action here on Smackdown, and here comes Test!
Tazz: Test is looking good tonight. He looks very confident.
Cole: What a pick Smackdown got when it got Test. A blend of speed and power, Test is very versatile and also has immunity. He can’t be fired until this November.
Cheesecake’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.
Tazz: Cheesecake is looking happy tonight, but then again, Cheesecake is always looking happy.
Cole: He’s certainly been happier since he came out… from under the wing of Goldust. Last week we saw him defeat the Big Valbowski with a new finisher that he likes to call ‘The Long Kiss Goodnight.’
FINISH: Test dominates most of the match, but Cheesecake comes back. Test hits a gutwrench powerbomb and tries to pin him with his feet on the ropes, but the ref catches him. Test argues with the ref and Cheesecake gets up and dropkicks Test into the corner. He kicks Test in the midsection and goes for the Long Kiss Goodnight, but Test picks him up and throws him off. He whips Cheesecake into the ropes and tries to knee him, but Cheesecake swings around Test and rolls him up, putting a foot on the rope to get the pin.
Winner: Cheesecake at 3:56
Cole: What an upset by Cheesecake!
Tazz: He turned the tables and used Test’s favorite trick against him!
Meanwhile, Test is irate and shoves the ref to the floor. He attacks Cheesecake and pounds on him in the corner.
Cole: Look at Test, he’s taken out the ref and now he’s pounding on Cheesecake!
Test gives Cheesecake a pumphandle powerslam and then whips him into the ropes. He delivers the big boot and his theme plays.
Tazz: Cheesecake got a big win, but he sure paid the price by not getting out of dodge.
Cole: I can’t believe Test. Just because he didn’t get his way, he had to go off in a rage on Cheesecake and the poor referee.
INT. ARENA – NIGHT
MATCH: The Pyro Twins vs. The Hurricane and Funaki
Funaki’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.
Cole: Here comes one of the contenders for the Cruiserweight Title, Funaki, and he and the Hurricane are literally being fed to the Pyro Twins by Mr. McMahon, who wants them to “prove themselves,” whatever that means.
The Hurricane’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.
Cole: Funaki’s partner tonight will be the Hurricane, and it almost looks like the Green Hornet and Kato out here, doesn’t it, Tazz?
Tazz: The guy from the OJ trial?
Cole: No, Bruce Lee!
Tazz: Wasn’t he on that show with Regis?
Cole: Never mind.
The Pyro Twins’ theme hits and they make their way to the ring.
Cole: And here come two dangerous individuals that you do not want after your heads. But I’m not sure their hearts are really into it ever since the PPV Squad was separated.
Tazz: The Pyro Twins, they love burning things, they love taking people apart… I’m just not sure they want to do it just because Vince McMahon told them to.
FINISH: After Funaki gets the hot tag, he takes down Dusty and Jay with some well placed martial arts kicks. He tags Hurricane, but the Pyro Twins retake control by executing a double leg trip on Hurricane and then Final Darkness on Funaki. Jay covers, but pulls Funaki up at the two count. He and Dusty whip him front first into the corner and execute Final Darkness again. They stomp and pound on him until he falls out of the ring as the Hurricane puts on his cape. Jay turns around and walks into a flying bodypress from the Hurricane. Funaki grabs Dusty’s feet to keep him from breaking up the pin and Hurricane gets the three count.
Winners: The Hurricane and Funaki at 3:30
Cole: And another upset tonight, as Funaki and the Hurricane have beaten the Pyro Twins! That’ll teach them to pay attention!
Tazz: They were so concerned with trying to be vicious that they weren’t concentrating on the match.
Cole: I shudder to think what Mr. McMahon will say to them after he finds out about this.
The Pyro Twins stand in the ring, looking chagrined.