4/1/02-4/7/02

Raw

X-pac is walking down the hall when Croooooow intercepts him.

Croooooow: Whoa, whoa, whoa� where do you think you�re going? I know you were the one who got in Vince�s ear and got the PPV Squad separated. You know what? It doesn�t matter, because even if there are only four of us here, we�re not going to rest until the �poison� is purged. And since Hall and Nash seem to be busy right now, I figured we would start with the runt of the litter.

X-pac: Hey, man, it doesn�t have to be this way. Matter of fact, it won�t be this way. Last I checked, your partner Nykk was out on the sidelines, I took care of Huh on Smackdown, and three of your friends are the property of Vincent K. McMahon. That leaves you and your brother. So if I were you, I wouldn�t be getting in my face!

He shoves his way past Croooooow and storms down the hall. Croooooow lifts his European title belt and chucks it at X-pac, hitting him in the head with it. X-pac is knocked off his feet and holds his head in pain. Croooooow walks over and leans down by X-pac�s face.

Croooooow: I would have gotten in your face back when you were on your feet, but it looks like my belt beat me to it! You think you�re so tough picking on the intelligently challenged like Huh, but let�s see how you fare against me! How about you and me have a little match at Backlash? Now if you�ll excuse me, you may not have a title to defend, but I do.

He exits and leaves X-pac on the floor.

INT. LOCKER ROOM � NIGHT

In the locker room, Huh and Cynric are with Croooooow who is preparing for his match. Huh is trying to walk while holding his crutches upside down.

Huh: Guys, these things the doctor gave me aren�t working!

Cynric: You�re holding them upside down, Huh.

Huh: Huh?

Croooooow: Don�t try to explain it to him, Cynric. You�ll just make things worse.

Cynric finally takes the crutches from Huh, turns them right side up and gives them back to him. The Coach enters with a mic.

Coach: Croooooow, tonight you have a European title defense against Goldust. However, earlier tonight you exchanged heated words with X-pac, among other things. Will this new preoccupation with being the antidote be on your mind during your match tonight?

Croooooow: Lillian, look at Huh. Tell me what you see in his eyes.

Coach looks at Huh, who is staring blankly into space.

Coach: I see� stupid.

Croooooow: Exactly, look of complete incomprehension. The last time I saw that look was a while back on the face of X-pac when Hall and Nash were telling him that short-shorts do not look good on the male body. As a wise man once stated, X-pac still thinks it�s 1998, but now it seems he�s regressed back to 1997. That�s not progress, Coach. Hell, that�s not even stagnation. The X Factor is a non-factor. And if X-pac does decide to get in my way, I may have to unleash the Irish temper, and we don�t want that to happen, now do we, Coach?

Coach: Well, there you have it. Croooooow�s title defense against Goldust is up next!

INT. ARENA � NIGHT

MATCH: Croooooow vs. Goldust

Goldust�s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.

JR: We�re set for European Title action, and here comes Goldust!

Nykk: A fine young man, JR.

JR: Young man? He�s fifteen years older than you!

King: Poor Goldust lost his prot�g� last week. He was drafted here to Raw, while Goldcake was drafted to Smackdown.

JR: Yeah, whatever happened to the PPV Squad being drafted as a unit?

Nykk: Never mind that, JR. I assure you, all will turn out well.

Cynric, who had been in the ring before Goldust�s entrance, gets a mic.

Cynric: And now ladies and gentlemen, the moment we�ve all been waiting for. About to enter the arena at this time� from LONDON� Ohio� he is the Irish temper, the Hellraiser from Helsinki, the Terror of Tripoli and still worth more than every Euro dollar combined, he is the European Champion of Europe� Croooooow!

Croooooow�s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.

JR: The European Champion of Europe�

King: I think Croooooow�s taken one too many trips to the Department of Redundancy Department.

Nykk: From the foggy streets of London, Ohio, it�s Croooooow!

JR: Cynric�s intro was more than enough, thank you.

The match starts, but shortly into it X-pac makes his way to ringside.

JR: Wait a minute, what�s X-pac doing out here?

Nykk: Beats me.

King: He did get walloped upside the head by Croooooow�s European belt in the backstage area.

X-pac sits down next to Nykk and dons a headset.

JR: What are you doing out here?

X-pac: JR, I�m not out here to see you, I�m out here to see Nykk.

Nykk: To see me?

X-pac: You know, I was watching you while I was out of action and you know what I saw? A guy busting his ass trying to make this godforsaken company better and then getting screwed over by Flair every time he gained momentum. I talked with Kevin and Scott, and we all agree. We want you to be a part of the nWo.

JR: A part of the nWo?

Nykk: Why would I want to do something like that?

X-pac: Think about it. Once we kill Flair�s part of the company, Vince will take full control. And that means the nWo gets their just rewards.

Croooooow hits Goldust with a dropkick and then goes over to the ropes to yell at X-pac.

X-pac: Yeah, why don�t you come down here and tell me? Come here�

Goldust catches Croooooow with a knee to the back.

X-pac: Where was I? Oh yeah� think about it. Twenty minutes out of every program reserved just for you, Nykk. Then you can have all the �twenty-minute classics� that you want.

Nykk: Uh� I appreciate the offer, I really do, but I�m happy with sticking to the PPV Squad.

X-pac: You just give it some thought. I think you�ll see things my way. See ya.

He sets down his headset and leaves the ringside area.

FINISH: Croooooow notices X-pac and goes after him, but Goldust catches him with a low blow. After writhing around in pain, Croooooow gets up and goes ballistic on Goldust, hitting him with lefts and rights and chops. Goldust falls in the corner and Croooooow repeatedly drives a knee into his face. He whips Goldust to the opposite side, but Goldust reverses. Croooooow crashes into the turnbuckles, and Goldust kicks his back and sets him up for the Curtain Call. Croooooow escapes from it by sliding off Goldust�s back and grabs his feet, tripping him. Croooooow applies the Carrion Stretch, really stretching the crap out of Goldust. Goldust wastes no time in tapping out.

Winner: Croooooow at 5:35

JR: And Croooooow wins it. What a frenzy he was in!

Nykk: It�s the Irish temper, JR. Goldust pushed the wrong buttons and Croooooow beat the crap out of him. The European Champion of Europe is no joke.

JR: He certainly isn�t, but what about X-pac�s offer to you? You�re not seriously considering it, are you?

Nykk: What? No, I�ve got the Squad. They�ve been my friends for my entire life and I was even able to fulfill a lifelong dream by coming here and having them right beside me. Still� imagine twenty-minute classics every night. But I won�t abandon my friends.

Smackdown

INT. ARENA � NIGHT

MATCH: Cheesecake vs. The Big Valbowski

The Big Valbowski�s music hits and he makes his way to the ring.

Cole: Here comes the Big Valbowski, who has the prot�g� of Goldust to tangle with tonight.

Tazz: That�s right, Goldcake will be out here shortly, and judging by what I saw in the back, he has a special surprise in store for us.

Cole: A special surprise?

Tazz: You�ll see, Cole.

Goldcake�s theme hits, but no one comes out from the curtain.

Cole: Where�s Goldcake?

All of a sudden, Cheesecake�s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring, joyous to be back to his old persona.

Cole: Wait a minute, it�s Cheesecake!

Tazz: He�s Goldcake no more, Cole.

Cole: Cheesecake seems almost reborn here tonight, back in his leather pants and leopard skin shirt, and out of Goldust attire.

FINISH: The Big Valbowski goes for the Money Shot, but Cheesecake moves. As the Big Valbowski gets up, Cheesecake kicks him in the midsection and applies a front face lock. He goes as if for a swinging neckbreaker, but instead swings Valbowski completely around and sits out so that Val lands on his back. He hooks the leg and gets the three count.

Winner: Cheesecake at 3:56

Cole: And Cheesecake gets the win with a new finisher! For the first time in months, Cheesecake seems to be on a roll.

INT. PROMO SET � NIGHT

Sharmell Sullivan is standing by with the Pyro Twins.

Sullivan: Jay, Dusty, tonight you have a match against Chuck & Billy for the tag team titles. Considering your track record thus far, you must be very confident of your chances.

Dusty: Sharmell, we were given this match tonight by Vince McMahon so that we can prove ourselves loyal employees to him. Now we don�t give a damn about Vince McMahon, but our little rant last week seems to have raised his ire.

Jay: See, we don�t mind the tag title shot, but we�re just obeying orders so we don�t lose our jobs. Because Vince is right� he was the one who brought us in, and he can take us out. But see, if we win the titles tonight, he can�t fire us, because then Flair would pick us up, and you can damn well bet we�d bring those belts with us.

They leave the set.

INT. ARENA � NIGHT

MATCH: The Pyro Twins vs. Billy & Chuck

The Pyro Twins� theme hits and they make their way to the ring.

Cole: It�s do or die time for the Pyro Twins right here tonight. They�ve got the opportunity of a lifetime but they�ve also got everything to lose.

Tazz: No doubt Mr. McMahon has seemingly made them his pet project, and McMahon likes to test the loyalty of his employees and also their resolve. And we�re about to see what the Pyro Twins are made of.

Billy & Chuck�s theme hits and they make their way to the ring, along with Rico.

Cole: And here come the tag team champions Billy & Chuck!

Tazz: What�s with this sideburns guy that�s been accompanying them to ringside, Cole?

Cole: That�s Rico, their stylist, though he�s been doing more interference work than hair work.

FINISH: The Pyro Twins take control and nail Chuck with Final Darkness. However, Billy makes the save and Dusty brawls with him to the outside. Rico gets on the apron, and Jay goes to swat him down but turns around and gets hit with a superkick from Chuck, who covers and gets the pin.

Winners: Billy & Chuck at 4:02

Cole: Billy & Chuck retain the tag team titles thanks to Rico, but the bigger story here is what this means for the Pyro Twins.

Tazz: I guarantee you that McMahon is not pleased right now. Dusty and Jay have to be nervous about their jobs here in the WWF.

Heat

MATCH: Cynric vs. Steven Richards

Cynric beats Steven Richards with the Shock Cannon.