3/18/02-3/24/02

Raw

INT. ARENA - NIGHT

At the top of Raw, JR and the King have just finished the introductions and the night's big matches when Nykk's theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.

King: What the�?

JR: Well, ladies and gentlemen, here comes Nykk, who quite frankly I'm surprised to see here tonight.

King: I thought he'd be in the hospital after Edge dropped him on his head last night.

Nykk walks toward the announcing table.

JR: Oh Lord, he's coming over here.

King: All right! It looks like we're going to have the leader of the PPV Squad with us!

Nykk takes a headset and puts it on.

King: Hey, Nykk. Sit down.

Nykk sits down.

Nykk: Thanks, King. It's always a pleasure.

JR: Why are you out here?

Nykk: Believe me, JR, I like being out here with you even less than you like being out here with me, but in case you didn't notice last night, I was dropped on my head and had to be taken to the hospital afterwards.

JR: Yeah, I remember. As a matter of fact, let's show the folks at home exactly what happened.

They show a replay of Nykk being given the vertebreaker by Edge.

King: We don't need to see this, JR.

Nykk: Don't pay any attention to that. Last night I suffered a stinger at the hands of Edge and the doctors said I shouldn't step in the ring for about a month. But great workers like myself don't sit at home, they persevere. So for the next month, I will be out here lending my expertise to you two. And God knows I have my work cut out for me.

King: Hey! Did you hear that, JR? Nykk will be here with us for a month!

JR: Yay.

Nykk: Don't get on my nerves, JR. I might just decide to take your job permanently.

JR: But who let you out here?

Nykk: I'm the leader of the PPV Squad, which means we do whatever the hell we want when we want. Come on, let's get this show started already!

INT. ARENA - NIGHT

MATCH: Goldcake vs. Rikishi

Goldust's theme hits and Goldcake makes his way to the ring.

JR: Here comes one of your friends from the PPV Squad, Goldcake.

King: Yeah, maybe you can shed some light on why exactly Goldcake has been with Goldust for the past few weeks.

Nykk: Goldcake does his own thing. He marches to the beat of a different drum, if you know what I mean. We in the PPV Squad aren't prejudiced. We accept every lifestyle. Don't ask, don't tell.

JR: What, are you pitching a recruitment ad?

Nykk: Hey, you never know who might want to join us, but I think we're pretty full right now.

Rikishi's theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.

JR: And here comes the big man Rikishi!

Nykk: Now look at this guy. He comes out here and wrestles in a thong, for god's sake.

JR: What's wrong with that?

Nykk: I knew you were a little funny, JR. Are you saying you enjoy watching the enormous blob wrestle in a thong?

JR: No, I don't enjoy it but to each his own and if it makes him comfortable�

Nykk: I hear he doesn't even wash those tights. It's disgusting, JR.

JR: Well, Goldcake is going to have his hands full here I would say.

The match goes about three minutes. Rikishi goes for the Stinkface, but Goldcake kicks him in the balls. He goes for a scoop slam, but Rikishi falls on top of him. Rikishi hits a vertical splash and gets the three count.

JR: So much for Goldcake. He was another victim to Rikishi's large posterior.

Nykk: It's just not right, JR. It' s just not right.

King: Wait a minute, look at this!

Huh runs down into the ring and Rikishi almost decks him but Huh begs off. They start to converse.

King: I think he wants to dance with Rikishi!

Nykk: No, Huh, stay away from him. He's a bad influence.

Rikishi accepts and they get in position. However, as they start dancing Huh backs up and clips Rikishi's knee. Rikishi goes down and Huh puts the boots to him.

Nykk: Get him, Huh! Get him! Stomp the fat out of him!

JR: Huh has just attacked Rikishi from behind and now he's going up top.

Huh executes a vertical splash from the top rope.

Nykk: Yeah! He calls that move The PPV Squash!

Huh starts to dance, allowing Rikishi to recover.

JR: Huh's wasting time here. Rikishi's right behind him.

Nykk: Huh, turn around!

Huh turns around and gets a belly-to-belly suplex. Rikishi drags Huh to the corner and executes a banzai drop.

Nykk: (muttering) This is so embarrassing.

JR: Rikishi has just beaten Goldcake and squashed Huh!

EXT. WWF NEW YORK - NIGHT

JR: What a great night to see Raw at WWF New York, and on the inside, we have the Pyro Twins hosting the Raw Party.

INT. WWF NEW YORK - NIGHT

The Pyro Twins are looking around at the building while holding microphones.

JR: Jay, Dusty, can you hear me?

Nykk: Cram it, JR. Let me handle this. Jay, Dusty, aren't I a much better announcer than Jim Ross here?

Dusty: Yes, much better.

Nykk: So are you guys having a good time in WWF New York?

Jay: We will be in a few minutes.

Nykk: Why?

Dusty: We're going to burn this place to the ground and piss on the ashes!

JR: Good Lord!

Nykk: Good. That place looks like it could use some remodeling.

King: We may need to call some of those great New York firefighters over there.

Jay: What we don't understand is why we haven't gotten a shot at the tag team titles yet. In the past few weeks, we've kicked the crap out of Kane, beat the APA, beat Scotty and Albert, yet no title shots have come our way.

Nykk: What's up with this, JR? Why haven't they been given title shots yet?

JR: Why are you asking me?

Nykk: Guys, I'm going to use my stroke and get you some tag team title shots, all right?

Dusty: Just hurry, Nykk. We seem to be lacking competition at the moment, and when we get bored, something gets burned.

Nykk: All right. Thanks, guys, and now back to� me!

INT. ARENA - NIGHT

MATCH: Croooooow vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Croooooow's theme hits and he makes his way to the ring along with Cynric.

JR: Here comes the new European Champion as of last night. Croooooow defeated Diamond Dallas Page in front of thousands at WrestleMania.

Nykk: And he did it all by himself, like the true grappler he is!

JR: No, he didn't. He had help from the Chief Assassin Cynric.

Nykk: Speculation, JR.

King: Yeah, don't call him a liar.

Nykk: I'm the host of this program. Show some respect.

Cynric gets a mic.

JR: Right, I forgot.

Nykk: Shut up, JR. Cynric's about to talk.

Cynric: Thank you Lillian Garcia. However, you announced my brother Croooooow all wrong. So now I will do the honors, and unlike Miss Garcia, I'll do it right. Ladies and gentlemen, in the ring at this time� from EUROPE�

JR: Well that's being specific.

Nykk: Shh�

Cynric: He is the World Wrestling Federation European Champion of EUROPE� Croooooow!

King: The European Champion of Europe!

JR: Give me a break.

Nykk: You don't even know when greatness is staring you in the face, do you JR? There have been many European Champions, but only one European Champion of Europe!

Diamond Dallas Page's theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.

JR: Here comes the former European champion, who got screwed out of a victory by Cynric last night�

Nykk: Hey, hey, JR. Don't make me cross. Croooooow won his match fair and square.

JR: Nevertheless, DDP is out to regain the European Title.

The match goes about four minutes. DDP manages to hit the Diamond Cutter, but Cynric puts Croooooow's foot on the bottom rope to stop the count. DDP slides out of the ring to go after Cynric, who gets into a martial arts stance. The ref gets between them, and Croooooow slides out of the ring and hits a high knee on DDP from behind. DDP slams into the ringpost and the ref tells Croooooow to get back in the ring. Cynric rolls DDP in the ring and Croooooow applies the Carrion Stretch. DDP taps out.

JR: Thanks to Cynric, Croooooow is still the European Champion.

Nykk: How many times do I have to tell you, JR? He's the European Champion of Europe!

Croooooow and Cynric celebrate in the ring and then go to the outside to give Nykk a high five.

Smackdown

INT. LOCKER ROOM - NIGHT

The PPV Squad are sitting around in chairs talking amongst themselves when Nykk walks in.

Nykk: All right, quiet everybody. It's time to get on with this Squad meeting.

Everyone quiets down.

Nykk: First of all, congratulations to Croooooow for becoming the European Champion of Europe and the distinction of bringing the first singles gold to the PPV Squad. Our first order of business tonight is Huh's match with Rikishi.

Huh: Huh?

Nykk: I know he's big, fat, putrid and disgusting, but tonight Huh, you will show him how big, fat, putrid and disgusting you can be.

Huh: Yeah!

Nykk: I have total faith that you will bring home the victory. Dusty, Jay, do me a favor and win him the match tonight.

The Pyro Twins nod.

Nykk: Second, I don't want any of you to worry about this draft. Now that I'm a commentator, I've got stroke. Whether we end up on Raw or Smackdown, I'll make sure we'll all be together. Last item: Cynric, you have a match with DDP tonight, but I know that Croooooow has your back, so that's all settled. Okay, it looks like we're good to go tonight, so remember this. Be innovative, be original and be winners. When our music hits, I want people to say, "Oh my God! It's the PPV Squad!" Go get 'em, guys!

The PPV Squad members get up and leave the locker room, except for Goldcake, who hangs back.

Goldcake: Uh�

Nykk: Yes, Goldcake?

Goldcake: Look, I know I've been screwing up lately, and I want to know if you have any task for me to do or any advice you can give me.

Nykk: Hmm� advice? You don't need advice. You were doing just fine until you started this whole 'Goldcake' thing. Just be yourself. Be the Cheesecake we all knew and tolerated.

Goldcake: But what if I screw up again?

Nykk: The PPV Squad is here for you, 'Cake. Just remember our motto: When the PPV Squad is in the house, everyone's a winner. Try originality, try innovation� hell, just try and not to screw up too badly. And� don't tell the others I said this, but� (gags) just try and have fun.

He walks away, leaving Goldcake in the locker room.

Goldcake: We have a motto?

INT. ARENA - NIGHT

MATCH: Huh vs. Rikishi

Rikishi's theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.

Cole: Prepare to back that ass up, because here comes Rikishi!

King: Look at him out here. He's ready to go tonight.

Cole: Rikishi coming off a victory on Raw against Goldcake� Huh then said he wanted to dance with Rikishi and attacked him.

King: Yeah, but he got squashed for all his efforts.

Huh's theme hits and he dances his way to the ring. He motions back toward the curtain and the Pyro Twins walk out and grumpily follow him to the ring.

Cole: Nykk says he has faith in Huh's abilities, yet he sent these enforcers out here to watch his back.

King: Well, you know wherever Rikishi goes, Scotty and Albert may be there. The Pyro Twins are just a little form of insurance.

The match goes about four minutes. Huh pretty much gets his ass kicked, but manages to distract the ref, allowing the Pyro Twins to execute Final Darkness on Rikishi on the outside. They put him back in the ring, but Huh won't cover and dances. Rikishi eventually recovers and hits a banzai drop on Huh. Jay gets on the apron to distract the ref, and Dusty gets in the ring and hits the Rope Burn on Rikishi. Huh staggers to his feet as the Pyro Twins urge him to cover, but he still decides he wants to dance instead. The Pyro Twins shake their heads in disgust and wash their hands of the situation, leaving. Huh looks after them, but turns around to receive a belly-to-belly suplex. Rikishi then hits a vertical splash and gets the pin.

Cole: Rikishi picks up the victory, no thanks to the Pyro Twins.

King: Yeah, they basically won the match for Huh, but he just wanted to dance!

Cole: Huh has some issues to work out certainly, but all his dancing did was make his back up leave the ringside area.

Rikishi celebrates with a dance. Although squished, Huh manages to do a little pseudo-dance while lying on the mat.

INT. ARENA - NIGHT

MATCH: Cynric vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Cynric's theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.

Cole: Here comes Cynric, the PPV Squad's Chief Assassin. And he certainly is going to be playing that role tonight as he did on Monday and at WrestleMania, by trying to take out Diamond Dallas Page.

King: But now he has him in a one-on-one match. This should be very interesting, Michael.

DDP's theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.

Cole: DDP is out for revenge after Cynric cost him the European Title at WrestleMania and again in a rematch on Raw.

King: Well, Cynric's a great martial artist. I think he may kick a few of those pearly whites down DDP's throat.

The match goes about four minutes. Cynric goes for the Shock Cannon, but DDP wiggles out of it and kicks Cynric in the midsection. He executes a spinning powerbomb, but Cynric's feet catch the ref in the mouth on the way up. DDP tries to revive the ref, and Croooooow runs down with the European belt. As Cynric gets to his feet, Croooooow charges DDP but Page ducks and Croooooow nails Cynric. He drops the belt in shock, which allows DDP to execute the Diamond Cutter on Croooooow. He covers Cynric as Croooooow rolls out of the ring and the ref makes a three count.

Cole: And our winner is DDP!

King: I can't believe DDP just beat the Chief Assassin!

Cole: Croooooow tried to interfere on behalf of his brother, but it backfired. DDP gained a measure of revenge against Croooooow and Cynric, but I'm sure that what DDP really wants is that European title.

DDP rolls out of the ring and leaves the arena through the crowd.

Jakked

MATCH: Huh vs. Crash

Huh gets the win after executing the Windbreaker.

Heat

MATCH: The Pyro Twins vs. Scotty 2 Hotty and Albert

In a rematch from the week before, the Pyro Twins hit Albert with Final Darkness for the pin.

MATCH: Croooooow vs. The Hurricane

Croooooow successfully defends the European Title by making the Hurricane tap out to the Carrion Stretch.