2/11/02-2/17/02

Raw

INT. LOCKER ROOM – NIGHT

Cheesecake, Nykk, Huh and Croooooow are standing around. Cheesecake and Croooooow are lacing up their boots while Huh eats a hot dog.

Nykk: Are you guys ready?

Croooooow: Almost.

Lance Storm walks into the camera shot.

Nykk: Hey, Lance. How’s it going?

Lance: Nykk, you and I have the same mindset about this business, right? It’s not about pageantry or having fun or being silly, it’s a serious athletic competition.

Nykk: Yeah, of course. Fun and being silly does not play a part in the PPV Squad’s mentality.

Lance: Then you have no love for the Godfather?

Nykk: Well, I liked the first two movies, but the third was kind of…

Lance: No I mean, the Godfather, the pimp. The guy who used to be a Supreme Fighting Machine.

Nykk: Oh yeah.

Lance: I have a tag match against him and my friends Christian and Test are tied up tonight, so I was wondering if you could lend me a Squad member to take on Kane and the Godfather.

Nykk: Uh, all right, let’s see… Croooooow, Cheesecake and I already have a match against the Hardys and Lita, I can’t find Dusty, Jay or Cynric anywhere… so how about you take along Huh?

Huh: Huh?

Lance: Splendid.

He goes over to Huh and gives him a serious look in the eye, which seems to unnerve him.

Lance: I see the spirit of a gladiator in you, my friend. Let us go out there and show Kane and the Godfather that wrestling will prevail.

Huh: Uh… okay.

They leave the dressing room.

Croooooow: That was cruel, Nykk.

Nykk: Huh will be fine.

Croooooow: I was referring to what you did to Lance.

Nykk: Hey, we’ve got more important things to worry about.

Cheesecake: Ready.

Nykk: Freakin’ finally!

The three leave the dressing room.

INT. ARENA – NIGHT

MATCH: Nykk, Croooooow and Cheesecake vs. The Hardy Boyz and Lita

The Hardy Boyz’ theme hits and Matt, Jeff and Lita make their way to the ring.

JR: Here come the Hardy Boyz, who as of Smackdown have a tag team title match with Nykk and Croooooow at No Way Out this Sunday!

King: I’m really glad to see Lita back, JR! Whoo-hoo!

JR: I know you are. But tonight they have to get past the PPV Squad combination of Nykk, Croooooow and Cheesecake.

The PPV Squad theme hits and Nykk, Croooooow and Cheesecake make their way to the ring.

JR: Nykk and Croooooow are coming off some huge victories a couple of weeks ago, successfully defending the titles against Kane and the Big Show, as well as Jerry Lynn and Tajiri. However, at No Way Out they will face their toughest challenge to date, the incomparable Hardy Boyz!

The match goes about five minutes. Jeff gets the hot tag and takes down Cheesecake. He hits his legdrop to midsection and then climbs the turnbuckles. He dives off with a Swanton Bomb, but Cheesecake moves and he misses. Cheesecake hits the Screw Driver, but Matt runs in to break up the pin. Nykk and Croooooow run in and a brawl erupts. Nykk and Croooooow go for a double bulldog on Matt, but he manages to shove them both off and into the ref, who goes down hard. Matt and Jeff hit Poetry in Motion on Cheesecake, but when Lita tries it, Nykk catches her and delivers a spinebuster. Matt and Jeff bring in a ladder and toss it at Nykk and Croooooow. They catch it, but the Hardys execute a double dropkick on the ladder, taking Nykk and Croooooow down. Cheesecake gets to his feet to receive a top rope hurricanrana from Lita. As the ref wakes up, Matt hits the Twist of Fate on Cheesecake and pins him.

King: The Hardy Boyz!

JR: The Hardy Boyz and Lita win this six-man tag, perhaps foreshadowing what will happen at No Way Out this Sunday!

Nykk and Croooooow go after the Hardys and Lita, but they roll out of the ring and back victoriously up the ramp.

INT. BACKSTAGE – NIGHT

Nykk and Croooooow are dragging their suitcases out of the building while Michael Cole tries to catch up.

Cole: Nykk, Crooooooow! I was wondering if I could get a comment from you on your match tonight, and your chances at No Way Out.

Nykk: Chances? As far as I’m concerned, the Hardys don’t have a chance against us and never have! They showed their nature tonight by using a ladder to beat us! Well, if they want to be X-treme, we’ll show them how WE get X-treme!

He and Croooooow walk away, leaving a bewildered Michael Cole.

INT. ARENA – NIGHT

MATCH: Lance Storm and Huh vs. The Godfather and Kane

The Godfather’s theme hits and he comes out with his escorts and makes his way to the ring.

King: Whoo-hoo, the Godfather! And oh my, look at his escorts!

JR: This will be a tag team match with Godfather and Kane taking on Lance Storm, and… well… he asked the PPV Squad for help earlier, but I think he kind of got the short end of the stick as far as their talent pool goes.

Kane’s pyro goes off and his theme hits. Kane makes his way to the ring.

JR: Those Pyro Twins have plagued Kane as of late, especially “The Devil Himself” Dusty Schneble, who has a match with Kane at No Way Out this Sunday.

Huh’s theme hits and he and Lance Storm make their way to the ring. Huh is dancing like there’s no tomorrow, while Storm tries to act serious.

King: I think you’re right, JR. I don’t think Huh was what Lance had in mind if he wanted someone serious about wrestling.

The match goes about three minutes. Huh, of course, spends most of the time dancing. Kane gets the hot tag and takes down Storm with a big boot and a legdrop. He goes up top to hit his flying clothesline, but Lance jumps up and hits Kane with a leg lariat right in the face. Kane goes down and Lance goes over to tag Huh. Unfortunately, Huh is over dancing with the escorts. As Lance stands by the corner and asks him what the hell he’s doing, the Godfather comes in and hits the Ho Train on Lance. Lance staggers out of the corner and Kane hits the chokeslam for the pin.

King: Poor Lance, I can’t believe he got stuck with such an imbecile for a partner…

JR: Well, in any case, Kane and the Godfather pick up the… what the…

The Pyro Twins run in through the crowd with chairs and attack Kane from behind. They lay him out and take turns wailing on him, but Kane sits up. Dusty gets in a chair shot to the head and they whip him front-first into the turnbuckles. As he staggers out, they hit Final Darkness.

JR: The Pyro Twins have just come in and attacked Kane, for God’s sake! Hopefully, they don’t try and burn him again. I don’t know what would happen.

Dusty grabs a mic.

Dusty: Kane… you fire-hater… you were merely fun and games for us, until we got suspended because of you. Now we’re back and pissed off… I am “The Devil Himself” Dusty Schneble and this is “The Devil’s Virtue” Jay Rowe… and we’re the most dangerous combination the WWF has seen in a long time. And at No Way Out, Kane… you’re firewood.

Dusty throws down the mic and the Pyro Twins theme plays.

JR: The Pyro Twins with some “words of wisdom” for Kane. It’ll all be settled one way or another this Sunday at No Way Out!

Smackdown

INT. DOJO – NIGHT

Lillian Garcia is standing by with Steve Blackman.

Lillian: Steve Blackman, in three days at No Way Out, you will be participating in the first-ever Modern Day Melee against Cynric. Now in this match, the only weapons legal are martial arts weapons. I understand that you’ve brought us to this local dojo to show us some of the weapons you plan on using in this match.

Blackman: That’s right, Lillian. Cynric can move pretty fast and strike pretty hard with that bo of his, but I’ve got a few toys of my own that I’d love to test out. First is this weapon…

He picks up a kendo stick and swings it for dramatic effect.

Blackman: Most wrestling fans are familiar with a kendo stick, but I can tell you that if you get whapped upside the head by one of these, the lights go out real fast…

Lillian: (points) What about that one?

Blackman holds up a nightstick.

Blackman: Most people know this one as a nightstick, a weapon that US police officers carry. It’s also known as a tonfa, and was a good choice by the FOP because it will inflict severe damage if you know how to use it. Of course there’s always my trusty escrima sticks and…

Lillian screams and dives out of the way, as does Blackman as Cynric comes in, swinging a katana blade. Blackman heads for the hills as Lillian cowers in fear. Cynric beckons her over and grabs the mic.

Cynric: If it’s weapons you want, Blackman, how about we fight with something a bit more solid. You know, this Sunday there will be no way out for you, because I’m going to give new meaning to the expression “I’m gonna carve you up!”

He exits the dojo, leaving a terrified Lillian Garcia.

INT. LOCKER ROOM – NIGHT

Nykk is sitting on a bench reading RAW magazine.

Nykk: I can’t believe this, not one mention of the PPV Squad in this entire volume…

Lance Storm walks in and stands in front of Nykk with his arms crossed.

Nykk: Hey Lance, what’s up? Did you know that in this magazine they called you an uptight, humorless man who tries to compensate for his lack of talent by speaking in a serious manner with an obscure vocabulary?

Lance: Nykk, I don’t understand. I asked you for a favor the other night and you gave me Huh for a tag team partner. He was as big a moron as the Godfather. Now I’ve got a match with him tonight, and I was hoping you could help me out. Why did you do that to me? Did I cause you some kind of hurt or unwanted sociability? Was I sending mixed signals?

Nykk: If it’s mixed signals you want, I could always lend you Cheesecake, but he’s got a match tonight. Look, sorry about that but he was the best I could come up with at the time. Don’t worry about the Godfather. I’ll take care of it.

Lance: Splendid.

He walks away as Nykk picks up a cell phone.

INT. ARENA – NIGHT

The Godfather’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring, along with his escorts.

Cole: Here comes the Godfather! He’ll be taking on Lance Storm tonight, and Storm was kind of reaching out to Nykk earlier on for some back up.

King: Nykk said he’d take care of him, but you never know. He said the same thing on Monday and look what happened there.

Cole: Nykk gave Lance Huh for a tag partner, but Huh kind of goofed up when he… uh oh…

The Pyro Twins’ theme hits and Dusty and Jay make their way to the ring.

King: Oh my gosh. These guys are scary, Michael.

Cole: “The Devil Himself” Dusty Schneble and I guess now, we have “The Devil’s Virtue” Jay Rowe… two very dangerous men.

King: No one’s safe when these guys are around. Look out, Godfather!

The Pyro Twins march straight to the ring, and just stare evilly at the Godfather. The Godfather decides to go for broke and attacks Jay. Dusty immediately jumps on him and a two-on-one beatdown occurs. They whip Godfather into the ropes and drop to the mat, sweeping both feet from the front. Godfather falls face first to the mat, and Jay gets out of the ring to get a chair. Godfather blocks Dusty’s punch and fells him with three rights of his own. He turns around to get cracked in the head with a chair from Jay. Jay picks up the Godfather and gives him a backbreaker, holding him in place across his knee. Dusty goes to the top rope and hits a kneedrop on Godfather’s chest, executing the Mandate of Heaven. Godfather slumps to the mat as they continue to pound on him.

Cole: This is just sick, King. The Godfather thought he was facing Lance Storm and then just ran headlong into the Pyro Twins!

King: Come on guys, the Godfather’s just a fun-loving guy… now what’s going on?

One of the escorts comes into the ring and jumps on Dusty’s back, trying to choke him. After struggling for a moment, Dusty grabs her hair and flips her over his shoulder to the mat.

Cole: Come on, this is going too far…

As the escort gets up, they hit Final Darkness on her, and she hits the mat hard.

Cole: And now they just hit Final Darkness on a woman half their combined weight! We need some help out here!

King: Oh no… man, woman or child, I guess no one’s safe from the Pyro Twins…

The Pyro Twins’ theme plays as officials come out to tend to the Godfather and his escort. All of a sudden, Kane runs down and hits the ring. He takes down the Pyro Twins with right hands. Dusty rolls out of the ring and Jay takes a chokeslam.

Cole: It’s Kane! Kane’s cleaning house with the Pyro Twins!

Kane gets a mic.

Kane: Dusty… you say I’m firewood? Well, to get firewood you have to chop the tree down. And at No Way Out, there’s not an axe in the world that can splinter me!

Kane’s theme plays as he exits the ring.

Cole: Kane responding to Dusty’s comments on Raw. What will happen on Sunday?

INT. ARENA – NIGHT

MATCH: Cheesecake vs. Lita

Lita’s theme hits as she makes her way to the ring.

Cole: We’re on the road to No Way Out, where Lita’s team, the Hardy Boyz, face Nykk and Croooooow for the WWF tag team titles!

King: But first we have this intergender match.

Cheesecake’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.

Cole: Cheesecake’s kind of been in a depression lately.

King: That’s right. First, he lost his favorite cape to the Hurricane, then he was “dumped” by Chuck & Billy, and then he lost twice on two consecutive TV shows.

The match goes about three minutes. Lita manages to evade the stronger Cheesecake and manages to hit her hurricanrana from the top followed by her moonsault for the pin.

King: Poor Cheesecake. Now he’s lost to a girl!

Cole: Lita picks up the win, representing Matt & Jeff Hardy, perhaps getting some momentum for the Hardys heading into No Way Out.

Croooooow slides into the ring to help Cheesecake up.

King: Look at Croooooow, what’s he doing?

Croooooow goes over to Lita and won’t let her leave the ring. She takes a swing at him, but he catches her arm and starts crushing her hand. As Lita writhes in pain, Matt and Jeff run out and beat down Croooooow.

Cole: The Hardys have come to the aid of Lita, and now a brawl has erupted!

Nykk runs in through the crowd with two chairs and smacks Jeff across the back with one as Huh comes out.

King: Uh oh, what’s going on here?

Cole: Dammit, it was a trap. Nykk said he’d show the Hardys how to be X-treme, and it looks like we’re in store for something very evil here.

King: What are Huh and Cheesecake doing?

Huh and Cheesecake get two ladders from under the ring and set them up in the ring.

Cole: This isn’t PPV Squad Construction…

Nykk hits Matt in the midsection with a chair, doubling him over. He then swings upward with the chair, cracking Matt in the face. Matt goes upright only to be hit in the back of the head with a chair from Croooooow as Cheesecake hits the Screw Driver on Jeff. Meanwhile, Huh sets up a table between the two ladders.

Cole: Lita’s outside the ring, she knows that whatever they’re doing she can’t stop it.

Nykk and Croooooow set up Jeff on the table while Huh and Cheesecake throw the steps into the ring. Nykk and Croooooow each get on a ladder and take the steps up with them as they climb to the top. They then throw the steps down onto Jeff Hardy, striking him hard across the midsection and putting him through the table.

King: Oh my God! I don’t think I’ve ever seen that stunt before!

Cole: The PPV Squad are trying to prove that they can play the Hardys’ game, but who knows now whether or not the Hardys will even make it to No Way Out?

Nykk and Croooooow pose on the ladders as the PPV Squad theme plays.

Jakked

MATCH: The Pyro Twins vs. Rico Constantino and AJ Styles

The Pyro Twins beat the crap out of Styles and Constantino, finishing them off with Final Darkness for the pin.

Heat

INT. PROMO SET – NIGHT

Jonathan Coachman is standing at ringside next to the PPV Squad’s couch. Nykk, Croooooow, Cynric, Jay, Dusty, Cheesecake and Huh are sitting on it with Huh stuffing his face.

Coach: Nykk, Croooooow, you’re just an hour or so away from facing Matt and Jeff Hardy for the WWF Tag Team Titles. Now after your actions last Thursday that left Jeff Hardy with taped ribs and Matt still feeling woozy, how do you feel about Ric Flair banning any foreign objects from this match, including of course, tables, ladders, chairs and steps, out of concern for the Hardys’ safety?

Nykk: It’s just like Flair to be thinking of only half the equation. He could care less about what happens to us, so he bans all the things that made the Hardys great. Well, guess what Ric? Your plan backfired, because we are the most technically sound team in the WWF today, and this fits right into our game plan of beating the Hardys through WRESTLING. You saw that move we beat Jerry Lynn and Tajiri with, Coach? We call that move The End, because once we execute it, the recipient is done. And tonight it will be the end for the Hardys, and if she gets in our way, Lita too.

Croooooow: Yes, if foreign objects are used, Flair himself will stop the match and vacate the tag team titles. Are we supposed to feel threatened? Yes, but we’re not. Are we supposed to be afraid that we can’t win a match without using steps, chairs, etc.? Yes, but we’re not. What we’re prepared to do is go out there and wrestle, as Nykk likes to say, a “twenty-minute classic,” and there’s another thing he likes to say…

Nykk: Freakin’ FINALLY, we get to do things our way!

Coach: Cynric, on Smackdown you tried to attack Steve Blackman with a katana. What could you possibly be thinking?

Cynric: Hey, I was just messing with him. I wanted to show him that I could take him out just like that anytime I wanted to. And tonight will be no different. Blackman, tonight I’m going to show you why I deserve this black belt of mine, and beat you to a bloody, bruised pulp.

Coach: Dusty, you take on Kane tonight. What do you have to say about this match?

Dusty: Kane will burn, Coach. To burn things is the only reason that I exist. And now that my partner Jay is by my side, we’re set on a path of destruction that will never stop, but starts here with Kane tonight.

Nykk: Hey, Coach. Maybe you should go to the back and tell someone to send out some entertainment for us. I mean, we’re out here trying to enjoy Sunday Night Heat, but all we’re seeing is boring recap videos and interviews. Heaven forbid we have a match out here. Go on, now. We’ll be here all night.

Coach: There you have it. They’re finally letting me leave. Back to you, Michael.