No Way Out

INT. ARENA – NIGHT

MATCH: Cynric vs. Steve Blackman

Cynric’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring, carrying the bo and doing several formations.

JR: What a match to kick off No Way Out, it’s the “Modern Day Melee!” Now, the only weapons legal in this match are martial arts weapons, folks. Pinfalls, submissions, count-outs and disqualifications still count.

King: And Cynric has that bo with him.

JR: Well, on Smackdown he tried to use a katana sword on Steve Blackman, which will sever a limb like it was nothing. But if he uses it tonight, not only will Cynric be disqualified, he will also spend some time in jail for assault or attempted murder.

King: Look at all these weapons around ringside. I see those sticks over on the timekeeper’s table, and kendo sticks in each corner. Is that a nightstick over there on the stairs?

JR: It’s actually a martial arts weapon called a “tonfa.” We here in the US know them better as the nightsticks that police officers carry.

Steve Blackman’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring, twirling his nunchukus.

JR: Steve Blackman looking for revenge, not only from Smackdown, but from last month at the Royal Rumble, where Cynric beat him by utilizing that bo, and prompting this entire match.

King: This is gonna be like that Kung Pow movie, JR.

JR: Well, I think this is a bit more serious.

The bell rings and Cynric and Blackman circle. They get into defensive stances and just stare at each other for a moment. Suddenly, Cynric charges him. Blackman sidesteps him and hits him in the midsection with the nunchukus.

Cynric stops in his tracks and Blackman swings again, but Cynric blocks the shot with his bo and uses it to sweep Blackman’s legs.

Blackman kips up and blocks an overhead shot with the chain of his nunchuckus. He kicks Cynric in the midsection and tries a roundhouse kick, but Cynric drops his bo to block it. He tries to kick Blackman, but he catches Cynric’s foot and spins him around. Cynric drops to one knee to pick up his bo, but Blackman is quicker and steps on it. Blackman twirls his nunchukus as Cynric backs off. He rolls out of the ring and runs, and Blackman gives chase. Halfway around the ring, Cynric rolls back in and grabs a kendo stick.

Blackman rolls in and is greeted with a kendo stick shot to the head. As he slowly gets to his feet, Cynric hits the chain of the nunchukus, causing Blackman to drop them. Cynric hits Blackman across the back this time and kicks the nunchukus out of the ring. Blackman gets to his feet and Cynric whips him into the opposite corner.

He charges, but Blackman grabs a kendo stick sitting in that corner and blocks Cynric’s shot with it. He hits Cynric in the midsection and then across the head. Cynric goes down and drops his kendo stick. Blackman gets out of the ring and drops his kendo stick. He grabs his escrima sticks from the timekeeper’s table and gets back in the ring. When Cynric gets up, he yells “It’s party time!” and beats the living crap out of Cynric with quick combinations. Cynric drops to both knees and Blackman slams the butt of the sticks into the back of his neck, dropping him to the mat. He covers, but Cynric manages to kick out. Blackman picks him up and whips him into the ropes.

He tries to clothesline Cynric with one of the sticks, but Cynric ducks and hits a superkick on Blackman, causing him to drop the sticks. Blackman gets to his knees and Cynric grabs the sticks, yelling “It’s party time!” He hits Blackman ungracefully in the side of the head with the sticks until he’s down. Cynric drops the sticks and rolls out of the ring where he gets the tonfa from the steps. He rolls in the ring and picks up Blackman, shoving him in the corner. He holds the tonfa so that the long part is covering his forearm and starts hammering Blackman with it. He whips Blackman into the opposite corner and twirls the tonfa, hitting Blackman several times and putting him down. Cynric covers, but only gets a two count. Cynric lays the tonfa on the canvas and picks Blackman up. He powerbombs Blackman on the tonfa and covers again, but Blackman still kicks out. Cynric applies a reverse chinlock. After about twenty seconds, Blackman gets to his feet and fights his way out. He bounces off the ropes, but Cynric drives a knee into Blackman’s midsection, somersaulting him. Cynric applies a sleeper hold. After another thirty seconds, Blackman backs Cynric into the corner. Cynric lets go, but yanks Blackman down by the hair as he tries to get away. Cynric hits a double underhook suplex and then goes to the top rope, waiting for Blackman. When Blackman gets to his feet, he tries a flying clothesline, but Blackman catches his arm and takes him over in a judo throw.

Cynric gets to his feet in pain as Blackman follows up with right hands. He whips Cynric into the ropes and hits a reverse elbow. He whips Cynric into the ropes again, but puts his head down. Cynric tries another powerbomb, but Blackman counters into a DDT. He covers but only gets two, as Croooooow jumps the barricade and kneels down at ringside, grabbing the nunchukus.

Cynric rakes the eyes of Blackman and whips him into the ropes, trying a Lethal Kick.

Blackman rolls and avoids it, and then hits a Lethal Kick of his own. He grabs the sticks again, and as Cynric gets to his feet and takes a wild swing, Blackman ducks and does his back suplex utilizing the sticks.

He covers, but Croooooow comes in to break it up, whacking Blackman across the head with the nunchukus, knocking him cold. The ref goes to call for the bell, but Croooooow explains to him that what he did was perfectly legal, since martial arts weapons are legal and the rules don’t specify by who they’re legal. The ref allows it as Cynric covers the prone Blackman. The ref counts, but Blackman kicks out with authority. The ref gets Croooooow out of the ring as Cynric rolls out the opposite side. He reaches under the ring and brings out a sheathed katana. He unsheathes it and jumps into the ring.

As Blackman gets to both knees, Cynric starts to raise it, but Blackman finds his sticks and swats the blade to the side with one and raps Cynric’s hand with the other, causing Cynric to drop the sword and hold his hand in pain. The ref gets the katana out of the ring as Blackman hits both of Cynric’s ears with the sticks, causing him to drop to the canvas in pain. Blackman goes to the top rope, but Croooooow comes in with the bo. Blackman hits the Lethal Kick from the top rope on Croooooow, sending him down. Blackman takes the bo and lands a shot to the groin on Cynric, who just got to his feet. As Cynric doubles over in pain, Blackman strikes him in the side of the head. Cynric slumps unconscious to the mat and Blackman covers, getting the three count.

Winner: Steve Blackman at 9:08

JR: Steve Blackman has won the first-ever Modern Day Melee, despite interference from Cynric’s brother Croooooow!

King: Unbelievable, JR!

JR: Maybe that will shut Cynric up about being the best martial artist in the WWF.

Blackman celebrates as Croooooow helps Cynric to the back.

INT. ARENA – NIGHT

MATCH: “The Devil Himself” Dusty Schneble vs. Kane

Kane’s pyro explodes and his theme hits. Kane makes his way to the ring.

King: Kane’s been waiting for this one, hasn’t he?

JR: He certainly has. Finally he will get his hands on the man who he and his friends in the PPV Squad call “The Devil Himself.” And there are certainly things devilish about Dusty Schneble.

King: Not only that, he now has a buddy who calls himself “The Devil’s Virtue” and that’s Jay Rowe.

JR: Let’s get it straight, these kids are not from Hell, they’re just a couple of pyromaniacs who have this sick obsession with fire. They are a couple of dangerous pyromaniacs and… wait a minute!

As Kane almost reaches the ring, Jay and Dusty jump him from behind with a pair of chairs. They hit Kane over and over again and then whip him into the steps. They pound on Kane some more, but somehow Kane fights back and throws them off.

He hits them with thrusts to the throat and then throws Dusty into the ring and rolls in himself, the bell finally ringing. He backs Dusty into a corner and hits him in the throat some more. He whips Dusty to the opposite turnbuckle and follows up with a clothesline in the corner. He pounds on Dusty with a right hand, a reverse elbow and a throat thrust. Dusty staggers out of the corner, but Kane whips him into the ropes and hits a big boot. Kane signals for a chokeslam, but when he catches Dusty in a choke, Dusty kicks at the knee and forearms Kane’s elbow joint, causing him to release him.

Dusty bounces off the ropes, ducks a clothesline and then bounces off the other side, dropkicking the knee. Kane staggers but doesn’t go down.

Dusty moves back in, but gets sent down with a thrust to the throat. He gets up and gets clotheslined by Kane. Kane tries a legdrop, but Dusty moves and Kane falls flat.

He sits up and comes after Dusty, who ducks a right and moves behind Kane, showing some agility and strength by executing a teardrop suplex. Dusty drops the elbow and covers. Kane kicks out fairly easily.

Dusty picks Kane up by the hair, but Kane bats Dusty’s hands away and kicks him in the stomach. Kane hits a vertical suplex and covers, but Dusty kicks out at two. Dusty tries to roll out of the ring, but Kane grabs his hair.

Dusty gets to his feet on the apron and drops to the floor, snapping Kane’s neck across the top rope. Dusty slides back in the ring as Kane turns away and clips the knee. Kane goes down and Dusty applies a leg grapevine. After about twenty seconds, Kane manages to get to the ropes. Dusty releases the hold and continues to kick the leg.

Kane kicks him in the face and gets to his feet. He goes for another chokeslam, but Dusty gets out of it again. He tries a clothesline, but Kane kicks him in the midsection and hits a powerbomb. He covers, but Dusty barely manages to kick out.

He whips Dusty into the ropes, but Dusty reverses and lifts Kane to execute the Rope Burn. Dusty covers, but Kane gets a foot across the bottom rope. Dusty slides out of the ring as Jay brings out a lit mini-torch and a case of liquid.

Dusty takes the things from him and chases the ref away with the mini-torch. Dusty gets some liquid in his mouth and blows it through the mini-torch, making a huge fireball. Kane bails out of the ring as Dusty stands there. Jay tries to attack him, but Kane fights back. The ref gets the torch away from Dusty and hands it to a ringside attendant. Kane gets back in the ring and Jay on the apron. Dusty charges Kane, who moves and Dusty hits Jay. Kane hits the chokeslam on Dusty and signals for a Tombstone. He lifts Dusty, but Jay trips him from the outside and Dusty falls on top of Kane. The ref makes the three count as Jay holds both of Kane’s feet down.

Winner: “The Devil Himself” Dusty Schneble at 6:17

JR: Well, Dusty gets the victory with a bogus win, because he knows that he couldn’t beat Kane one on one.

Jay nails the ring attendant to get Dusty his torch back, and Dusty blows another fireball to send Kane running from the ring.

King: Who does he think he is, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat?

JR: Kane wants at the Pyro Twins in the worst way, but he can’t brave the fire. If they burn Kane, they’ll probably be suspended for another two weeks, or be fired, no pun intended.

The ref finally manages to take the mini-torch from Dusty as the APA theme hits. Faarooq and Bradshaw run in through the crowd and start pounding on Dusty and Jay.

JR: The cavalry has arrived! Faarooq was the first person burned by Dusty, and now it’s payback time!

Kane sees his opportunity and jumps in as the APA hit a double spinebuster on Dusty. Kane catches Jay in a choke and chokeslams him. As Dusty gets up, Kane lifts him and drives him into the mat with a Tombstone.

JR: The Pyro Twins are down!

Kane’s theme plays as he and the APA celebrate. Jay finally wakes up after a minute and drags Dusty out of the ring.

JR: Dusty may have won the match, but it looks like Kane just won the war!

INT. ARENA – NIGHT

The PPV Squad theme hits and Nykk and Croooooow make their way to the ring.

JR: This is for the tag team championship, ladies and gentlemen. No foreign objects allowed, or the match will be stopped by Flair himself… not the referee, Ric Flair, and the titles vacated, which would benefit neither team. Nykk and Croooooow, who claim to be one of the greatest teams of all time, and tried like hell to get out of this match.

King: Come on, JR, you have to give them a little credit. They’ve managed to hold on to the belts this long, and they have been fighting champions, even if they were a bit reluctant.

JR: They’re great wrestlers, no doubt about it. They’ve come a long way from when they first debuted. The thing is, they’re all sick. Nykk tried to cripple Edge about six weeks ago, and throws it in our face every chance he gets. But then again, in an interview with the Coach on Heat, they almost sounded enthusiastic about having a clean wrestling match.

King: And almost seemed as if there was a glimmer of respect for the Hardys present.

Nykk gets the PPV Squad mic.

JR: Here’s another thing I don’t like about them.

Nykk: Freakin’ finally, we’re back in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, the site of our glorious victory that brought us these tag team belts! Not that we’re actually glad to be here, but we seem to have a streak of luck with this town. Even if its name is comprised of three random syllables. And unlike the Milwaukee Bucks, we plan on walking out of here winners. No, the Bucks will not make it to the Final Four this year, but the PPV Squad will make it to the “Final Four” of wrestling, WrestleMania! Unfortunately, the Hardy Boys, Joe and Frank, are standing in our way.

JR: That’s Jeff and Matt.

Nykk: Joe, Frank, you may be good at uncovering mysteries, but tonight the PPV Squad will uncover you for the worthless, talentless, spotfesters that you are!

JR: Nykk is confusing Matt and Jeff with the Hardy Boys of literary fame… this should be a great contest nonetheless…

The Hardy Boyz’ theme hits and Matt, Jeff and Lita make their way to the ring.

King: I don’t know, JR, we know how tricky Nykk is. The Hardys may not be as prepared as we think they are.

JR: You can see that Jeff’s ribs are taped after that vicious attack on Smackdown, and Matt’s head has to be throbbing.

When the Hardys finish posing, the bell rings to start the match. The Hardys and Nykk and Croooooow stand in the center of the ring, sizing each other up. After some arguing a slugfest erupts, with Nykk and Croooooow getting the better of it. They simultaneously back the Hardys into the ropes and whip them to the opposite side. Nykk hits a running leg lariat on Jeff, but Matt Hardy ducks a clothesline from Croooooow and hits a Russian leg sweep. Croooooow rolls out of the ring and Matt gets in his corner, leaving Jeff and Nykk.

Nykk picks Jeff Hardy up and holds him against the ropes, giving him a European uppercut and some knife-edge chops. He whips Jeff into the ropes but gets reversed. Jeff drops down and tries a leapfrog on the rebound, but Nykk puts on the brakes and kicks Jeff in the midsection as he comes down.

He tries a vertical suplex, but Jeff escapes and gets a waistlock. Nykk runs to the ropes and grabs a hold, with Jeff pushing himself off and somersaulting backwards. Jeff regains his feet as Nykk turns around and charges.

Nykk ducks a clothesline and then dropkicks the knee.

Nykk moves in, but Jeff gives him a hard right hand.

Jeff goes for a vertical suplex, but Nykk escapes and gets a waistlock, running with Jeff to the ropes. Nykk somersaults backwards and regains his feet.

Jeff charges and Nykk goes for a hurricanrana, but Jeff catches him and hits a powerbomb. He covers Nykk but only gets a two count. Nykk slides to the ropes as Jeff awaits him in the middle of the ring. Nykk stares at him for a moment and then gets to his feet. He and Jeff lock up, with Jeff getting an armwringer.

Nykk reverses into an armwringer of his own, but Jeff counters into a hammerlock.

Nykk uses his free hand to grab Jeff’s head and propel himself backwards over Jeff, getting a waistlock.

Jeff reverses into a waistlock of his own and applies a full nelson. Nykk drops down to escape, but Jeff grabs him by the feet and hits his legs-across-the-thighs roll up for a two count. Nykk gets up and receives an armdrag from Jeff, who holds on to apply an armbar. Jeff tags Matt and they whip Nykk into the ropes. They hit a double hiptoss on the rebound and follow up with their fist drop/rolling senton splash combo.

Matt picks Nykk up, but he rakes the eyes and tags Croooooow.

Croooooow charges Matt, but Matt executes an armdrag. Croooooow gets up and charges again, but receives a hiptoss. Croooooow gets up again and receives a Japanese armdrag. Croooooow hits the mat in frustration as Matt showboats. Croooooow calms down and offers a left-handed handshake, giving Matt his best smile. Matt asks the crowd if he should do it, and then reluctantly and slowly takes Croooooow’s hand. He ducks the inevitable right hand and answers with a knife-edge chop that sends Croooooow down. Still holding Croooooow’s hand, Matt lifts him to his feet and hits him with a right, sending him down again. Matt pulls him up by the hand and drives his shoulder into Croooooow’s, sending him down once again. He pulls Croooooow up and applies a one-handed armwringer. He then moves in and executes a northern lights suplex. Croooooow kicks out at two, and gets to his feet. Matt scoop slams him and then goes for a falling fist drop.

Croooooow moves and Matt hits canvas. Croooooow grabs Matt by the hair and drives a knee into the side of his head. He backs him into the corner, giving him some knife-edge chops. He whips him to the opposite corner, and hits a reverse elbow as Matt staggers out. Matt goes down and Croooooow covers for a two count. He picks Matt up again and backs him into the corner, giving him some right hands. Matt blocks one and throws Croooooow into the corner, pelting him with lefts and rights. He whips Croooooow to the opposite side, and Croooooow tips up only to be caught by Matt. Matt goes for a running powerslam, but Croooooow slides backwards and into position for a reverse DDT. Nykk comes in and they execute their spinebuster/reverse DDT combo. Croooooow tags Nykk, who goes to the top rope. Croooooow hits a double-underhook suplex on Matt, and Nykk flies off the top rope with a splash, planting Matt. He covers, but gets only a two count. He picks Matt up and executes a backbreaker. He picks Matt up and hits a back suplex. Nykk covers, but Matt kicks out again. Nykk tags Croooooow and they back Matt into their corner, hitting a double bulldog. Croooooow goes for the STF, but Matt turns himself back over to avoid it, and Croooooow spins him aside and drops an elbow. He drags Matt in the middle of the ring and applies an Indian deathlock. Matt struggles to get to the ropes, and after about twenty seconds, does so. Croooooow releases the hold, and tags Nykk. They whip Matt into the ropes and put their heads down, trying a double back body drop.

Matt hooks their heads as he goes up and brings them down into a double DDT. All three remain motionless for a moment, and then Matt crawls to his corner. He tags Jeff as Nykk and Croooooow get to their feet. Jeff dropkicks Nykk and then bounces off the ropes, giving Croooooow a jumping forearm. Nykk runs over and hits him with a forearm, backing him into the corner. Nykk whips him to the opposite side, but Jeff dances up the turnbuckles and hits a corkscrew plancha on Nykk. He covers, but Croooooow makes the save. Matt comes in and gives Croooooow some rights and whips him into the ropes. Jeff hits a double leg takedown and then holds his legs while Matt goes to the second rope. Matt poses and they hit their double-foot legdrop/guillotine legdrop combo. Matt gets back in their corner as Jeff whips Croooooow into the ropes. He crashes into Nykk, who goes through the second rope to the outside. Jeff tags Matt, who sets up Croooooow for the Twist of Fate. As he does his yell, Nykk slides back in and tries to clothesline Matt. Matt ducks and releases Croooooow.

As he turns to face Nykk, Croooooow hits a reverse neckbreaker. Croooooow goes back to his corner as Matt tags Jeff.

Jeff hits a drop toehold on Nykk and then bounces off the ropes.

Nykk catches him with a powerslam and goes for the pin. He gets a two count. He tries to apply the Bellbrookville Cedarleaf, but Jeff kicks him away. Nykk legdrops Jeff and tags Croooooow, who applies a reverse chinlock to Jeff. Jeff almost immediately gets up and elbows out of it. He tries to run the ropes, but Croooooow pulls his hair and applies a side headlock. He segues into a hammerlock.

Jeff grabs Croooooow’s head and tries to propel himself backwards, but changes directions and snapmares him instead. Croooooow is immediately back on his feet and Jeff bounces off the ropes. Croooooow knees Jeff in the midsection on the rebound, but Jeff hangs on and executes a schoolboy roll up for a two count. Croooooow backs into the ropes and Jeff forearms him.

He bounces off the ropes, but Croooooow hits a back body drop that flips Jeff to the outside. Croooooow goes after him, but the ref holds him back. Nykk takes the opportunity to go to the top rope and hit a plancha to Jeff on the outside. He tosses Jeff back into the ring and Croooooow covers for a two count. He picks him up and executes a tiger suplex and bridges for another two count. He starts to work on the ribs, by lifting Jeff by the waist and hitting a stomach crusher. He tags Nykk, who goes to the second rope. They execute their powerbomb/reverse tornado DDT combo. Nykk picks Jeff up, and Jeff tries to fight back with rights. He stuns Nykk and tries to get away, but Nykk pulls his hair to bring him back in and executes a modified rolling Samoan drop, driving Jeff’s ribs into the mat rather than his back. Nykk goes for the Bellbrookville Cedarleaf, but Jeff fights kicks him with both feet. Nykk backs into the ropes and bounces off to receive a monkey flip from Jeff. Jeff bounces off the ropes and tries a dropkick, but Nykk catches his legs and quickly applies the Bellbrookville Cedarleaf. Jeff cries out in pain and frantically tries to reach the ropes, but Nykk pulls him back into the center of the ring. After about a minute, Jeff finally manages to make it to the ropes. Nykk doesn’t want to let go, but the ref forces him to. Nykk slams him in the center of the ring and moves in to hammer him with rights. The ref pulls Nykk off, allowing Croooooow to come off the top rope with a guillotine legdrop. Nykk whips Jeff into the ropes, but Jeff ducks a clothesline and grabs Nykk’s hair, slamming the back of his head to the mat. Nykk crawls to his corner and tags Croooooow, who tries to get Jeff, but he manages to tag Matt.

Matt flies in with right hands on Croooooow, and whips him into the ropes, hitting his dropping clothesline. He hits a back suplex on Croooooow. Croooooow gets up and takes a swing, but Matt blocks it and gives him a right hand and a gut wrench suplex. Then Matt goes up, poses and hits a moonsault. He covers, but Nykk runs in and makes the save. Jeff comes in and gives Nykk some forearms and a brawl erupts. Croooooow tries to help out Nykk, but Jeff blocks a right, executes his jawbreaker and hits his somersault legdrop. Nykk goes to pick up Matt, but with the ref involved with the other two, Lita goes for her top rope hurricanrana.

Nykk won’t flip over, however, and counters into the Bellbrookville Cedarleaf, really wrenching back on it before he lets her go. She slides out of the ring holding her back. The ref moves to Nykk to get him out of the ring and does so. Matt kicks Croooooow and goes for the Twist of Fate. Croooooow pushes him off as he’s about to hit it, right into the ref, who goes down. Croooooow knees Matt from behind, sending him down. He tags Nykk, who goes for his half nelson bulldog.

Matt slips out of it and kicks Nykk, finally delivering the Twist of Fate. He runs over and takes out Croooooow as the Hardys ascend opposite turnbuckles. They hit a splash/guillotine legdrop combo on Nykk and Matt covers, but the ref is still out.

Huh and Cheesecake jump the barricade and run in to the ring and pound on Matt and Jeff. Huh tries a shoulderbreaker on Jeff, but he slides out and low blows Huh, as Matt reverses an Irish whip that sends Cheesecake into the corner. They hit Poetry in Motion on Cheesecake, who slides out of the ring with Huh.

As Matt and Jeff see Cheesecake and Huh out, Nykk and Croooooow forearm them from behind. Croooooow hits a reverse tiger suplex on Jeff as Nykk sets Matt on the top turnbuckle. Croooooow climbs up and they execute The End. Nykk covers but the ref is still out.

As Croooooow gets up, Jeff clotheslines him over the top rope. When Croooooow gets to his feet, Jeff bounces off the ropes and hits a somersault plancha to the outside. As Nykk realizes he’s the last man standing, he showboats. However, Edge comes in through the crowd and stands behind Nykk. As he turns around, Edge charges and spears the hell out of him. Jeff Hardy gets back up and Edge tells him to go up top. Jeff goes up as Edge gets out of the ring and Jeff hits the Swanton Bomb on Nykk. He helps Matt over to make the cover. The ref wakes up and slowly counts to three, awarding the match to the Hardys.

Winners: The Hardy Boyz at 23:11

JR: Yes, yes, YES! The Hardys have beaten Nykk and Croooooow!

King: Wait a minute! Where the hell did Edge come from!? I can’t believe he helped the Hardys of all people!

JR: It looks like Tricky Nykk ran out of tricks! Finally some poetic justice for Nykk, as he got the hell speared out of him by Edge! What a match!

King: One thing Nykk said was true… it was a twenty-minute classic!

The Hardys and Lita hug and receive the tag team belts.

JR: The Hardys are celebrating… they’re back, and what a way to come back! We have new tag team champions!

Nykk, still in the ring, holds his head like he can’t believe what just happened.