1/14/02-1/20/02
Raw
INT. ARENA - NIGHT
MATCH: Cynric vs. Bradshaw
Cynric’s theme hits and he makes his way to the ring.
JR: Here comes Cynric, who challenged Steve Blackman on Smackdown to a match at the Royal Rumble…
King: You think he’ll accept?
JR: Who knows what’s going on in that man’s head.
Cynric gets the PPV Squad mic.
Cynric: Blackman, on Smackdown I challenged you for the Royal Rumble, but I haven’t heard from you yet. What’s the matter? I don’t blame you by being scared of me one bit, but it’s kind of awkward for me to gloat about that when you don’t say anything. If you accept, at the Royal Rumble it will be Crouching Cynric, Hidden Blackman, but I promise you that I will leave you bruised and choking on the taste of your own blood.
King: Crouching Cynric, Hidden Blackman?
JR: He’s a very confident young man, but it might not be a wise decision to anger Steve Blackman.
The APA’s theme hits and Bradshaw makes his way to the ring.
JR: Speaking of vendettas, Bradshaw would just love to get his hands on another PPV Squad member, Dusty Schnebble…
King: You’re saying it wrong, JR, it’s Schneble.
JR: Regardless, this should be an interesting contest.
The match goes about three minutes. Dusty comes to ringside and distracts Bradshaw by getting on the apron. Bradshaw takes a swing, but this allows Cynric to roll him up and hook the tights for the victory.
JR: Oh, come on! How about showing us that martial arts background, Cynric? Why take the cheap way out?
Dusty gets into the ring and they start to stomp Bradshaw.
King: They’re beating him down, JR!
JR: It’s two on one here, folks…
Steve Blackman runs out and dives into the ring.
JR: Blackman! Steve Blackman! He’s going after Cynric!
Blackman beats up Cynric with some right hands, and Cynric tries a crescent kick. Blackman ducks and kicks Cynric in the midsection. He drops down in the splits and thrusts Cynric in the throat. Cynric rolls from the ring, and Blackman goes after him. They fight to the back, while Dusty continues to pound on Bradshaw.
King: Blackman and Cynric are gone! I guess this means Blackman accepts!
JR: The Chief Assassin’s probably halfway to Houston by now! What’s Dusty doing?
Dusty goes under the ring and retrieves a blowtorch.
King: Uh oh…
JR: Oh, no… we need some help out here.
Dusty lights the blowtorch.
King: He’s going to burn Bradshaw, JR! He’s gonna burn him!
JR: If anyone can hear me back there, we need some security out here right now…
Dusty gets in the ring, but the APA theme hits and Faarooq runs to the ring. He’s mostly recovered, but still has some bandages on from his burns.
King: Hey, it’s Faarooq!
JR: Faarooq’s back!
Faarooq goes for Dusty, but he ducks out of the ring. Faarooq stares at him as he exits and then helps his partner up.
JR: I think that sooner rather than later “The Devil Himself” is going to find out that paybacks are hell!
INT. ARENA – NIGHT
The PPV Squad theme hits and Nykk and Croooooow make their way to the ring.
JR: Here comes one sick son of a…
King: Hey, watch it!
JR: He almost broke the neck of Edge last week on Raw, and tried to do it to Scotty 2 Hotty on Smackdown.
King: He would have if not for Jerry Lynn.
JR: Jerry Lynn made his return on Smackdown. Lynn just coming off of a neck injury that kept him out for about six months, and he didn’t take to kindly to Nykk and Croooooow’s antics with Scotty.
Nykk gets the PPV Squad mic.
King: Oh boy, here we go…
Nykk: You know, I am so sick of being lectured, condemned and yelled at for what I did to Edge last week. Hard to believe, but most of that’s coming from my fellow wrestlers, my family away from home that I travel up and down the roads with. It only got worse after I had my match with Scotty 2 Hotty last week. Apparently, some people don’t know the meaning of the word “competitive spirit.”
King: That’s two words.
JR: Obviously you don’t, you horse’s ass.
Nykk: After some careful thought, I now realize that what I did to Edge was wrong, and I’m going to make an apology, perhaps to atone for my sins, and make peace with my brethren. Croooooow and I put together a special WWF Desire video dedicated to Edge that we want to share right now. So Kevin Dunn, please roll that tape!
King: An apology?
JR: Why am I not believing a word he says?
On the TitanTron Creed’s “My Sacrifice” video plays. It starts off showing the beginning of the Edge one they aired a few weeks ago.
JR: Didn’t we already see this?
King: Quiet, JR.
When it gets to the first fade-out, the video suddenly switches to the song “Otherworld” from Final Fantasy X. It shows footage of Nykk and Croooooow beating up Edge and other Superstars from weeks past, and finally gets to the clip of Nykk using the Aurora Driver on Edge, and it plays quite a few times. Finally, the video ends and Nykk and Croooooow are shedding faux tears.
JR: That was sick.
Nykk: So you see, it’s not that I hate Edge’s guts. It’s just the rest of him that I hate. Especially his neck. I…
Jerry Lynn’s theme plays and he comes out onto the ramp with a mic.
JR: It’s Jerry Lynn!
King: He must have heard enough.
Lynn: Nykk, you and your carrot-topped friend are about the saddest men I’ve ever seen in my life. You both know the risks we take every time we step in the ring, yet you insist on belittling something as serious as a neck injury. And it may not make up for what you did to Edge or tried to do to Scotty, or it may be from my own bitterness at being out of the ring for six months, but I want a piece of you right now!
King: Hey!
JR: Jerry Lynn just challenged Nykk one on one.
Nykk: I tell you what, Jerry, I would love to kick the crap out of you all by myself, but you’re forgetting one thing… I’m a tag team wrestler for the time being. Not only that, a tag team champion. So if you want to get in the ring with me, you need to find someone to be your tag team partner. In a non-title match, of course.
JR: What a coward.
Lynn: I thought you might say something like that. That’s why I went and acquired the partnership of an old friend from ECW.
Tajiri’s theme plays and he and Torrie Wilson come out on the ramp.
JR: How about that? Jerry Lynn and Tajiri a team!
They charge the ring and the match starts. It goes about five minutes. A brawl is in progress, and Nykk and Croooooow try to whip Lynn and Tajiri into each other. Tajiri reverses on Croooooow, and Jerry meets him mid-ring with a swinging DDT. Nykk tries to help, but Tajiri runs over and sprays mist in his eyes. Lynn covers to score the upset win.
King: Wow!
JR: Lynn and Tajiri win! The tag team champions have been upset!
Outside the ring, Lynn and Tajiri embrace.
JR: If Lynn and Tajiri can get a title match, we may be looking at our future tag team champions!
Smackdown
INT. LOCKER ROOM – NIGHT
Nykk is sitting on the bench in sunglasses and a bandage wrapped around his eyes talking to Croooooow, when the rest of the Squad comes in.
Jay: Hey Nykk, your match with Tajiri is next. Why aren’t you ready?
Nykk: Look at me. Do I look like I’m in any condition to face Tajiri tonight? His mist burnt my eyes so bad I can barely see, let alone wrestle. So who’s going to face him in my place?
Cheesecake: I’ll do it! He’ll go down, I promise!
Cynric: Let me at him. It’ll warm me up for Blackman.
Dusty: Let me at him. I’ll warm him up period.
Huh: Huh?
Nykk: Well, I guess there’s only one fair way to decide…
He points at them.
Nykk: Eenie, meenie, minie, moe, catch Tajiri by his toe, if he hollers squeeze harder and cause him as much pain and suffering as possible, eenie, meenie, minie… Cheesecake!
Cheesecake: There i’th’n’t nothing “minie” about me!
Nykk: Help me up, Croooooow. I want to watch this.
Croooooow guides him off camera.
Huh: I thought you couldn’t see.
OC Croooooow: Shut up, Huh!
OC Nykk: Huh, shut up!
Jay: Shut up, fatboy!
Cheesecake: (to Cynric) Shut Huh up!
INT. ARENA – NIGHT
MATCH: Cheesecake vs. Tajiri
Cheesecake’s theme plays and he makes his way to the ring.
Cole: This match was originally going to be Tajiri taking on Nykk, but he claims that he can’t see because of the misting he got on Raw.
King: That mist is dangerous, Michael. I don’t blame him.
Cole: On Raw, Jerry Lynn and Tajiri upset Nykk and Croooooow in a non-title match, and now may be no. 1 contenders for the tag team titles.
They show Raw footage of the Lynn/Tajiri win.
Tajiri’s theme hits and he and Torrie make their way to the ring.
Cole: I don’t know how prepared Tajiri is for this match. He thought he was facing Nykk.
The match goes about four minutes. Midway through, Nykk makes his way to ringside, guided by Croooooow. He removes the bandage from his eyes and gets on the apron. Tajiri comes over and Nykk spits water into his face, allowing Cheesecake to hit a back suplex. Nykk puts the bandage and sunglasses back on and he and Croooooow escape through the crowd. Cheesecake gets a two count when the Hurricane and Mighty Molly come to ringside. Hurricane distracts the ref while Molly hits a flying bodypress on Cheesecake. As he gets up, Tajiri nails his kick and pins him.
Cole: Tajiri with the win, despite interference from Nykk, who looked like he could see just fine.
King: But the win came thanks to the Hurricane and Mighty Molly!
Cheesecake quickly grabs the cape and scurries away.
INT. ARENA – NIGHT
The PPV Squad theme hits and Dusty and Jay make their way to the ring.
Cole: Here come “The Devil Himself” Dusty Schneble and Jay, representing the PPV Squad. Dusty got quite a surprise on Raw with the return of Faarooq, the man he burned a month ago.
The APA theme hits and Faarooq and Bradshaw make their way to the ring.
King: They both look irate.
Cole: The APA has the chance for vengeance tonight against Dusty and Jay.
King: Have you noticed that these two have the only normal names out of all the PPV Squad?
The match goes about three minutes. As the APA get the upperhand, Jay comes in and hits Bradshaw with a chair, drawing a DQ. Dusty goes under the ring and gets a branding iron.
Cole: What is that?
King: Is that a branding iron!?
Cole: What does Dusty have in mind this time, King?
Dusty pours some lighter fluid on the branding iron and lights it.
King: We were in Texas the other night, maybe Dusty stopped by Terry Funk’s house!
Jay beats down Faarooq with the chair. Dusty gets in the ring and raises the branding iron.
King: No!
Kane runs into the ring, and Dusty sees him and hightails it. Jay doesn’t, and turns around to receive a chokeslam.
Cole: The Big Red Machine! What’s he doing out here?
King: I think Kane knows what it feels like to be burned!
Kane stares at Dusty, who stares back from the ramp with pure hatred.
Kane gets a mic.
Kane: You’re the Devil Himself…? I know… what it’s like to feel flames rendering my flesh… there’s not a trick you can’t teach me. So… how about it? Come try… and burn… me!
Dusty looks like he might go back to the ring but backs off.
INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT
Nykk and Croooooow are dragging suitcases, looking like they’re about to leave when Ric Flair catches up to them.
Flair: Nykk! Nykk, buddy, can I have a word with you?
Nykk: If this is about Edge…
Flair: No, it’s not about Edge. It looks like your eyesight has gotten better, hasn’t it?
Nykk: Yeah well, it still cramps when it rains. If you’ll excuse us…
Flair: Not so fast there. Since you’re all better, I was able to find a spot for you on tonight’s card. In fact, he personally requested this match.
Nykk: Who?
Flair: Woooo! Tonight you’ll be facing “Stone Cold” Steve Austin one on one!
Nykk and Croooooow react with dismay.
Nykk: What?
Flair: Enjoy, guys.
He leaves, leaving Nykk and Croooooow staring after him in disbelief.
INT. PROMO SET – NIGHT
Lillian Garcia is standing by with Steve Austin.
Lillian: Stone Cold, up next you’ll be facing Nykk from the PPV Squad and one half of the tag team champions. Why did you request this match?
Austin: What?
Lillian: I said, why did…
Austin: What?
Lillian: After Nykk…
Austin grabs the mic and Lillian backs away.
Austin: Four years ago, I got dumped in my head in the middle of a match and nearly broke my neck. Two years ago, I was out for a full year rehabbing my vertebrae. What? Nykk, you look in my eyes, son, and you tell me if I’m not being serious. What? I said tell me if I’m not being serious. I don’t care if you’re the WWF Champion, I don’t care if you’re a so-called midcarder, or jerking the curtain… I don’t take kindly to you intentionally trying to put another man through what I went through. Jerry Lynn and Scotty 2 Hotty had the right idea, but I’m Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I have the right to challenge whoever I want! All the Booker Ts, and Vince McMahons and Big Bossmans can wait for one night, because tonight I’m going to freakin’ finally whip your ass, and then mow through 29 other Superstars on Sunday to win the Royal Rumble, and that’s the bottom line, cause Stone Cold said so! ….What?
INT. PROMO SET – NIGHT
Lillian Garcia is standing by with Nykk.
Lillian: Nykk, later on you’ll be facing “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, in a match made by Ric Flair and requested by Austin. Austin says that tonight he’s going to whip your ass for trying to put another man through what he went through.
Nykk: Lillian, I tried to apologize on Raw, and then got challenged and beaten by Jerry Lynn and Tajiri. I got chewed out by Scotty 2 Hotty last week, and now Austin. You know what? I’m glad I nearly broke Edge’s neck. You hear that, Austin? You think I’d be scared of the great Stone Cold, but no. I see this as a chance to elevate myself. If I beat Austin, the title shots are going to come pouring in. And the next time I see Edge, I’m going to shake his hand and say “Thanks for the opportunity.”
INT. ARENA – NIGHT
MATCH: Nykk vs. Steve Austin
Nykk’s theme hits and the entire PPV Squad come to ringside with him to protect him.
Cole: Here comes Nykk, who meets Stone Cold in just a moment…
King: Stone Cold requested this match, but I don’t think he bargained for the entire PPV Squad!
Austin’s theme hits and he comes to the ring. The entire PPV Squad stands in his path, but he rushes the ring and fights through them. He downs Jay, Huh and Cheesecake with rights, and then clotheslines Dusty over the top rope. He throws Cynric onto him, and then gives Croooooow a Stunner. The ref makes the PPV Squad members leave as the bell rings.
The match goes about six minutes. Straightforward wrestling, swinging back and forth a couple of times, and the finish sees Austin try and kick Nykk in the midsection, but Nykk grabs his leg. He taunts Austin, but Austin forces his foot down and then kicks Nykk again and delivers the Stunner. He covers for the three count.
Cole: Austin with the three count! Stone Cold wins!
Booker T runs in and hits Austin with a leaping sidekick.
King: It’s Booker T!
Cole: Booker T just attacked Austin!
As Booker hits Austin, the Rock runs in and gives Booker the Rock Bottom. As Rock celebrates, Chris Jericho runs in and gives Rock a missile dropkick and hits a Lionsault. Triple H runs in and gives Jericho a high knee and sets up for a Pedigree. Kurt Angle runs in, and he and Booker take down HHH. Rikishi runs in and superkicks Angle, as Austin Stuns Booker. Undertaker runs in and chokeslams Austin. Rob Van Dam comes in and hits a kick from the top rope on the Undertaker. The PPV Squad gets back in the ring to take out RVD, and Jerry Lynn, Tajiri, the APA, Kane, Hurricane and Steve Blackman run in, turning it into a big brawl.
Cole: It’s mayhem in the ring, just like it’ll be at the Royal Rumble this Sunday! We’ll see you then!
Jakked
MATCH: Jay and Huh vs. Scotty 2 Hotty and Albert
Jay and Huh lose to the Worm and Albert’s Baldo Bomb.
Sunday Night Heat
INT. PROMO SET – NIGHT
Michael Cole is standing by with Nykk, Croooooow, Huh, Jay, Dusty and Cheesecake.
Cole: PPV Squad, we’re just a couple hours away from the Royal Rumble match, and all of you are entered except for Cynric. Nykk, how do you feel about your chances after drawing your number earlier today?
Nykk: I feel very confident, Michael. Ever since we got here, I’ve been skyrocketing to the top of the WWF. I’m one half of the tag team champions, along with my good buddy Croooooow, I beat Steve Austin on Smackdown, and tonight I’ll get my first shot at the WWF Title by winning the Royal Rumble.
Michael: You didn’t beat Stone Cold…
Jay slaps him in the head to shut him up.
Croooooow: Hey Michael, don’t second guess Nykk. Anyway, it’s my turn now.
Cole: Well, how about your chances and how do you two feel about Tajiri and Jerry Lynn also in the Rumble?
Croooooow: Trust me when I say that their win over us on Monday was a fluke and nothing else. And if we meet up with them during the Rumble, well, we’ll just have to eliminate them along with the other twenty-two Superstars.
Cole: Fair enough, Dusty… how about you and Kane? He seemed to take exception to your obsession with fire on Smackdown.
Dusty: First of all, it’s the Devil Himself, and don’t you forget it. Kane, you’ve already had a taste of Hell and that makes you not only very experienced, but also very dangerous. But I’ve lived Hell. You don’t have a thing on me, my friend. And after I win the Rumble tonight…
Nykk: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold the freakin’ phone. What did we discuss, Dusty? If anyone from the PPV Squad is going to win the Rumble, it’s going to be me, your leader!
Croooooow: Wait, Nykk, who said anything about helping you? It’s every man for himself, and I’m going to win this thing!
Everyone starts talking at once.
Jay: Yeah, Nick, who do you think you are to tell us that?
Huh: Huh?
Nykk: Don’t call me that! It’s Nykk!
Cheesecake: Thi’th Federation need’th a manly man to be it’th champion!
Jay: Whatever.
Croooooow: You may be the Devil, but you’ll never be champ!
Dusty: I oughta smack ya!
Huh: Can’t we all just get along?
Croooooow: Shut up, Huh!
Nykk: Huh, shut up!
Jay: Shut up, fatboy!
Cheesecake: (to Dusty) Shut Huh up!
They all walk off in opposite directions, except Huh, who looks crestfallen.
Cole: There you have it, dissention even in a group as tight as the PPV Squad over…
Huh puts an arm on Michael’s shoulder, looking for comfort.
Cole: Over winning the Royal Rumble. Now let’s go to ringside to Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler!