11/5/01-11/11/01
Raw
INT. ARENA - NIGHT
Just after the opening of the program, the PPV Squad theme hits and they all come out to the stage.
JR: Oh no. Don't tell me we're gonna start off Raw with these guys.
Paul: I don't know. What is Huh and Jay carrying?
JR: A couch, for godsakes.
They place the couch near the front edge of the stage on the audience's left side. Nykk has a mic.
JR: All right, who keeps giving him a microphone?
Nykk: If I may have your attention please...
The crowd boos.
Nykk: Yes, thank you. We love you all too.
Cheesecake blows kisses.
Nykk: Normally we would come out here and praise the athleticism, the vigor, the workrate of people like Billy Gunn...
JR: This guy's a walking contradiction.
Nykk: ...and then we would proceed to entertain each and every one of you by putting on a 'twenty minute classic' that will live in the memories of the fans for years to come.
Paul: Hey JR, remember that time when Nykk wrestled Chris Jericho for the WCW Title?
JR: Oh, will you shut up? Don't you start lying out of your ass too. Folks, don't believe a word this young man says.
Nykk: But last week on Smackdown, we single-handedly defeated the Big Show! And I hear the Big Show sustained an injury in our match and, thank God, will not be here to stink up the ring tonight! So what we thought we would do is come out here and celebrate... Croooooow has the video tapes, Huh has the snacks... we're going to set up camp here and watch some good wrestling for a change. Thank you, and everyone at least try and enjoy the show!
JR: We've got more important matters at hand... the WWF's future hangs in the balance at the Survivor Series, and these guys are going to hang out on the stage and watch tapes!
Paul: Hey, why should they worry? They're certainly welcome in the Alliance at any time.
JR: Well folks, this is WWF Raw, not PPV Squad Raw, and we've got a stellar line-up tonight...
*JR runs down the night's card*
[NOTE]: After an explosion of pyro frightens the PPV Squad, they set up camp at the bottom of the ramp facing the ring during a commercial break. They continue to watch wrestling tapes, eat popcorn, play video games and talk amongst themselves for the entire first hour. At one point, a pizza delivery man comes down the ramp and delivers a pizza to them. Anytime someone they've been feuding with comes to the ring (i.e. Billy Gunn, Kaientai, Tajiri), they get in their face but no one wants to attack five people at once. They draw quizzical stares from other wrestlers but are basically ignored.
INT. ARENA ? NIGHT
At the top of the hour, the announcers are getting ready for the mid-show main event. Nykk suddenly gets up and walks to the commentary table.
JR: Can we get security out here to remove him please?
Paul: Why? I want to know why he's coming over here.
JR: Why do you think, Paul? He's coming over here to make an ass out of himself on commentary.
Nykk dons a headset.
Nykk: In case by some fluke this match turns out to be good, I want to be here to see it. But since I know for a fact that if it goes past fifteen minutes the ref will ring the bell anyway, I have my doubts.
JR: Well... yeah. We have a format to follow, you know. And you and your friends aren't even on it tonight! What makes you think you can just come out here and put a couch in the middle of the entrance ramp so you can play video games and eat pizza.
Nykk: It's called EXPOSURE, JR. Do you honestly think that we got to the WWF just to toil around in four-minute matches with people like Billy Gunn and Kaientai? No, we're here to make an impact, but tonight's a celebration.
The main event happens and proceeds as planned. At the end, the participants go back to the dressing room but the cameras keep rolling. Suddenly, the Big Show walks out and down to the bottom of the ramp to stand behind the PPV Squad's couch.
JR: Wait a minute! It's the Big Show!
Nykk: (stands up) What the hell? They said he was injured!
JR: (pleased with himself) They must have been mistaken!
Nykk: Guys! Look out!
Before the PPV Squad can turn around, the Big Show tips the couch backwards and dumps them all out. He beats them up with right hands until they run back to the locker room. He carries the couch up to the stage and throws it off, breaking it on the concrete.
Nykk: No, not our couch!
JR: The Big Show has just crashed the PPV Squad's party! Hey... what the hell are you doing?
The masked nun from Smackdown has jumped the guardrail and is standing beside Nykk, protecting him. This time he's dressed like Darth Maul.
Nykk: The Big Show had no right to destroy our property like that!
Paul: It's that person in the mask. Who is he?
The Big Show points at Nykk from the stage and does his 'AGGGH!' pose.
Nykk: Yeah, yeah, I know, 'AGGGH!' He'll be saying 'OWWW!' once my bodyguard here gets through with him again!
JR: Ladies and gentlemen, we have to take a break but we'll be right back!
*Cut*
Smackdown
INT. BACKSTAGE AREA - NIGHT
Nykk, Croooooow, Cheesecake, Jay and Huh enter the building through a back door. When they come to a corner, Nykk, who is in the lead, signals for them to stop. He peers around the corner as if afraid of being jumped. X-pac comes from the opposite side and causes the PPV Squad to jump in surprise.
X-pac: Hey!
Nykk: Jesus Christ, don't do that! What do you want?
X-pac: Commissioner Foley says he wants to see you guys in his office.
Croooooow: Foley? What does he want?
X-pac: I don't know, I'm just the messenger. See you guys around.
Nykk: All right, Pac, take care.
X-pac leaves.
Nykk: He isn't 'twenty minute classic' material either. We'll go see Foley when we're good and ready.
They walk down the hallway to their locker room.
*Cut*
INT. LOCKER ROOM - NIGHT
The PPV Squad is unpacking their stuff while Huh keeps watch at the door.
Croooooow: Huh, is anyone coming?
Huh: No, no one's... oh my God!
He backs away from the door frantically.
Nykk: (stands up) What is it, the Big Show?
Commissioner Mick Foley steps through the door.
Mick: Hey, everybody, how's it going tonight?
Nykk: Oh, it's just you.
Mick: Yeah, it's me, the Mickster! And I'm here to talk to you, the Nickster!
Nykk: Don't call me that! It's Nykkster! I mean, Nykk!
Mick: (laughs) Whatever. Hey, that's a pretty cute bit you've got there, what's that other one... 'freakin' conclusively? Anyway, I'm here because I know you guys keep talking about being in the WWF to bring good wrestling matches to the forefront, and that's an admirable goal, but you know, we have Survivor Series coming up. You see, there's a chance that there won't even be a WWF anymore, so I guess what I want to know and what Vince wants to know is, whose side are you on?
Nykk: Whose side are we on? Well, seeing as how we've been treated like crap by the WWF fans and the wrestlers since we've got here, we're definitely not on the WWF's side. And we haven't even had anyone approach us and say hello from the Alliance, so we're not on their side either. There's only one organization we can count on to stick by our side... and that's each other. The PPV Squad.
Mick: Oh, I see. So you're just going to sit on the fence, huh?
Huh: Huh?
Nykk: (to Huh) Not you. Look, Commish, if you're going to bang a gavel and tell us it?s final, you can just...
Mick: (raises his voice) No it's NOT final! Ever since you five got here you seem to think the wrestling industry owes you something. You think you can actually get away with stunts like you pulled on Monday! And that might have been true in the past, but this isn't an ordinary month! We're fighting for our survival here! And you may not be aligned with the WWF, but since this is a WWF program, you still fall under my jurisdiction. And since you seem to want to sit on the fence, and everyone says 'Foley is God,' it seems that it falls to me to cast you into purgatory. So tonight, Nykk, you will take on the Big Show in a one on one match, with no PPV Squad members at ringside, including that masked stranger of yours. Since we're fighting for our survival, maybe since you'll be in the ring with the Big Show, you'll know how it feels.
He leaves and the PPV Squad reacts with chagrin. Suddenly, Foley jumps in front of the camera.
Mick: (thumbs up) And it will happen right here in East Rutherford, New Jersey!
He leaves, and Nykk for once, doesn't have anything to say.
*Cut*
INT. ARENA ? NIGHT
The Big Show's music hits and the Big Show makes is way to the ring.
Cole: Here comes the Big Show, who will finally get his hands on Nykk from the PPV Squad! The match was set up earlier by Commissioner Foley as punishment for the PPV Squad deciding to sit on the fence and not join either the WWF or the Alliance.
Tazz: I can't say I don't agree with him, but throwing him to the Big Show!?
Cole: The Big Show must be looking forward to this after what the PPV Squad, mainly Nykk, has been doing to him for the past week.
Tazz: And the rest of the PPV Squad is barred from ringside.
The PPV Squad theme hits and Nykk makes his way to the stage with a microphone.
Cole: Nykk's looking confident. What does he have up his sleeve this time?
Nykk: So Commissioner Mick Foley says he is going to cast me down into hell tonight! And though this may not be a 'twenty minute classic,' it will be a battle of biblical proportions. We have Goliath in the ring, the part of David will be played by yours truly, and here comes my sling!
The PPV Squad theme hits again and Croooooow makes his way to the ring, looking like he's about to wet himself.
Nykk: You see, the reason we were late getting here tonight was because I was visiting a doctor. And though this is New Jersey, a haven for malpractice, he revealed to me that I have ruptured a patella tendon in my thorax! Therefore, I am unable to compete tonight and should be given credit for even walking out here! So Croooooow has courageously volunteered to take my place, and Big Show, I think you are in for one 'purgatory' of an ass-kicking!
Nykk leaves as Croooooow advances cautiously to the ring.
Cole: Of all the lying... Nykk claims that an injury is going to prevent him from getting in the ring! And he's sending his friend down there to get his butt whipped for him, for God's sake!
Tazz: You heard him, he's ruptured a patella tendon in his thorax. What else can he do?
Cole: Stop the pain! Humans don't even have a thorax!
MATCH: The Big Show vs. Croooooow
The match goes about 2:00. Croooooow gets in minimal offense, but it has very little effect on the Big Show. The Big Show is quickly able to kick his ass and deliver a chokeslam for the pin.
Cole: And the three count! The Big Show made short work of Croooooow, but he still hasn't gotten his hands on Nykk.
Tazz: And if Nykk's smart, he'll keep anything and anybody between him and the Big Show.
The Big Show picks Croooooow up by the shirt and yells at his unconscious body for a moment before flinging him back down.
*Cut*
Sunday Night Heat
MATCH: Perry Saturn vs. Cheesecake
Cheesecake wins with a Screw Driver after Jay interferes.