10/15/01-10/21/01

Raw

INT. ARENA - NIGHT

*Cut back from commercial or backstage skit*

Maven's theme hits and he makes his way to the ring. The announcers talk about his second loss to Tazz on Smackdown, and how the kid won't give up, and so on. They state that they don't know who Maven's opponent is tonight. The PPV Squad music then hits to (hopefully) strong boos from the crowd. Nykk, Croooooow, Jay, Huh and Cheesecake make their way to the ramp. Nykk has a mic and waits for the music to cut.

JR: Oh no, not again! These kids have caused nothing but trouble since they arrived here last week, Paul.

Heyman: No doubt, the PPV Squad is on a roll.

JR: No they're not. Nykk has sent that guy Croooooow to do his dirty work both times, and Croooooow's lost both times he's stepped into the ring. None of them are threats by themselves. They rely on gang rules to take out their opponents, kind of like the Alliance.

Heyman: We could use some guys like these in the Alliance, no doubt. They speak the truth!

JR: Well, you're welcome to them.

Nykk: Hey! Shut up, JR!

Heyman: How did he know you were talking?

Nykk: Sorry we're late, everyone. For some reason, this place is full of Canadians tonight, and we were afraid to leave our hotel room!

JR: We're in Ottawa!

Nykk: The sea of slack-jawed foreigners with blank stares is enough to dishearten even the PPV Squad. Speaking of foreigners... Maven... you won some TV show, right? Rough Enough or something? I don't know, I never really watched it... you're about as foreign to this business as anyone I've ever seen. You didn't pay your dues to get here in the World Wrestling Federation like the PPV Squad did!

JR: Give me a break!

Heyman: He's right, Maven hasn't paid his dues. Leave it up to a backward organization like the WWF to take someone off the street and make them into a wrestler.

Nykk: You are way too green to be of any entertaining value to the PPV Squad. You're just not 'twenty minute classic' material yet. So tonight, the PPV Squad will help you start your quest to up your workrate and better yourself as a performer by testing your limits in a match with one of us.

JR: Why don't you step in the ring, big shot?

Nykk: Now who will it be?

He looks around at the PPV Squad members and settles on Croooooow, who's pretending to be winded.

Nykk: You're right, Croooooow. You worked really hard last week, and even managed to retire 'The Done' Billy Gunn. Let's let someone else have some fun tonight. Cheesecake, go help the new meat find his way!

Cheesecake gets in the ring and the bell rings. Nykk walks over to the commentary table.

JR: The bell has rung, Maven will be taking on Cheesecake from the PPV Squad... oh no, he's coming over here.

Heyman: Nykk! Buddy! Have a seat.

Nykk: Thank you, Paul, and after a grueling tour through the state of Canada last night, it's good to be back in the PPV Squad's home state of Ohio.

JR: We're in Ottawa, you nincompoop.

Nykk: Ottawa, Ohio?

JR: No, Ottawa, Ontario! We were in Toledo last night, and we're in Ottawa tonight!

Nykk: You know, I don't like the tone you're taking with me, JR. We worked way too long and way too hard to get here and don't appreciate you raining on our parade.

JR: How? How are you even here? That's what I don't get.

Nykk: You don't expect me to tell you, do you? Let's just say that Vince McMahon owed us one and leave it at that.

JR: Well then maybe you can answer a few other questions like why you call yourselves the PPV Squad?

Nykk: That's a very good question, JR. Who fed it to you? We're the PPV Squad because we know wrestling PPVs. We grew up on them. There's not a trick we don't know, and a stunt we can't pull. You'll see that this Sunday at No Mercy. Now why don't you call the match like you're supposed to and leave me alone? Cheesecake's been in control of Maven for the last minute or so... Cheesecake a very dominating guy...

JR: So you're just going to keep avoiding questions about your purpose here?

Nykk: We're not talking about me, JR, we're talking about you. Do you know what move Cheesecake just executed on Maven?

JR: It was a nice high impact move, I'll give him that...

Nykk: And that's what I'm talking about. It's called a back suplex, JR. If you can't even call a move right, maybe I should be asking you how you got here. Our talents just don't lend themselves to the ring. We plan to improve every aspect of WWF programming... excuse me.

He throws off his headset as Huh diverts the ref's attention. Jay and Croooooow go for a double clothesline on Maven, but he ducks and they hit Cheesecake. Maven makes the cover as the ref turns around and gets the three count at about 3:00.

JR: Maven wins his first match! Maven just beat Cheesecake from the PPV Squad!

Nykk grabs a chair and gets in the ring. He swings at Maven's back, but misses as Maven wises up and ducks. The PPV Squad fills the ring as Maven makes an exit. Billy Gunn rushes down the ramp and into the ring, but Nykk hightails it before he can get his hands on him. The Squad attacks, but Gunn manages to repel them and send them up the ramp with Nykk.

JR: 'The One' Billy Gunn! Now the PPV Squad knows how it feels to be taken by surprise!

Gunn gets a mic as the Squad backs up the ramp.

Gunn: Nykk, huh? Well, you sure gave me a headache last week on Smackdown... I'll give you that much. But it's gonna take a lot more than that to get 'The One' Billy Gunn to hang it up! Now how about you step up to the plate and show everyone what you've got? You and me, No Mercy. Put up or shut up!

Gunn drops the mic as his music plays. On the ramp, Nykk is enraged that Gunn broke up their fun and points threateningly while the rest of the Squad reassures him.

JR: A challenge has been laid out! Billy Gunn vs. Nykk at No Mercy! Will the leader of the PPV Squad accept?

Heyman: It looks like Gunn may be 'The One' to call the PPV Squad on their bluff.

*Cut to next segment or commercial*

Smackdown

INT. ARENA ? NIGHT

*Cut back from commercial or previous segment*

The PPV Squad theme plays and Nykk actually comes out by himself and makes his way to the ring.

Cole: We've come to know what that music means over the past week? and Nykk is out by himself for once.

Tazz: When's this guy gonna step in the ring, Cole? After all the talking he's been doing, I hope he has something to back it up or he'll be run out of here in a hurry.

Cole: Well, Billy Gunn made a challenge to him on Raw for No Mercy. He also ran like a bat out of hell when Billy Gunn took him and his friends by surprise.

Nykk gets in the ring and grabs a mic. As he's about to talk, he waits for the crowd to stop booing.

Nykk: Thanks to my colleague, Jim Ross, I've been informed that we're now in Canada.

Cole: (sarcastic) Colleague!

Nykk: Or as I like to call it, US Lite! We're also in the city of Montreal, which has a very dubious history in the wrestling industry. It's the home of quite possibly the biggest screwjob in the history of our sport... and I'm not talking about anything involving Pat Patterson. Anyway, Patterson's not relevant to why I?m out here, nor is the country of Canadia. 'The One' Billy Gunn... so you've challenged me to a match. Many people have wondered if I can wrestle as well as I can converse. How about we find out this Sunday, Billy?

Cole: All right, the challenge has been accepted. Billy Gunn vs. Nykk at No Mercy!

Nykk: And no, it won't be a 'twenty minute classic' to the disappointment of all you fans. Honestly, I don't think Billy can go three minutes without getting so winded that he hacks up a chunk of Montreal meat loaf. But what I wanted to do was invite Billy out here, because why bother having a three minute suckfest on pay per view when we can do that right here in Quebec, where those types of matches belong!

Cole: Nykk's challenging Billy right here!

Tazz: And he doesn't even have any back-up, Cole!

Nykk: What are you waiting for, Billy? Are you scared?

The Smokin' Gunns' theme hits and Cheesecake comes out dressed as a cowboy. He makes his way into the ring and shoots off his faux pistol.

Cole: What is this!?

Nykk: Oh my God, it's Billy's old self... one half of the Smokin' Gunns, ladies and gentlemen!

Cole: Come on! Nykk's mocking 'The One' Billy Gunn!

Nykk: Hey, what's the matter? You have something on your shoe, Billy?

Cheesecake acts apologetic and wipes his boot on the edge of the apron, leaving a brown stain.

Cole: That's disgusting!

Nykk: So, Billy? How are you doing? Now I know I made you mad last week on Smackdown. So I'm giving you this forum to voice your opinions on this matter.

Cheesecake: Woooooo!

Nykk: That's it? Come on, Billy, these fans paid to see us tear each other apart!

Cheesecake: Uh... yee-haw!

Nykk: Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize. Apparently this isn't the real Billy Gunn. Billy, please come out here and take care of this imposter.

The Rockabilly theme hits and Croooooow makes his way to the ring dressed like a bad version of the Honky Tonk Man, complete with guitar.

Tazz: This is great, Cole!

Cole: Oh come on! This is humiliating. First Cheesecake comes out here as a Smokin' Gunn, and now that guy Croooooow is dressed like Rockabilly!

Nykk: Oh my goodness, Rockabilly! How nice of you to come join us! How about you play that guitar for us?

Croooooow starts to badly play the guitar.

Nykk: Whoa, okay, that's enough. That's enough. We don't want to get these fans too worked up. But I'm afraid you're not who I'm looking for. Come on, Billy! I know you're back there!

Billy's Mr. Ass theme plays as Huh walks to the ring in tight shorts with lips painted all over them and a blond wig. He makes his way to the ring and shakes his ass at the camera.

Cole: You know, if Billy's not in the building right now and watching this, he?s got to be seething with anger.

Nykk: What do you know, it's Mr. Ass! And I gotta tell you, Bad Ass Billy Gunn, you've really let yourself go! But I also have to say that this was definitely the right personality for you. I mean, you look like an ass, you talk like an ass, and most of all, you wrestle like an ass!

The Squad waves their hands like someone just farted.

Nykk: Oh man, Billy... I don't know about you. I just don't know. I think you should take that ass of yours to the back and make sure you didn't crap your pants before getting in the ring with me again.

Cole: Okay, this is going too far...

Nykk: All right, come on Billy, we're running out of time here. You're making me look bad. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you 'The One' Billy Gunn!

Billy Gunn's current theme hits and the real Billy Gunn walks out. The Squad, thinking it's Jay in disguise, admire the detail he took in putting his costume together.

Nykk: Wow. I hate to break rhythm here, but Jay... you really went all out for this! Your costume looks great! I gotta tell you, the attention to detail? how much makeup did you put on to make yourself look that dumb, anyway?

Cole: Costume? That's the real Billy Gunn! Can't they see that?

Tazz: Apparently not.

He's interrupted when the rest of the Squad points to Jay, who's jumping down the aisle with his hands and feet tied, and in the One's tights. Nykk opens his mouth in shock and then slowly looks back to Billy Gunn, who becomes enraged. He lays in a few right hands to Nykk, dropping him to the canvas. The other Squad members attack, but Gunn repels them. Nykk cowers back in the corner as Gunn grabs the guitar.

Cole: Billy Gunn exploding on the PPV Squad! Nykk's got nowhere to run now!

Billy lifts the guitar, but Huh grabs his arm. Gunn turns around and kabongs Huh with the guitar, knocking him out. Nykk is pulled from the ring by Croooooow and Cheesecake, and they make a run for it.

Cole: Billy Gunn has ruined the PPV Squad's mockery of him. Billy Gunn and Nykk will meet in three days at No Mercy!

*Cut to next segment or commercial*

Sunday Night Heat

INT. ARENA - NIGHT

*Cut to Lillian Garcia*

Lillian is standing at ringside with a camera and mic.

Lillian: Thank you, Michael and Al. I'm down here at ringside with none other than the PPV Squad.

The camera pans over to show Nykk, Croooooow, Cheesecake, Jay and Huh sitting on a couch in the first row. Nykk is looking at Lillian, annoyed, while Croooooow flips through a program and Huh eats potato chips, spilling them all over himself and generally acting like a pig.

Lillian: Nykk, later tonight at No Mercy, you will face 'The One' Billy Gunn. But could you tell the fans why you guys have set up this couch in the first row?

Nykk: Well, it's quite simple Lillian. We're called the PPV Squad because of our enjoyment... or lack thereof... of WWF pay per views. So we have a front row seat to scope out the PPV from an environment we're used to and comfortable with. But seeing as how you can't even get the wrestlers' names right half the time on Raw, I'll repeat everything to make sure you understand. Well, it's quite simple Lillian. We're called the PPV Squad because of our enjoyment... or lack thereof... of WWF pay per views. So we have a front row seat to scope out the PPV from an environment we're used to and comfortable with. But seeing as how you can't even get the wrestlers? names right half the time on Raw, I'll repeat everything to make sure you understand. Well, it's quite simple Lillian...

Lillian: Cheesecake, a little bit later, you and Jay will face Kaientai right here on Heat. Shouldn't you be in the back getting ready?

Cheesecake: What do'th it look like we're doing? Me and Jay ha'th been th'rategizing for the past half hour. It may take th'ome effort to beat Kaientai, but we plan to do it right in the middle of that ring!

He puts his arm around Y2Jay, who looks disgusted.

Jay: He does mean win the match!

Lillian: (confused) There you have it: the PPV Squad is out here to observe No Mercy. If there's nothing else, guys...

Huh guides the mic to his mouth and belches into it. Lillian is repulsed.

Lillian: (disgusted) Back to you, Michael.

*End Segment*

MATCH: Taka Michinoku & Funaki vs. Jay & Cheesecake

The PPV Squad theme hits and Jay and Cheesecake make their way to the ring, accompanied by Huh. JR and Paul Heyman have just gotten to the commentators? table.

JR: Hello everyone, I'm Jim Ross alongside Paul Heyman on a night where ?Stone Cold? Steve Austin will defend his WWF Title against Kurt Angle and Rob Van Dam in a Triple Threat Match.

Paul: No doubt this will be one hell of a PPV, especially after Austin and RVD kick the living crap out of Kurt Angle! Speaking of PPV...

JR: Jay and Cheesecake from the PPV Squad, accompanied by... Huh...

Paul: What, you forgot the kid's name already?

JR: No, that's what's written on the format. It was just a couple of weeks ago these young men made waves by debuting on Raw. They claim to want to raise the quality of wrestling here in the WWF, or as Nykk says, 'twenty minute classics.'

Paul: And what's wrong with that, JR?

JR: Nothing at all, but these kids have gotten off to a bad start by insulting the wrestlers, insulting the fans, including yours truly...

Paul: And that's what I like about them. They tell it like it is.

Kaientai's theme hits and Taka Michinoku and Funaki make their way to the ring.

JR: Well right now, Jay and Cheesecake better worry about two great wrestlers in their own right in Kaientai. I'd warn Kaientai to keep an eye out for Huh at ringside, but... quite frankly, he's a buffoon.

Paul: Don't forget about Nykk and Croooooow. They're still sitting on that couch at ringside.

JR: Couch... the only reason they're out here is because they're too afraid to go in the back because they know that Billy Gunn is back there somewhere.

The bell rings and the match gets underway. Cheesecake and Taka start out. Cheesecake and Taka circle, the fans getting on Cheesecake's case because of his saunter that he does. Cheesecake turns his back to tell them to shut up, and Taka moves over. He spins Cheesecake around and hits him with an uppercut palm strike. Cheesecake stumbles around in pain and runs over the corner to tag Jay. Jay runs in, but Taka hits a drop toehold. He quickly shifts into a side headlock, cranking on Jay's skull. Jay backs him into the ropes and whips him to the opposite side. He shoulderblocks Taka, who goes down. Jay bounces off the ropes and Taka drops down. Jay bounces off the opposite side, but Taka hits a Japanese armdrag. Jay gets up, but is immediately taken down by a regular armdrag. He goes back for more, but receives a hiptoss. Jay finally begs off into the corner while Taka showboats for the fans.

They lock up again, with Jay eyeraking Taka. He whips him into the ropes and hits a reverse elbow and makes the cover.

He gets a two count, but Taka is back up and takes Jay down again with an armdrag, this time cranking on the arm. He tags Funaki, and holds Jay's arm out. Funaki uppercuts him in the bicep and applies a standing wristlock. Jay hits a couple of forearms to fight his way out and tries a clothesline. Funaki ducks and gets the waistlock, delivering a release German suplex. Jay staggers to his feet and Funaki executes a vertical suplex. He goes for the cover, but only gets two. He whips Jay into the ropes, but Jay reverses. Funaki executes a flying headscissors on Jay and tags Taka. Jay tags Cheesecake.

Taka runs at Cheesecake, but Cheesecake executes a flapjack. He picks Taka up and gives him a back suplex. He stomps on Taka's head and then drops an elbow. He tags Jay and they set Taka up on the second rope. They each grab a leg and raise Taka to their shoulders and then drop down, smashing Taka's head into the canvas. Jay covers and gets a two count. Jay bounces off the ropes and executes a bulldog for another two. He then picks Taka up and drops him across the top rope. He tags Cheesecake, who applies a reverse chinlock. After a few moments, Taka fights his way to his feet and breaks out of the hold. He bounces off the ropes, but Cheesecake executes a hip toss followed by a falling headbutt. He signals for the Screw-driver and picks Taka up wheelbarrow style. Taka escapes and lands on his feet. He bounces off the ropes and Cheesecake puts his head down for a backdrop.

Taka reverses and hits a flying DDT. Both men crawl to their corners and make tags. Funaki comes in and gives Jay a few right hands. He whips him into the ropes and hits a dropkick. Jay gets to his feet and receives several martial arts kicks that back him into the corner. Funaki joins him and hits Diamond Dust. He goes for the cover, but Cheesecake makes the save. Taka runs in and hits a spinning heel kick on Cheesecake. Funaki applies a camel clutch to Jay while Taka showboats. He then bounces off the ropes and drives both his feet into Jay's face. Taka picks him up and hits the Michinoku Driver. The ref is busy with Cheesecake, so Huh comes in and breaks up the pin. Taka and Funaki kick Huh and deliver a double DDT.

However, Cheesecake breaks free of the ref and pulls Jay over so he can make the tag. Cheesecake takes down Kaientai with a double clothesline from behind.

He tries to whip Funaki into the ropes, but Funaki reverses. Cheesecake flies into Huh, who was standing on the ring apron. Huh flies off and Funaki takes down Cheesecake by the legs. He looks like he's about to deliver a slingshot, but holds on. Cheesecake falls back, sprawled across Funaki's body. Taka comes off the top rope with a kneedrop to the chest of Cheesecake. Funaki covers and gets the three count as Taka flies over to take out Y2Jay. Kaientai's hands are raised in victory, while Nykk and Croooooow are on their feet at ringside, protesting.

Winners: Kaientai at 5:15

JR: Kaientai with an impressive victory over Y2Jay and Cheesecake.

Heyman: But you have to admit, JR, that the PPV Squad is improving.

JR: I know Paul, and quite frankly, that frightens me. But I won't worry too much until they pull off at least one victory.

Paul: Keep in mind we still haven't seen Nykk in the ring tonight. He'll take on 'The One' Billy Gunn later on at No Mercy.

*Cut to No Mercy commercial*