Looking back over the archives of wrestling history
Some things don't add up, and remain a mystery
Storylines that the fans throw back, like catching a sheep head
And gimmicks that, thank God, are now and truly dead
And it keeps on going, they never learn, or quit
And amassed a library so huge, RD Reynolds made a website about it
He put the horrid and the forgotten in wrestling back on the map
Fans got behind the phenomenon, and he coined it Wrestlecrap
One of the kings of Wrestlecrap would be the Gobbledy-Gooker, hatching out of his egg
He had feathers, and golf balls for eyes, not to mention two skinny turkey legs
There's also Giant Gonzales, with airbrushed tights that made him look almost naked
He could barely talk, he couldn't wrestle, he couldn?t even fake it
A gimmick dear to my heart made the career of Terry Taylor sink like gel Dran-o
He had red, spiked hair, known as the Red Rooster, cock-a-doodle-doo, yo
Unfortunately, I have not the time to expound on everything, though it would be nice
So a few quick summaries of the likes of Tugboat and Earthquake will have to suffice
Mantaur wore a cow?s head, and Repo Man's theft of bicycles was a flop,
Kevin Sullivan found his demonic father, while Sting hung out with Robocop
Ask any wrestling fan, the debut of the Shockmaster is dear to us all
He wore a sparkly Stormtrooper helmet, and fell on his face after crashing through a wall
Arachna-man spun webs like a spider, man, and Hakushi had a manager named Shinja
The Yeti actually was dressed like a mummy, and later on like a ninja
Kiss had a wrestling representative named the Demon, Doink the Clown made little kids scream
Sgt. Slaughter turned Iraqi in 1991, while Roddy Piper and Jesse Ventura starred in Tag Team
There have been dentists, tax men, evil professors and race car drivers, and a law enforcer for the county
Models, alligator wrestlers, matadors, and a man who shocked people literally, named the Mountie
The Headshrinkers were savages, Cheatum helped Vader and Sid blow up a boat on a larf
Papa Shango put voodoo curses on people, and even made the Ultimate Warrior barf
Wrestling has always had its staple of hillbillies, with the hog-farming Godwinns shaped like logs
The Big Bossman made fun of someone's father's death, and made Al Snow eat his own dog
There was a white guy named Akeem the African Dream, and a narcissist named Lex,
The Goon would hip check people, and last winter Dawn Marie killed Torrie Wilson's dad with sex
Lo Down's Indian gimmick was comprised of men from Canada, Chicago and New Jersey
The Berserker carried a shield and a sword, and Jameson the nerd just looked dirty
As you can see, there has been a large accumulation of Wrestlecrap over the years,
No doubt most of these ideas were conceived by large needles and many kegs of beer
If you're a fan of wrestling, sooner or later you have to put up with these, and others I've yet to tell
The problem doesn't contain itself just to wrestling, need I mention the XFL?