By Bobbe Branch
Our job as parents and grandparents is to be a guide and model to the child of the way that your family talks and works with each other. You are bringing the child into your life and helping them to adapt and learn how to fit into this new world. Imagine arriving in a foreign country where you didn't know the
language or the customs. Wouldn't you want to have some guide who knew how to do everything to show you the way. Children are in the position of arriving into a world where everything is designed at adult height and for the adult mind to understand. I remember taking my granddaughter on a ferry for the first time and as we were driving to go on she asked me "Nonna, where is the fairy?" I pointed at the boat and said, "Right there at the dock." She looked at me very puzzled and said, " I thought we were going to fly on the back of a fairy with wings over to the island."
Children get frustrated when they are unable to express what they want, and are expected to act in a certain way that is either not clear to them or is new to them. Role playing how to ask for what they want, and how to physically move in the home helps them to understand what is expected of them and how to have some of their needs met. Many times we find ourselves saying" No " and " Don't do
that " to stop a disaster from happening. How much kinder would it be to stop and repeat calmly, "Do we run in the house?" and explain to the child "Remember how we walk in the house so that we are safe and we can run outside as much as we want to." Reminding the child many times seems to be what is necessary until they can integrate the words or action.
You are the holders of your family culture. Your children will become happy participants in this culture as you model to them and help them to find the words to express. Children want to be helpful, productive members of your family. They are so willing to do this when you show them the way.
Guide them about what to say when they are meeting someone for the first time. Let them know how to treat guests in your home.
Creating space that includes the child is so helpful. Having some child friendly tables, chairs and shelves in rooms throughout the home for them to do their work. Also small stools in the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom for use to help or watch Mom and Dad doing their work. Hooks for coats and places for putting shoes that are at child level encourages independence.
Your child is learning in each moment and taking in information faster than they will ever do again in their life from birth until the age of seven. Dr. Maria Montessori found this in her work with children.
"Impressions pour into us and we store them in our minds; but we ourselves remain apart from them, just as a vase keeps separate from the water it contains. Instead, the child undergoes a transformation. Impressions do not merely enter his mind; they form it. ... The child creates his own "mental
muscles" using for this what he finds in the world about him. We have named this type of mentality, The Absorbent Mind.
...Supposing I said there was a planet without schools or teachers, where study
was unknown, and yet the inhabitants doing nothing but live and walk about came
to know all things, to carry in their minds the whole of learning; would you not
think I was romancing? Well, just this, which seems so fanciful as to be nothing
but the invention of a fertile imagination, is a reality. It is the child's way
of learning. This is the path he follows. He learns everything without knowing
he is learning it, and in doing so he passes little by little from the
unconscious to the conscious, treading always in the path of joy and love."
Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind
There will be some challenging times in dealing with your child. Sometimes in your life are you not thrilled with what you are being ask to do, especially when you are wanting something else to happen? It is the same for your child and he doesn't have tools to deal with his disappointment. Remaining clear,
calm and not upset by what is happening at the time is one of the keys to changing a behavior and modeling how you want your child to be before you discuss or hear what is going on for them. Remember that you are the creator of your family and its culture. Invite your child into your life and help him/her to enjoy curiosity, wonder and helpfulness as he learns and becomes who he/she
is this new country called his/her family. The reward is a child who learns and thrives, parents who enjoy their child and a peaceful family working on life as it happens.
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