Disclaimer: I don't own Jeff. Or Sean. Or the other person, who's name I can't say, for it will ruin the ending. Boo hoo. I wish I did, though.

" Thrilled me- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before." -Edgar Allan Poe


I'm not good for him. He's not good for me. But you know how these things go.

I can't help myself. It's been going on for a month or so now. And I want to break away from him, but I just can't. There's something strong that draws me to him, a spell that I can't escape.

It makes me sick. I think about what he did to my brother and I when my whole thing with Taker was going on, and can't believe I still want him. Though try as I might to restrain myself, I never can.

He knows this. He knows his power over me. And what's more, he knows exactly how to get me where he wants me. How this is, I can't tell you, it puzzles me every day.

It puzzles me when he's inside me, most of all. I'd never been bottom my entire life. Men have always been more than happy to have me take them, drive them crazy. But now someone is doing this to ME.

And drive me crazy he does. His lips, his hands... They can work wonders that are impossible to describe. It feels so good, the heated contact, but at the same time, I despise it.

It started that night in the bar. He came over, and sat down uninvited. He wanted to know why I was here all alone, when he was sure I could have found someone to fuck easily. He got this evil gleam in his eye when I told him I didn't feel like one, and I should have seen what was coming next.

Why I went up with him to his hotel room I'll never know. But man, was it ever a mistake. We had a drink or two, not enough to become drunk. He began looking at me. Staring with a coy tinge in his eyes.

It's a blur from there. All I know was that next, we were naked, and he was fucking me. He's great in bed, but I want so much more in a lover. That's why I miss Sean.

Sean actually gave a damn about me. I highly doubt that HE does... Anyway, Sean wasn't this dominating force. He wasn't an S&M freak, like SOME people, chains, whips, you name it... He was nice about it when he left me, and we're still friends, but I do still find myself longing for him. And besides... If we were still together, I probably wouldn't be tangled in this fucked up mess.

If Matt knew, he'd freak. He never liked him, even before he messed with us. :: sigh:: Of all the people in this damn company, why him? I can hear Matt's words now.

" Jeff, why? You're being foolish." Then he'll go on and on about why it's stupid... Matt Hardy. The sensible one. So that 
makes me what? Jeff Hardy- the stupid one? Both of them, HIM and my brother sure make me feel like it sometimes.

In truth, I don't think either of us know why. He's somewhat of a freak, the breed I come from. And he's beautiful. His sex appeal probably comes from that mysterious, vexing allure he's got. Then again, maybe it's him that's more drawn to me, and I should stop trying to figure it out.

I'm always kicking myself when I find myself at his hotel room. And more often than not, I'm giving him this evil look when he answers the door.

" Come on, Jeff." He whispers in to my ear, his lips brushing it as he takes me in to his arms. " You desire me. Don't deny it. I know how true it is."

So reluctantly, I give in. He'll pounce on me, and drag me in to a flaming kiss. Then he'll cuff me to the bed, and pour hot wax on me, or something of the sort. I guess I should have guessed he'd be so sadistic.

It's always a mystery to wake up with him. Sometimes, he'll be sitting there, looking like the cat who caught the canary, so damn proud of himself for getting me to come to him, night after night while we tour. Or sometimes, he'll be gone, like I'm not worth it.

So in short, as you might have picked up, I hate it. But I can't help it. You, see, Raven is an addiction. A drug. And cold turkey just doesn't work with him.