The summer of 2000 saw a handful of Planet Wrestling's roster compete against over two hundred grapplers hailing from five other wrestling promotions from around the globe in an invitational, inter-federation tournament held by the United Wrestling Promotions (UWP). The tournament was designed to crown the UWP (Men's) World Grand Unified Heavyweight Champion. The winning federation would be walking away with the coveted Bonesnapper's Memorial Cup Trophy, not to mention a cool cash bonus of a million dollars. Competition was fierce, as each of the federations saw some of their top guns enrolled for action. A number of insane gimmick matches meant that skill as well as a hint of luck were required for advancing, and the original number of over two hundred competitors was eventually wittled down to two: Planet Wrestling's own Lawrence Watts and ACE International's "Crestview Giant", fan-favorite George Lionheart were the last two men in the tournament and were to face each other in a "Double Slam Ironman Match". The epic match was brutal, with both men pushing each other to the extreme, but there could be only one winner...

(Note: The UWP is planning a similar tournament for women that is scheduled to take place in 2001.)

Commentator - In times past, there was no decision to make, no controversy as to who was the best, who was the king of the hill, but those times have changed. As professional wrestling has factored off into an alphabet soup of organizations throughout the world, we the fans have been given a myriad of champions with various styles and idiosyncrasies, all claiming to be the world champion. Tonight, all of that changes. Tonight, the culmination of the ultimate tournament to, once and for all, crown one heavyweight champion of the world. "The Natural" Lawrence Watts, George Lionheart, tonight we find out who is the best, tonight we crown the United Wrestling Promotion Heavyweight Champion of the World!

Commentator - Good evening everybody and welcome to the Aces and Eight's nightclub and Casino here in Biloxi Mississippi for the final match of the UWP tournament. These men have literally seen it all as have we the wrestling fans as the field has narrowed, week by week. Tonight will be no different, as the belt will go to the winner of a Double Slam Ironman Match. The rules are simple, no falls, no submissions, and no disqualification. The object is to slam your opponent through a table, any table! Then the slammed wrestler must make his way within thirty seconds to one of the many watering holes here at the Aces and 8's to slam back a shot. If said wrestler doesn't make it within the allotted time, he loses and the belt is awarded to his opponent. Not only does the match sound brutal, but also look at the shot they have to drink.

[Produces a jug and a shot glass. Removing the cork from the jug, he fills the glass with a clear liquid, then re-corking the jug and moving it several feet away produces a lighter from his pocket. Turning his face away, he flicks the lighter near the shot glass and a 6-inch blue flame erupts from the glass.]

Commentator - That will undoubtedly clean your pipes! The house lights go down and we are now only minutes away from deciding the new UWP champ. The roar of the lion announces the entrance of the one and only George Lionheart, just a giant of a man in all gold, he is a huge fan favorite and many say the one with the inside track this evening. Y & T's "Go for the Throat" is appropriate for the second man in tonight's match, Lawrence 'The Natural' Watts is accompanied to the ring by the always gorgeous Smokin' Bombshells: Legs and Bambi. The Giant versus the Natural, the hype is over, now it's the real deal.

Commentator - The bell sounds and it's Watts leaping high to gain momentum for a forearm that barely fazes Lionheart. A knife-edge chop from Watts and another but Lionheart is nonplussed by the assault. I think Watts is rethinking his strategy, turning to the 'Smokin Bombshells' but now Lionheart makes his move, picking Watts up in a belly to back suplex and sends him crashing back into the first table of the evening! Only seconds into the bout and already a disgusted Lawrence Watts makes his way to the bar for his first shot of the evening. Well he certainly put that one away with a minimum of effort and we're back to the action. Watts leaps up onto a chair and takes flight nailing Lionheart with a flying clothesline that sends the big man back a few steps. A savate kick to the mid-section followed by a forearm shiver has Lionheart staggered! A European uppercut from the Natural stands Lionheart upright and once again Watts uses a chair to propel himself with a cross body block. Lionheart catches him in mid-air! A 360 degree spin and Lionheart bodyslams the Natural though another table! Once again it's Watts that has to belly up to the bar for his second shot of that noxious fluid. [At the bar he is greeted by Bambi he holds a hero sandwich for Watts. The Natural takes his shot and goes to take a bite of the sandwich but is stopped by the referee.]

Commentator - It appears that there is to be no solid foods consumed until after the match is completed, much to the displeasure of Watts. Hold on here! Watts hits Lionheart with the sandwich and the big man is staggered, I'll bet he had his trademark brass knuckles hidden inside that thing! In any case, Lionheart staggers back into the game room and a drop kick from the Natural sends him further back. A shoulder block from Watts and another brings Lionheart up onto his toes and yet another dropkick sends big George flailing onto a pool table. Watts leaps up onto the table and drags Lionheart to his feet by a handful of hair, tucking his head between the Natural's knees. He's got him in a piledriver and sends the big man down onto the table with a sickening crack. Watts is demanding that Lionheart take a shot, but the table is still standing, it would take about a dozen Lionheart's to break a pool table. Hold on here, the referee is examining the table surface… Yes, the slate of the pool table is cracked at a thirty degree angle and therefore constitutes a broken table; Lionheart must take his first shot of the match.

[A fan at ringside hands George a shot, which he downs but the referee is trying to stop him.]

Commentator - Oh no! That shot is disallowed, Lionheart must drink from the bar and is required to take another drink. This does not bode well for Lionheart who is not known as a big drinker but he does indeed put the shot away and the match is resumed. That shot has invigorated Lionheart who goes after Watts with a vengeance. Clubbing forearms rain down across the back and shoulders of Watts before George snatches him up for what appears to be a torture rack. No he launches him headlong across the room and through the kitchen doors. Lionheart quickly after his opponent, snatching him up as if he were a child and smashing him across one of the metal preparation tables there in the kitchen. Food is sent flying everywhere but the table did not give way! Lionheart, once again picking Watts up and again drives him into the metal table and this time it folds under the weight of these two men. Watts is in trouble, desperately fighting himself free from the table amidst the mess of food which makes footing treacherous. He battles his way through the mess valiantly but he's still quite a ways away from a bar where he can receive his required shot. The fans are counting down as Watts works his way back toward a bar, 27-28-29… Watts makes it with milliseconds to go, but just barely. It's gut check time for Watts who has suffered through three tables and the required shots after each. He's a renowned party animal but the human body isn't designed for this kind of punishment. None the less, Watts is on the attack; tackling Lionheart and driving him back through the beer garden doors and out into the night air. They crash into one of the support beams knocking the air from Lionheart. A series of knees to the mid-section and a big elbow across the back of Lionheart's head has the big man on rubber legged street, but no! Lionheart with a reversal sends Watts crashing into the support but ducks the knife edge chop from George. Oh my god, I think he broke his arm! Lionheart, defiantly favoring that right arm as Watts delivers a big boot to the gut. Watts with a suplex but it's blocked by Lionheart! Another attempt blocked by Lionheart and he picks up Watts only to bring him back down with a gut buster across the beer cart. Oh no! The referee is calling the cart a table and he's demanding that Watts take another shot. The Natural, clutching his mid-section tries to argue the point but to no avail as yet another shot is poured for Lawrence Watts. The Natural takes his shot and… Oh my lord! Poor Watts just regurgitated all over the hapless referee! Unfortunate for the ref but more so for Watts as the referee disallows the shot and demands Watts take another. Watts again arguing but the referee points out that the thirty second clock is still running and Watts must take another shot.

[Begrudgingly, Watts takes another shot, then grabbing a can of beer he snaps it open and chases the shot with another twelve ounce curl.]

Commentator - Man I wouldn't want to have his head come tomorrow morning. Watts knows he's in trouble now and goes after Lionheart with a vengeance! The two collide in a tangle of arms and legs, rolling across the asphalt parking lot and through the doors of the casino. Inside, Watts uses a bucket of quarters against the side of Lionheart's head. A snap mare into a rolling neck breaker brings George down and a baseball slide drop kick hits Lionheart right in the mouth. Watts on the offensive brings Lionheart to his feet and sends him head long into a slot machine and follows up with a DDT on the casino floor. Lionheart is out! Watts drags over one of the nearby poker tables and hauls Lionheart up onto it. He's going for the table sandwich, stacking yet another table on top of that and climbing high up onto a row of slot machines, preparing for the leg drop. He knows he's got Lionheart where he wants him and howls at the fans… But Lionheart is up! Watts doesn't see George Lionheart coming up from behind and is snagged up by the giant. He spins him around and sends the Natural through both tables with a massive power bomb that shakes the entire building. This one is over! It's got to be! The crowd begins the count down and… I do not believe this! Lawrence Watts is climbing to his feet and staggers gamely to the nearest bar for the required shot! He may not be the Lion heart but he no doubt has the heart of a lion as he uses every bit of floor space making his way to the bar for his shot. Oh my! The referee is holding up two fingers! Watts went through two tables and is therefore required to take two shots! How many is that for the Natural? 1-2… seven shots Watts has already consumed to one for George Lionheart, there is no way this can continue! Watts puts down one and you can see it's starting to takes its toll on the Natural. Number two goes down a little tougher but it does go down and the match continues. Watts however is staggering badly, whether from the table shots or the alcohol take your pick, but he's easy prey for Lionheart who paint brushes the Natural across the back of the head. Lawrence Watts stumbles across the floor and to the stairs where he tries to fight back with shots to the mid-section but to no effect. Lionheart with a knee sends the Natural further up the stairs while the big man stalks after him. Watts climbs on all fours and gets a boot to the tail end that sends him up to the second floor where George stands over him with a trademark roar. Lionheart goes to haul Watts to his feet but it's Watts with a low blow that changes the roar to a squeal. Lawrence Watts slowly to his feet sends Lionheart to the railing with an Irish whip but Lionheart reverses. Watts crashes into the banister, nearly falling to the floor below. Lionheart with a clothesline but Watts gets his shoulder down and sends the big men up and over with a back body drop. Lionheart over the railing and crashes through the roulette table on the floor below. That's it, stop the match! For the love of god, stop this match! Lionheart amazingly to his feet! He seems unaffected by the fall and walks straight to the nearest bar for his required shot as Watts watches from above. George Lionheart picks up the shot and toasts the fans before draining the glass and smashing it down to the bar. Watts shakes his head, looking down on what must appear to be an insurmountable obstacle. Lionheart wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and… collapses! Lionheart goes down with a thud but the match isn't over, George has taken his required shot and Watts, who is trying to work his way back to the casino floor must send him through another table before the match can end. Watts is back to the main floor and slowly with all the effort he can muster, drags a blackjack table over to Lionheart. The Natural's tank appears to be nearing empty as he attempts to drag the dead weight of Lionheart up. He's got him up and goes for the power slam, but his back gives out and Lionheart comes crashing down on top of him. Lawrence Watts wriggles free and once again attempts to pick up nearly 400 pounds of George Lionheart. He has him up again but one knee buckles under the weight. I'm not sure he can finish this match, as both Bambi and Legs cheer him on nearby. Watts staggers away and supports himself on the bar. Is he giving up? No, he's demanding another shot! The referee tries to explain that he's not required but Watts is insistent and the bartender complies. Watts follows Lionheart's example and toasts the crowd before sucking down what would be his eighth shot of the evening and once again chases it down with a beer. As if to punctuate the moment he smashes the can repeatedly against his forehead. He works his way back over to Lionheart, pulling him back up. He howls at the crowd before snatching this behemoth up overhead in a gorilla press, once again roaring at the crowd before he brings 400 pounds down, crashing through the black jack table. The referee begins the count and the fans chant along, but I can't see how Lionheart can… He's moving! Lionheart is moving, crawling on all fours across the floor towards the bar. Unbelievable! He's at the bar, pulling himself up and dragging the shot glass to his mouth… A deep breath and… His eyes roll back up inside his head and he wilts to the casino floor. The time runs out! The referee calls for the bell. The Natural Lawrence Watts has won the United Wrestling Promotions Heavyweight Championship and the crowd here explodes. Beaten and broken, forced to consume at least eight shots of fire water and still able to mount the greatest comeback that I have ever witnessed in my forty years. The greatest tournament in the history of pro wrestling has come to a close with one of the greatest matches I have ever been privileged to witness. Once again, the FIRST UWP heavyweight champion of the 21st Century, "The Natural" Lawrence Watts! Gary Gibbs shakes hands with UWP Prez Rowdy Rob. Gibbs, the President of Planet Wrestling is handed a check for one million dollars and then given the BoneSnapper's Memorial Cup Trophy!