Handler’s Name: Ken Hildebrand

[The scene opens with an angled view of the Planet Dome, standing like a great stone thumb under a miserable November downpour. The sky above is a solid grey color, a blank backdrop that seems to shower the world with neutrality. The array of flags that adorn the Dome lie limp from their poles, sodden and dripping. A slow pan downward shows the ornate "PW" symbol mounted on the building and the "PLANET DOME" name plate beneath it. Finally, we see the expensive glass doorway into the Dome and the elaborate stonework decorating the front of the building grounds. Standing among the soggy sculptures, shivering under a dull purple umbrella, is Planet Wrestling's infamous interviewer, Tommy Glide. He is huddled inside a thick black trenchcoat, periodically shrugging his sleeve up to check his watch. Flanking him are the two members of the popular tag team The American Way: Truth and Justice, both carrying umbellas, and looking cold and annoyed in their matching stars-and-stripes jackets. Behind the group is a red-haired camera operator, doing his best both to protect his camera from the rain with a sheet of plastic, and film Tommy Glide at the same time. Tommy Glide' s cameraman is throwing frequent dirty looks into the current viewpoint, clearly bothered by the presence of another camera. Tommy Glide looks at his watch again and grumbles audibly through the rush of the rain.]

TOMMY GLIDE: [Glancing at The American Way] Let's get the heck out of here...

[Suddenly a van pulls off the street and up onto the walkway, splashing the contents of a large puddle all over Tommy Glide and his entourage. The vehicle comes to an abrupt halt just a few feet away from the wet and angry group. The markings on the side of the van identify it as a Handi-Transit Bus. Tommy Glide frowns at the van, casting apprehensive glances at Truth and Justice. The side door swings open and a uniformed man jumps out, dragging a hydraulic lift out of the van. He gives a signal, and a man in a wheelchair rolls out onto the platform. It's Ken Jansen, wearing a long black coat, blue jeans and black hiking boots, and mirrored sunglasses. He spreads a red-and-white umbrella over his head. The uniformed man hits a control and the platform slowly descends to the pavement. Finally Jansen wheels off the lift and gestures for the uniformed man to leave him. The man begins to step up into the Handi-Transit, but stands back a moment as a blonde woman in a long leather jacket--Valentine--climbs out and opens a black umbrella of her own. The uniformed man quickly loads the hydraulic lift back into the van as Valentine follows Jansen toward Tommy Glide's posse. Tommy Glide has a look of irritation on his face.]

TOMMY GLIDE: [Peevishly] Well, I'm so glad you could join us, Mr. Jansen, especially when you demanded this outdoors interview yourself.

JANSEN: Glide, you need to calm down and consider yourself grateful that I wanted you to do this interview. You know I could've done this myself.

TOMMY GLIDE: Yeah, it's starting to look like I should have let you do it yourself. [Points into the camera's perspective] What's up with that cameraman over there? You know perfectly well that I have my own PW cameraman for these assignments.

[Tommy Glide jerks a thumb at the red-haired camera operator behind him.]

JANSEN: You should know by now that I don't use Planet Wrestling's techies. The only cameraman I trust to capture my greatness is Drew. [Looks at the red-haired cameraman] You can go home any time, kid. [To Glide] Now why don' t you explain what those two idiots are doing with you?

[Jansen points at The American Way. Truth and Justice exchange a quick glance.]

TOMMY GLIDE: Being a wrestling journalist is starting to be a dangerous business, Mr. Jansen. These guys are here for my own protection.

JANSEN: [Surprised] Protection? From me? I'm in a wheelchair, Glide. What could I possibly do to harm you? God, you're getting paranoid.

TOMMY GLIDE: [Sighs] Okay, okay. Let's just get this thing over with. [Waves toward the wheelchair] This seems out of character for you, Mr. Jansen. Is there a reason for the chair?

JANSEN: Obviously, I'm resting my knee for my upcoming match at Throttle. Not that it's any of your business, Glide. I always have my reasons for everything I do. Besides, I'm not in a physical mood today. Today is a day of reflection for me. You may have noticed these--

[Jansen points at a red poppy pin on his collar. Valentine indicates an identical one pinned to her jacket.]

JANSEN: You see, Remembrance Day is coming up soon, and I've been giving a lot of thought to the sacrifices our forefathers made for the future of our country. Canadians went to war to fight ideological enemies who wanted to take away our freedom. Thanks to our brave veterans, we vanquished those enemies and defended our right to freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom to elect a leader in a democratic process, and God knows how many other freedoms. So it's only appropriate to honor the men and women who died for our country. That's something even you idiots can understand.

[Tommy Glide's face registers astonishment. Truth and Justice seem impressed by Jansen's words.]

JANSEN: Pick your chins up off the ground, fellas, I'm not done. The problem is, too many people are taking their freedom for granted. Look at you Americans--with your unbridled obsession with guns, your corrupt media, your staggering crime problem. Your grandfathers and great-grandfathers died to protect your rights, and what do you do with them? You glorify psychopaths like Jerry Springer and Howard Stern. You shoot up. You live your lives out in trailers, feeding off the government teat. You create new human beings and then you scrape them out of the womb with wire hangers because you decide you're not ready to be parents. You mug little old ladies in back alleys for fifteen bucks. You cap some kid because he's wearing the wrong colors. Do you think your veterans would be proud of you if they could see you now? Hell no! They would realize, as I've realized, that most of you people can't handle freedom. Your brave veterans gave their lives so you could be free, and instead of making the most of it, you're wasting it--abusing it!

JUSTICE: [Angrily] Now wait just a damn minute--

[Truth and Justice step forward, fists clenched. Tommy Glide looks more than a little upset at what he's hearing. Valentine holds out her hand, gesturing for them to stop.]

VALENTINE: Just hold it, boys. Let him finish.

TOMMY GLIDE: I'm not liking where this is going.

JANSEN: I'm trying to make a point, Glide, and if you keep your dogs on a leash, I'll get around to it.

[Tommy Glide motions for The American Way to step back. They do so grudgingly, casting scornful stares at Jansen and Valentine. In the tense silence, only the patter of raindrops on the umbrellas is heard.]

TOMMY GLIDE: What does all of this have to do with anything?

JANSEN: Will you shut up? What kind of interviewer are you, anyway, constantly interrupting everybody with your inane remarks. You probably want me to throw out a boatload of catchphrases and slogans, don't you? It makes your job easier, but that's not what I'm here for. So just button up and let me talk.

[Tommy Glide mumbles something under his breath.]

JANSEN: That's better. Now, freedom requires responsibility--the responsibility to know that your freedom isn't boundless, that you can't just do any damn thing you want. You know that as well as anybody, Glide. Why do you have The American Way with you right now? Because you've been attacked recently, right? Ask yourself this--why should you have to fear for your safety? I'll tell you why: Because there are people walking around this very company who don't respect anybody's right to be safe from being attacked. I'll even name the name that motivated you to bring bodyguards today--Rudy Rudos.

[Tommy Glide's jaw drops. Jansen holds up his hand, halting Glide's reply before it can vocalize.]

JANSEN: That's right. Rudy Rudos. You know I'm right. Here's a guy who obviously has never been taught about the boundaries of freedom. He respects nothing and nobody. Instead of saving his aggression for people who are qualified to handle him, he directs his malice at lowly wrestling journalists like you.

TOMMY GLIDE: Lowly!

JANSEN: Didn't I tell you to shut up? You should be listening carefully right now. Because I've decided to do what Rudy Rudos's parents woefully failed to do--teach him his limits. Yes, I'm officially accepting the match at Throttle. And because Rudos was cocky enough to let me make the stipulations, I'm making it a submission match.

TOMMY GLIDE: Well now, this *is* news. Up to now you've been vascillating on whether you would take Rudos up on his challenge, but now we have the final word--it'll be Ken Jansen vs. Rudy Rudos at Throttle in a submission match!

JANSEN: Exactly. I'm going to show Rudos what it means to have his freedom taken away. When I lock him up in a hold he can't escape, and he realizes that all his cursing and fighting won't help his sorry ass, and the only thing going through his mind is pain and helplessness, he'll get an understanding of what happened at Auschwitz, in Palestine, in South Africa, in the former Soviet Union... And after he submits, he'll go back to his locker room and nurse his wounds, and he'll have a whole new respect for the transience of freedom.

[Jansen pauses, looking up at Tommy Glide. Glide and The American Way gaze back at him, at a loss for words. A chuckle from Valentine breaks the silence.]

VALENTINE: Not quite the same as the usual "Believe the hype", eh?

TOMMY GLIDE: Er, no, indeed...

JANSEN: Since you're out of your depth here, Glide, just tell your camera boy to point at me--no, never mind. [Waves at the camera] Drew, come here. I have a message for our friend from New Jersey.

[The view zooms and rotates to show Ken Jansen's face, speckled by a foreground of drizzle. He smiles mirthlessly.]

JANSEN: Rudos, it's time you realized that the real world isn't like your cartoon universe. In the real world, things aren't always sunny and happy. Sometimes it rains. Sometimes it's discouraging. Actions have consequences. My scarred forehead, my injured knee... they're both a result of my high-impact style. It's my blessing and my curse. But I haven't once failed to get the job done, have I? I am flattered by your concern for my health, but don't worry: I'll be right as rain at Throttle. [Laughs] Now listen. I'm not here to censor you. I'm not here to police you. As far as I'm concerned, you can do whatever you want with your giant panda and your new lifeguard buddy--hell, you can all take a trip down to Utah and have a good old fashioned Mormon wedding for all I care. It's the new millennium, isn't it? What I *am* going to do is teach you a lesson in respect. That's something I take very seriously.

[Jansen's face suddenly splits in a big grin.]

JANSEN: But hey, why should I drag you down like this so early? You'll have plenty of time to think about the big issues when the "Heartbeat of Canada" is stretching you like a rubber band in the ring. Until then, I promise you all the fun and games you like. I want you to enjoy yourself as much as you possibly can in the days leading up to Throttle. Think of it as the last meal before the electric chair. After that, all bets are off!

[Ken Jansen taps his poppy pin and smirks.]

JANSEN: Remember, Rudos... Because he who forgets is doomed.

[Glances up at Valentine.]

JANSEN: Let's get out of here.

[Without giving Tommy Glide another look, Jansen spins around in his chair and gestures toward the idling Handi-Transit Bus. The uniformed man appears once again and quickly sets up the hydraulic lift. Truth and Justice gaze apprehensively at Tommy Glide, who shrugs. He turns away from the viewpoint camera and faces his own camera operator.]

TOMMY GLIDE: Well, what can I say? You just heard the announcement by Ken Jansen: He will meet Rudy Rudos at Throttle in a submission match. [Shakes his head] All of a sudden I feel like calling my grandpa.

[Tommy Glide tells his cameraman to stop filming, and he heads off for the glass entrance of the Planet Dome, The American Way following close behind him. Jansen has wheeled into the van and Valentine is climbing up after him. The uniformed man slides the side door shut and hops into the cab. With a roar, the Handi-Transit backs off of the Planet Dome walkway and onto the street, pulling away with a spray of water. The camera pans upward, following the height of the arena as the rain continues to fall...]