jokes

Ok, I thought my site could be original, and have a jokes page!So, here it is!Oh, I got these jokes from top-greetings, and when I can be bothered to do a links page, (if I remember!), then i'll put a link up for it!!catcha later!xxxx

Things NOT to say to a cop when he pulls you over;

   "come on, write the damn ticket! The bar closes in 20 minutes!"
   "hey officer. Is that your nightstick, or are you just glad to see me!?"
   "yeah, ofcourse you can see my license and registration, officer. But could you please hold my beer for a minute!?"
   "sorry, officer. I didn't realise my radar detector wasn't plugged in"
   "your NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?"

A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings. When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove.
At one revival meet, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to descend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed, "Come down Holy Spirit!". Still no sign of the dove. The preacher then heard the anxious voice of the small boy, call down from the rafters:
"Sir, a yellow cat just ate the Holy Spirit. Shall I throw down the yellow cat?"

Just something to remember when your having a bad day...
...the next time you are having a bad day, imagine this:
Your a Siamese twin. Your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay and you're not. But YOU only have the one arsehole. Feel better?

Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework.
One day Charlie, her husband, read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all of the housework, in addition to holding down a full-time job. So one evening, he declared to do all of her jobs. When Mary arrived home, she was supprised to come home and find the children bathed, a load of washing in the washing machine, and another load in the dryer, dinner on the stove, and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished and wanted to know imediately what was going on. Upon asking, Charlie told her about the magazine article.
The next day, Mary couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the office. "How did it work out?" they asked.
Mary said, "Charlie even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed my evening."
"But what about afterward?!" her friends wanted to know.
"It didn't work out, " Mary said, "Charlie was too tired."