A gay couple, Dirk and Lewis, are taking a stroll along the board walk in
San Francisco, when they both suddenly spot a bottle lying in the sand.
Dirk picks it up and Lewis jokingly says to rub it, and see if a genie
comes out. 
So Dirk rubs the bottle, and low and behold out pops a genie! The genie
thanks them for freeing him and offers them each one wish. Dirk
immediately wishes for fabulous wealth. The genie wiggles his nose and a
credit card appears in Dirk's wallet. Lewis, unsure of what to wish for,
decides to save his wish for an emergency, and the genie states that Lewis
need only to think of his wish, and it shall be granted. 
Later that night, Dirk and Lewis are celebrating their luck in a way that
only two men in love can, Lewis is bent over the bed with Dirk pounding
him from behind, when suddenly the door to their apartment bursts open and
three angry, hairy rednecks stomp into the room, two armed with shotguns,
the other with a noose. Dirk looks down to his Lewis and says: 
"I think now would be a good time for you to use that wish!" 
Lewis replies: 
"I think I just did, I wished you were hung like a black man..." 
************************************************************

A guy goes into a bar wearing a shirt open at the collar, and is met by a bouncer 
who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car 
and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He 
sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, 
and manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. 
He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over, and then says, 
"Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything." 
************** 
  
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant 
you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I 
failed to mention that there 
was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband
 will get 10 times more or better!"The woman said, "That would be okay," and 
for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
 The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband 
the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis,that women will flock to." The woman replied, 
  "That will be okay because I will 
be the most beautiful woman in the world and he will only have eyes for me.
"So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the 
world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
 The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and
 he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay 
because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."So, KAZAM she's the richest
 woman in the world!The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 
"I'd like a mild heart attack." 
============================================ 
  
There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot.Not knowing
 what to do, she called 911. 
"You gotta help me find my parrot!"  The operator patiently replied, "We can't help 
you with that, ma'am.This number only deals with emergencies." But the lady persisted,
 and then the operator told her not to be concerned, that the parrot should 
fly back in a few days. Then, out of desperation, the lady begged, "But you don't 
understand!The only thing he says is 
"Here, kitty, kitty!!!" 
**************** 
  
A blonde is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas so she stops at
 the gas station. While she's pumping her gas, 
she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So, when she goes inside to pay, 
she asks the attendant for a hanger so she 
can attempt to open the door herself. 
She goes outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant 
goes outside to see how the blonde is faring. 
The blonde outside of the car is moving the hanger around and around, while the
 blonde inside of the car is saying, "A little 
more to the left... a little more to the right.