Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." * by Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. * Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. * William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. * Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. * Ernest Hemingway
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. * Anonymous
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls. * Ross Levy
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. * W.C. Fields
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? * Stephen Wright
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. * Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. * Winston Churchill
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. * Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. * Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. * Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. * Humphrey Bogart
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. * Kaiser Wilhelm
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. * Dave Barry
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. * Homer Simpson
To alcohol: the cause of, and the solution to, all of life's problems! * Homer Simpson
You know you're drunk when you fall off the floor.
And God said, "Let there be vodka!" And He saw that it was good. Then God said, "Let there be light!" And then He said, "Whoa - too much light."
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. * Dean Martin
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!
To some its a six-pack, to me it's a support Group