Thinking of You

Dear nutmeg,

You asked me many times to tell you what is right
with you. I hope you are ready to see that list
or at least this small part of it
:

  

    1) you accept Me when no others have
    2) you encourage me to be the best I can be
    3) you are more patient than I could ever be
    4) you are direct and though you words are not always what I want
        them to be you continually keep on till the point is across - after
        a year you have not stopped working to get that across to me
    5) you have been here for me despite my bullshit and loved me
         even more 
    6) you make me want to be a better man
    7) you have more courage than I ever could. I had to take dope to
        survive you survived and kept going
    8) you raised three good sons to manhood
    9) you have forgiven me all my mistakes and faults and let your love
        grow even deeper
  10) you have faced me even when my anger threatened you
  11) you have defended me so many times, some of those there was no
        defense yet you still defended me
  12) you have made me feel good about being me even when I didn't
        want too 
  13) you make me happy to wake up in the mornings, or when ever that 
        may be LOL
  14) you have changed my life into a wonderful thing despite my own
        protestations
  15) you have supported me when I couldn't even face today
  16) you have made every day I have been with you more faceable
  17) you have made me rethink my on beliefs
  18) you have made me want to live and love
  19) you have given me songs I love to sing)
  20) you have made me want to share my life again
  21) you have given me strength when all I felt was weakness
  22) you have seen me through my bouts of depression, anger and
        resentment and even taken some of my resentments away
  23) you have taken my loneliness away 
  24) you have helped me to see that life is worth living
  25) you have taught me that life is not about worth, that it is meant to
        be lived, loved and shared
  26) you have made me no longer afraid to look in the mirror
  27) you have made me face my own fears face to face
  28) you have made me face my excuses and get rid of them
  29) you have given me confidence in myself even when I wanted to pity
        myself and say my life is shit
  30) you have taught me that happiness is not based on what I can give
        but on the grace that God has given me in having you
  31) you have shown me that love cannot be earned or bought that it is
        freely given
  32) you have taught me the value of just holding you in my arms
  33) you have shown me that no matter how hopeless I think things are,
        they are never hopeless
  34) you got me back into school and working towards a more fruitful life
  35) you helped me to realize I am a good and decent man


  Not enough yet...well here's more

  36) you have made me realize more than ever that I am not who my
        family said I was
  37) you have shown me that love is stronger than the strongest steel
  38) you have shown me that patience is more than a virtue, it is a
        necessity
  39) you have shown me that Hell is separation from myself as much as a 
        separation from my God
  40) you have helped me to realize that my hatred destroys me first
  41) you have taught me that I must be a friend to myself first and
        foremost
  42) you have made me grateful that I didn't die in my drugs
  43) you have shown me I have something to give to others
  44) you have shown me that I have something to give myself
  45) you have taught me to love myself
  46) you have taught me I don't have to be lonely in myself
  47) you have taught me that fun doesn't have to cost money
  48) you have taught me that I can love truly, madly, deeply
  49) you have restored my self-worth
  50) you have taught me that honor means in the house first
  51) you have shown me that I can't do it all alone, that cooperation with
        others wanting my best is what works
  52) you have helped me to realize that "I am not all that"; that I am
        much much more
  53) you have taught me that you don't have to know all the answers to
        be happy
  54) you have taught me to appreciate what I have 
  55) you have made me face my limits and work with them
  56) you have helped me to realize that I am just now in my prime
  57) you have made me realize even when people make mistakes it is
        not a reason to go 3 days and not talk
  58) you have taught me that understanding and listening is more
        important than all the gifts in the world
  59) you have taught me that though I am angry I shouldn't let it control
        me, that I should direct it to fuel me to work harder and more
        effectively
  60) you have made me realize that even though my family is sick, I don't
        have to be
  61) you have taught me that I do love my family that they are worth
        knowing and having in my life
  62) you have taught me that knowledge is useless unless I use it
  63) you have taught me that what works for me today may not work
        tomorrow
  64) you have taught me that real sensuality is in the heart not the body
  65) you have taught me that I need you
  66) you have taught me that with my love actions must come to show it
  67) you have shown me that I enjoy many things I didn't think I could
  68) you have taught me to place others needs in as much a place of 
        importance as my own
  69) you have taught me that no matter how frustrated I get that it is not
        reason to just give up
  70) you have taught me that I am afraid of many things
  71) you have taught me that until I live it my philosophies are just 
        pretty words
  72) you have taught me that even though I think I am honest, I lie to
        myself more fully than anyone else can
  73) you have taught me the value of friendship in our love
  74) you have taught me that even selflessness can be destructive if it is
        done without looking at the why's
  75) you have shown me that understanding is useless if I don't apply it
  76) you have taught me that financial problems are no reason to let go
       of the happiness I have
  77) you have taught me that open-mindedness is not always my 
        strong-suit
  78) you have taught me that even self-indulgence can be good
  79) you have taught me that my sanity is dependant on my acceptance
        of all that is in my life, not just the good things
  80) you have taught me that my serenity can't be taken but I can sure
        throw it away
  81) you have taught that though I live by my principles I still must take
        into account other's personalities
  82) you have taught me that perfection is not even an ideal
  83) you have taught me that for love to mean anything it must be
        accepted freely
  84) you have taught me that even I am less humble that I thought
  85) you taught me that humility is more a state of heart than a
        knowledge that I am not the one making it all come together
  86) you have taught me that despite my belief in my lack of prejudice I 
        have many prejudices
  87) you have taught me that my definition of privacy is more a form of 
        isolation
  88) you have taught me that procrastination and patiently waiting are 
        sometimes the same thing
  89) you have taught me that peace of mind is as elusive as understanding
        myself
  90) you have taught me that sometimes to understand myself I must first
        understand others
  91) you have taught me that my self-reliance is a form of insecurity
  92) you have taught me that my arrogance is just as destructive to my
        being as self-pity
  93) you have taught me that some things just don't need to be said
  94) you have taught me to never talk or act in my anger
  95) you have taught me that my tongue is still a dangerous enemy to self
        at times
  96) you have taught me that progress is not always moving "forward"
        some times it is learning to side step
  97) you have taught me that I can bring trouble to myself no quicker
        than letting my pain get me to act
  98) you have taught me that to belong is nice indeed
  99) you have taught me thinking too much is as much a handicap as not 
        thinking enough
100) you have taught me that I love you


this is still only a partial list of what is right with you...

Though I don't tell you enough what you do right....I figure
this is the bare minimum to share that is :)

I love you nutmeg,

Your Master - Forever yours,

Ravenwood

~~ Remembering ~~
Remembering is the heart's own way
Of holding loved ones close
And keeping us in constant touch
With those who mean the most.
Remembering is the heart's own way
Of sending loving thoughts today!

 

 

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