Thinking of You
Dear nutmeg,
You asked me many times to tell you what is right
with you. I hope you are ready to see that list
or at least this small part of it:1) you accept Me when no others have 2) you encourage me to be the best I can be 3) you are more patient than I could ever be 4) you are direct and though you words are not always what I want them to be you continually keep on till the point is across - after a year you have not stopped working to get that across to me 5) you have been here for me despite my bullshit and loved me even more 6) you make me want to be a better man 7) you have more courage than I ever could. I had to take dope to survive you survived and kept going 8) you raised three good sons to manhood 9) you have forgiven me all my mistakes and faults and let your love grow even deeper 10) you have faced me even when my anger threatened you 11) you have defended me so many times, some of those there was no defense yet you still defended me 12) you have made me feel good about being me even when I didn't want too 13) you make me happy to wake up in the mornings, or when ever that may be LOL 14) you have changed my life into a wonderful thing despite my own protestations 15) you have supported me when I couldn't even face today 16) you have made every day I have been with you more faceable 17) you have made me rethink my on beliefs 18) you have made me want to live and love 19) you have given me songs I love to sing) 20) you have made me want to share my life again 21) you have given me strength when all I felt was weakness 22) you have seen me through my bouts of depression, anger and resentment and even taken some of my resentments away 23) you have taken my loneliness away 24) you have helped me to see that life is worth living 25) you have taught me that life is not about worth, that it is meant to be lived, loved and shared 26) you have made me no longer afraid to look in the mirror 27) you have made me face my own fears face to face 28) you have made me face my excuses and get rid of them 29) you have given me confidence in myself even when I wanted to pity myself and say my life is shit 30) you have taught me that happiness is not based on what I can give but on the grace that God has given me in having you 31) you have shown me that love cannot be earned or bought that it is freely given 32) you have taught me the value of just holding you in my arms 33) you have shown me that no matter how hopeless I think things are, they are never hopeless 34) you got me back into school and working towards a more fruitful life 35) you helped me to realize I am a good and decent manNot enough yet...well here's more 36) you have made me realize more than ever that I am not who my family said I was 37) you have shown me that love is stronger than the strongest steel 38) you have shown me that patience is more than a virtue, it is a necessity 39) you have shown me that Hell is separation from myself as much as a separation from my God 40) you have helped me to realize that my hatred destroys me first 41) you have taught me that I must be a friend to myself first and foremost 42) you have made me grateful that I didn't die in my drugs 43) you have shown me I have something to give to others 44) you have shown me that I have something to give myself 45) you have taught me to love myself 46) you have taught me I don't have to be lonely in myself 47) you have taught me that fun doesn't have to cost money 48) you have taught me that I can love truly, madly, deeply 49) you have restored my self-worth 50) you have taught me that honor means in the house first 51) you have shown me that I can't do it all alone, that cooperation with others wanting my best is what works 52) you have helped me to realize that "I am not all that"; that I am much much more 53) you have taught me that you don't have to know all the answers to be happy 54) you have taught me to appreciate what I have 55) you have made me face my limits and work with them 56) you have helped me to realize that I am just now in my prime 57) you have made me realize even when people make mistakes it is not a reason to go 3 days and not talk 58) you have taught me that understanding and listening is more important than all the gifts in the world 59) you have taught me that though I am angry I shouldn't let it control me, that I should direct it to fuel me to work harder and more effectively 60) you have made me realize that even though my family is sick, I don't have to be 61) you have taught me that I do love my family that they are worth knowing and having in my life 62) you have taught me that knowledge is useless unless I use it 63) you have taught me that what works for me today may not work tomorrow 64) you have taught me that real sensuality is in the heart not the body 65) you have taught me that I need you 66) you have taught me that with my love actions must come to show it 67) you have shown me that I enjoy many things I didn't think I could 68) you have taught me to place others needs in as much a place of importance as my own 69) you have taught me that no matter how frustrated I get that it is not reason to just give up 70) you have taught me that I am afraid of many things 71) you have taught me that until I live it my philosophies are just pretty words 72) you have taught me that even though I think I am honest, I lie to myself more fully than anyone else can 73) you have taught me the value of friendship in our love 74) you have taught me that even selflessness can be destructive if it is done without looking at the why's 75) you have shown me that understanding is useless if I don't apply it 76) you have taught me that financial problems are no reason to let go of the happiness I have 77) you have taught me that open-mindedness is not always my strong-suit 78) you have taught me that even self-indulgence can be good 79) you have taught me that my sanity is dependant on my acceptance of all that is in my life, not just the good things 80) you have taught me that my serenity can't be taken but I can sure throw it away 81) you have taught that though I live by my principles I still must take into account other's personalities 82) you have taught me that perfection is not even an ideal 83) you have taught me that for love to mean anything it must be accepted freely 84) you have taught me that even I am less humble that I thought 85) you taught me that humility is more a state of heart than a knowledge that I am not the one making it all come together 86) you have taught me that despite my belief in my lack of prejudice I have many prejudices 87) you have taught me that my definition of privacy is more a form of isolation 88) you have taught me that procrastination and patiently waiting are sometimes the same thing 89) you have taught me that peace of mind is as elusive as understanding myself 90) you have taught me that sometimes to understand myself I must first understand others 91) you have taught me that my self-reliance is a form of insecurity 92) you have taught me that my arrogance is just as destructive to my being as self-pity 93) you have taught me that some things just don't need to be said 94) you have taught me to never talk or act in my anger 95) you have taught me that my tongue is still a dangerous enemy to self at times 96) you have taught me that progress is not always moving "forward" some times it is learning to side step 97) you have taught me that I can bring trouble to myself no quicker than letting my pain get me to act 98) you have taught me that to belong is nice indeed 99) you have taught me thinking too much is as much a handicap as not thinking enough 100) you have taught me that I love you
this is still only a partial list of what is right with you...
Though I don't tell you enough what you do right....I figure
this is the bare minimum to share that is :)
I love you nutmeg,
Your Master - Forever yours,
Ravenwood
~~ Remembering ~~
Remembering is the heart's own way
Of holding loved ones close
And keeping us in constant touch
With those who mean the most.
Remembering is the heart's own way
Of sending loving thoughts today!