My Guilt

Often I sit and ponder what I have given you. To me it is less than you deserve. I feel so guilty so much of the time for just accepting the love you have offered me, feeling I am not worthy of it.

You have stood by me so much, through so much of my bullshit. I feel I can never truly be found deserving of that which you give, your love. You have given it so freely and the cost has been your soul, your own happiness.

I often feel so much shame at just being here. I wish I could express this more positively than I have. I have taken my pain and frustration and fears out on you and you have taken it and come back for even more. I have tried to run from your love so many times and never have I ever even made it to the door.

I am told to surrender to it and win the greatest gift of my life...I just don't know how. I hope this makes sense to you, my pet. I do love you but I am so afraid of not giving you all you deserve. I don't care what you want...I want you to have what you deserve, yet I feel so inadequate to give it. Maybe I should just give you my love and let God decide the rest.

One Whose Bluster Can Never Shine As Bright As Your Love,

Ravenwood