Hey all, just something I’ve been tossing around…
Hope you enjoy it.
Nat
Stephanie
looked blearily at the brown eyes across the pillow from her own blue ones.
“Damn.”
Ranger
grinned at her. Lazily, like he knew something she didn’t, which was more than
likely right considering the alcohol induced gap in her memory from last night’s
distraction job.
“Did
we… you know…”
“What?”
The smile was cocky now. He was really pissing her off.
“Did
we fuck?”
He
raised a brow and shook his head slightly. “No, Tank brought you a present last
night though… Might interest you.”
“What’s
it?”
“Tape
from last nights job. Tank kept rolling… found it… amusing…” The words rolled
off his tongue like he was tasting them.
“Shit.”
Stephanie rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom with Ranger’s laughter
fading behind her. After relieving herself and brushing the dead animals away
from her mouth she joined Ranger on the couch in front of the table where a
small tape player sat. She braced herself and pressed
play.
Stephanie:
Tank, is it working?
Tank:
Affirmative.
S:
Affirmative this yes would have done it. Shit, you heard that
huh?
T:
Affirmative.
S:
Shit.
T:
(laughter)
S:
Ok, ok, enough. All right, here he comes…
“Fast forward it” Stephanie stabbed at the tape player. Ranger sat back amused. “I remember that bit…” She stabbed at it again and her voice came to sound again.
R:
C’mon Steph, into the car.
S:
No, no, I’m having fun here. More fun than can be had with you
anyways.
R:
You think?
S:
Maybe not.
R:
Into the car.
(Walking,
shuffling and sitting sounds. The engine comes on and soft classical comes on.
More rustling and then a bone rattling bass.)
R:
(Sound goes down) Not so loud.
S:
You’re no fun.
R:
Sure I am, you can’t imagine how fun I can be.
“I think I need to go back a bit.” Stephanie pressed rewind and hit play again.
S:
…Of god! Never thought I’d meet a man who I could drink under the table.
Whoa!
R:
You’re almost there yourself.
S:
Ha! I’m so in control of myself that I can stop myself from asking you questions
about why you didn’t come back that night.
R:
What night?
S:
You know the one I mean. But I’m in control here. I’m not going to ask any
questions.
R:
You’re not huh? Is he secure?
T: Yup. I’ll get him to
the station and you can take miss thing here home. Wash her mouth out with
soap.
S:
Excuse me! Let me tell you…
“Ok,
I think I want you to go home now.” Stephanie turned to Ranger with a slightly
pink face. “It’s going to be embarrassing enough. I don’t need any one to
actually witness this.”
“Ok.
Lock up behind me Princess.” Ranger pulled himself up off the lounge and quietly
let himself out.
“Princess?
Shit.” Stephanie stabbed play and slumped back into the couch
cushions.
S:
…about potty mouth Tank. And don’t call me miss thing. If I’m miss anything it’s
misunderstood!
T:
Oh, I think I understand you just fine.
S:
You couldn’t understand me if you were me!
R: Ok
kids, break it up.
S:
(mumbling) Dumb ass's the lot of them. I’m fine. In fact I’m so fine I could
walk home. Yeah, walking sounds good. Now if I could only get my legs working.
Lets go legs. Go, go gadget legs? Abracadabra?
R:
C’mon Steph, into the car.
S:
No, no, I’m having fun here. More fun than can be had with you
anyways.
R:
You think?
S:
Maybe not.
R:
Into the car. (Sound goes down) Not so loud.
S:
You’re no fun.
R:
Sure I am, you cant imagine fun I can be.
S:
Oh, I’m pretty sure I have before, you know, just last night in
fact.
R:
Last night what?
S:
Last night I was imagining just how much fun you could be. You were lots of
fun.
R: I
was, was I?
S: Oh
yeah. (Silence for a few beats) Ohh Yeah.
R:
You must have a pretty good imagination to put that kind of flush in you
skin.
S:
That’s between me and my showerhead mister. Hey! Pinos! Lets stop and grab a
pizza… Please.
R:
Well gee, you make those puppy eyes at me and I can’t say
no.
S:
Really? Something to remember.
R:
Seems I remember that from somewhere before.
S:
Yeah, I seem to recall that too… I’m also recalling no action was taken either.
R:
Tonight might be your lucky night, Babe.
S:
Yeah! And if you want, I wont order the extra cheese.
R: My
lucky night too.
S:
Huh? You want cheese less? Are you insane?
R:
What ever you want Steph.
S:
Well what I want you cant get, even at Pino’s and Pino’s is known far and wide
as a place where you can get most everything. Say, you’re talking an awful lot
tonight.
R:
Want me to shut up?
S:
No!
R:
Hold that thought. I’ll be back in a minute. (Door opens and
closes)
S:
(Humming to self before singing.) I touch myself, I want you to know this, that
when I think about you I touch myself. And when I think about you I take a
really long shower and when I think about you my showerhead work wonders. And
here comes your hunky butt back to the car so I should stop singing now, and
when I think about you I touch myself. (Singing stops abruptly and door opens
and closes.)
R:
Were you talking to me just then?
S:
Nope. Mmmm, pizza. C’mon quick, lets get it home while it’s still really, really
hot. (Engine starts up again.)
R:
(Starts engine and leaves lot) Tell me a story.
S:
About what?
R:
About you as a little kid.
S:
Who were you talking to in there?
R: No
one.
S:
Liar.
R:
(laughter)
S: I
don’t think you need to hear any of those stories. You think I'm crazy
already.
R:
True, so what could it hurt any?
S:
You honestly think you’re something don’t ya hot stuff?
R:
You don’t think I have reason to?
S: I
never realised how conceited you are.
R: I
never realised that you really were crazy.
S:
I’m not.
R:
Liar.
S:
Slightly deranged I’ll give you, not crazy.
R:
You used to jump off roofs.
S: I
don’t do that anymore. Haven’t since I was a kid!
R:
No, but you’re still far from safe on the ground.
S:
How very boring. Don’t you wanna jump?
R:
From where? For what?
S:
From where ever you are, for something new.
R:
I’m happy where I am.
S:
You’re a liar you know. I think you’re still in freefall from your first jump.
R: So
we’re talking in metaphors now? You getting philosophical on
me?
S:
No, things are becoming very clear to me. For instance, I know I’m never going
to be an Intergalactic Princess anymore.
R:
Yeah?
S:
I’m pretty sure that opportunity has passed me by, but maybe one day I’ll be
made queen.
R:
You’re an amazing person.
S:
Yes. Yes I am.
(Sound
of wheels on gravel, car engine stopping and that clicking noise you
occasionally get from a warm engine slowly cooling down. Two doors close and
footsteps on gravel, door swishy sounds, and elevator ding and the sound of a
key opening a lock, door opening and closing and one body flopping onto a chair
another continues to the kitchen where the fridge opens and closes before two
drinks are sat on the coffee table near the pizza’s.)
S:
Mmmm, shssh ish goosh pisha.
R:
Pizza is Pizza.
S:
And you understood what I said. Amazing.
R:
Not really. A combination of things drew me to that
conclusion.
S: Uh
huh, whatever. (Pizza is eaten in silence.)
R:
What on earth made you jump off a garage roof?
S:
Why not?
R:
Doesn’t seem like something a person of a sound mind would
do.
S:
Just because you’re all about control and no fun.
R:
What’s so fun about having a leg in a plaster cast for 3 months and hobbling
around on crutches simply because you couldn’t control an impulse to do
something stupid?
S:
There was no plaster cast, no crutches and no stupidity involved. I wanted to
see if I could fly.
R:
But what about walking around all day with the ripped
underwear?
S:
Who the fuck were you talking to in Pino’s?
R:
(laughing) No one.
S:
Liar.
R:
Guess that makes two of us.
S: I
don’t lie!
R: Oh
come on, be serious.
S:
Ok, so I lie, but only when its life and death. We’ve had this conversation
before I think.
R:
Something like this.
S: So
tell me a story about you now.
R: I
never jumped off roofs if that’s what you wanna know. At least not without
safety ropes and shit.
S:
Well hell, don’t give me a clue about anything. That really pisses me off about
you ya know? Sure it was ok at first, but you should be able to at least tell me
the basics about yourself.
R:
Like what?
S: I
dunno, how about, oh, say, where you live?
R:
We’ve had this conversation too.
S:
Sometimes I hate you.
R: No
you don’t. Sometimes you just think you do. There’s a
difference.
S:
Explain the difference to me.
R:
You could never hate me. I’m too nice. Too cute.
S:
Hardly that.
R:
You don’t think I’m cute?
S:
Cute? Not nearly.
R:
Just wait till you see me in my leathers. Then you’ll think I’m
cute.
S:
Cute like professional table tennis.
R:
Professional table tennis? I don’t even wanna know.
S:
Probably you don’t.
R: So
what else did you do as a kid?
S:
Besides what?
R:
Besides jump off roofs.
S:
Not a lot.
R: I
bet you did. I bet you were a hellion.
S:
Ha! Me? I was no angel, but I was hardly a hellion.
R:
What did you wanna be when you grew up as a kid? I bet it wasn’t what you
are.
S:
Closer to this than what it was.
R: So
you wanted to be what?
S: An
Intergalactic Princess. Or a rock star.
R:
Can you sing?
S:
No. When I was being really honest I wanted to be a rock star’s
girlfriend.
R: So
why an intergalactic princess, why not just one of your ordinary everyday run of
the mill earth princesses?
S:
They don’t get to go on adventures saving handsome visiting princes from the
local bad guys. Besides, intergalactic princesses get to wear way cool boots or
a cape and they don’t get a cool gun.
R: I
see. And being a bounty hunter you get what?
S:
Well I’ve got a gun, and I’ve got some really sexy boots. Probably if I asked my
mother for a cape she’d make me one.
R:
You think anyone would take you serious in a cape?
S:
You think anyone really takes me serious now? (Yawns)
R:
Not really. More now that when you started.
S:
I’m persistent like that.
R: Uh
huh.
S:
Hunh. Don’t think it’s escaped my attention that you didn’t tell me anything
about you.
R:
And you think it bothers me?
S: It
should.
R:
Why should it?
S:
This whole not sharing thing? It’ll come back to bite you on the
ass.
R:
You mean to say that if I don’t share with you, you’ll bite me? On the
ass?
S:
That’s not what I meant and you know it. You’re twisting my
words.
R:
And I was so looking forward to having the pleasure…
S:
Pull your pants down and bend over.
R:
There are more pleasurable places for you to bite.
S: I
guess so.
R: I
was a perfect grade point kid until I hit puberty.
S:
What happened to you at puberty?
R: I
found a new learning curve.
S:
Girls?
R:
Among other things.
S:
Other things?
R:
Alcohol, drugs, I developed a thug mentality. I looked, acted and thought like
one.
S:
Somehow I can’t see you actually looking like a thug.
R: I
was a cute thug. It worked to my advantage.
S:
Girls? (Yawns)
R:
Got it in one.
S:
Did you ruin them?
R:
Learning to ruin a girl was all part of that learning curve. So maybe one or
two.
S:
I’m not so surprised. I bet girls still fall over ‘em selves to have you ruin
em.
R:
Not all of them, not as many as you think. You didn’t.
S:
Not yet anyways.
R:
(Laughter)
S:
Laugh it up chuckles. It’s not as fun as you think to be a slave to hormones.
(Yawns)
R:
How are those hormones right now?
S:
They’re there.
R:
You’re not gonna clue me in?
S:
Try again when I’m more awake.
R: So
go to bed already.
S: I
can’t get up.
(Sound
of movement)
R:
There, go get changed and get into bed.
S: I
could have happily slept on the couch.
R: I
couldn’t have.
S:
Why aren’t you going home?
R:
You want me to?
S:
No. Whatever.
(Footsteps
and bathroom door closing. Mumbling while washing up and peeing
sounds.)
S: Do
I want him to go home? No. Do I wanna bite his ass? Mmmm, actually… No, no, no.
No thinking those kinda thoughts before bed. Bed with Ranger. Mmmm. No! When I
think about you I touch myself, I want you to know that when I think about you I
touch myself. Argh! No touching myself. No singing that song. (Hums the
song.)
(Toilet
flushes and door opens. Sounds of undressing, zippers and shoes kicked across
room, a thunk and white noise sounds as the mic falls from her bra to the floor.
Cupboard doors open and close, draws slide open and slam shut. Bed makes quiet
sounds as Steph climbs into bed. Light knocking on door.)
R:
Are you in bed?
S:
Yeah.
(Door
opens and similar undressing sounds are heard.)
S:
Wow, very impressive, but…
R:
But what?
S:
Don’t you think the black boxers are a bit boring?
R:
Goes with the rest of the outfit.
S:
Well gee, sorry. It’s still boring.
(Mattress
sounds again as Ranger gets into bed.)
R:
What do you suggest then?
S:
Hmm, Cartoon characters? They’re always good… No! Some leopard print, yeah, big
cat prints.
R:
And I always thought you had good taste.
S:
Hunh. (Pause) Ranger?
R:
Mmmm?
S:
Why aren’t you touching me?
R:
You want me too?
S:
Yes.
(Sounds
of them moving in the bed)
R:
Better?
S:
Mmmm, much. You smell good, warm and good. (Pause) You smell
safe.
R:
There’s no such smell as safe.
S:
Sure there is. My parent’s house always smells safe. Grandmas closet smells
safe. The Buick smells safe.
R:
You wanna hear the scientific explanation for that?
S:
No. Night.
R:
Night princess.
S:
Hey!
R:
Goodnight Stephanie.
S:
Night.
Stephanie slumped further
and further back into the couch cushions. It hadn’t been as bad as she had
thought. Slowly she drifted off to sleep before being jarred out of her sleep by
the sound of her voice coming back over the speakers.
S:
You know, tomorrow night, I’m gonna be awake and I’m gonna be sober. Will you be
around?
R: I
can be.
S:
Good. Tomorrow night, I’ll do the whole falling over myself thing and you can do
the whole ruining thing.