“You think your life sucks
now? You have no idea.”
This was Ranger to me 1 year and six or so months ago. The night of what I’ve come to call ‘The DeChooch Thing.” Capital letters, period.
And I hated him the fact that he was right. ‘Now’, right now? My life was so much worse now than it was then.
Could I blame any of this on me? Some I guess. Could I blame it mostly on Ranger? Yes I damn well could.
The man was infuriating. I used to wonder what it was that held me back all that time we were circling each other. I’d like to believe it was that I had a clue as to what he was really like. Or what I now knew he was like. Controlling, protective and possessive? Yes, yes, yes. Psychotic in many ways? Yes. An arsehole? Yes. Did I hate him? Yes. Did I want to leave him? Yes. No.
I loved him. And that just made me hate him all the more.
vvvvv
“You think your life sucks
now? You have no idea.”
I sat up in bed. “What’s that
meant to mean?”
“Here we are. You’re naked
under the sheets and I’m about to get naked and get in there with you. Things
can only go down hill from here.”
“Excuse me?” I was incredulous
and kind of alarmed. Ranger was only human, but sometimes he made me wonder.
“One of either two things will
happen.” He pulled his boots off and yanked his shirt over his head. “One is
you’ll fall in love with me, plan the happily ever after, white picket fence,
2.4 kids, a minivan and a house in the ‘Burg.”
I raised an eyebrow, it
sounded like hell to me. “And the second option?”
“Two is we go for the quick
uncomplicated one night stand. No messy feelings or involvement, except you
feel you have to have some kind of commitment. You’re that kind of woman.
Either way you end up hating me and we cant be friends after.”
“You sure have a high opinion
of your… abilities don’t you?” He shrugged.
“Have good reason to be.” He
crawled across the bed to me.
“Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!
What’s behind the third door?” He paused. “There are more options you know?”
He smiled a slow smile. “Don’t
think you’re getting out of this. I want you and what I want I get.”
“I have no intentions of it. I
want this too, and what I want I get.” He pulled the sheet off and as he licked
from my belly button up my cleavage to my neck I whispered. “There’s just a few
options you missed.”
vvvvv
Fourth option neither of us considered. He dragged me kicking and screaming into a relationship I didn’t want. And I still ended up hating him. Funny thing is in my third option I didn’t end up hating him. I was never the one in this relationship that wanted commitment. A good one-night stand, a night of hardcore fucking with no need to worry whether my dress would match his suit when we went out? No need to worry about my body hair every damn day? No need to worry about meeting his family? Sounded great then, sounds even better now.
vvvvv
“I told you didn’t I?”
“Told me what?” I wasn’t
happy, I was pissed off.
“That you’d end up hating me.”
“I don’t hate you. I’m pissed
off at you. There’s a difference.”
“You’ve been perpetually
pissed off at me for three weeks now.”
I kicked his pillow across the
room where it landed with a thump against the mirror that I could see he was
watching me in. “You keep surprising me Ranger. You keep letting things go
until the very last minute and I have no time to prepare myself for what
happens next. For all I know you could say to me right now ‘my mothers
downstairs waiting to meet you. Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.’”
“Not gonna happen. She’s
dead.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.”
“Would you be sorry if I
died?”
He looked at me for two
minutes before answering. “Yes.” Then he smirked.
“Fuck you.” I walked out and
slammed the door behind me.
vvvvv
It was turning out to be one of those days. You know the ones. Where you might not actually be covered in dirt and filth, but it felt like you were. Twenty minutes in Mick’s Bar was twenty minutes too long. Even if I had received the information regarding my skip’s evacuation of New Jersey. Twenty minutes in there and I felt like I’d been swimming in manure. I needed a shower and I needed one now. It took me over half an hour to dodge traffic and avoid whoever it was who was following me to get home. Tank, playing games with me I was betting. I wasn’t in the mood for anything other than a shower as close to boiling as I could stand it.
I had my shower and exited the bathroom to find Ranger lying on the bed reading something. I flopped down on my stomach next to him, feeling exhausted, bummed and not a little pissed off. “Was it Tank following me?”
“Bones.”
“Why? They know I can dodge a tail.”
“He was just playing with you, testing you out.”
“He’s lucky I didn’t turn around and ram him with the truck.” He put down his papers and sat over my thighs, lightly rubbing up and down my back.
“Not sounding real happy Babe.”
“Carmichaels left Jersey, his brother John told me this afternoon.”
“You sure he wasn’t lying?”
“He didn’t have enough brain cells working to lie.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.” Ranger started to massage my back, kneading to get the knots out of my muscles, stroking to soothe the aches. He massaged my back, neck, shoulder, arms, legs and ass until I fell asleep feeling more relaxed than I had in weeks.
vvvvv
There was no coffee. Not even instant stuff. ‘We have to carry everything you want to take. Necessities only.’
After the first trip I packed coffee. We were going to South America and I was packing coffee. Then He’d come along and repacked all my bags into a large backpack and tells me ‘only what you can carry’. ‘We’ in this case was ‘me’.
My hair had been cut short since the first time after we did this stupid jungle trek from a village to the ‘farm’ where Ranger met some of his ‘family’. They had an airstrip and we still had to trek in. After my first time I’d learnt how to pack, but He insisted on repacking my bag every time, even after me doing it and redoing it 4 times. The basics, I’d learnt, still included coffee. And there was none. I’d snuck it into His bag after He’d taken it out of mine. But He’d found it.
Next time I was going to carry in a plant for the six days trek and plant it at Manuel’s farm. It was a farm in that it was surrounded by other ‘farms’ far from any kind of civilization. It was a gunrunner’s heaven in that they were protected on all borders of the property by jungle, mountains, other ‘farmers’ and the Ecuadorian military that ran training ops there.
vvvvv
“ Quit it already Stephanie. You’re starting to piss me off.” Only starting? I thought. Welcome to my world.
“You promised me! I haven’t
seen my family in 3 weeks. My mother probably thinks I’m dead.”
“I am not in the mood to have
this conversation.” Snapping at me now.
“What happened to you? What
happened to the Ricardo Manoso that used to call me ‘Babe’? I’d started of
pissy, hoping to get a reaction out of him. It ended up sounding wistful.
“He died the day you stoped
saying my name.” I thought he hadn’t noticed that.
“Please Ranger. I want to see
my family.” I felt a tear run down my face, I hadn’t even noticed I was tearing
up. He reached out and wiped the tear off my cheek with his thumb and then
licked the tear off it. And then ordered me out of the office. I walked to the
door and slammed it behind me.
An hour later he came and gave
me the keys to his BMW 850ci. I knew he was sorry because he gave me a car to
go to my parents. I knew he was asking forgiveness for being an ass about it
because he gave me the keys to his Beemer. He wasn’t likely to get it. The
question now was how long was it going to be until I was civil with him again.
vvvvv