“What’s worse Ric? Loosing someone you love or loving someone you’ve lost?”

 

“I’ll tell you again Christine. My love life or lack there of is no concern to you. Hasn’t been for a long time.”

 

“See that’s where you’re wrong. You loved me once Ric, even if you wont admit it, even to yourself.”

 

“I used to love you, haven’t for a fucking long time. Not going to ever again. You’re a liar, a cheat, a dishonest bitch, and now, I hate your guts.”

 

There was a pause on the other end of the line as Ranger’s ex-wife took stock of his true opinions of her.

 

“Yet you always act so nice a friendly with me when you’re down here. Why’s that then?”

 

“An act, pure and simple. Emily doesn’t need to know just how deep my apathy of you runs.”

 

“You know Ric, I always felt kinda sorry for you, you always seemed so cold and shut off from the rest of the world. It makes me wonder what’s behind this new and improved Ric.”

 

“Its not something you’d understand.”

 

“You’re in love again aren’t you? After all this time your walls are crumbling.”

 

“Its not the kind of love you’re thinking of.”

 

“So tell me Ric.”

 

“Why don’t you tell me why you called me to start with?”

 

“No, no, I’m much more interested in your change of heart now. Tell me about Stephanie.”

 

“How did you find out about Stephanie?”

 

“What can I say? I like to read my daughters mail.”

 

“Still the untrustworthy facetious bitch we all love to hate.”

 

“Tell me Ric.”

 

“This conversation is over.”

 

Christine held the phone to her ear for a full minute before the operators voice registered.

 

Christine slammed down the phone and kicked a chair across the room. Only one man, only one person could do this to her. Get her wet, infuriate her and make her want to cry all in one conversation. She loved him so much, too much. And she hated him because she loved him. Hated him more because he didn’t love her back, maybe never did. She’d been convenient, easy. And she’d been pregnant.

 

Now she had a 14-year-old daughter, who looked exactly like her father, who acted exactly like her father. It was a stab through the heart every time Emily told her she hated her. It was a stab through the heart every time Emily said she loved her.

 

For the first few years after Ric left she could pretend that he was dead, out of her life, gone. But the more her daughter grew, the older she got the more like Ric she became. How could Emily have his attitude, his mannerisms if he’d never been around for her to imitate?

 

Christine loved her daughter, but sometimes, just sometimes, things could get out of hand. There was that fight last year where she had slapped Emily. Did she fall and cry? No, she stood up to her full height and punched Christine right on the nose. Christine had been scared, angry and just a little proud.

 

But then she saw the look in Emily’s eyes. The look that Ric used to have whenever he came home from a mission. A little madness, a little excitement and a lot of anger. Christine had never slapped her daughter again.

 

Now she saw Ric in Emily everyday. In the way she tilted her head slightly in greeting. In her smile, her eyes, her skin. She loved it, that she had a tangible reminder of her love. And how she hated it.

 

She couldn’t forget him, couldn’t move on with her life while her daughter was there, so she did everything she could to make her daughter want to leave. And then she’d do everything she could to make her stay. She was her one link to Ric. To her love.

 

Christine picked up the chair and resealed the envelope addressed to Emily in Ranger’s handwriting.

 

The question was ‘was it better lose someone you loved or love someone you loved’.