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Lion's Share - Chapter 1

Heaven is…well it’s neat. A little odd, but neat, nonetheless.  I came to, or woke up, or whatever the hell happened.  I remember dying; I remember when I stopped being.  And then I was.  I was there, right there standing in the middle of the street.  I can see the exact spot from my window here. There was nothing. Then, there was a white flash and there I was.  Standing in the middle of the street.  THE street; Revello drive; and then I saw the house.  Stood there for a while, trying to figure out how I got back here.  Squinted a bit cause my head hurt, and the sun was bright.   My first (and completely reasonable, might I add) thought was that I had hit my head during the battle and wandered off arriving here and only now was my vampiric healing factor kicking in.  Then it hit me.  I’m a vampire.  I shouldn’t be able to stand in the middle of the street on a bright sunny day.  That’s right.  Bright.  Sunny.  Day.  Got a bit worried then, I shoulda been burning.  I am a vampire, me standing out in the sun is just not the order of things.  So naturally, that’s when I started to smoke. And then my arm caught on fire.  Why is it always the arm? Never figured that one out.  I mean, its not like it’s the most exposed part of my body, it just makes no sense.  What about the back of the head, or the hands, or the face?  Anyway, where was I?  Okay, so I’m burning real good now and let me tell you, this may be heaven, but it still hurts like a bitch to be on fire.  So at this point I’m screaming and running round trying to find some shade or anything, making a general fool of myself and then I can hear this other voice yelling over my own and then a big heavy blanket gets dropped over me and then hands push me to the ground, patting out the flames.  The voice tells me not to move so I don’t.  Not so much to do what I’m told, but to keep the blanket in place.  Then two pairs of hands are there, pulling me up and guiding me somewhere.  Concrete under my feet, then grass, then steps, then the feeling of being enclosed.  Started to pull the blanket off then but a different voice stopped me.

“Wait, we have to close the curtains.”  A woman’s voice, but not one I recognized.

“Now look here...” I was right irritated at this point, but before I could get whatever I’d planned to say out, I heard a laugh.  A very familiar laugh.

“You can come out from under there now Spike, its all safe.” 

“’Course it is, stupid git…get this damn thing off me.”

She laughed at me again, which wasn’t very nice.  It was a big, big blanket and they’d wrapped me right good up in it.  Then she was there helping me out of it, and she was standin’ right in front of me.

“Bloody hell, I’m dead aren’t I, Glenda?”

She gave me one of her crooked smiles, “Yup, welcome to heaven, Spike.”

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