Immortality
by Apple-chan

Disclaimer: <insert witty disclaimer remark here>

Songfic. AnnaXYoh. Anna's POV. Companion to the other songfic I wrote entitled "Angels." Point is AnnaXYoh, if I can actually call that a point. Maybe I could at that.=)

It isn't necessary to read "Angels" to get this story. Though I hope you would. You might really like it, who knows?=)

Spoilers: Episode 40-60+ of the Anime (just to be safe)

Warnings: none, G (like the other one, but I made the mistake of adding a "P" beside the "G")

Others: Probably OOC-ish, like Angels.

So this is who I am,
And this is all I know,
And I must choose to live,
For all that I can give,
The spark that makes the power grow...

I had a rough childhood.

Ever since I was born, it hadn't been easy. I never had an easy life. I was always going through something, always trying to get over something, and constantly trying to prove to myself that...that I had worth. That I deserved to live.

But even standing up, and purposely striving to live had proven difficult for me.

Rose colored glasses? Bed of roses...? I've never heard of such things. I could never imagine those things. To me, they didn't--couldn't--exist. They weren't possible.

But shattered fragments of glasses were. Bed of rose thorns were. They were possible. In everything...everywhere in the world, they existed. To me, they are the only things that existed. They were a couple of the many forms of pain that I had seen in front of my very eyes, heard before my very ears, and felt...with my own body, mind, heart...and soul.

That pain has become part of me.

Prosperity, happiness, an easy life...I had never known those things. I had never quite imagined such things existed.

Maybe that was why I wished for them so.

And I will stand for my dream if I can,
Symbol of my faith and who I am...

He came along.

I met him, one day, under the clear blue sky. A child, just like me. We were the same, yet so different.

The first time I saw him, he was resting. He was sleeping. And I had approached him. I don't know what made me do it, but I did. I went to him. I was drawn to him. Something about him captivated me...attracted me.

What was it? Now that I think about it, I don't really know for sure. But when I had seen him like that, sleeping, with a cheerful, carefree smile on his face, I...felt something tugging deep within my heart.

A longing...? Perhaps. But for what...?

Something I could never have?

Something I could never feel?

Something I could never hope to get...?

Happiness...?

Maybe that was it. Maybe I was jealous. Maybe I was jealous of him, and of what he had then. What he still has now.

I wanted it for myself. I've wished for it for as long as I've lived. And back then, it hadn't been very long.

Maybe that was why I hated him then. He had all the happiness, whereas I...had only known pain, and sadness...

But you are my only,
And I must follow on the road that lies ahead,
And I won't let my heart control my head
But you are my only
And we don't say goodbye,
And I know what I've got to be...

I trained hard.

Under the guidance of his grandmother, I trained hard to be a good Itako. I wanted to surpass the other Itakos that came before me. I wanted to be the most excellent Itako that ever existed. I wanted to become a legend. I wanted people to be able to say my name with awe and reverence. I wanted people to address me with the rightful ~sama added to my name.

I wanted to be the best.

Then.

I wanted all of that so much...so that the world would know that...that I was of some use to it. That I was important. That my existence was important.

That the powers that be would know that they had not made a mistake when they decided to give life to me.

That...I...would know that...I...was important.

His grandmother trained me with the patience, endurance and perseverance that would have put the most skilled sensei to shame. Her energy was tireless, unending...her powers, seemingly eternal as she subjected me from one training exercise to another.

Her totality was completely devoid of emotion.

For an Itako's training to be a success, emotions must not only be kept in check, they would have to be withdrawn, hidden, and, if possible, completely disposed off for the duration of the training.

An Itako's training is life-long.

I was emotionless. From the start of my training under the old woman, even after she ended it, I was emotionless.

How could I not be otherwise? The only emotions I've ever actually felt...I've constantly felt...were pain. Sadness.

And I didn't want any more pain.

I didn't want any more sadness.

Immortality
I make my journey through eternity
I keep the memory of you and me inside...

It was announced, one day. My betrothal.

I was to become the next Asakura leader's wife.

I was to become -his- wife.

An Asakura leader's wife has to be strong, both in mind and body.

Clearly, every single one of them--his father, his grandfather, and his grandmother--thought I fitted the category they had set for the next Asakura leader's wife.

But I knew they had something else in mind for him. Other than being the leader of the Asakuras, they had another dream for him.

They wanted him to be the Shaman King.

And of course, -I- was a part of that dream. If he were to become the Shaman King, then, in the future, that would make me...

His queen.

I was taken aback by that. Being a part of someone else's dream was something...new to me. At that time, I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I didn't know what -I- was expected to do.

At a sudden impulse, I glanced at him. What I expected to see was that easygoing smile that never seemed to leave his face--the smile that, back then, annoyed me to no end. What I expected to feel from him was the seemingly endless happiness that exuded from his being, his very heart and soul--something that I so longed for...

Instead, I saw something else. I...felt something else.

Bravery.

Determination.

His desire to accomplish something...complete something...finish something.

His dream.

He wanted to be the Shaman King.

He was going to face this head on.

He would fulfill his dream.

And at that time, he looked over at me...

And my breath caught.

Underneath his smile, his determination was reflected. And...something else.

Something he directed at me.

A questioning look.

He wanted me to be part of his dream. He wanted me to share it.

He wanted me to be there as he fulfills it.

And he wanted me to be there when the time comes that the dream turns to reality.

-Our- dream. Not just his family's. Not just his. Ours.

And that's when I decided.

I would personally make sure that he becomes the Shaman King.

Fulfill your destiny,
Is there within the child,
My storm will never end,
My fate is on the wind,
The king of hearts, the joker's wild,
But we don't say goodbye,
I'll make them all remember me...

He was lazy.

I found that out from the first day that I handled his training. His grandfather had lost patience with him quite a number times, because even though, for a long time, he had been strictly subjected to meditation and furyoku exercises, all the while, the only thing he wanted to do was listen to music and sleep.

He had infuriated his grandfather so many times. He had been scolded too many times than I could count. Looking at him, though, you would never think that he had at any point in his life been actually the target of anyone's anger, or scolding. He always had that smile on his face...the smile only someone who had all his wishes granted to him would be able muster.

Maybe. I wasn't much of an expert in smiling. I don't do the latter much myself.

Either way, I was much harder than his grandfather was at training him, he said as much. I was always constantly ordering him around as well, most especially at that time before the onset of the Shaman Fight.

Yes, I was a ruthless trainer. I trained him hard. I trained him harsh. I was merciless. I trained him to the point of obsession.

What I didn't understand was why he never protested. Why he always followed everything I said. Why he never disobeyed me.

During the morning, he would reluctantly get up, make breakfast and set off on his usual early morning run. After that, he would clean the house. Sometimes, his friends would help. And then after that he would go for his afternoon run, and then he would do the shopping. And then he would cook dinner.

Why does he always do everything I tell him to do...?

He didn't have to. He knew he didn't have to. If he could stand to disobey his grandfather so many times, then by all means, he could stand to disobey me. After all, I was only his fiancée. If anything, -I- should be obeying him, not the other way around.

But no, he chose to obey me, and, as always, with that ever-cheerful easygoing smile plastered on his face.

That was something I didn't understand. Why he would do that. And why me. What was -I- to him? I mean, really?

And what did he mean to me?

The only thing I constantly thought was that someday, he will be the Shaman King and I would be his queen, and it would be his task to give me an easy life.

He was my way to happiness, and I trained him because of that.

It had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with me. Just me.

But how come...every single day, after he finishes his training, after he finishes all the chores and goes to bed, I would go to him?

I would go to his room, sit beside his futon, and gaze at his sleeping form. I would examine his face, and wonder if he felt any discomfort or pain whatsoever caused by my training.

And when I was certain that he was alright, I would feel...I don't know...proud of him? Because he was able to survive another day of my training, and because he was getting strong.

Tomorrow, the training will be harder. I want him to become stronger. I want him to become stronger for our dream. For me. For him.

For us.

And before I leave, I would smile. I would smile at his sleeping form.

Nobody has ever seen me smile. Did I even know how to smile? I'm not sure.

But maybe I do. Maybe he had taught me how to smile.

That thought warmed my heart, and I didn't even know why. I didn't understand why.

But as I looked over at him one last time, I realized.

Maybe I wasn't meant to understand.

'Cos I have found a dream that must come true,
Every ounce of me must see it through,
But you are my only
I'm sorry I don't have a role for love to play,
Hand over my heart I'll find my way,
I will make them give to me...

From the moment he had accepted the weight of the responsibility of striving to become the Shaman king, and from the moment he had accepted me as his fiancée, he knew what he had to do. He knew what was expected of him. He knew what his family expected of him.

He knew what I expected of him. And he knew what to expect from himself.

Or so we had both thought.

Striving to become the Shaman King, for an Asakura, and, in particular, him--involved something much deeper than anyone could have imagined. Much, much deeper. His past has shown that, and his father had attested to the fact. He needed to become the Shaman King, not just so that he can bring his family great honor. Not just so that he may be able to fulfill his dream of an easy life with me included.

The motive was something...far more. More deeply rooted. More than anyone could ever imagine.

He needed to become the Shaman King so that he could save humankind from this..Being who has vowed to himself that -he- would wipe the existence of every single human in this earth...every single weakling, as the Being says...and leave only the strong ones. The strong Shamans. The ones whose strengths he acknowledged.

Wiping humankind from the face of this earth was like...wiping away the earth itself. And that was what this Being wanted to do.

The sad and bitter truth was that...this Being who desired to, in not so many words, destroy the earth...was an Asakura.

One of my fiancé's family.

And as his grandfather said, it would take only an Asakura to stop another Asakura.

Of course, any of his family could have held the responsibility of stopping this Being, but the undeniable truth was, only him--my fiancé', could stop this being.

He was humankind's last hope.

He was the savior.

That's when it had finally become clear to him--to us--what was expected of him.

When his father had finished explaining everything, I didn't know what to think. It was a long time before everything actually sank into me and actually made sense.

And when I--and everyone else--had looked over at him--he had this alien expression on his face. It was somehow thoughtful, concerned, sad, but reassuring, all at the same time.

But it didn't last for very long. The myriad of emotions in his face was replaced by a solid, blank look that betrayed what he really felt. What he was really thinking.

His friends thought that everything seriously didn't register into his mind...and his heart. But I knew better. I knew what he felt. I felt what he felt.

Ever since the first time we met, we've been...connected, somehow. The contrasting feelings we've had on the initial meeting must have been attracted to each other.

My sadness, my pain. His happiness, his relief. They met. They felt each other. One had been drawn to the other and vice versa, like the two opposing poles of a magnet. The difference was that they didn't just join together, but rather, curled up within each other and entwined, forming a single most emotion that was neither his nor mine, but ours.

That single most emotion--our emotion...was a little different from what they had previously been when they were separated. The previous emotions were most likely felt by our hearts alone, and sometimes, our minds or souls.

But none like that. This single most emotion was felt by all three--the heart, the mind, and the soul.

Love.

That was the only the explanation.

Still...something was much more important than that. His training.

For him to be able to save humankind, he needed to train. For him to be able to face and fight that Being who was also an Asakura head-on, he needed a furyoku that would be an equal match to the furyoku of his enemy.

To get that furyoku, he needed to be strong.

Love wasn't what he needed, but strength.

And I will be the one to give him that.

I will do everything in my power to make him stronger. I would give him my own strength, if need be.

And my love...? He didn't need that to be able to beat the enemy.

And I don't need to give that to him.

He already has it.

Immortality
There is a vision and a fire in me
I keep the memory of you and me, inside
And we don't say goodbye
We don't say goodbye

Who is -he- to me?

Well...truthfully...

Whenever I watch him struggle in a fight, or smile amidst a fight, or laugh while in the middle of a fight, or cry in anguish in a fight, I feel...what he feels. Like I was him, and he was me.

But...it wasn't just that. It wasn't just that at all.

Whenever he was happy, somehow or other, though I would never show it, I was happy. When he felt sadness, or anger, I could feel his heart. The pain, the hurt in his heart.

Or was that his heart?

Maybe it was his soul. Or perhaps it was both.

Who is -he- to me, then?

The safest answer would be--he is my life. It's the truth, albeit not all of it. The purpose of my existence, as of now, was to train him, and make him stronger for the sake of humanity. I was alive because of that. If I didn't have that very function, I know that I wouldn't be alive. I would be physically here, but a person is only alive--truly alive--if he or she had value to the world, or to some people.

And I knew.

He was the only one who truly valued me. The only one who really thought--in the most essential sense--that I was important to this world.

That I was important to him.

Yes, he is my life. He is the reason I exist. He gives me a purpose.

But he's more than that to me...much more.

He surpasses life.

And I feel him. Everything he goes through.

Even at that time when he almost went through what everyone thought was his death, I felt him. I felt his soul diminish. And when it did, I thought my soul had left me as well. I thought my soul had died along with his.

Maybe it did.

But I still felt it there. His soul. It hadn't died down as everyone thought it did. It was still there--very faint, yet still there.

It was calling out to me, yet at that time, I wouldn't listen. I had practically lost all hope. Back then, I had thought he was dead.

Until something inside of me tugged...and I awoke.

His soul was clinging on to mine.

No...it wasn't like that at all. He wasn't merely clinging or hanging on to dear life on my soul...

He was...a part of...

My soul.

Right then and there, I knew.

With all my love for you
And what else we may do
We don't say, goodbye...

OWARIMASHITA.

That didn't make sense at all.>_< Argh.

Replies (to the Reviews on Angels):

da*mouse = Thanks for that little bit of info. It helped a lot in the creation of this fic.

Bratty = I couldn't agree more.=)

Bloomilicious = Ne, was it really that emotional...? I never thought one of my fics (and my first SK at that) could really do that to people...

masayume/KiraX105 = Here's the sequel! It's a little angsty, though...

Tracy = Well, the series (anime, at least) doesn't really expound much on how Yoh feels about Anna. I mean, as in -really- feels. I wanted to explore it a bbit...and it ended up like this. And I ended up thinking that Yoh really, really felt that Anna was like the Angel in his life. And the song fits Anna well, at least in Yoh's opinion.=)
I really wanna write a chapter(s) fic for SK. No ideas in my head as of yet, but maybe soon. I wrote a Weiss one, though.=)

Sweet Anime Fan = I'm glad you liked it! I'm sorry about the spoilers...I really couldn't help it...that was the only part I could think of...

yuri maxwell = Here you go.=) It's weird, but I hope you like it!

End Notes:

Updated July 2, 2003. Fixed a couple of grammatical and spelling errors.^_^ Even after reading this a number of times, it -still- doesn't make a lot of sense to me.*sweatdrop* Ah, well...

I don't really know much about Anna's past. Does the manga say a lot about her past? I hope I wasn't too off-course from the story.

You might notice that aside from Anna's thoughts on Yoh, there are a lot of Anna's thoughts on Anna here as well. I personally don't think Anna would be the type to gush on and on about Yoh. I do hope this wasn't too OOC though.

Immortality is a very nice song. You guys should listen to it, if you haven't done so already. And oh, it doesn't belong to me, but to The Bee Gees and Celine Dion. But you already knew that, didn't you?

Reviews will be very much appreciated.