Finally, A Saint No More
by Apple-chan


Started October 30, 2003. Very much uninspired with Navy and Azure, hence reluctant to write Chapter 2. Honeymoon scene revolving inside my head like a Ferris wheel. Lyserg the Saint and Jeanne the Seductress are SO very appealing to my eyes.

Romance/Humor/Smut. Rated R to NC-17 for lime-ish to pure lemon scenes.


Lyserg smiled fondly at his sleeping wife's form, raising the blanket up to her chin before pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. Then, he stood up, took his dark green dressing robe from the night table and wrapped it around him, tying the belt loosely around his waist. He had originally planned on donning a pair of his usual dark pants and white shirt for the day, but he decided against it, realizing that there wouldn't be much of a point to dressing up--not if he was going to end up taking them off soon anyway. Knowing his newly-acquired wife as well as he did, and knowing -himself- as well as he did, clothing was the farthest thing from both of their minds. And besides, they probably wouldn't be spending much time outside of the bedroom (or outside the vicinity of the BED, for that matter) anytime soon. Newly-wed couples never do.

Yawning, Lyserg crossed over the floor and headed towards the bathroom with the intention of brushing his teeth, all the while still musing over the events of last night. Last night was what had been their long-awaited, highly-anticipated wedding night. Last night was the fulfillment of a lifetime, the culmination of all their dreams. Last night had signaled the end of their many "almost-there-but-not-quite" sessions. Last night had signaled the end of his highly excruciatingly painful days, and the end of Jeanne's desirably hanging states. For the first time in their whole lives, last night, they had FINALLY been able to do it--made love without any inhibition, with no worries, and without the thought of foregoing honor and respect and purity getting in the way. Last night, they had made love in eager, wild abandonment, their movements verily, inconceivably frantic from the moment they had entered the room.

Lyserg took his toothbrush, added a dab of toothpaste, and started to brush his teeth, all the while examining his face in the mirror, and thinking. He could still clearly remember it--how he had swept her into his arms at the instant that they were in front of their hotel room, how he had kicked the door close and instructed Morphin to lock it for good measure, how he had asked his power spirit to hide inside the dresser and give them some privacy, and after which, he had dropped his wife on top of the bed and followed suit, his mouth taking possession of hers. While they were kissing, they took turns taking off each other's clothes; with him undoing the ribbon in her hair, then unzipping her gown at the back and tugging it off of her, and with her hastily, impatiently unbuttoning his formal shirt, and throwing it carelessly aside. Little by little they peeled away each other's clothing, kissing wildly and blazingly as they did so, taking off every inch of offending garment until they were both completely naked...and then, they fell into each other's arms, bodies touching, with him on top for the most part, and her under him. Their hands reached and touched and caressed each other to the point of madness, of insanity. Neither of them had any time, nor were they in any mood, to pause or slow down. Everything happened between them like it was supposed to in a fast, hard, passionate, blazing fluid motion. Her impatience over being kept desirably hanging for so long, coupled with his anguish over the pain he had suffered over that course of time as well, contributed to it all.

When they had finally reached that point, he didn't suffer any bout of hesitation as he held her, and positioned himself to take her fully and wholly. Although, moments before he finally claimed her totally, he did manage a small prayer, and uttered a brief apology before finally possessing what he had been so yearning for but was unable to get due to his honor, values, and saintly ways. And due to his love for her. He had felt her pain at that particular instant, and he would have stopped--if not for her insistence to keep on going and not to mind what she felt. He had never been able to win against her in any argument--especially when it came to matters regarding bedroom activities, and he wasn't about to argue with her when she was that adamant. Besides, at that time, he really didn't have the strength NOR the willpower to stop--not especially since desire and release were positively screaming all over his entire body...and NOT particularly when she continued to tantalizingly arch herself up against him. And so, he did what he wanted--what -she- wanted as well...and in moments, they were both found screaming their release at the same time. After that, he collapsed on top of her, and she clung to him, both of them utterly sated, and extremely, completely satisfied.

The green-haired detective rinsed his mouth, smiling impishly at his reflection in the mirror. He wondered if it was evident in his face how blissfully happy he was. In truth, he'd never felt quite as happy as this...except for that time when Jeanne declared her love for him, or that time when she accepted his marriage proposal...or during their wedding, yesterday. Rarely had he ever felt this happy.

Wiping his mouth with the towel hanging by the door, he stepped out of the bathroom, with the clear intention of waking his wife up--partly so that they could have breakfast, and partly so that they could repeat what they did last night, this time, under the glare of the morning sun, and amidst the noise of the people outside...in the busy, watery streets of Venice. Knowing his wife, she would probably be only too eager to do it all over again, if what happened last night after their first time was any indication. Lyserg didn't wonder at all why she was so powerful--being the former X-LAWS leader and all. She was quite tireless, for after that first time, she had rolled him over so that she was on top, clearly indicating that she wanted to do it again--with her leading this time. And after that second time, came the third, when she had pulled him towards the bathroom and insisted that they do it under running water. And then, after the third, came the fourth, fifth, and sixth...all under the swiftly falling water...and finally, they came back to the bedroom, only to do it four times more. They would have done one more round, if Lyserg hadn't surrendered at that time and pleaded that they pick up wherever they left off sometime in the morning, as he was freaking tired. Jeanne had relented with a slightly seductive pout, but she'd kissed him and wrapped her arms around him...and in minutes, they had both fallen into deep, exhausted sleep.

Lyserg painstakingly approached the bed...but, upon gazing at Jeanne, who still had her eyes closed and was breathing evenly, with a serene smile on her face, he found that he didn't have the heart to wake her up...not just yet. Not when she looked like quite the angel when asleep. Very fitting, he thought to himself, a wide, affectionate smile slowly spreading across his face. -She- had been the commander of the X-LAWS angels once...and a long time ago, -he- had been one of those angels, tasked to protect her to the very end of his life. Although he didn't manage to succeed completely in protecting her, he found out what his purpose in life was because of her. And even if she wasn't the prophesied savior anymore, even though he was no longer an X-LAWS angel, he was still going to protect her with his life...this time, not just merely out of duty, but out of love.

"Psst...psst...hey!" A very familiar voice called from...the balcony? "Lyserg-kun! Hey!"

Lyserg's face turned from curious to incredulous to suspicious as he turned around to see who the source of the voice was...and he almost fainted.

"HAO?!?!?"

"Lyserg-kun!" The upside-down figure of Asakura Hao greeted cheerfully and waved. "It's good to see you too." He added with mocking grin.

Lyserg breathed in a couple of times to slow his heartbeat, then he threw a furious glare at the man. "What the HELL are you doing here?" He spat out.

Tossing his hair back (to no avail; he was, after all, hanging upside-down), Hao shrugged. "Nothing. Just checking up on you two." He replied breezily.

"What FOR?" Lyserg demanded.

"Why, my dear BROTHER asked me to, of course." Hao flashed him an annoyingly sweet smile. "Surely you don't think I just came here to BUG you? Lyserg-kun, I would NEVER do such a thing."

A snort. "Yeah, right." The green-haired Englishman rolled his eyes. He walked towards the balcony and leaned against the wall, the glare never leaving his face. "Yoh-kun SENT you? I highly DOUBT it."

"Fine. So maybe he didn't -exactly- send me," Hao admitted. "...But I just wanted to make sure that the both of you got here safely." He gave Lyserg a wounded look. "Is it such a bad thing for me to show my deep concern for you?" He shook his head. "Lyserg-kun...you just don't appreciate my kindness." He said sadly. "You never did..."

"CONCERN?" A sarcastic laugh. "Hao, if I didn't know you better, I'd say you were trying to spy on me." He leaned towards the other man until they were practically nose to nose. "...You were trying to see what Jeanne and I were doing...weren't YOU?"

"WHAT? Lyserg-kun, I had absolutely no intention to spy. Absolutely none at all!" Hao said defensively. "I merely wanted to hear a bit of news directly from the henpecked Englishman's mouth...YOU, of course."

Letting that comment slide, Lyserg asked, "What kind of news?"

"Oh, YOU know..." Hao gestured meaningfully, "recent developments in your sex life...that kind of thing."

Lyserg exhaled with exasperation and smacked his hand against his forehead. "You know, I've been wanting to find out...why exactly do you consider my sex life with Jeanne YOUR business?"

"Because it IS." Hao answered emphatically. "Lyserg-kun, I've told you before...I've you helped you and Jeanne-san out with your relationship more than I did with anyone else." He paused dramatically. "I think it's only fair that you update me with the latest developments between you two."

Lyserg looked up into the sky, then rapped his head against the balcony railing. "Why the bloody hell didn't I kill you when I had the chance?" He moaned. "Why?"

"Lyserg-kun..." Hao patted the other man's head soothingly. "Even if you had -tried- killing me, you wouldn't have beenn able to succeed." He sighed. "After all...I'm Asakura Hao. Nobody can kill me. Well...maybe my brother, but he'll never kill me. Anyway, do you think it would have done you much good if you -had- tried to kill me? I mean..." Hee inclined his chin towards the maiden's sleeping form. "If I hadn't been around, you and Jeanne-san would never have gotten together...didn't you ever think of that?"

"No." Lyserg's voice was muffled underneath his arms. "I never thought of that. Take your hands off me."

"Nah, I like your hair." Hao declared. "...Besides, I'm trying to comfort you here, for crying out loud! Show some gratitude." He chided.

''Dammit, why am I even TALKING to you right now?" Lyserg wondered out loud, helplessly. "I must be sick."

"LOVEsick?" Hao grinned wickedly.

Lyserg raised his head and pushed the other man's hand away, glaring darkly. "Go away." He muttered.

Hao shook his head, still grinning. "Iie, not yet. Not until you tell me."

"Tell you WHAT?" His last word was an impatient shout.

"Were you able to do it THIS time around?"

"Do what?"

"Lyserg-kun!" Hao sighed with desperation. "Don't tell me you forgot. We were talking about sex. SEX." He repeated. "I was asking you whether you've already done it with Jeanne-san. If you were able to reach Athens...or beyond Athens or whatever. So," he inched closer to the green-haired Englishman, "...were you?"

Lyserg inched a bit farther from Hao. "...Yes." He replied grudgingly.

Hao's eyes brightened. "Glory Hallelujah...FINALLY." He declared with slight amazement. "After such a long time of waiting and pretending to be a saintly prude, you were able to do it." He patted the other man's back. "You deserve some congratulations, ne?"

Blushing faintly, Lyserg rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "...Thank you. But it's really no big deal."

"No big DEAL?" Hao gave him a look of disbelief. "For Christ's SAKE, Lyserg-kun...you've just lost your VIRGINITY. You're a MAN now. You're no longer just a man, but a MAN." He shook his head. "WOW. Better late than never, as they say. So..." he lowered his voice. "How many times did you do it last night, huh?"

"None of your business."

"Oh come ON!" Hao wheedled. "All you have to do is give me a number here, Lyserg-kun. Just one measly, itsy-bitsy little number..." He pulled on Lyserg's robe forcefully, loosening the tie at the other man's waist in the process. "...OOPS! Sorry," he grinned sheepishly.

"Hmph." Blushing furiously, Lyserg moved a couple of feet away from the long-haired shaman and hastily re-tied his dressing robe. "It's not your business how many times we did it, OR where. That's between me and Jeanne."

"...And this hotel room."

"Yes. Between me and Jeanne and this hotel room."

"And the bathroom."

"Yes. And the ba--" Lyserg stopped in his tracks.

Hao grinned. "Gotcha." He tossed his hair triumphantly, still untiring even in his weird upside-down position. "So you've done it twice. Not bad."

"More than twice." Lyserg said before he could stop himself.

"Really?" Hao quirked an eyebrow with interest.

"...Yeah."

"How many times?"

Lyserg glared. Hard. "Why in BLAZES should I TELL you?"

"Hm. Funny you asked." Hao paused thoughtfully. "Just...think of it as a survey. A research. I'm trying to analyze how many times couples--unmarried or no--do it for a whole day, depending on how long they've been together, if they were married, how many kids they have, and, more importantly...WHO they are. Personality wise."

"What THE--"

"As of now," Hao continued as if he hadn't heard anything, "I've found out several things. My first test subject was Horo-horo-kun and Tamao-chan: unmarried, with no children, but with plenty of sex life. Five times in the morning and five times at night. Sometimes, if they can stick it into the schedule, five in the afternoon as well. A total of fifteen a day. Pretty good, if I may say so."

Lyserg sighed helplessly. The long-haired shaman was talking animatedly a mile a minute, and he probably wouldn't stop even if a bomb was dropped right in front of him. It wouldn't do any good to interrupt. And besides, some of what he was saying was pretty interesting...

"My second and third subjects were supposed to be Faust-san and Eliza-san; and Ryu-san and Jun-san, but I was a bit...daunted with asking them. Age, you know," He grinned good-naturedly. "So I settled for Ren-kun and Pilica-chan as my second test subject couple. And here's what I found out: married, with one kid, and plenty of sex life. Not as much as Horo-kun's and Tamao-chan's, but that's understandable. Evenings, around four times...or six, if Ran-chan is a good baby and sleeps all through the night without bothering them. Mornings, around five times...but if Ran-chan wakes up cranky, five becomes three, two, or sometimes, just one. They can stick out around five times in the afternoon, but that's only if Ren-kun doesn't have work to do, or if Pilica-chan isn't busy taking care of the household and Ran-chan. Totaling to a minimum of five times to a maximum of sixteen. Still not bad, considering they're married. I think before Ran-chan came along, they used to do it around six to seven times, morning afternoon, and evening."

"How do you KNOW all THIS?" Lyserg asked with disbelief.

Hao shrugged. "I know everything." He smiled sweetly. "Anyway...third test subject: my dear Otouto and his wife. The way I figured, with a handful of kids around, and with lots of work to do at the Onsen, they'd have the least amount of time for sex. Obviously I underestimated my brother and his wife." He grinned wickedly. "My brother loves to seduce Anna, and she gives in most of the time, so...ever since Keiko-chan stopped sleeping with them on the bedroom, they've been alone together for the most part...and it's been a constant eight times for them. And then, morning...right after my brother's training, right after breakfast, they shoo all the kids out of the room, and they stick in six times. And I haven't even mentioned the bath and the Onsen. Five times. It's a constant. Everyday, nineteen...sometimes, twenty, if Yoh gets the urge to hide in the broom closet and pull Anna when she comes by. Pretty active, considering they've got FIVE kids." He grinned again.

Lyserg exhaled. "Yoh-kun's got some pretty good endurance."

"It's not like he ever does any work around the Onsen, anyway," Hao said dryly. "It's Yohmaru and Yohnta who mostly do HIS share. Anyway," he leaned towards the other man, "...for my final test subject: you and Jeanne-san. How many times?" He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "More than Yoh's? More than Ren-kun's? More than Horo-kun's? Or maybe..." He raised a teasing eyebrow. "...LESS than the lowest of any of them?"

That comment hit Lyserg's ego. Bad. "TEN times." He was forced to answer, if only to salvage his manhood.

"TEN times?" Hao gave a knowing grin. "For the whole day? Or for one NIGHT alone?"

"...One night," Lyserg answered impatiently. "It would've been eleven if I hadn't..." he stopped abruptly when he realized what he was saying.

"Almost ELEVEN for ONE NIGHT?" Hao whistled. "WOW, Lyserg-kun, that's...WOW," he shook his head, very much amazed and awed at the other man's revelation.

Lyserg could feel his face flaming. "She was the one who wanted it," he muttered.

A laugh. "Well, I'm pretty sure you were very willing."

"Of COURSE I was!" He shot back.

"...And that you enjoyed it."

"HELL, of COURSE I did! I enjoyed it very much!"

"I'm sure." He grinned again. "Almost ELEVEN times, huh. Hmm..." he peered inside the room at the sleeping maiden's form. "...She's got quite an endurance, ne?"

"...Yeah."

"And you're not so bad yourself, Lyserg-kun, if you were able to last that long." Hao sighed. "I mean, I have one incredibly fine lady in my harem who can last fifteen times in one night. -I- would have lasted, too...but little Peter here just got so tired right after the fourteenth." He pointed at his crotch, shaking his head helplessly. "It was such a shame. I was very much enjoying having her in my arms, too..."

"Oh GOD!" Lyserg rapped his head against the wall. "Please, for goodness' sake, SPARE me the gory details."

"I mean, she was such a sweet, sweet thing, you know. Well, sure, she may be three years older than I am, but...such an intelligent lady, really. So beautiful. So ravishing. And so untiring in bed! She's pretty talented, too. Not unlike my other women, of course. ALL of them are pretty special in their own way, I choose only the best ones. The best women. But her..." He shook his head, remembering how amazing one of his main paramours was. "She honestly leaves me breathless, yet still, I long for more. She must be some kind of a fairy..."

"Don't tell me," Lyserg interrupted dryly, "...you're falling in love with her? With this...paramour of yours?"

Hao shrugged. "Who knows?" He answered breezily. "Maybe I am. Or maybe I'm falling in love with all of them. It really doesn't matter. I have enough love to spread around them. ALL of them." He emphasized. "But I have to admit...I DO have favoritisms." He brushed his finger daintily across his lip. "Among the beautiful ladies in my harem, only two ever get the best of everything. I know that's a bit...unfair of me, but...can I help it if I find the two of them so wonderful?" He gave a dramatic sigh.

"You have TWO main paramours?" Lyserg looked horrified.

"Why, yes." Hao chuckled. "Is that so surprising?" He tossed his hair. "One is the lady I've been telling you about. She can last fifteen times, and yet still have enough energy to lie in my arms and talk to me about everything and anything under the sun." He smiled fondly. "We can talk for hours and hours and neither one of us ever gets tired of listening to each other. And plus, it really doesn't hurt that she's really beautiful--"

"Is there a POINT in any of this?" Lyserg wondered out loud.

Hao grinned sweetly at him before he continued. "As for my other main paramour...one year younger, and she holds the wisdom of the world in her hands. The same way I do." He paused, an amazed sigh escaping his lips. "So philosophical in her bearings...and such a romantic. She insists on making love to me under the glow of a candlelight...and she likes it slow, tender, and--"

Lyserg exhaled loudly and covered his ears. "I SAID, spare me the goddamn GORY details, Hao!" He shouted in annoyance.

A sniff. "I'm sharing to you the incredible details of my SEX life, Lyserg-kun," Hao told him with a pout. "This is one of the most private and personal parts of my life I'm talking about here. The least you could do is listen."

"Why SHOULD I?" The green-haired detective demanded.

Hao waves his hands with desperation. "Because we can learn a thing or two from each other here! Lyserg-kun, I share you the details about my sex life, and YOU share me yours. This way, we both get benefits. You can use my techniques, and I can use yours." A wicked grin. "You can be the dominating husband for a change, and I'll be...the submissive harem master." he clapped his hands together. "Ah, I can't wait." He gazed at Lyserg thoughtfully. "I wonder how my two paramours will deal with me being suddenly submissive...well, either way, I'm sure we're going to enjoy ourselves immensely."

"Pervert."

The long-haired shaman raised his finger. "Not a pervert, Lyserg-kun. Just an incredibly healthy man with a lot of sexual energy...like YOU." He paused, musing once again about his two paramours. "Really...I don't think I'll ever find anyone else like my two women. So beautiful, so intelligent, so ravishing." He shook his head. "Why, if I were asked to choose between them...I don't think I'll be able to. I honestly want them both."

"Then get converted. Marry them both. Have children with them. I don't care."

"...Maybe I will." Hao grinned mischievously. "So..." He peered inside the room again, "are you going to wake her up now?"

"Yeah," Suddenly remembering Jeanne, Lyserg straightened up and started to head inside the room. He stopped in his tracks when he remembered Hao. "You should leave now," he called over his shoulder.

"Hm, you're right," Hao agreed. "But you'll have to promise that you'll report to me later how many times you've done it this morning." He added.

Lyserg turned around and glared at him. "I don't have to tell you ANYTHING."

"Well, then..." Hao crossed his arms over his chest. "I WON'T leave." He gave a wicked grin. "Maybe you can do it in front of me...and I'll count."

Lyserg sighed with exasperation. "You are SO annoying!" He burst out with frustration.

"...Why, thank you."

"DAMMIT!" Pissed, he punched his fist against the wall. "You just LOVE infuriating me, don't you?"

"Well, it's not MY fault! It's just that you're so DARN cute when you're angry!" Hao protested.

"AARGH! GO AWAY." Lyserg growled, eyes menacing. "Go away or I'll--"

"Lyserg?" A figure with silvery-blue hair suddenly appeared by the balcony door. "What's going on out there? Why in the world are you shouting?" She started to head towards her husband.

"...Jeanne!" Lyserg tried to block her way but it was too late. Clad in nothing but the cream-colored quilted blanket of the hotel, Jeanne stepped out towards the balcony...and stopped in her tracks.

"Asakura Hao," She raised the blanket higher over her chest, "What in the name of Heaven are you doing HERE?!?" She demanded.

The long-haired shaman smiled sweetly. "Visiting you and your husband, of course." He said cheekily. He eyed the maiden's wardrobe--or lack thereof--critically. "Nice clothes," he commented.

Jeanne gave him a swift glare that could rival his sister-in-law's any day of the week. "Hao...please leave." She told him evenly.

"Yeah, leave." Lyserg wrapped the blanket more securely around his wife and flashed the other man a meaningful look. "...I'll give you that report you're asking," he added grudgingly. "Just...just leave, okay?"

Hao's eyes widened. "You'll give me my report? Really?" He clapped his hands together. "...Excellent. I'll take your word for that." He smiled cheerfully at the both of them. "I'll see you. Oh, and Jeanne-san..."

"Yes?" The maiden quirked a fine brow.

Hao grinned. "Congratulations on finally getting the SAINT UNsainted." And with a final wink, he was gone.


*~*~*~*~*~*


As soon as Lyserg had slammed the balcony door shut, Jeanne grabbed him by the neck of his dressing robe and tugged him towards her. She walked several steps, leaning him against the front post of the bed. "What in the world was Hao doing here?" She inquired as she pulled his head down and brought her mouth closer towards his.

"Making my life miserable," Lyserg muttered, sliding his hands at the nape of her neck, his fingers tangling in her long hair as he claimed her mouth for a long, searing kiss. One of her hands trailed across his chest, exposed by the low and loose neckline of his robe, as the other one simultaneously descended towards the fastener of the garment. With quick, skillful movements, she undid the knot in the robe and spread the material wide as she pressed herself up against him. She slid the dressing robe off of him, and as the garment fell to the floor, she wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening a kiss that was already very much in danger of bursting into flames.

Abruptly, he tore his mouth from hers, earning him a slight moan of protest from her...but that soon turned into pleasure as he began to press hot, hungry kisses from her chin, to her throat, to her neck...to every single inch of exposed skin he could reach. "What were you two talking about?" She murmured breathlessly, her eyes drifting shut as she inclined her head to give him better access to her body as her fingers twined in his hair.

A rush of breath brushed against her skin as he exhaled. "Trust me, you don't want to know." He tugged the blanket down her front, causing its smooth, secure folds to loosen its hold around her body. In a matter of seconds, the cream-colored quilted cloth fell to the floor and pooled at her feet, leaving Jeanne utterly, gloriously naked.

He stared at her reverently for several minutes, his eyes raking her from head to toe, his hot, worshipful gazes practically tangible, making her blood quicken as he caressed her with his eyes and his eyes alone. Yes, he's seen her naked a million times...but never like this. He had never seen her look as beautiful, as desirable...and as utterly ravishing as she does now. Under the glow of the morning light, she was like the goddess of beauty herself. A goddess who had come down from the heavens to forgive him from his sins and to free him from the madness of the world. And perfection. Pure, unadulterated perfection.

"Lyserg...?" Her fingers caressed the hair at his nape as she lifted his head to level their gazes. "Is something wrong?" Deep worry and concern was etched all over her beautiful face.

He shook his head as he raised himself up, his eyes never leaving hers as he brushed a soft kiss to her lips. "Nothing's wrong. It's just that..." he paused to draw in a deep breath. "You're beautiful," he declared with awe.

A deep blush tinted her cheeks. "Thank you," she murmured. "You've seen me naked before..."

"I know," a small smile played at his lips. "But each and every time, you still end up taking my breath away." His hands grazed the sides of her hips. Slowly, he slid his hands around her smooth, naked back and pulled her against him, savoring the feel of her body against his.

She drew in a shaky breath, her blood stirring with hot, maddening desire as she automatically arched up against him. She gasped as she felt her nipples hardening against his chest. "You feel good," she managed.

"...So do you," he said in a slightly raspy voice, groaning as she moved against him. Unable to wait any longer, he swept her into his arms and hastily placed her on top of the bed before he followed suit, laying himself completely and fully on top of her. She eagerly opened herself up to him, her thighs parting out of their own accord, welcoming his thrusting hardness as she wrapped her arms around his neck and captured his mouth with hers for an incredibly hungry, dizzying kiss. Her body bucked up tantalizingly against his, telling him without words how much she wanted him, and that she wanted him -right now-.

But she wasn't ready for him yet, he knew that much. He needed to bid a little more time before he can finally claim her again as his own, possess her in the most fundamental of possessions. He moved his hand downward to caress her moist haven, confirming to him exactly what he had already surmised: she was still incredibly sore from last night's seemingly endless rounds of lovemaking. Even though she was zounds stronger than any other woman in the entire planet, even though as Iron Maiden Jeanne, she was very much used to excruciating pain, -still-, he knew that if he takes her righht now--if he drives himself into her without the precursor of foreplay--although both of them would end up completely satisfied, she would probably end up unable to walk for the remainder of their honeymoon.

"Lyserg..." She moaned into his mouth, her body arching up against him as his fingers plunged inside her. "I need you...inside me..." Her hands tightened in his hair as he continued the unbearably torturous plunge and retreat rhythm of his fingers in her, matching the driving, filling movements of his tongue inside her mouth. "PLEASE..." She managed to scream as her contractions washed over her, bursting against his fingers, her climax coming over him in tumultuous waves, making his incredibly aroused manhood throb even more painfully. Hard, maddening desire was positively screaming all over his entire body--yet still, he couldn't take her just yet.

He tore his mouth from hers abruptly, earning him a slight whimper of protest that soon turned into moans of rapture as he kissed a hot, heated path from her chin, to her throat, to her collarbone, to the valley between her breasts. His hands cupped the smooth, creamy globes of her flesh as his thumbs caressed her nipples again and again, turning them into little hard buds of desire ready for his mouth to devour. Finally, he took one nipple into his mouth, his lips tugging at the pink peak; at the same time, he gave it several powerful lashes of his tongue, making her scream and beg for more, her hands tightening into his hair. After a while, he shifted to the other breast, his mouth and his tongue lavishing it with the same attention...and savoring the sweet, drugging taste that was entirely, uniquely hers and hers alone.

With herculean effort, she raised his head up, tearing his mouth away from her breasts. She gave him a half-pleading, half-demanding look. "I don't want any more foreplay, Lyserg. I want YOU." As if to prove her point, her hands reached below him and took hold of his erection.

"Jeanne..." He uttered her name in a groan. "We'll get to that later..." he groaned again as she squeezed him. Hard.

"No," she whispered, shaking her head fiercely. "Not later. NOW." She ran her hands repeatedly along his length. Then, she raised her body up and positioned herself directly in front of his manhood. She wrapped her legs around his hips and arched her lower body up against his, making it practically an impossible task to even refuse what she was offering. "Lyserg...I want you NOW."

"...Alright," he sucked in a breath, gritting his teeth as she continued to caress him. Throwing back all his concern about her welfare to the wind, he seized her hands and placed them around his neck. His mouth found hers then and they kissed with hard, blazing passion. And then, clasping her hips, he entered her with one smooth thrust.

"LYSERG!" She screamed his name against his mouth as the muscles of her inner walls clamored to life upon his entry. She arched up against him as he withdrew, not wanting to deny herself of the wondrous havoc he was wreaking on her senses. She moaned when he thrust up inside her again, deeper this time, her body reveling in the pleasure his actions evoked. Her arms tightened around his neck and they continued to kiss, their mouths moving over each other's with unbridled desire, tongues tangling with hot, hungry urgency as he thrust up inside her again, and then withdrew, and drove in again, going even deeper into her each time, his rocking movements becoming even faster and faster as they approached the peak of release. Harder and faster they went, their actions vividly synchronized as they both sought for fulfillment...any second now...

A knock sounded on the balcony door. "Lyserg-kun, I need you here right now. It's very important." Hao's voice. "...Please? Whatever it is you're currently doing, please just pause for a second. I need to ask you a favor. And I need it right now. It's a matter of...well, not really a matter of life and death, but you know...I could really use your help. I mean, you don't really need to come out here immediately, like as in right at this moment, because I can wait here no problem, but see, this'll only take you a mere couple of seconds. I swear it will. It's just really a tiny minuscule favor I'm asking here. Just help me out for a bit. And then after that, I'll be gone...ZAP! Just like that, I promise. And I won't be bothering you anymore, I give you my word! I mean, just as long as you give me that report you promised earlier so that I can compare your statistics with everyone else's..."

"Dammit, dammit, DAMMIT!" Furiously, Lyserg tore away from the bed (and from his wife) and stomped towards the balcony, slipping his dressing robe on and motioning for Jeanne to cover herself. Before his wife can utter a single word of protest, he threw open the balcony door and got out, slamming it behind him before he faced his criminal lunatic offender. "What the HELL is your bloody PROBLEM?!? Do you know what you just DID?" He demanded. "You've just interrupted me just as I was on my way to...to..."

"Release? Climax? ORGASM?" Hao supplied with a wicked grin. He swung himself around and jumped down from the balcony roof, tossing his hair casually as he landed in front of the Englishman. "I must apologize. I just came back because...well, I've been itching to get good Venetian cigars and I just bought a couple of packs now but nobody would give me a light. Lost my lighter, you see, and I didn't want to get a new one. And Spirit of Fire is mighty tired these days, so I wondered if maybe I could borrow a l--OUCH!" He staggered forcefully backwards against the balcony railings as Lyserg's fist connected with his jaw. "That HURT!"

Flexing his good punching hand, Lyserg glowered at him. "You think THAT HURTS?" He growled. "What about ME? I am in PAIN, goddammit. EXTREME. PAIN." He emphasized. "And it's ALL. YOUR. BLOODY. FAULT."

Hao raised an eyebrow, surveying the other man's robe-clad form meaningfully from head to toe, his eyes linger briefly below the detective's waist. "You should have finished ROUND ONE first before you came all the way out here," he remarked dryly, rubbing his sore jaw. Lyserg had quite a mean punch.

"You SHOUTED three seconds before I GOT THERE, dammit!" Lyserg hissed with a dark glare.

"And was my VOICE so impossibly beautiful that it made you freeze?" The long-haired shaman asked sweetly.

"Worse. Your voice gave me a bloody HEART ATTACK, Hao!" He shot back.

"...And THAT froze your beloved English Weapon?" Hao asked, an eyebrow raised. Then, he gave a saucy grin. "And what about Jeanne-san's beloved...French Flower?" He folded his arms casually across his chest, examining Lyserg thoughtfully. "How is she -and- her flower fairing now that you've left her positively HANGING?"

"THAT is -my- concern, NOT yours." Lyserg muttered darkly.

"Hm." Hao gave him an affronted look. "You need to learn a thing or two about concentration, Lyserg-kun, if you wish to have a long and healthy sex life with your w--" he ducked as a crystal object--Lyserg's pendulum--aimed directly for his head. He glanced fleetingly at it, then at the Englishman. "Missed!" He exclaimed with a triumphant grin.

Lyserg snorted dryly. "Don't be too SURE." He flicked his hand back, causing the pendulum string to retract a fraction before it whirled around and around...and wounded itself all over Hao's hair like a ribbon. Smiling smugly, the detective pulled back his weapon with a sudden force. "TAKE THAT!"

"--OUCH! -NOT- THE HAIR!" Hao groaned as his long crowning glory of dark brown parlor-maintained-24/7 hair, along with his head and the rest of his body, was dragged forward fiercely. "Ouch, ouch, OUCH, DAMMIT! Lyserg-kun, unhand me this instant...OUCH! Please! Let my hair go...NOT my HAIR, dammit! Lyserg-kun--OUCH! I really had no intention to disrupt your orgasm...OUCH! Honestly! I was only teasing you...you should've just ignored me and...OUCH! Let go of my BEAUTIFUL HAIR!"

"No."

"Why the hell NOT? It HURTS!"

"What you did to me was more PAINFUL! Get a taste of your own MEDICINE!" Tug.

"...Alright, alright! Lyserg-kun, you can punch the living daylights out of me as much as you want, but PLEASE, leave my HAIR alone!" Hao was practically hysterical...nothing can drive Asakura Hao to a state of hysterics...save for his hair.

"...I'll let you go ONLY if you promise you WON'T bother me and Jeanne EVER again!" Tug, tug.

"I CAN'T DO THAT! It's too much FUN getting you all worked up and angry!"

"Suit yourself." Tug, tug, tug....TUG!

"YEOWCH! Okay, that DOES IT!" Hao finally lost his temper. Punches wouldn't have daunted him, but dammit, NOBODY messes with Asakura Hao's hair and gets away with it. Snarling like a jaguar, he jumped forward and tackled Lyserg to the ground.

"What the F--?" Lyserg's eyes widened as he fell back straight against the balcony door, causing it to open and sending both him and Hao crashing to the floor of the hotel room. "AARRGHH!"


*~*~*~*~*~*


Inside the room, Lyserg's beloved wife--none other than the indescribably beautiful and equally lethal Iron Maiden Jeanne--was sitting on the four-poster bed like a reclining Cleopatra, wrapped in nothing but the quilted hotel blanket, with a decidedly annoyed and undeniably impatient expression on her face. A vein was starting to throb on her forehead due to the fact that her dear darling husband--who had left her hanging once AGAIN right before either one of them could gain complete release--wasn't back yet. He had been in the balcony for the past fifteen minutes, negotiating or arguing or trading insults with, most likely, Asakura Hao once again.

She rolled her eyes to the ceiling and gave an exasperated sigh. What was so important with Asakura Hao, the former destroyer and well-known murderer of -his- parents--that he had to forego makinng love to her just so he could talk with the long-haired bastard?

She didn't have any more time to contemplate that thought, because at that moment, the door to the balcony suddenly swung open. "Finall..." She stopped abruptly as, much to her horrification and utter disbelief, two tall male figures coming from the balcony crashed to the floor--and promptly started wrestling each other. Much to her chagrin, Jeanne realized with exasperation (she really should have known) that one of the tall figures on the floor--specifically, the one on the bottom--was her dearly beloved husband, who was alternately punching the other man's face and pulling at his hair using whatever way possible. The other figure on top of him was undoubtedly Hao, and he was swiftly trying to evade Lyserg's punches while simultaneously pulling on the other's man's robe and smacking his hand on the other's face.

"...Ouch. Let go of me," Lyserg muttered warningly, tugging his pendulum in retaliation.

"Let go of my hair," Hao shot back.

"Let go of my robe."

"Let go of me first."

"No. YOU let go."

"...You were the one who started this, Lyserg-kun."

"Well, YOU were the one who interrupted ME right before I got to--"

"It's not MY fault if you have a problem CONCENTRATING every time you hear my voice!"

"...Don't flatter yourself. Bastard."

"Saintly prude."

"Pyromaniac."

"Virgin."

"I am NOT a virgin!"

A laugh. "Not anymore, you're not. But you USED to be...for such a LONG time...OUCH!"

Tug. "...Don't forget, I'm still holding your precious HAIR captive." Tug, tug.

"And I still have your robe imprisoned in my skillful hands!" Hao retorted gleefully.

"LET GO OF MY ROBE, DAMMIT!"

"Only if YOU let go of my hair."

Jeanne rolled her eyes to the ceiling. The vein on her forehead was about to pop. Any second now and it was going to explode. And as she looked at the two figures wrestling on the floor, she realized, as much of a lunatic Asakura Hao was, her Lyserg was pretty much the same way. After all, only a fellow genuine lunatic would ever fight and argue to the death with another genuine lunatic.

Her only consolation was that at least her husband wasn't a former nutcase so hell-bent on destroying humankind--Hao was the only one he had ever obsessed over--and even that didn't last, considering that the man was a reformed citizen now, and killing him would be absolutely pointless. So her husband was quite...normal, by her standards. A normal, hot-blooded Englishman in his mid-twenties who was sweet, kind, respectful, wonderful, adorable, responsible, loving...you get the point. It didn't hurt that he was also handsome, and tall, and had a well-defined, well-muscled, well-sculpted body, and an incredibly skillful pair of hands and a talented mouth and...

Jeanne was on the verge of snapping. She couldn't stand waiting anymore for the outcome of their senseless, pointless brawl. -This- was her honeymoon, darn it, and if her dearly beloved husband is going to be rolling all over the floor or anywhere for that matter with someone, then by God it should be -her-, and NOT Asakura Hao. Glaring at the two figures on the floor, she rose up (fastening the blanket securely around her body) and approached. She started counting from one to ten, looking up to the ceiling as she did so, all the while trying -very- hard to ignore the verbal battle the two men were also having.

"I hate you." Lyserg's voice.

"Thanks." Hao shot back cheerfully. "I love you though. I love you as much as I love any of my brother's friends. LET GO OF MY HAIR."

One, two...

"Let GO of my ROBE." Tug, tug.

"...OUCH! Dammit, Lyserg-kun! I have no intention of taking off your clothes. It's not like I don't have what you have. My Peter's probably the same length as your Weapon, so we have nothing to fight about here...OUCH! And besides, I DON'T swing that way. I LOVE women, and women LOVE me. Just as dear Jeanne-san loves you...'much to the point of indecency,' if I were to quote Caesar-san...OUCH!"

Three, four, five...

"Don't change the subject." Tug, tug, tug.

"OUCH, OUCH, OUCH! Lyserg-kun..."

Six, seven...

"Hao--OUCH!" A swift punch flew towards Lyserg's face. "WHY ARE YOU PUNCHING ME?"

"You're hurting my HAIR! Keep on doing that and I'll rearrange your face so that it will no longer be able to launch a thousand ships."

Eight, nine...

"WHAT the freaking bloody hell DO YOU MEAN BY THAT, you BASTARD?!?!" Tug.

"OOOUUUCH!"

...TEN.

And the vein in Jeanne's forehead popped. She stomped towards the two wrestling figures and took a deep breath. And then...

"WILL YOU TWO CUT IT OUT?!??!?" She yelled at the top of her lungs.

And at once, the two figures on the floor froze in their positions. Then, they looked up at her, quite startled.

"J...Jeanne," Lyserg said nervously.

"J...Jeanne-san," Hao greeted her sheepishly.

She gave them a hard, menacing glare. Both men winced simultaneously.

"Get up," she ordered in a low tone, her hands on her hips. Despite being clad in just a mere blanket, Iron Maiden Jeanne still has quite a foreboding presence. "Get up NOW."

The two men scrambled to their feet, released their hold on each other, and stood up in front of her like soldiers who were about to march on the battlefield.

Jeanne walked around them cautiously, her eyes hard as steel as she surveyed the both of them critically. "You." She raised an eyebrow at Lyserg.

His head snapped into attention. "Yes, ma'm...Jeanne?" He resisted the urge to salute. This was his -wife-, for crying out loud.

She inclined her head on the four-poster. "Get on the bed and wait for me there." She said firmly. "Got it?"

Lyserg nodded vigorously and obeyed, much to Hao's amusement. A grin was starting to form on the long-haired shaman's lips.

"And you." She glared at Hao. Darkly.

His grin vanished and he winced, for the second time that day. "H...hai?"

She pointed to the open balcony door. "Get the HELL out of HERE." She ordered.

"But...I need a light..." Hao gave her a pleading look. "I lost my lighter, and nobody wants to give me a light..."

Jeanne rolled her eyes to the ceiling in exasperation. "GET OUT!" She barked. She took hold of his cape, and with a might that no one would have ever believed she possessed, she tossed him out the balcony--hair, form, and all. "AND DON'T YOU EVER COME BACK!" She yelled before slamming the door close with a hail of her hand.

Taking a deep, long breath, she then turned to her husband. She gave him a look.

He gave her a sheepish grin. "Sorry."

"Don't you EVER leave me hanging like that again." She told him firmly. "Is that understood?"

"Uh-huh." He nodded quickly.

She smiled with satisfaction. "Good." Then, she walked towards the bed, tossing the blanket off her body as she jumped into his arms.

"I'll never make you wait again," he murmured as he tossed off his robe and captured her mouth greedily with his. "Never."

"Don't say it," she breathed against his mouth as she moved to straddle his hips. "Prove it."

He chuckled as he positioned himself. "Oh, I will. Right now." And with that, he drove himself into her again.


*~*~*~*~*~*


"LYSERG...OH GOD! YES, YES, YES!"

Hao grinned wickedly as he glanced up at the hotel room balcony he had just fallen unceremoniously from. With extreme fondness, he patted the cushioned shutters which had managed to break his fall. Iron Maiden Jeanne had quite a strong arm, having been able to throw him -that- far.

Or maybe it had something to do with her extreme frustration for being unable to get her release a few seconds before it came. He shrugged. Well, at least she got what she wanted now. And her husband too, for that matter. He groaned slightly as he rubbed his jaw. Lyserg, the husband with the mean punch. Jeanne, the wife with the strong arm. A match made in heaven.

Sighing, he summoned Spirit of Fire from out of nowhere. "Hello, partner," he greeted the mecha-spirit as he jumped up on top of it. As the fire spirit flew away, he glanced down one last time at Lyserg and Jeanne's room balcony. His grin broadened as he heard Lyserg's loud scream.

Excellent job, Lyserg-kun, Jeanne-san.

"Spirit of Fire, take me to Tokyo," he told the fire spirit. "I think I need to pay Apple and Syao a visit." He gave a small chuckle.


~END~


Q and A:

Q: Why does Hao always constantly bother Lyserg and Jeanne?
A: Because he wants to. (Duh)

Q: Why is Jeanne SO darn aggressive when it comes to sex? Isn't she supposed to be a prim and proper and prude lady?
A: Hell, no. She's been repressed for such a LONG time, for crying out loud. Propriety is the farthest thing in her mind, -especially- since it's Lyserg who's the receiver of her...sexual desires. I personally think that boy's going to become an incredible hottie when he grows up.

Q: Hot enough to seduce the saintliest of all saints (hint: Jeanne)?
A: Oh, yes. Definitely. He and Jeanne are alike in that respect. Both saints. Both incredibly repressed. Both equally capable of seducing each other. Yep.

Q: How come Lyserg's clothes are always the ones that come off first before Jeanne's?
A: Jeanne's got a talent for taking off clothes in record time, what can I say?

Q: Is Lyserg really such a gentleman?
A: Think of it this way: if you were a man, and a woman as beautiful as Jeanne offers herself up to you, much in the way Hao describes it, and I quote, "on a silver platter," would you refuse?

Q: You didn't answer the question.
A: Uh...no I didn't.*sweatdrop* Not directly, anyway. But to answer it...let's quote him in the first side fic. He says, "I have self-control." Should we honestly believe that? Well, we could. But it's really a matter of opinion. If we ask Jeanne, we can safely assume that her answer would be, "yes, he is, in fact, a gentleman." Now if we ask Hao, he'll say, "Lyserg-kun is a saintly prude." If we ask Lyserg, he'll say...well, the self-control bit. So it depends on you.*shrug* Why am I even talking about this?

Q: Is this just a product of your fantasies or do you honestly believe this may well happen to them in the future?
A: Both.

Q: Who's Apple and Syao?
A: Hao-sama's main paramours.*wink* Hao-sama has a harem, if you remember.

Q: Does Hao-sama have a wife?
A: Legal? No. Potential wives? LOTS. Mainly, those two in the previous question.*naughty grin*

Q: What are the qualifications to become a member of Hao-sama's harem?
A: Qualifications...? *looks around* Well, I guess...you should love him. And you should be able to last fifteen rounds in one night.

Q: Fifteen rounds of what?
A: Bowling.*rolls eyes* Sex, of course. SEX.

Q: Are you going to make a third installment for this?
A: Yes, I am. It's actually in the works already. And after that third one, there would be two more, I think.

Q: Why are you doing all this? Writing all this stuff, I mean?
A: The better question is: Why are you reading this? I'll tell you if you tell me.

Q: Are you a pervert?
A: Heh. Wouldn't -you- like to know.

Q: Is there a point to any of this?
A: Uhm...no.


Notes:

My muse is perverted. And so am I.^^;;;

Finished: November 14, 2003. Should be studying level 3 Japanese verbs, but DAMN, this is so much fun to write.