I'm glad I'm a woman.
Yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live on Budweiser,
beer nuts and Spam.
I'm not so egotistical that I think I have no imperfections.
I won't drive to hell before asking directions.
I act nice at parties, don't act like a clown;
And I know how to put the darn toilet seat down.
I won't grab your boobies; I won't pinch your butt.
My belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut.
I don't go around readjusting my crotch;
Or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch.
I don't belch in public; don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman, you see - I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman; So glad I could sing -
And thrilled I'm not covered in shag carpeting.
Hair won't grow from my ears, Or cover my back.
And when I bend over, you can't see my crack.
I don't live for golf, or to shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I'm a woman, by chance. And thankful I am!
I'm so glad I'm a woman, not a man. Yes I am!
