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The Most Feminine Characteristic of All |
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We have a Boston Fern in our living room. It wasn�t always there. This is an �orphaned� Boston Fern. It had been an outside fern all summer long, but when the winds of October began to howl, and freezing temperatures threatened, the lady across the street asked if we had room to �adopt� the fern inside for the winter rather than let it die in the weather. While this posed a small problem with the Christmas tree, after the trimmings were removed and stored, the fern took it�s place under the big front window where we could both enjoy it. To my surprise, several weeks later, I overheard my spouse spritzing the fern and say to himself, �She really loves it when I mist her!� Once I regained my sanity from laughing, I asked, �What makes you think that the fern is a �she�?� He really could not answer that, just that it �felt� like a �she.� |
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I got to thinking about that comment. He had actually said it just �felt� like the plant was a she. My spouse was exhibiting one of the most feminine of characteristics, the quality of empathy. Defined as �the capacity for participating in another�s feelings or ideas,� this trait is nurtured in female children. They are taught to play house, be generous and considerate, and nurture the underachiever. However, male children are taught just the opposite. They are supposed to be hunters, fighters, and �top dogs.� The quality of empathy is driven out or buried in the efforts to make the male child have the courage, tenacity, and abilities to �best� the adversary. |
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This ability to express empathy is much more evident in females than in males. If you �peek� into the world of the wives and SOs of the crossdressers, you will find that, for the most part, the women are discussing how they can support their spouse�s activities. They may not have a great deal of understanding as to what he is thinking or doing, but they have total realization that this behavior is crucial to who he is and his quality of life. Their acceptance will be at different levels, but rarely will you hear that the wife does not empathize with her husband�s need and desire to dress. You might hear her struggles to incorporate this in their life, or her fears as to his potential escalation, but you will also hear that this is something that she takes very seriously in her relationship. She is empathizing with not only her partner, but with every other wife struggling with the same feelings. It is that feeling of empathy that holds her relationship together, and likewise strengthens her �support� system. When women share empathy, they are sharing the most feminine aspect of their personality. |
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If you have access to a forum with many crossdressers, or a local chapter where the �girls� are free to talk among themselves, you will generally not hear chatter about empathy, or feelings. There will be talk of breast forms and eyebrow waxing, of lingerie and nylons, satins and lace, stilettos and minis. There might even be chatter about E-mails signed with �hugs� and �love.� But I still get the feeling that all are still looking for the �ultimate� feeling of femininity. It is unfortunate that these very same individuals who are desperate in seeking their own feminine sides, have been so totally indoctrinated, or de-sensitized to the feelings of empathy, that they have a difficult time expressing it, first, within themselves, and secondly, with each other |
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Fortunately, some professions seek to recreate this �lost� empathy as part of their training. Medical professionals know the need for a �bedside manner� that encourages the patient to express pain and accepts whatever �feelings� the patient has. Some civil employees know the value of being the �tough guy� and still are open to the hurt and pain of the accused.... Or the fearful. But unfortunately, most of the males in our society are �de-sensitized� as they move through the struggles of youth, the taunts of adolescence, and the challenges of adulthood. They are forced to turn aside from these �feminine emotions� and replace them with what society recognizes as a �man�s man.� |
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And what is even more amazing is that in many instances, these very same people were the little boy who tried on his mother�s slip just to understand �what it felt like.� The very early flashes of empathy, that over time and experience, has been weaned away from them. �The capacity for participating in another�s feelings or ideas,� could have been the very trigger that set the wheels of guilt and shame in motion. It is the topic of counselors, who work to make these marriages work, and forge a place for crossdressing in them. It is the motivation of the wife who strives to understand the needs of her crossdressing husband. And, it is the one thing that is the most feminine characteristic of all. |
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It is what makes a mother hurt when her child cuts his finger. It is why you might pick up a shivering puppy and wrap it in your wife�s best bath towel. It is the tear that rolls from your eye when you truly understand the depth with which she says, �Honey, I love you.� It is the lump in your throat at a sad movie, or when you see the American flag flying over foreign soil. Or the spine tingling feeling of your infant grasping your finger for the first time. These are the feelings of a Genuine Woman, and the empathy I wish all of you. These are the feelings of what is truly the �most feminine characteristic of all.� |
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