"Weirdest damn thing happened to me a few seconds ago Hee-chan," Duo said, 
flopping down on the bed next to his lovely koi. Heero was stretched out on 
his stomach on the bed while fiddling with his laptop per usual. "Hn?" Heero 
responded. Duo turned onto his side and dropped the envelope he brought in 
with him onto Heero's key-pad. "Mail man walked up to me and said 'You one 
of them guys?' I shrugged and took it. I mean, I couldn't really say 'Yeah, 
I'm gundam pilot Duo Maxwell,' but I couldn't lie and tell him no either!" 
Heero picked up the envelope. It was addressed to each gundam pilot, in 
numerical order, in a column. "The return address says 'Cartoon Network.'" 
Heero noted. Duo snorted at him, "Well yeah Hee-chan, I can read that. It 
just bothered me that we'd be getting mail at all." Heero nodded, "It's not 
heavy enough to be a letter-bomb though…"

All five gundam pilots were gathered in the overly-large living room of a 
Winner manner somewhere on the east coast of Europe. Quatre held the letter 
addressed to each of them by name rather gingerly in his hands. "I suppose 
we will never know if we don't open it." Quatre sighed. Trowa nodded in 
agreement. "It could have a tracking device in it," Wu Fei remarked. "Or 
mission information," Heero added. "It's probably junk mail," Duo said 
sullenly. 

Quatre handed it to Trowa, "I can't do it, you open it!" Trowa raised his 
eyebrows at his stricken koi, mentally annotating to himself that there was 
a possibility that it was a letter bomb and Quatre was passing it off on 
him. "I'll just kill him later if it is…" he mumbled to himself. There was 
no letter bomb though, only a solitary sheet of paper with the "Cartoon 
Network" logo at the top and a strictly typed message below. "It's a letter!" 
Duo exclaimed. "Hence the envelope," Wu Fei intoned sourly. Duo stuck his 
tongue out at him, and Heero had to stand between his braided baka and the 
irate Chinese pilot.

"Right, so what's it say?" Duo took his attentions off his petulant friend 
to return to the original topic. Trowa looked puzzled, but read it out loud 
none-the-less. "To the Gundam pilots Heero Yuy, Duo Maxwell, Trowa Barton, 
Quatre Winner-" "They left out my middle name!" "and Chang Wu Fei: It is true 
that the anime series Gundam Wing has brought great ratings as well as a 
whole new genre of anime fans to Toonami, however, we will have to make a 
few requests as well as further editings to your show before it is suitable 
for presentation to the American public." The pilots all exchanged looks. 
"All of the scenes that show blood or bruises will be cut-" "Well god damn, 
they might as well not even show us at all!" Duo snapped, Heero tried to 
coax him by massaging his shoulders. "Some of the mobile suit battles will 
have to be cut for life-like violence-" "Injustice!" No one tried to soothe 
Wu Fei. "And we request that you PLEASE refrain from using the four-teen 
lettered 'S' word." The pilots exchanged looks again as Trowa read on.

Duo plopped down on the couch next to Quatre and they looked at one another 
confusedly. "Four-teen lettered 'S' word?" Quatre questioned. Duo shrugged 
and ducked his head to think. Heero leaned over Trowa's shoulder as he read. 
Wu Fei leaned forward on his sword on the couch next to Duo and Quatre. "In 
the anime community most cartoons and manga focus around sex, violence, or 
sci-fi themes. Since all of these things involve 'fun' they are strictly 
prohibited from American culture-" "You know, it comes to my attention that 
much of the war of 195 was already edited at any rate. I've gone over it 
several times and could only find a few places that seemed graphic enough to 
disturb children or exhibited any blood," Heero said, leaning heavily on 
Trowa's shoulder.

Wu Fei nodded sagely from the couch, "Yes, the only bloody scenes were when 
Maxwell shot Heero in episode two and the episode after that when Heero was 
bleeding on that thing he was strapped to…Hmmm, then there was the scene with 
Zechs in the TallGeese and he gave himself a heart attack…Dorothy stabbed 
Heero in the arm at some point…Dorothy stabbed Quatre in the stomach…I can't 
think of anymore." Heero and Trowa locked eyes, "Surely there must be more if 
they're throwing this much of a fit over it!" Wu Fei voiced, Heero nodded. 
"Four-teen lettered 'S' word…" Duo mumbled behind him. Trowa's brow furrowed, 
but he continued to read.

"You see, American children - despite their being profuse in serial killings 
and guerilla attacks upon their schools - are not capable of processing the 
life-like violence of the mobile suit battles presented in the Gundam W 
series-" "That was rather contradictory," Heero mono-toned. "So, we kindly 
request that you come back into the studio to re-record certain scenes into 
something that our children will be capable of embracing, and please, please 
refrain from using the four-teen lettered 'S' word. Our condolences to the 
suffering of your society and gratitude for your co-operation, Cartoon 
Network." "Four-teen lettered 'S' word?" Aquamarine eyes locked on 
glittering cobalt, "Snugglebunnies?"

Heero and Trowa turned to look at their koi, who were both giggling madly 
and in the process of falling off the small couch. Wu Fei glared at the two 
disdainfully and opted for standing up. Trowa lifted Quatre up by his under-
arms and fixed his gaze on the small blondes. Quatre's face was beginning to 
turn red with the effort of not falling all over his love laughing. Duo, 
however, was having no such trouble. Heero was supporting Duo's full weight 
as the long haired American half-way slid down his body in a laughing fit 
that apparently increased gravity's hold upon him. Heero tolerated it, he 
was used to it. His love's laughter amused him anyway.

Trowa lifted Quatre's face up by his chin, aware of how unnaturally red the 
small Arabian's face was, "What is it little one?" Quatre burst out laughing, 
falling onto to Trowa much the way Duo was half way clinging to Heero. Heero 
finally gave up and let the braided baka fall completely to the floor. Trowa 
was not quite as used to Quatre falling on him as Heero was with Duo however, 
and he went tumbling to the floor with his small love. "Snugglebunnies!" 
Quatre squeaked from lack of oxygen. Duo continued his maniacal laughter. 

Heero sat on the floor with Duo lying between his legs, his head resting on 
Heero's thigh, still laughing. After several minutes of not being able to 
distinguish what either of the laughing two were saying, even the three who 
had maintained their senses were beginning to crack smiles. Finally, Duo sat 
up, "Snugglebunnies!" he said. Trowa and Wu Fei burst out laughing and 
Quatre developed an acute case of the hiccups. "Snugglebunnies, Snugglebunnies, 
Snugglebunnies!" Duo collapsed back into Heero's lap, who was now chuckling 
himself. Duo sat up again, all of them laughing hysterically now, "SNUGG-"
The SCREEN goes totally black.

A fat, balding man in his mid-fifties waddles onto the still-black screen 
from stage right. He is carrying a half-full martini and is obviously 
slightly inebriated. The CEO of all. "Ladies and gentlemen," he begins, 
stopping to take a small swig of his drink and tossing the green olive aside 
somewhere into the darkness, "We here at the Control For What Your Children 
Are Watching, deeply regret that you had to see that. We work very to only 
allow things to run rampant in America that are good for your children. Like 
The Guiding Light, Britney Spears, and the 700 Club. Someone in our department 
slipped, and this atrocity from over-seas was allowed into your homes. You 
have our sincere apologies and a promise that the individual is being dealt 
with in an according manner. Thank you, and enjoy you're further time with 
shows that don't constitute as real anime." He waddles off stage left. 
There's all black for a moment longer and his head pops back into scene, 
"Don't miss our original feature on the lives of Eric, Dylan, Manson, and 
Dahmer - all played back-to-back this weekend. It's must see TV!" His head 
pops back out of view and blackness ensues once more.

Hesitantly, Duo's head pops out from the other side of the screen, "Kami, 
I'm glad L2 isn't as screwed up as America." He looks behind him, "Hey 
Hee-chan, remind me to never get in touch with my roots!" He stumbles out 
fully into the blackness, "Snugglebunnies!" Quatre can be heard giggling 
off-screen, followed by attempted muffling of chuckles from Wu Fei and Trowa. 
Duo does an awkward little dance to the side, "Snugglebunnies!" His dancing 
tapers off and he looks around at the black-empty, "I kind of like being the 
center of attention like this…Snugglebunnies!" The other four pilots fall 
off the side of the screen rather precariously, lying atop and across one 
another. Duo pulls Heero up. They glare at one another for a moment, and the 
other pilots all fall silent. "Snugglebunnies!" Duo yells suddenly, and 
everyone falls back on the floor laughing again.
"So-" Wu Fei gets out between snickers, "What do you think that little fat 
insane man is going to do when he catches us?" Duo's answer is interrupted 
by an irate-sounding, "There they are!" Everyone except for Quatre looks up 
and off to stage left. They all start to back away, except for Quatre whom 
Trowa picks up by the back of his shirt. All five pilots run off to stage 
right. Half a second later Duo returns, "And that, minna, is why there is no 
Gundam Wing on Cartoon Network anymore!" Heero pops up and wraps an arm 
around Duo's waist, "Baka." Duo lets Heero drag him off just as a horde of 
angry Mom's and church members carrying tiki torches barges across the 
screen screaming their detestation of all that is destroying the good homes 
of America and their children.
 
 
 
***I probably succeeded in insulting and indignifying quite a few people. I 
humbly ask for feedback at any rate, however. I wanted to say something 
intelligent…but I forgot what…