�So, what�s going on with Janice and Nick?� Denise asked. Carly furrowed her brow and a sickening feeling spread through her stomach.
�Well, I talked to Michael and he said that he really likes her. Of course, that was obvious from the dance. They were so cute together!�
�I know! Of, they would make such a cute couple! Did he say anything else?�
�He wants to go on a double date with her and me and Michael. Actually, he wants to go on a date alone, but I told Michael that Janice wouldn�t go for that. So he relayed the message and we�re going to the movies Friday. You know how Janice is.�
�Yeah. She really needs to get over this whole shyness around boys thing.�
�You don�t have to tell me. I don�t get why she�s like that. She�s so pretty and she could get any guy she wants, but she�s so damn shy.�
�It�s because of that one guy that she was like in love with. He messed with her heart and now she�s scarred for life.�
Carly felt the lump rise in her throat and she hurled her head onto her desk. The bell rang and silent tears fell down her face. The door closed and another terrible day began for Carly.
The computer screen in front of Carly raced through the massive piles of junk mail in her mailbox. One by one she deleted all of them. Her mind had partially forgotten the pain of the morning by burying itself in work. Nothing else mattered, she told herself. You only knew him for one day, why are you making such a big deal out of this? She looked down and ran her finger across the hem of her skirt. Why did it hurt so much? The other students around her were consumed in conversation and music, but not work. This class was notorious for being a breeze class. No one took it seriously and because of this it�s future was in jeopardy. Carly didn�t mind though; she needed something more to keep her mind busy. A ding sounded from her head phones and she looked onto the screen to see an IM from her friend.
YouWish69: are you at school?
NoLife: yeah. where are you?
YouWish69: home. i just couldn�t drag myself out of bed this morning so i made up
some bullshit excuse to stay home.
NoLife: i wish i could do that, but no, i have far too much work to do to miss a day
YouWish69: yeah yeah yeah. when are you going to be home?
NoLife: around 3:30. damn, the bell just rang. i�ll talk to you when i get home
YouWish69: bye
That night at home Carly sat in her room staring at the tv. All the lights were out and only the light glow of the screen could be seen. A blank stare adorned her face. Her hair was a mess; the long, kinky strands blown into her face and half of it pulled back. The phone rang and she lazily leaned over to pick it up.
�Hello?� she mumbled.
�What�s wrong?� Harley asked.
�What�s not wrong?�
�Can you be a little more specific?�
�No.�
�Come on. What happened?� She began telling Harley about what happened with Nick and everything that had thus ensued. �Do they know how much you liked him?�
�I don�t think so. Oh who am I kidding, of course they don�t. I�m getting tired of this.�
�You have every right to be. You need to stand up to them, tell them how much they constantly hurt you. They can�t keep treating you like this. You deserve so much better. I�ve never had a friend as great as you are.� She smiled and looked to the floor.
�How sweet of you.�
�I�m serious. I don�t know what I�d do if I�d never met you. You the best person I�ve ever met. You�re nice, sweet, funny, and you always put others before yourself. That of course could be a bad thing as we�ve seen from this whole little episode. But most importantly you�re my best friend. I wouldn�t trade you for the world and I can�t imagine anyone wanting to treat you badly.� A single tear fell down her face and she quickly wiped it away. She didn�t like showing emotion. �Please don�t let them do this to you anymore.�
The next day at school was an interesting one to say the least. First period went by with conversations full of talk about Nick and Janice�s first date and a boy who had fallen madly in love with Denise on a movie trip over the weekend that Carly wasn�t invited to. She held her tongue through it all, as she had grown accustomed to doing. At lunch she looked down at the table and traced invisible shapes with her fingers. All the girls she sat with seemed to talk about was Janice and Nick. They�re so perfect together, they constantly said. Carly sighed and looked up at them. She coughed to see if they would look at her. No such luck. It took all the strength she could muster up to open her mouth and speak.
�Guys,� she said quietly. They continued their conversations without even noticing she had spoke. She sighed and looked back down. Don�t forget what Harley said to you. She spoke the truth. You can�t let them do this to you anymore. They�re killing you. She looked back up and furrowed her brow. Do it. �Guys,� she said louder, but not loud enough. Do it! Tell them what they�re doing! Do it! �Guys!� she screamed at the top of her lungs. They each stopped what they were doing and stared at her in astonishment. Her stomach began doing the tango. She�d never been this nervous and excited before in her life. �Why do you all always ignore me?�
�What?� Candace said snoodily.
�You heard me. I�m tire of you all ignoring me all the time. It took me three times to get your all�s attention just now. I don�t even exist to you all. How many times have you promised me you�d call and we�d go out and you never did?�
�You were never home,� Denise said.
�That�s bull shit!� By now the whole cafeteria was staring at their table and at the scene that was unfolding before their eyes. Everyone was shocked that the quiet Carly was screaming. �You all don�t give a damn about me! I can�t stand people like you! So God damned phony! If you can�t stand the mere sight of me why don�t you just grow some balls and tell me?! What in the fuck is going on in those fucking heads of yours?! Do you realize that you�re driving me insane?! Every night I cry myself to sleep because of you sick bastards! I do exist and I do have feelings! Not much more because of you! I won�t let you do this to me anymore! I won�t!� She pushed her chair aside and quickly left the cafeteria.
A sweeping depression followed her outburst. For the next ten minutes she sat in the bathroom and cried in a lonely stall. The only friends she had at the school she had just yelled at and probably lost forever. Now what was going to happen? She tore a big piece of toilet paper from the roll and wiped at her eyes. How was she even going to go back to class? The door to the bathroom swung open and closed again. Steps echoed through the bare, tiled room and came to a stop in front of her stall. Hair appeared at the bottom from someone bending down to see if anyone was there.
�Carly?� a sweet voice asked.
�Who is it?� she asked with a big sniff. The figure sat down and crossed her legs in front of her. She was obviously ready for a long conversation.
�It�s Amanda Morgan; I�m in your English class.�
�Yeah, I know who you are.�
�Are you ok?�
�What do you think?� A silence followed. Carly took another big piece of toilet paper and wiped at her eyes.
�I just wanted to tell you that you don�t have to sit with them at lunch anymore. You�re more than welcome to sit at my table. We�d be glad to get to know you.�
�After that outburst I�d be surprised if people would even want to be near me.�
�No. We understand where you�re coming from. I�ve seen what they�ve been doing to you. I honestly can�t believe you haven�t tried to move sooner.�
�I didn�t think anyone would want me at their table.�
�That�s silly. You�re always welcome at my table.� She smiled inside the stall and sniffed again.
�Thank you, but I think I�m just going to go home right now.�
�Ok. Will you sit with us tomorrow?�
�Yes.�
�Great. Is there anything that I can do to help you right now?�
�No. I just need to be alone.�
�Ok. If you need anything you know where I�ll be.�
Carly left school early and drove home in silence. She had the rest of the afternoon to sit and think about her situation. The thought of having a new place to sit where she might be accepted made her happy, but not happy enough.
Carly�s room was dark and quiet. The only sounds to be heard were the ticking of her clock and her sharp, short breaths. On the floor lay an empty bottle of Tylenol and in her hands a loaded gun. Life had become too hard to bear. When she looked into the future she saw nothing; just school. She felt the rest was to be spent in school and nothing would become of her. A continuous stream of tears flowed down her face and she picked up a piece of paper and a pen and began writing.
Mom and Dad,
This isn�t your fault. I just couldn�t take life anymore. I love you both and I�ll miss you. Goodbye.
~Carly
She put the piece of paper onto her desk and raised the gun. She examined it carefully. She put the tip of it into her mouth and pointed it upwards. Her eyes squinted shut as she began to pull the trigger. The thought of what she was doing crossed her mind and she smiled. A loud crack sounded through the room, and then silence.
The Chapel was filled with the sobs of all the students of Ascension Academy. Flowers adorned the altar along with lit candles and pictures of Carly Hill. Her remembrance service had turned out better than anyone expected. She�d been gone for three days and the school had been mourning ever since. They didn�t see how they were the cause of the end of her life. Those who did, however, refused to accept it. How could those perfect Catholic girls admit that they actually killed someone?