Worst Movies of the 1970s

Worst Movies of the
1970s

Bell-bottoms, boobs,and random gore. That's bad cinema of the 1970s summed up. Here, you can read about the worst of the worst. You can even acquire your own copies by visiting Amazon.com if you want to relive the pain over and over.

The Alpha Incident
(aka "Gift From the Red Planet")
Year of Release: 1977
Steve's Rating: 1 of 10 Stars
Starring: Stafford Morgan, John Goff, Carol Irene Newell, George Flower, Paul Betzen, John Alderman, and Ralph Meeker
Director: Bill Rebane
After a dimwitted, clumsy railroad worker (Flower) breaks open the badly secured samples of a Martian virus being moved from one government lab to another, the agent escorting it (Morgan) must keep himself and a small group of local yokels at an isolated trainyard until a cure can be found.
I should have stopped the DVD when the words "A Film by Bill Rebane" appeared on the screen. I should have known that a film from the void of talent that brought the world "They" wouldn't be giving me anything worth my time. I didn't stop the DVD, and I witnessed a movie even worse, even more pointless than the other Bill Rebane film I've subjected myself to.
While the acting is a little better here, the story goes nowhere, the characters never even rise to the level of figures they're so badly developed, neither the writer nor the director seem to have much of an ear for dialogue, or a sense of how to tell a good story. Whenever the film seems to start making a point--it repeatedly flirts with what stress and danger does to transform a person--it either backs off from it, or does it so ineptly the viewer (and just one viewer.., the person so wired on coffee and chocolate they've not been bored into a stupour, so they are still paying attention) must wonder if anyone involved with the production side has ever had any relationships with real people.
The acting here is generally better than what might be witnessed in the other Rebane opus I've seen, but the story is worse and even more pointless. Its slow, and, like the train featured in it, seems to start a trip but ultimately ends nowhere.
Take my word for it and skip this one. The only reason for watching it would be to confirm that Bill Rebane is, indeed, in the running for Worst Filmmaker Ever.

Graveyard of Horror
(aka "Necrophagus")
Year of Release: 1971
Steve's Rating: 1 of 10 Stars
Starring: Bill Curran, John Clark, Titania Clement, and Beatriz Lacy
Director: Miguel Madrid (or Michael Skaife, depending on the info source)

When Michael (Curran) sets out to uncover the mystery surrounding the death of his wife, he comes into conflict with her evil, crazy sisters, a bizarre grave-robbing cult, and the lizard-monster they serve. Then, random stuff happens, random flashback scenes occur, and the movie makes less and sense as it progresses toward its lame ending.
The DVD back-cover copy (which shows that even the marketeers couldn't stand this piece of trash, as it has virtually nothing to do with the "story" of the film) starts "A little-seen and bizarre movie..." Well, some movies are little seen because they aren't worth seeing, and "Graveyard of Horror" is one of those.
I suspect there's a plot somewhere in this film, but I sure as hell couldn't find it. Leave this awful film (with its bad dubbing, awful editing, bad camera work and laughable lizard-man monster costume) in the graveyard of forgotten movies.

The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave
Year of Release: 1971
Steve's Rating: 1 of 10 Stars
Starring: Anthony Steffan and Erika Blanc
Director: Emilio Marigilia

A nobleman (Steffan) is released from an insane asylum... only to find himself haunted by the ghost of his dead wife as he starts getting his life back together. Will he end up back in the booby-hatch, or will the secret behind the restless spirit be uncovered in time to save him?
I've seen some pretty bad movies, and "The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave" ranks up (down?) there with the worst of them. First, the restless spirit is being caused by the most cliched of causes in this kind of film. Second, the character with whom we are expected to sympathize is an active, masochistic serial killer who is picking up hookers and torturing them to death in his estate. Finally, the attempts at twists in the film (even beyond the "shocking" truth behind the walking ghost of Evelyn) are pretty much all so lame and goofy when viewed in the context of the "hero's" murderous actions that one has to wonder if anyone saw the entire script during production.
If I had to say something positive in this review, it's that the DVD version released by Alpha Video illustrates how to market Z-grade horror movies. The box covers are more interesting than anything in the movie, because neither the cover scene nor the picture on the back of the box appear anywhere in the film. (The image on the back is actually a recolored and doctoered still from the film!)
In the end, the thing I find truly mystifying about "The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave" is that I've actually seen positive reviews of it. Now, I realize that there are few things as subjective as A&E reviews, but I can't fathom that anyone could say anything nice about this utterly awful film (other than, maybe, "Erika Blanc is easy on the eyes.")

Scream Bloody Murder
(aka "Matthew", "Claw of Terror" and "The Captive Woman")
Year of Release: 1973
Steve's Rating: 1 of 10 Stars
Starring: Fred Holbert, Leigh Mitchell, and Angus Scrimm
Director: Marc B. Ray
A demented freak (Holbert) with an Oedipus complex that extends to every couple (or hooker and john) he meets, goes on a killing spree.
You have to wonder why some films get made. This is one of those movies. The acting is okay on the part of the leads, the dialogue is even acceptable in most places, but it's still one of the most pointless pieces of trash to be resurrected from the Drive-In dung-heap to the cheap, massive collections of movies on DVD.
This 1973 film is not to be confused with the [i]1972[/i] film "Scream Bloody Murder." They two films sound similar in storyline, and they were released nearly simultaniously. However, this awful piece of offal is a different film. Whether under this title, or one its many akas, it's not worth your time. And it's CERTAINLY NOT worth buying as a stand-alone, so beware of "Claw of Terror".

Shatter
Year of Release: 1974
Steve's Rating: 1 of 10 Stars
Starring Stuart Whitman, Lung Ti, Lily Li, Anton Diffring, and Peter Cushing
Directed by: Michael Carreras and Monte Hellman
Shatter (Whitman) is one of the world's top assassins. After killing an African dictator, he travels to Hong Kong to collect his fee, but instead finds himself a hunted man. Shatter hates being screwed out of his hard-earned cash, so he sets about getting revenge against the crimelord who crossed him (Diffring). Along the way, he gains a young martial artist as an ally (Ti), hooks up with a sexy Chinese mama (Li), and annoys a British Intelligence officer (Cushing).
From beginning to end, this movie makes no sense. I fancy myself pretty smart, but, despite the fact that the movie is populated with characters who are clearly just taking actions dictated by the plot, I can't figure out what the plot is. Everything seems to unfold at random, puntuated with gun-battles, explosions, and car chases.
Why does Shatter go to Hong Kong, other than the fact that the company that co-produced this travesty with a failing Hammer Films, is based there? Since those who contracted his services were planning on killing him, why wait until he was in their backyard? Why didn't Shatter arrange to be paid in a way of his choosing--it can't be surprising that criminals would want to weasel out of paying him, now could it? What is Peter Cushing's character doing in the film anyway? These should all be easy questions to answer, but they aren't.
"Shatter" attempts to be a poor man's James Bond, but it comes across as the DT-riddled bum's James Bond. Even Peter Cushing's being featured doesn't make this one worth the time you'd spend opening the DVD case, let alone watching it.

Track Of The Moon Beast
Year of Release: 1976
Steve's Rating: 1 of 10 Stars
Starring: Chase Cordell, Donna Leigh Drake, Gregorio Sala, and Joe Blasco
Director: Dick Ashe
A tiny space-rock fragment is lodged in the brain of archeologist Paul Carlson (Cordell) when a meteor crashes near where he was stargazing with his free-lovin' honey, Kathy (Drake). Now, whenever the moon is in the sky, he transforms into a hideous, reptillian creature and goes on murderous rampages. To make matters worse, the moon rock is causing his body to become "molecularly unstable" and he'll soon explode like a mini atom bomb! (Eat your heart out,Al-Qaeda!) Will his American-Indian collegue, Johnny "Longbow" Salina (Sala) be able to use science and ancient Native Wisdom to save or slay Paul before he blows up? More importantly, will any viewer manage to stick with this turd of a movie to the end?
"Track of the Moon Beast" should not be viewed by anyone. In fact, the CIA and the iterrogators at GitMo should be using it as a device to "encourage" prisoners to talk. The time spent watching this movie was among the longest 80 minutes of my life... and that's even considering the fact I watched it while on pain meds!
The acting is universally wooden, the dialogue atrociously written, and the camerawork and other production values are barely competent. In some cases they aren't even that, such as during the painfully bad time-lapse photography sequence of Paul transforming into the Moon Beast. Or maybe when one changes from a human to a giant, humanoid reptile, an extra set of eyes and a second nose appear and dissapear as part of the process.
I understand there's a hilarious version of this film that was broadcast during the run of "Mystery Science Theater 3000". If this is true, then that demonstrates the difference between professional hecklers and amateurs. I wouldn't even recomment this film for a Bad Movie Party.

UFO: Target Earth
Year of Release: 1974
Steve's Rating: 0 of 10 Stars
Starring: Nick Plakias and Cynthia Cline
Director: Michael A. DeGaetano

Alan (Plakias) and his psychic sidekick (Cline) search for evidence that a UFO has crashed in a remote, backcountry lake, and of a possible government cover-up. Viewer boredom ensues.
While the advent of the DVD made many worthy films once again available to the general public, a lot of films that deserve to simply rot away have also been retrieved from the abyss of time. "UFO: Target Earth" is in that last category. Watch it, and all you'll find when the film's over is a deep wish you could reclaim the time wasted.
"UFO: Target Earth" starts out trying to present a documentary feel, but by the time our heroes head into the forest in search of the UFO, the filmmakers have given up on that conceit. Instead, they present a film that sounds like an 11th grader's research paper and a 9th grader's poetry served as its script, with a couple elements badly mimicked from "2001" and 1970s occult cuture tossed in. And they present it in the most turgid and mind-numblingly dull fashion. I'm sure the filmmakers thought they were being artsy... but the null-zone of talent surrounding this movie resulted in something that's just dull.
I don't usually say things like "worst movie ever" or "worst actor ever", but I feel fairly confident in saying that Plakias is in the running for the Top Ten Worst Film Actors Ever award. The guy is so wooden that he might as well have been replaced by a department store mannequin in this film. His facial expression never changes, his inflections never move up or down... every line is delivered with the vacant tone of a heavily medicated mental patient.
Plakias is only the worst of a bad bunch. There isn't a good actor anywhere inthis film, although those playing interview subjects early in the film come close to giving something resembling good performances. Of course, actors can only be as good as the material they are working with, and the material here is damn awful. The film only manages one bit of true suspense, giving the viewer hope that maybe something entertaining will start occuring--when the psychic starts hearing creepy voices over the walkie-talkie--but it soon becomes apparent that the filmmakers were just teasing us.
Some films need to be seen to be believed, but this is a film that shouldn't be seen by anyone.

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The Alpha Incident (aka "Gift From the Red Planet") Year of Release: 1977 Steve's Rating: 1 of 10 Stars Starring: Stafford Morgan, John Goff, Carol Irene Newell, George Flower, Paul Betzen, John Alderman, and Ralph Meeker Director: Bill Rebane After a dimwitted, clumsy railroad worker (Flower) breaks open the badly secured samples of a Martian virus being moved from one government lab to another, the agent escorting it (Morgan) must keep himself and a small group of local yokels at an isolated trainyard until a cure can be found. I should have stopped the DVD when the words "A Film by Bill Rebane" appeared on the screen. I should have known that a film from the void of talent that brought the world "They" wouldn't be giving me anything worth my time. I didn't stop the DVD, and I witnessed a movie even worse, even more pointless than the other Bill Rebane film I've subjected myself to. While the acting is a little better here, the story goes nowhere, the characters never even rise to the level of figures they're so badly developed, neither the writer nor the director seem to have much of an ear for dialogue, or a sense of how to tell a good story. Whenever the film seems to start making a point--it repeatedly flirts with what stress and danger does to transform a person--it either backs off from it, or does it so ineptly the viewer (and just one viewer.., the person so wired on coffee and chocolate they've not been bored into a stupour, so they are still paying attention) must wonder if anyone involved with the production side has ever had any relationships with real people. The acting here is generally better than what might be witnessed in the other Rebane opus I've seen, but the story is worse and even more pointless. Its slow, and, like the train featured in it, seems to start a trip but ultimately ends nowhere. Take my word for it and skip this one. The only reason for watching it would be to confirm that Bill Rebane is, indeed, in the running for Worst Filmmaker Ever.
Graveyard of Horror (aka "Necrophagus") Year of Release: 1971 Steve's Rating: 1 of 10 Stars Starring: Bill Curran, John Clark, Titania Clement, and Beatriz Lacy Director: Miguel Madrid (or Michael Skaife, depending on the info source) When Michael (Curran) sets out to uncover the mystery surrounding the death of his wife, he comes into conflict with her evil, crazy sisters, a bizarre grave-robbing cult, and the lizard-monster they serve. Then, random stuff happens, random flashback scenes occur, and the movie makes less and sense as it progresses toward its lame ending. The DVD back-cover copy (which shows that even the marketeers couldn't stand this piece of trash, as it has virtually nothing to do with the "story" of the film) starts "A little-seen and bizarre movie..." Well, some movies are little seen because they aren't worth seeing, and "Graveyard of Horror" is one of those. I suspect there's a plot somewhere in this film, but I sure as hell couldn't find it. Leave this awful film (with its bad dubbing, awful editing, bad camera work and laughable lizard-man monster costume) in the graveyard of forgotten movies.
The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave Year of Release: 1971 Steve's Rating: 1 of 10 Stars Starring: Anthony Steffan and Erika Blanc Director: Emilio Marigilia A nobleman (Steffan) is released from an insane asylum... only to find himself haunted by the ghost of his dead wife as he starts getting his life back together. Will he end up back in the booby-hatch, or will the secret behind the restless spirit be uncovered in time to save him? I've seen some pretty bad movies, and "The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave" ranks up (down?) there with the worst of them. First, the restless spirit is being caused by the most cliched of causes in this kind of film. Second, the character with whom we are expected to sympathize is an active, masochistic serial killer who is picking up hookers and torturing them to death in his estate. Finally, the attempts at twists in the film (even beyond the "shocking" truth behind the walking ghost of Evelyn) are pretty much all so lame and goofy when viewed in the context of the "hero's" murderous actions that one has to wonder if anyone saw the entire script during production. If I had to say something positive in this review, it's that the DVD version released by Alpha Video illustrates how to market Z-grade horror movies. The box covers are more interesting than anything in the movie, because neither the cover scene nor the picture on the back of the box appear anywhere in the film. (The image on the back is actually a recolored and doctoered still from the film!) In the end, the thing I find truly mystifying about "The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave" is that I've actually seen positive reviews of it. Now, I realize that there are few things as subjective as A&E reviews, but I can't fathom that anyone could say anything nice about this utterly awful film (other than, maybe, "Erika Blanc is easy on the eyes.")
Scream Bloody Murder (aka "Matthew", "Claw of Terror" and "The Captive Woman") Year of Release: 1973 Steve's Rating: 1 of 10 Stars Starring: Fred Holbert, Leigh Mitchell, and Angus Scrimm Director: Marc B. Ray A demented freak (Holbert) with an Oedipus complex that extends to every couple (or hooker and john) he meets, goes on a killing spree. You have to wonder why some films get made. This is one of those movies. The acting is okay on the part of the leads, the dialogue is even acceptable in most places, but it's still one of the most pointless pieces of trash to be resurrected from the Drive-In dung-heap to the cheap, massive collections of movies on DVD. This 1973 film is not to be confused with the [i]1972[/i] film "Scream Bloody Murder." They two films sound similar in storyline, and they were released nearly simultaniously. However, this awful piece of offal is a different film. Whether under this title, or one its many akas, it's not worth your time. And it's CERTAINLY NOT worth buying as a stand-alone, so beware of "Claw of Terror".
Shatter Year of Release: 1974 Steve's Rating: 1 of 10 Stars Starring Stuart Whitman, Lung Ti, Lily Li, Anton Diffring, and Peter Cushing Directed by: Michael Carreras and Monte Hellman Shatter (Whitman) is one of the world's top assassins. After killing an African dictator, he travels to Hong Kong to collect his fee, but instead finds himself a hunted man. Shatter hates being screwed out of his hard-earned cash, so he sets about getting revenge against the crimelord who crossed him (Diffring). Along the way, he gains a young martial artist as an ally (Ti), hooks up with a sexy Chinese mama (Li), and annoys a British Intelligence officer (Cushing). From beginning to end, this movie makes no sense. I fancy myself pretty smart, but, despite the fact that the movie is populated with characters who are clearly just taking actions dictated by the plot, I can't figure out what the plot is. Everything seems to unfold at random, puntuated with gun-battles, explosions, and car chases. Why does Shatter go to Hong Kong, other than the fact that the company that co-produced this travesty with a failing Hammer Films, is based there? Since those who contracted his services were planning on killing him, why wait until he was in their backyard? Why didn't Shatter arrange to be paid in a way of his choosing--it can't be surprising that criminals would want to weasel out of paying him, now could it? What is Peter Cushing's character doing in the film anyway? These should all be easy questions to answer, but they aren't. "Shatter" attempts to be a poor man's James Bond, but it comes across as the DT-riddled bum's James Bond. Even Peter Cushing's being featured doesn't make this one worth the time you'd spend opening the DVD case, let alone watching it.
Track Of The Moon Beast Year of Release: 1976 Steve's Rating: 1 of 10 Stars Starring: Chase Cordell, Donna Leigh Drake, Gregorio Sala, and Joe Blasco Director: Dick Ashe A tiny space-rock fragment is lodged in the brain of archeologist Paul Carlson (Cordell) when a meteor crashes near where he was stargazing with his free-lovin' honey, Kathy (Drake). Now, whenever the moon is in the sky, he transforms into a hideous, reptillian creature and goes on murderous rampages. To make matters worse, the moon rock is causing his body to become "molecularly unstable" and he'll soon explode like a mini atom bomb! (Eat your heart out,Al-Qaeda!) Will his American-Indian collegue, Johnny "Longbow" Salina (Sala) be able to use science and ancient Native Wisdom to save or slay Paul before he blows up? More importantly, will any viewer manage to stick with this turd of a movie to the end? "Track of the Moon Beast" should not be viewed by anyone. In fact, the CIA and the iterrogators at GitMo should be using it as a device to "encourage" prisoners to talk. The time spent watching this movie was among the longest 80 minutes of my life... and that's even considering the fact I watched it while on pain meds! The acting is universally wooden, the dialogue atrociously written, and the camerawork and other production values are barely competent. In some cases they aren't even that, such as during the painfully bad time-lapse photography sequence of Paul transforming into the Moon Beast. Or maybe when one changes from a human to a giant, humanoid reptile, an extra set of eyes and a second nose appear and dissapear as part of the process. I understand there's a hilarious version of this film that was broadcast during the run of "Mystery Science Theater 3000". If this is true, then that demonstrates the difference between professional hecklers and amateurs. I wouldn't even recomment this film for a Bad Movie Party.
UFO: Target Earth Year of Release: 1974 Steve's Rating: 0 of 10 Stars Starring: Nick Plakias and Cynthia Cline Director: Michael A. DeGaetano Alan (Plakias) and his psychic sidekick (Cline) search for evidence that a UFO has crashed in a remote, backcountry lake, and of a possible government cover-up. Viewer boredom ensues. While the advent of the DVD made many worthy films once again available to the general public, a lot of films that deserve to simply rot away have also been retrieved from the abyss of time. "UFO: Target Earth" is in that last category. Watch it, and all you'll find when the film's over is a deep wish you could reclaim the time wasted. "UFO: Target Earth" starts out trying to present a documentary feel, but by the time our heroes head into the forest in search of the UFO, the filmmakers have given up on that conceit. Instead, they present a film that sounds like an 11th grader's research paper and a 9th grader's poetry served as its script, with a couple elements badly mimicked from "2001" and 1970s occult cuture tossed in. And they present it in the most turgid and mind-numblingly dull fashion. I'm sure the filmmakers thought they were being artsy... but the null-zone of talent surrounding this movie resulted in something that's just dull. I don't usually say things like "worst movie ever" or "worst actor ever", but I feel fairly confident in saying that Plakias is in the running for the Top Ten Worst Film Actors Ever award. The guy is so wooden that he might as well have been replaced by a department store mannequin in this film. His facial expression never changes, his inflections never move up or down... every line is delivered with the vacant tone of a heavily medicated mental patient. Plakias is only the worst of a bad bunch. There isn't a good actor anywhere inthis film, although those playing interview subjects early in the film come close to giving something resembling good performances. Of course, actors can only be as good as the material they are working with, and the material here is damn awful. The film only manages one bit of true suspense, giving the viewer hope that maybe something entertaining will start occuring--when the psychic starts hearing creepy voices over the walkie-talkie--but it soon becomes apparent that the filmmakers were just teasing us. Some films need to be seen to be believed, but this is a film that shouldn't be seen by anyone.